Decipher (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #3) (23 page)

After she’d finished hugging me, she stepped back and fixed on a frown that could have melted even the coldest heart. “We should stay together.”

“We will, baby. I’m here until you guys are ready to move into my castle.”

“Good, ’cause Mummy is sad when you’re not here. And I don’t like it when Mummy’s sad.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” I said, moving closer to her ear while looking up at Alyssa. “I don’t either. Mummy has spent enough time being sad, hasn’t she? From now on, I only want to make her smile. And I want to make her laugh. Is that a deal?”

Phoebe nodded and then squeezed my neck again. “I liked it when Mummy laughs.”

“Me too, princess. Me too.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: FAILURE AND FATIGUE

THE FOLLOWING DAY Alyssa contacted Phoebe’s day care to give them notice that her last day would be the following Friday. Her name was already down on a waiting list at a couple of highly recommended centres in Sydney, but because I was in town until the move, Alyssa and I agreed to take her out of care. It had the double benefit of letting me spend some time with her while also saving Alyssa some money in the short term.

Because Phoebe was still booked in for care the next day, and Alyssa still had to work, I had some free time. I spent the day alone reminiscing about our reunion as I followed the directions Alyssa had left, helping her to start sorting and packing one of the rooms.

Even though she said thank you at the end of the day, I was certain I’d fucked up more than I actually helped. Some of the stuff I’d packed in one of the boxes was discreetly rewrapped and moved into a different box. Regardless, it was all pushing us closer to the day when she’d be in my house.

Our
house.

Each time I peeked out the window, the paparazzo was hanging around out front. At one point, he caught me looking and waved. I gave him the finger in return. Unfortunately for him, he was too busy gloating that he wasn’t quite quick enough to catch it on film. 

Two days later, Alyssa and I were up to our elbows in boxes after Phoebe had gone to bed. While we were going over our plans and timeline again, she broke some slightly unwanted news to me.

“I’m not having the garage sale like we talked about,” she said over a pile of boxes in what was once Flynn’s room. Instead of the usual two piles—stuff coming with us and stuff going—she was creating three. The third was all the stuff to go back to him.

“Why not?”

“Because we’ve got another option now. A better one. Well, an easier one at least. We just need to hire a truck and take it over to Mum and Dad’s. Dad wants to put the stuff in storage.”

“Really? Why?”

She grimaced and looked away.

“Why?” I asked again, my tone making it clear that I wouldn’t take silence as an answer.

“Dad wants me to store everything. Just in case.”

“Just in case?”

“You know, just in case I need it again later.”

“Just in case I screw things up, you mean?”

She gave me a sad smile and a shrug.

“And you agreed to go along with it?” I stared at her impassive expression, which confirmed my words without any need to speak. “Because you think I’m going to screw things up too.”

She zipped the tape across the top of the box she was working on. “Dec, it’s . . . it’s not like that. Not really. I told you I trusted you, and I do. But Dad didn’t give me much choice.” When she looked up at me, her expression called to me, begging me to understand.

“Here I was thinking that we were past this bullshit, Lys.” I shoved the trinket I’d just finished wrapping in newspaper into the box a little harder than was probably advisable, but I couldn’t shake my irritation.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “We are. But Dad is going to buy the furniture for double the price I’d ask for it at the garage sale and then pay to store it. And we don’t have to put aside a whole day to have people rummaging through all my stuff. Plus, there’s no guarantee that what I have would even sell. With the cost of day care and the fact that I wouldn’t start work for a week after we get to Sydney, we need the money.”

Even though her words were meant to reassure me, all they did was dig the knife in further. Everyone thought I was going to fail her, and I already was because I couldn’t afford to tell Curtis to shove his offer up his arse. The fact was that the wage I would be bringing home would barely cover my mortgage payments and Alyssa’s would barely cover the day care and other expenses. That meant we’d need every extra cent we could get. I hated it. I’d failed them both before we’d even left Brisbane.

As the money issue swirled anew through me, it occurred to me that by taking the lower-paying job as an apprentice mechanic, I’d probably signed the sales notice on at least a couple of my precious cars that were stored in the back shed. My decent collection of classics, the one I’d added to over the years whenever a beauty I couldn’t resist came along, would soon be decimated. Between rego and insurance, it cost a significant sum each year to maintain them. I couldn’t even begin to consider which ones to get rid of first, though. That was like asking me which limb I wanted to lose the least.

I taped up the box I was filling, and noticed the writing on the outside— “going.”

Or fucking not, apparently.

With a growl, I shoved the box to the side and pushed myself up off the ground. Alyssa gave me a look that was halfway between a question and an apology. It made me feel worse. More than anything else, I just wanted to leave. I wanted to climb in the car and drive, but I had the wrong fucking car. I needed my Monaro or one of the classics in the back of my shed for thinking. Regardless, I left the room without another word.

My jaw was clenched tight so I didn’t let loose the stream of curses that was on the tip of my tongue. Alyssa didn’t deserve the harsh words, but they danced on my lips regardless. I didn’t stop until I’d found my way to the kitchen. With my fingers curled around the laminate of the counter, I leaned heavily against the bench, took a handful of breaths, and tried to force out my frustration without making any sound.

Alyssa followed me. “I worried you’d react like this.”

I twisted my head to cast her a look, but I couldn’t look at her for long without all the emotions bubbling in me again. “Like what, Lys? Like the fucking failure I am.”

She stepped back in shock. “Failure? What?”

“What else would you call it? You feel like you have to do a special deal with your father just to put food on the table. Six months ago, I had a contract worth more money than you could imagine, and now I’ve got Jack and Shit and even they’re thinking of leaving.”

“That’s not true, Dec.” She moved closer to me before running her fingers up along my spine. “You’ve got a house.”

“And the fucking mortgage to go with it.”

“You’ve got a job.”

“A low-paying, shitty job.”

“You don’t know that. You might love it.”

“You don’t get it, Lys. I’m the man. I’m supposed to provide for you guys, and I’m failing.”

She wrapped her arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder. “Says who?”

“What?”

“Who says you have to provide for us? Because you know what I think? I think that’s patriarchal bullshit.” She ducked under my arm and I moved back to allow her to come between me and the bench. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and she smiled the sweetest, most heartbreaking smile I’d ever seen her wear. “
We
need to provide for
her
. That’s what’s important. And in that respect, we’re not failing. She doesn’t need a fancy house, or a pile of expensive junk, she just needs our love. She needs food and clothes, and the rest doesn’t matter.”

“But what about—”

She placed her fingers over my lips. “It doesn’t matter. We’ll find a way. We’ll manage.”

Instead of responding with words, I moved my hands from the counter and wrapped them around her waist. “When did you get so wise?”

She flinched away from my words.

Fuck.
My stomach twisted as I saw the flash of heartbreak over her face. What a stupid fucking question.
She got wise when she fucking had to, arsehole
.

With a deep breath, she wrapped her arms around me. She hadn’t slid the mask she sometimes wore back into place, which I was glad of. If I was being an arsehole, I wanted her to call me on it, not mask her feelings and pretend everything was okay.

“About Dad, I just thought it would be easier,” she said. “It’ll make him happy if he thinks I have a backup plan. It’s easier for us if he’s happy.”

“I don’t plan on fucking this up, Lys. You have to know that. I need you both too much.”

“I know, Dec.”

She’d stopped a panic spiral dead in its tracks with nothing more than her presence and a few key words. I didn’t think she fully appreciated that. But I wasn’t going to argue with her anymore. “C’mon, let’s give packing a rest for the night. I’ve got something I want to unwrap instead.” I grabbed her hips and lifted her legs around my waist and carried her to the bedroom.

AROUND SPENDING time with Phoebe and Alyssa, I managed to watch most of the Tasmanian race. Alyssa even sat with me when Phoebe had her nap. Seeing Morgan rip up the track made me almost excited to be in the pits the next year. Almost.

“Are you looking forward to being there next year?” Alyssa asked as I shifted forward on the couch when Morgan went into the pits.

I shrugged. “It’s not exactly the dream. But it’s good enough for now.”

Not long after Sinclair Racing had won the event—and almost secured the championship—Morgan called my mobile.

“I’m all set for next weekend, and have sorted those things you wanted. Do you think you can arrange your part?” he asked after some preamble and my congratulations.

“I’m pretty sure it’ll be a cakewalk, but I’ll let you know if I’ve got any problems. Where are you going to be staying?”

“Edie’s booked a room for us at the Suncrest.”

Eden and her fucking Suncrest Hotel obsession. “Okay. Keep in touch, and I’ll let you know how I go.”

When I saw Alyssa coming closer, I ended the call.

“What are you planning?” she asked.

“Boys’ night with Morgan to celebrate his win.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ugh. I know he’s your friend and all, but I just don’t get the appeal.”

“He was looking out for me. We’ve both had to deal with crazed stalkers in the past, and he didn’t know the truth about us.” Even as I said the words I tensed, ready for the fight.

Right or wrong, she was still pissed about his interference with the email. It seemed unlikely that she’d ever find a way to get past it. On one hand, I could understand that it had hurt her. On the other though, I’d agreed to try when it came to her friend, and I didn’t see why she couldn’t extend me the same courtesy. It wasn’t like he knew our history and wanted to deliberately hurt her.

“That doesn’t change what he did.”

“No, it doesn’t, but I can’t turn my back on him for trying to help either. It doesn’t have to be a boys’ night,” I said, deciding to make a bluff and hope she didn’t call me on it. She couldn’t come because I didn’t want her involved in the plan for the moment. She might tell me not to do it. “We could leave Phoebe with your mum, or Ruby, and go to see him together.”

“I’d rather gouge out my eyes with a rusty spoon.” She glanced up at me and must have seen the frown that tugged on my brow. “But you go, have fun. I don’t want to stop you from being friends; I just don’t want to be in the same room as him.”

“He’ll be here next Saturday.”

“Fine. I’ll call Flynn to see if he wants to come around for pizza, just like old times.”

I clenched my jaw and glared at her. She was playing a game: she’d see the friend I didn’t like if I saw the one she didn’t. Two could play at that game though. “Fine. I’m sure you’ll have a great time.”

“I’m sure we will. Phoebe loves spending time with Flynn.” Something behind me caught her gaze and her eyes widened in shock.

I understood a second later when Phoebe’s excited voice cried, “Flynn’s here? Yay!”

Hearing her enthusiasm at seeing the fucker who, for all legal purposes, was still regarded as her father was too much. I stormed from the room. Even if it hadn’t been intentional, it pissed me off that Alyssa used Phoebe to hurt me just because I wanted to spend some time with someone from my other life. I intended to go straight to Alyssa’s room to get some space and cool off, but when I passed Phoebe’s open door, I stopped in my tracks. Remembering our conversation in Sydney, I knew she’d likely assume any anger I showed was her fault.

With two deep breaths to centre myself, I turned back to head to the kitchen again. A fake smile was on my lips as I watched Alyssa explaining that Flynn wasn’t there now, but they’d invite him around for dinner on Saturday.

Alyssa glanced up at me, an apology in her gaze. My smile became more genuine and I mouthed the word, “Sorry,” back at her.

“Phoebe, what do you say we go to the park this afternoon?” I asked. “We need to get out of the house for a while, don’t you think?”

Seeing her enthusiasm over something so simple made me glad I’d made the suggestion. After Alyssa ordered her to find some shoes, Phoebe disappeared from the room.

“Do you think there’ll ever be a day where we don’t argue about something?” I asked.

“Who was arguing?” Alyssa asked with a chuckle.

“You know what I mean.”

“I do. And probably not. But that’s what life is about. It’s not about agreeing about everything, it’s how we act after each disagreement that’s going to make a difference. “

“Are you sure you don’t mind me hanging with Morg next weekend?”