Deeper Illusions (31 page)

“Get a restraining order, and have her arrested for trespassing. Change the locks. One thing about Natalie – she won't Alexis you. She's still a sweet girl. Misguided, but sweet. She won't go ape and stalkery if you kick her out.”

“Is it wrong that I feel badly for her? I mean, Iris has been absolutely phenomenal about Natalie being here. Believe it or not, I don't think that Iris minds her here. I don't think that Iris necessarily wants Nat t
o stay with us forever, but she also doesn't seem to be upset that Nat isn't leaving. But I feel sorry for Nat. She's always been like a sister to me.”

“And you've always been her great love. You gotta figure out a way to get her gone. Besides, Nat almost cost you
your
great love. I mean, you were in an altered state when you guys slept together. She wasn't. She took advantage of you. That should piss you off enough to get tough with her.”

“I know. I should be really angry with Nat, but it's hard to be mad at her. At any rate, I guess I'll figure something out once the DNA results are in. God forbid Christopher is my kid. That will more than screw everything up.”

“You're too nice. That's always been your problem.”

“Yeah. Some problem. Anyhow, what about that David guy?”

“I don't know. He's into Alexis, but he's into me, too. He's been kinda a regular three-way partner for about a month now. Do you ever think about joining us?”

“You and Alexis? Oh, hell
no. Hell to the fucking no. As you said earlier, been there, done that, got the t-shirt, not doing it again.”

“You ever think
about me joining you and Iris?”

“All the time. All the time. Iris is pretty straight, though. She wouldn't be digging that at all.”

I sighed. I knew that Ryan wanted Nick in our relationship. Ryan had never told me as much, but I always suspected. I wondered if I should offer to bring Nick in on a semi-regular basis. Good, god, though, what a crazy-quilt pattern those Harvard people have formed. Nate-Ryan-Nick-Nat. Ryan-Nick-Alexis. Hell, Alexis probably was with Nate a time or two as well. Anything is possible.

With that bunch, anything is
probable
.

“So, why don't you talk to her about it?” Nick asked.

“I don't want to push it. We just got back together not two months ago. She's going through a lot, too, with the Andrew threat. Also, I don't know if she's going to quite know what to do with our daughter. I have a feeling that Dalilah is going to outshine all of us. Iris isn't used to that, at least not as much as I am. Dalilah's going to be a handful for us.”

“
My talking about Dalilah is what set off Alexis. I dread the day that Alexis meets that child. She looks so much like Mia, it's scary. She acts just like her, too. Alexis is bound to go off the deep end. She never got over Mia, you know.”

“I didn't, either. That was probably the most devastated I've been, losing her. Dalilah seems like a miracle to me. Iris, too. Neither can entirely replace Mia, of course, but they've both gone a long way towards making me feel that life is worth living again.”

Hearing him talk about Mia broke my heart, and made me feel guilty for listening in on their conversation. So, I turned off the baby monitor from the living room, and tried to sleep. The baby monitor from Dalilah's room was still audible, however, and I heard my little daughter breathing heavily in sleep. She spoke some garbled words, too. She was like her mother that way – I have always been told that I talk in my sleep pretty constantly. That was probably the only thing that she would get from me, though. In looks and intelligence, she was clearly her father's daughter.

I couldn't sleep, though, so I knew that Ryan didn't come into our room until a couple of hours after I stopped listening
in on their conversation. I had no idea what they were saying after I stopped listening, and probably didn't want to know. What I did know is that Ryan wanted Nick to get sexual with us, and didn't know how to ask me about it. While I was happy that he respected my feelings about this, I was also a little upset that he wanted that, and I didn't know if I could provide it. I wanted, more than anything, for him to be happy. I always tried to make him happy. Well, aside from the living in the drug house and taking his daughter without telling him that she existed. Yeah, those are pretty major transgressions. But I really wanted to make it all up to him, and be the best wife I could be.

“You awake?” Ryan asked, crawling into the bed next to me.

“Yar,” I said.

He got undressed, and crawled under the covers with me. He started stroking my hair, and kissing my back and neck. I was also naked, and I could feel him behind me. He was completely hard, and he entered me without a word. I felt the familiar rush, the feeling of completeness and wholeness. His hands were on my breasts, and he moved inside me rhythmically. I orgasmed, and he also did shortly thereafter. He groaned, then put his head in my hair. I could feel his heart and his breathing, both of them
also audible.

I turned around to look at him. I put my hand on his cheek, and stroked it. I wanted to address some of the things I was hearing downstairs, especially the Nick-being-with-us conversation. I also wanted to talk to him about Andrew and his psychotic break. Ryan had never told me about that. He
hadn't even told me that he had been in contact with his father about Andrew. He wanted to protect me, and make sure that I didn't worry, but I was feeling that I was being left out of the loop about it. I wasn't liking that one bit. However, I couldn't bring it up. I was eavesdropping, as usual, and I wanted him to trust me. I wasn't at all sure that he would be able to trust me if he knew that I was invading his privacy like that.

He looked at me, smoothing my hair back. He kissed my forehead. Then he was kissing my lips, and I could feel his hardness again. He always had the shortest refractory period of anyb
ody that I have ever known. He laid on his back, bringing me on top of him, and he was inside me again, with me riding him. I brought down my head, putting it on his chest. His body was coming back after his weight loss, and he was almost back to the pecs and abs of steel that he had before he started taking on the junkie look of the past few months. I put my hands on his shoulders and chest while I straddled him as he thrusted inside me. We were like this for a little while, then I crawled down so that my genitals were in his mouth, while I sucked his hardness in a 69 position. He groaned, then shot into my mouth almost immediately.

I crawled back into my original position next to him on the bed. I put my head on his chest as he stroked my hair. “I can't get enough of you,” he said. “I mean, that was always true for me, but, since you've been back, it seems that I want to be inside you all the time. All the time. I don't know if it's because I feel like we need to make up for lost time or its-” Then he stopped.

I think I knew what was on his mind. He was afraid of losing me again. I don't think that he was exactly afraid that I was going to run again, but, at the same time, I was sure that he felt that our happiness was always fleeting. We always had moments, days, weeks that were pure bliss. Then something awful would happen, and we would end up devastated. We always had to look over our shoulder for the next thing that fate would cook up for us. We could never just relax. So, it was unspoken between us that these blissful moments we had together had to be savored.

B
ecause they might not last very long.

I said “I know, baby. I know that you're scared. You put on a great front, but I have a feeling that you're more freaked about Andrew than you're letting on. I wish that there was some way to ease both of our minds.” I paused for a few minutes, my head on his chest, listening to his heart. I played with the hair on his chest, then asked him “What's going on with that?”

He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, like a leaking balloon. “My father and I have been talking. My father has been keeping tabs on Andrew through some associates who know him. Andrew has been behaving extremely erratically. It seems that he is no longer the calculating man he was, but more...disorganized.”

“Ok, so he's disorganized. It sounds like he is suffering from some kind of breakdown, maybe.”

“Right. Andrew apparently doesn't shower much anymore, and...” His breathing started coming harder.

“And?”

He shook his head. “He has pictures in a room. Pictures of you. Of us. Like the
People
Magazine we were in. Our wedding notice. He took one of our wedding photos out of the house, and that's in the room, too. I'm sure you never noticed that it was missing. I did, though. I wondered what happened to it.”

I just sat there, listening to him. This was getting creepier by the second, but I somehow didn't feel the white hot feeling of fear that I should've been feeling upon hearing all this.

“There's something else,” he said.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. He labels the pictures. He labels them Cherry and Andrew.”

“Cherry? Like the tree?”

“Cherry like his ex-wife. My father sent me a picture of her on my phone.” At that, he got his phone and sent me the photo of Cherry, Andrew's ex-wife. I gasped a little. Button nose, freckles, red hair, roundish face, full lips. She was my doppelganger, if ever there was one.

“Ah,” I said. “Now it all becomes clear. It's not me he wants to kill, it's her.”

“That's the thing,” Ryan said. “She's already dead.”

“What? What happened to her?”

“She died of cancer a little over a month ago. My father thinks that her death is what caused Andrew to finally go off the deep end.”

“Let me guess. Things between them did not end well.”

“Of course,” Ryan said. “Dirty divorce. She got custody of the kids, and took him for everything he had, just about. It was one of those things.”

“And they got divorced when?”

“It was finalized in December of the year before last.”

“Right around the time that he started protecting me.”

“Yup,” he said. “You got it.”

The puzzle pieces were starting to come together nicely.

“So, she's dead. Yet he still wants to kill me?”

“Yeah. This is what my father has been able to piece together about this guy. Apparently, he started becoming unhinged right around the time that he was hired to protect you. Before that, there wasn't anything that was visibly amiss with him. Otherwise, he wouldn't have checked out, and my father would've hired somebody else for you,” Ryan said, while I lay on his chest, his heart pounding in my ears. “Then, after he,
uh-”

“Raped me,” I said. “Go on, you can say it. I can take that word.”

“Right,” he said, and I could feel his muscles start to tense up as he talked about that incident. “Well, after that happened, Andrew started acting strangely. Not like now, but he started becoming paranoid acting. It's one of those things, though – because of what he used to do, he has a reason to be paranoid. You know the old joke – just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean that someone isn't out to get you.”

I laughed a little, trying to break the tension.

“Then, after Cherry died, he apparently had a full-on psychotic break. He's been hallucinating, hearing voices, and he thinks that Cherry is still alive. He thinks that you're Cherry, now. He thinks that it was Cherry that he, uh, attacked, and that it was Cherry who told everybody about it.”

My blood started to run cold. “So, he's crazy. Is that going to make it easier or harder for me to defend against?”

He drew a breath. “The good news is that he no longer has the ruthless, cold and calculating instinct that he had in his former job. The bad news is that crazy is, by its very nature, unpredictable. I could probably make chess moves with this guy in his normal state. Outsmart him. But the way he is now – who knows what's going to happen?”

“So, more difficult to defend against.”

“Yeah. I've thought about...”

“What? You've thought about what?”

“Nothing. You wouldn't approve.”

“Try me.”

“I've thought about having a hit put on him.”

I looked at his face.

He was dead serious.

“Huh,” I said. “A hit.” I thought about it for about five minutes, my head on his chest, him stroking my arm, neither of us saying anything. I finally said “not a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all.”

“Really?” he said.

“Yeah. It sure would be nice to not have to worry about that shithead again.
” Then I immediately regretted my words. Shaking my head, I said “No, no, no. I take that back. I can't put you in danger like that. You might think that nothing will go wrong, but what if it does, and you spend the rest of  your life in prison? No. no. no.” If that happened, somebody would just have to finish me off. I don't think that I could survive a blow like that.

He sighed. “That actually was the reaction I was expecting from you. So, it's back to the drawing board. More target practice, and more looking over our shoulders constantly. The good news is, my father has tabs on him, so I know his movements for now.”

I just nodded. “Hey, let's not talk about this anymore. It's getting too depressing. What's going on with Nick?”