Deception (21 page)

“Ms. Douglas, the urine test has confirmed that you are in fact pregnant.”

Maura’s hands cupped her mouth and tears started to flow. She had life growing inside of her again and that was the sweetest feeling she’d ever known. “I’m going to do it right this time,” she whispered as she caressed her stomach.

“How far along do you think I am?”

“No way to know for sure. I could get a lot closer if we schedule a vaginal ultrasound. You’ve missed two cycles. Could be eight to ten weeks.”

“Oh, my God. This is just the best news. I can’t even tell you how happy this has made me.”

He chuckled. “Since it was a surprise I’m certainly glad you feel that way.”

“Oh, I do.”

“Great. I’d like to see you next week and see if we can zero in on a date.”

Maura was walking on air, she couldn’t even feel her feet making contact with the ground. She’d been granted a second chance.

“Maura?”

“Bails!” She skipped up to her sister and squeezed her tight. “Bailey, I’m pregnant!”

“You are?”

“Yes!”

Bailey turned as white as the plaster on the walls.

“Bails?”

“Maura, who got you pregnant?”

“Who cares? All I know is I’m so happy I could spit rainbows. Bails, do you know what this means?”

“What?”

“I’ve been given a second chance.”

“Maura, you don’t need a second chance, you didn’t use up the first one.”

“You know how I feel about what happened. Now let’s go eat, I’m starving.” Maura rubbed her non-existent baby bump.

***

“Maura seriously—we’re not blue-hairs yet.”

“Blue-hairs?”

“Look around this cafeteria, the only people that eat here are elderly because they give a fifty percent discount if you’re old.”

“They do not.”

“Well I can’t be certain. It could be full of old people because all of the food is soft.”

“I had a craving for this mac and cheese. And this fresh strawberry pie is to die for.”

“It’s a weird lunch. Even weirder that you’re washing it all down with strawberry milk.”

“I love strawberry milk. Plus, it goes well with the pie.”

“Whatever.” Bailey sighed. “Have you considered what you’ll do if it’s Alan’s child?”

“No.”

“How could you not have considered it?”

“I don’t know.” Maura twisted the waste paper from her straw around her fingers. “I wasn’t thinking about who, I only thought about the seed growing inside of me.”

“When Alan finds out he’s going to make demands. You’ll never be free of him.”

“It may not be his.”

“Yeah, but if it is you’ll be tied to him forever.”

Maura’s body stung at her words because what she said was true. “Do you know what this means?”

“What?” Bailey’s eyes grew large.

“It means he can never know.”

“What will you do?”

“I’ll have to leave. I can take that job in Portland.”

“Portland!”

“It works Bails, it’s perfect.”

“I figured you would just hide out here, like in Whiskey Cove or something.”

“I’ll have to work.”

“You can live off of that interest income you made from Helios Energy.” Bailey sipped her water.

“No, I can’t. I gave that to the English Department to cover the scholarship money for my research assistants.”

“You did what?”

“Bailey”—Maura leaned forward—“those people uprooted their lives to come to LSU to work with me. They believed in me and my work to get them through their doctoral programs. I can’t leave them with nothing.”

“But Portland. It’s so far.”

“Yeah, but it’s for the best. Alan will only be locked up for a few months. I can’t give him a chance to find me.” Maura rubbed her belly. “Find us.”

“Will you change your name?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll have to. Probably to Lynn Jones. I’ll get Everett to help me with that.”

“You better not have your dirty sneakers on my white carpet, Maura Lynn.” Bailey scolded Maura the way their mother used to do.

They giggled. “Oh Bailey, I’m so happy about this baby.”

“Hey, I’ll bet Julian will go with you to Portland.”

Maura cringed. “No, I could never tell Julian about this.”

“Why?”

“The thought of me being with Alan is repulsive to him so the fact that it’s Alan’s child I carry would make a relationship with him strained at best.”

“It could be Julian’s. If it is, he’ll definitely want to be involved.”

“I don’t think it’s his. The first time we had sex we used protection. Besides, our relationship has already run its course.” Maura shook her head. “I’ll be doing this on my own—just me and my little nugget.” Maura’s hand protectively cradled her stomach.

“I’ll be around too, as much as I can.” Bailey reached across the table and squeezed her sister’s free hand.

The next week Bailey accompanied Maura to the doctor to determine how far along she was. As it turned out, it was impossible to determine the father based on the sum Dr. Gregory had given her. It didn’t matter to Maura who the father was. She loved her little nugget more than she loved her own life. Besides, she never wanted to see Alan again. And Julian, with his lofty-minded pride and unprecedented moral values, was almost on the same list. No woman alive would ever measure up to his exacting standards.

“You’re supposed to be enjoying this, you know.”

“Hmm?”

“Your birthday party, usually people enjoy those.”

Bailey was right. She’d gone all out to make his birthday special and Julian moped around like a man without a soul. “I’m sorry, Bails. It’s a great party. The house looks great, by the way. I like the floors.”

She sat next to him. “Want to tell me what’s on your mind?”

Julian sat forward, elbows on his knees and scrubbed his face. “She’s been gone for an entire season. I’ve tried to forget her. Took that night gig at the dance school, enrolled in that writing class. It’s been keeping me busy. Busy enough that I’d hoped to forget her, but that’s yet to happen. It’s hard to deny.”

“What?”

“Without her I’m drowning. I remember every touch, every breath, the sweet smell of her skin. I can’t shake this burning in my chest and throat. The doctor said it was reflux, but the pills don’t help.” He picked up an acorn and threw it across the lawn. “Nothing makes me happy. It’s not even that…I’d settle for content. I can’t wait for my head to hit the pillow at night because my dreams are consumed by her. I want to live there…to fall asleep and never wake up.”

“Jesus, Julian. Why haven’t you tried to contact her?”

“She told me she wouldn’t change.”

“Why would you want her to change? It sounds like you love her.”

“I don’t want her to change, I just don’t want her to lie. When people lie I do bad things.”

Bailey scoffed. “Maura never lies.” Her lips were tight, her shoulders and back straight, her eyes intent on him. “She doesn’t lie.”

“She lied about Alan.”

Bailey shook her head. “She didn’t lie about him. She tried to compartmentalize him. There’s a difference.”

“What?”

“She tried to live her life as if he wasn’t in it because it was the only thing she could do at the moment in order to survive. She had to provide a home for me. She had to manage my medical care and expenses. And she had to do it all by herself.”

“She should have told me from the beginning. She also lied about renting a house.”

“So that’s your thing, huh?”

“What’s my thing?”

“You take the worst thing about a person and use that to keep them from getting too close because you’re a coward.”

“Bailey, I—”

“Forget it, Julian. You don’t deserve her. I don’t care what you say here, it won’t change that fact.”

Julian stretched his neck, rolling it slowly from side to side, but it did nothing to relieve his headache. Bailey needed to be kept on a leash. As soon as she’d uttered those words they shot straight to his skull.

The thing of it was…Bailey was absolutely right. If he had been accepting of Maura—one hundred percent accepting of everything, they’d be together now because she would have known that she could turn to him for anything. And she would have made sure he knew that he could be trusted. She’d left because she was out of options. They were out of options. She’d given everything and he’d given nothing. She should have confided in him, but he hadn’t been truthful with her. And the truth of it all was that without her he’d surely die.

***

Green hills roamed as far as the eye could see in either direction. He thought he held Maura’s hand, but the hand in his was too small to be fully grown. Looking down at the child between them he smiled at so much blonde hair and irises so green they shone like emerald jewels. They walked to a tree where a picnic had been laid. The child referred to him as daddy.

“Sir?”

While the child played he and Maura stole kisses under the shade of a large oak.

“Sir? We’re landing. Please put your seat in its upright position.”

Julian awoke. A flight attendant stared down into his face. “I’m sorry to wake you Sir, but we’ll be landing in Portland soon. Would you care for a cool eucalyptus-scented towel?” She held a rolled towel between tongs.

“No, thank you.” Julian adjusted his chair.

As he drove down Smith Street in a hybrid rental car, Julian could see the peak of Mount Washington against the setting sun. Portland, with its sloping streets and breathtaking views, was a beautiful city and he smiled as he thought of Maura running around completing errands and collecting groceries.

He pulled up alongside number one-one-five. She’d have a view of the river from her place. He could see the red front door from where he sat in his car. The street sloped as it neared the river. Houses in vivid colors were stacked like steps as they progressed toward the water. Dusk settled in and Julian exited the car and stretched, inhaling the cool air.

About fifty feet from the red door Julian saw when Maura emerged and turned to lock the door. He put foot to pavement and his walk evolved into a light jog.

“Maura!”

She turned and saw him. She didn’t wave, but she didn’t run away either. He thought his chances about fifty-fifty at the moment. At her stoop he stood toe to toe with her, but she kept her large bag pulled close to her body, preventing him from grabbing her in the embrace he desired. She frowned at him, her look more of perplexity than anger.

“Maura.” Since her bag covered her entire torso he leaned in and kissed her cheek.

Her eyes blinked rapidly. “Julian.” Her voice squeaked and she cleared her throat. “What…where did you…how are you here?”

“I came to bring you back to Baton Rouge.”

“Oh?”

“Look, I’m sorry I was…” he shook his head but the words wouldn’t come. “Bailey’s right, I’m a coward.”

“She called you a coward?”

“She’s right. I don’t know how I could have been so blind, so wrong. I thought that if you were to lie or deceive me that I might be capable of snapping and hurting you, but I’ve finally realized that the accident didn’t have anything to do with deception, but everything to do with damned luck. I’m sorry, Maura. I can’t live without you. It’s horrible. I’ve had this terrible pain in my chest since you left, but now as you stand here before me it’s gone and I can breathe again. I don’t care about anything else, just that we are together. Always. Forever. I can’t not be with you.”

She only stared at him. He thought she’d be jumping into his arms. What was wrong with her? Oh, God! What if she wouldn’t take him back? The pain radiated from his chest and leapt into his throat, closing it off. He couldn’t breathe. He braced himself on the banister of the front porch.

“Julian?” Her hand caressed his back. “Are you okay?”

“Maura.” His voice was so strained it barely held volume. “Are you done with me?”

“No, but I think you may be done with me.”

“What?” He turned to pull her into him but she stepped back, that stupid large bag blocking his way.

“Let’s just go inside.” She fumbled with her keys in the lock, dropping them. Julian picked them up and unlocked the door, allowing her through it first to lead the way. She walked down a long corridor in the dark, turning on no lights.

“Shall I turn on a light switch?”

“Just a second.” He heard her shuffling and waited for illumination that never came. “Okay, you can turn on the lights.”

“How?”

“Right behind you—light switch.”

A flick of the switch and the room was aglow from the recessed lighting in the ceiling. Warm earth tones and stone and rich wood floors made him feel comfortable and at home even though this was his first time to view the place.

“Wow, nice place.”

“Thanks. I’ve been busy.”

Her voice came to him from a cream-colored couch by the window. She’d tucked her feet beneath her and held a pillow to her chest. She was really trying to keep her space free of him and it hurt. His only hope was her denial at the door that she was done with him. But then what had she said?
But I think you may be done with me.

“Why did you think I’d be done with you? I flew all this way just to be with you. I love you, Maura.” He took the seat on the opposite end of the couch, letting her have her space. “Have you missed me at all?”

“Julian, I wanted to be with you. I thought about you every day, all day.”

“Don’t use past tense!” At his abrupt volume her eyes widened. “I’m sorry, but please don’t talk about us like it’s over. Tell me it’s not over.”

“I don’t want it to be over.”

“Then why are you pushing me away?”

“I’m not.”

“You are. You’re protecting your space with big purses and pillows.”

“I’m not protecting my space, I’m covering up.”

“Why are you covering up?”

“Because I have something to hide.”

“What?”

“I’ve put on some weight since you last saw me.”

“Maura, I don’t care about that. I love you, and everything about you.”

“Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

He closed his eyes and heard her struggle to stand. “Okay, you can open them.”