Deciding Love (15 page)

“No,” she said, sounding as if this was the last thing she wanted to discuss.

“I just didn’t want to drive home with him today,” she said, her eyes meeting mine momentarily before hastily looking away. “I’m not mad at him, but I’m also not happy with him.”

“Good,” my sister said, turning around. Sometimes I could just kiss her. “That guy can grovel at your feet for the rest of the year.”

“That’s a bit much,” Chloe said.

“Why? He’s an immature idiot. You deserve better.”

I looked over at her with raised eyebrows but she just stared out the window, a small smile playing on her lips. What was she up to? If I didn’t know better, I’d think my sister was happy Jax had screwed up.

“Someone more mature,” she added.

She had no shame.

I shook my head to myself, focusing back on my driving. Cat could try to plot and scheme to get us together, but it wasn’t going to work. As happy as I was that Chloe was in my car, that didn’t mean I was suddenly going to stake my claim.

I still couldn’t have her. I just didn’t want Jax to have her either. Did that make me a selfish ass? Probably. Not that I cared.

“Jax isn’t that bad,” Chloe said, her words like knives. I hated when she defended him. “He just made a mistake.”

I glanced back at her, only seeing her profile as she looked out the window.

She shrugged to herself before saying, “We all do. I won’t hold it against him.”

“So you think you’re still going to go to homecoming with him?” Cat asked, sounding as disappointed by the fact as I was.

“I don’t know. He hasn’t asked.”

Cat sighed, sinking further into her seat like a child who was just told she couldn’t go to Disney Land. “He will,” she murmured.

And he did.

I sat at the kitchen table, my books and notes spread out across the surface now that dinner was cleaned up. Mom and Dad waited in the family room, Dad already getting his camera ready.

Cat and Chloe were upstairs, getting ready for the big homecoming dance. This was the first time I’d seen Chloe in weeks. After dropping her off that one day, she hadn’t gotten a ride with me again. Each day she got in Jax’s Jeep, and from Cat’s constant prattling, I soon learned that two weeks later the two of them were officially a couple.

It’s hard to describe how that bit of news had made me feel. I’d spent that night out with Rannon, drinking at a bar surrounded by girls I had absolutely zero interest in, forcing myself to smile and laugh when I was supposed to. By the end of the night, I had returned home alone, despite the number of offers I’d gotten.

Aside from that one night with Rachel, I hadn’t been with a girl since Chloe appeared in my life. If I actually analyzed that fact more closely, I was afraid what it would tell me.

Instead, I concentrated on school and worked as many hours as I could at the shop, just to keep busy. And whenever Chloe came over to hang out with Cat, I made sure to go out and not return until she was gone.

The only time I saw her was for those few moments at the end of school when she walked to where Jax was parked. It was the only sliver of sustenance to my otherwise starving body. And what I’d never tell Cat, or anyone for that matter, was that each day, there was always a few stolen moments where she’d look over at my car and our eyes would meet. I’d always be looking, not caring what that would say.

We’d hold each other’s eyes for a few heartbeats, the words written in her unique eyes a mystery to me, before she’d look away again. Those moments kept me going. Made it easier for me to stay away from her and let her be happy with Jax.

Tonight was different though. Tonight I had decided to stay home instead of escaping to the library, even knowing Chloe would be getting ready with Cat tonight.

Partly that was due to the fact that I wanted to see Cat before she went to the first big dance of her senior year. I knew it meant a lot to her, so I wanted to be here for her.

The other part was that I wanted to see Chloe before she went. She would be beautiful, and it would kill me to know she wasn’t mine and she’d be with another guy tonight, but I was still hungry for that pain. I still needed to see her with my own eyes and feel something, even if it was agony. I was more of a masochist than I’d imagined.

The doorbell rang and Dad instantly got up to open the door, letting in a dressed up Jax. Cat had said she wasn’t going with anyone, but I wondered if she was just saying that and planned to meet up with that rocker friend of hers when she got there. Not that she’d admit that to me. I smiled to myself, loving that she knew how overprotective I was and was afraid to bring dates around me. As far as I was concerned, I’d done my job as a big brother.

“You must be Jax, Chloe’s boyfriend,” my dad was saying. I grimaced, keeping my head down as I worked. Boyfriend. What a farce.

They spoke back and forth as I tried my best to ignore them. It wasn’t until I heard a foot on the top stair that I looked up, my heart suddenly beating quicker.

Cat came down first, her strawberry hair pulled around her shoulders in an intricate braid. Her bright green eyes matched the green of her dress, the silky fabric falling to the floor, swishing around her feet as she walked. The top was strapless but not revealing, thankfully. She looked beautiful.

I smiled as she came to me, turning with her hands held out.

“Well?” She asked, raising her brows expectantly.

“You clean up well, kitty,” I said, sitting back in my seat.

She huffed, putting her hands on her hips. “That’s it?”

I chuckled. “You look beautiful, Cat.”

She smiled, “Thank you.”

I opened my mouth to say more, but whatever it was flew from my mind as Chloe came into view.

Fuck.

I couldn’t breathe. My chest constricted as I watched her go up to Jax with a smile that should have never been his. She was so beautiful, it hurt.

She wore a simple black dress that was long like Cat’s, except hers had tiny straps, and the back of it swooped down low to reveal her perfectly toned skin. My mouth watered at the sight.

Her ears and wrists were decorated with big jewelry that sparkled in the light. All that dark hair was pulled up into a bun, with sections of hair braided back. And those lips of hers were painted red again.

“Does Chloe clean up well too?” Cat asked low enough for only me to hear.

Tearing my eyes off of Chloe, which was harder than you could imagine, I looked at my sister who was giving me a knowing smirk. Before I could answer, Dad was calling her to pose for pictures.

Looking back down, I stared unseeing at the paper in front of me until Dad called my name.

“Come take a picture with your sister,” he said.

I rolled my eyes, getting up dutifully since I knew he’d never stop bugging me if I didn’t just do it. I couldn’t count how many photos our parents had of us growing up. Every milestone captured on film.

Walking to the front, I forced myself not to peer at Chloe again, afraid if I did I would never be able to look away. Cat and I posed in front of the stairs, my arm wrapped around her waist as we smiled for the camera. Dad went off like a paparazzi until all I could see were spots in my vision.

“Okay, Dad” I said, rubbing my eyes. “I think you have enough.”

“Wait,” Cat said, gripping my arm as she held up a hand to our dad. “I want one picture with us and Chloe.”

I stiffened, my gaze flying to her, shouting at her to stop it with my eyes even though she wasn’t looking back at me.

“Come on Chloe,” she said happily - the little brat. “Get on Kyle’s other side.”

Finally I allowed myself to look at Chloe again, catching her hesitation before she moved woodenly toward me. Our eyes met and I knew what it meant when people talked about the world around them falling away. What I wouldn’t have given to be alone with her.

No. She wasn’t mine. Forcing myself to look away, I tried to regain some control, which flew out the window the second she reached my side. Her scent wrapped around me as it always did, a sweet, sweet torture.

“Okay, you three,” Dad said. “I want everyone smiling.”

I just stared straight ahead, my mind too focused on the person beside me.

“Kyle,” Dad called out, lowering the camera. “You look like you’re taking a mug shot,” he said. “Put your arms around the girls and smile.”

Christ. Was everyone in this family against me tonight? I could have sworn I heard Cat chuckle under her breath.

Wrapping my arm around Cat was easy, but Chloe was a different matter. The low back of her dress left her skin exposed to my touch, and I was too much of a glutton for punishment not to take advantage of that fact.

Letting my palm slowly glide across her skin, I felt her shiver beneath my touch before I gripped her hip, pulling her close. She came willingly and that only helped to heat my blood further.

“Okay, smile,” Dad called out happily.

I managed to lift the corners of my mouth a fraction, enough to appease Dad. The heat of Chloe’s skin beneath her dress warmed my palm and I found myself pulling her closer until Dad was done.

As soon as the camera lowered, I gave her hip a quick squeeze before letting go as though the connection burned me. And it did, so much so that I felt scorched deep within.

I walked back into the kitchen, too thrown off my usual indifference to stand there and watch her leave with Jax.

“Bye, Ky,” Cat called out.

I lifted a hand, pretending to be immersed in my work. My other hand flexed around my pen with the memory of the feel of Chloe’s smooth skin.

17

Chloe

The gym looked incredible.

My gaze swept through the room as the three of us walked in. Tiny lights were strung up everywhere, making it feel as though the entire room sparkled. A live band played in front of a large dance floor already filled with people.

Everyone looked amazing; smiles and raucous laughter everywhere you looked. There was a sense of energy in the room that made me want to just let go and party.

It had been a rough week, and this was exactly what I needed. My father had taken off to California, and although they seemed fine with this temporary separation between the three of us, I couldn’t help but feel guilty for it. And if I was being honest, I already missed him after only a week. He wouldn’t be coming home this weekend since it was only his first week there, but he’d be back next Saturday. It was the longest time Mom and I had gone without having him home.

I should have stayed home with her tonight, especially since it was the first weekend alone for her. But she’d insisted there was no way I was missing my senior year homecoming dance. So here I was, and despite all the fun happening around me, I still couldn’t shake my somber mood.

That’s not the only thing affecting you
, my traitorous inner voice jeered.

Jax chose that moment to pull me in close, my body allowing him, although somewhat stiffly. Not fluidly - beyond willingly - as it had with Kyle. I took a deep breath in through my nose. In doing so I got a whiff of Jax’s cologne, and again couldn’t help but compare it to Kyle’s.

Get a grip
, I ordered myself.

It had been weeks since I’d had any interaction with Kyle Briggs. That whole kitchen episode at my brother’s house? Practically a figment of my imagination at this point. There were times where I actually wondered if it was just that. If I’d thought there was any kind of attraction between us, it had disappeared.

Or so you thought
, my inner voice piped up again.

Tonight had definitely been different. Not only had I finally seen Kyle at his house, where he was often missing lately, but we’d actually looked at each other, not just through a car window. And one look at him had sent jitters through my entire body.

One look was more potent and affecting than any of Jax’s kisses or touches.

The memory of Kyle’s hand along my back had me shivering, just from the thought.

“You cold, babe?” Jax asked.

I shook my head, giving him a quick smile as he went back to talking to one of the other football players that had come up to us. I still hadn’t remembered all their names even though we were officially dating.

Why didn’t his touch affect me the same way, I pondered as I watched him with furrowed brows. We hadn’t slept together yet, but we’d made out often, and there’d been what I’d describe as heavy petting, but for some reason I couldn’t get myself to go further. And I knew it was starting to really frustrate him.

How was I supposed to want to get naked with someone when my mind was always slipping away to think of other things? Or why I was always trying to breathe around Jax’s sloppy kisses? I kept waiting for things to get better, for there to be a spark. He was always so hesitant with his touches and it made me feel as though he had no idea what to do to please me. So then I’d just get frustrated.

I thought back to the slow, sure glide of Kyle’s hand along my skin on my lower back. I sighed. It wasn’t fair to Jax that I was standing here thinking of someone else.