DefeatedbyLove (17 page)

Daniel paced the floor of his study, drink in hand. He was
still more than a little angry over the evening’s events. On one hand, he knew
his friends were well meaning. On the other hand, they had no right to
interfere in a decision that should be his and his alone. The fact that they had
actually argued amongst themselves about it, ignoring Daniel completely, had
been the last straw.

He threw himself down in a chair with an aggrieved sigh. The
real problem, and what was truly making him angry, was that he didn’t know what
to do. Both Barnabas and Harry wanted him and he wasn’t sure whom he wanted, if
anyone. He didn’t love Barnabas, not in the romantic sort of way anyway. But
for the most part, they certainly got along and had a great deal in common. And
Barnabas stayed out of Daniel’s life, and his way, most of the time, leaving
Daniel free to pursue his own agenda, whatever that might be. Harry was all
emotion and passion and confessions—things that Daniel did not do well. And
Harry wanted the sort of lifelong commitment that gave Daniel a headache.

He knew Harry had heard Daniel defending him earlier at
Tarrant’s. Based on the look he was giving Daniel right before he left he was
quite pleased about it. Barnabas’ reaction had been impossible to read, as
usual. If he knew Barnabas, and he did, he’d simply wait Daniel out. When the
decision was made he’d accept it, whatever it was, and move on. Yes, he had
shown affection for Daniel that was out of the ordinary, and his clash with
Harry this evening had been completely out of character. But overall, Daniel
didn’t really feel that Barnabas had the sort of romantic love for him that
would cause him to travel halfway around the world to get away from him—and to
come back to him.

Harry did. The question was, did Daniel want to be the
object of that sort of passion? That was a huge responsibility. Daniel had
never been very good at shouldering that kind of emotional burden. His family
had been cool and reserved with one another, even in private. He’d mourned his
parents’ passing, of course, but he’d hardly been devastated by it. And they
had shown a similar lack of devastation when he’d left for war. He simply
wasn’t bred for high emotion.

He heard the front entry door open and then he heard the
muffled sounds of conversation. He could tell it was Christy and Harry. He
expected one or both of them to seek him out, but instead their voices faded as
they climbed the stairs. His temper began to stew again. How dare Harry make
such a spectacle of himself and then slink in here and avoid Daniel? He deserved
a good dressing down for his behavior this evening and he knew it. He was
running and hiding again, refusing to face the consequences of his actions.
Well, Daniel had had enough of that. He slammed his drink down on a small table
and marched to the study door. If Harry wouldn’t come to him, he’d go to Harry.
He had a few things to say, one of which was going to be goodbye. Harry was
leaving tomorrow, with or without Christy.

When he turned the handle on Harry’s door he was surprised
to find it unlocked. He’d assumed Harry would have locked himself in, in an
effort to avoid him. He walked in without knocking to find Harry pouring
himself a drink. At Daniel’s entrance he looked over, and when Daniel began to
speak he held up a hand for silence with a close-lipped frown.

“Do not even start,” he said. “You abandoned me to the
enemy. Which, in case you were wondering, was indeed a fate worse than death.”

Daniel had to bite his lip to hold back a smile. “Was it?
Oh, that is too bad.”

“You owe me.” Harry took a sip of his drink while he watched
Daniel over the lip of the glass.

“Hardly,” Daniel scoffed. His heart was racing and he cursed
his traitorous body.

“Close the door.” Harry set his drink down on the table
beside him and tugged on his cravat. His jacket already lay across the back of
the chair.

“Why?” Daniel certainly wasn’t going to jump to do his
bidding.

“Because there are going to be raised voices and I don’t
want to wake Christy or alarm the staff.”

At that Daniel closed the door with snap of his wrist. “My
voice will be raised first.”

“Fine.” Harry marched over to him. “But I get the last
shout.”

“How dare you presume to publicly humiliate me with your
idiotic little scene with Barnabas this evening?”

“He is an annoying little bastard and deserved a knife in
the throat.” Harry’s voice was not raised. He stated it as if it were fact.

“Because he spoke the truth? You did leave. You did run away
and hide.”

“I didn’t leave willingly. He forced my hand and you know
it. He wanted me gone because he wanted you for himself. And he got you, didn’t
he?”

Daniel waved his hand in the air, dismissing Harry’s stupid
jealousy. “Yes, he got me, and I got him. You didn’t think I was going to be
celibate for the rest of my life as I pined for you, did you?”

“No. And that was why I left.”

Daniel shook his head in confusion. “What?”

“It was all too easy for me to believe Barnabas when he said
my leaving would break you. I believed it because I wanted to. I wanted to
think that you loved me that much. That morning when we said goodbye, I would
have stayed. I would have ignored my orders, cancelled the wedding, beaten Sir
Barnabas into a bloody pulp, whatever it took to stay at your side if I really
believed that’s what you wanted. But standing there with you, I didn’t believe
it. You calmly said goodbye and good luck and wished me well. You told me I had
to leave. You were hardly a broken man. I tortured myself for days with visions
of you in Sir Barnabas’ arms. And I was right. That’s where you were.”

“Don’t you dare try to turn this about on me,” Daniel said.
“You went home to your bloody fiancée, for Christ’s sake. You’re the one who
lied and the one who left.”

“Yes I am. But I think you lied too. I think you lied to
yourself about what I meant to you, and you lied to me about it too. If you had
only admitted your feelings then, none of this would have happened. I’m not
blaming you. What a bloody damn mess it all was, and the day after Fuentes de
Oñoro.” He sighed and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “One wrong
turn, one wrong decision, and your path is inexorably altered. I should have
stayed. But I was a child. Too young to think it through and to see the truth.”

Daniel didn’t know what to make of the discussion. He’d come
here to confront Harry about that stupid dinner party and here they were
rehashing Portugal again. “It doesn’t matter what you should have done,” he
said impatiently. “It only matters what you did.”

“Or what I do,” Harry countered. The look he was giving
Daniel was far too intense. “Correct?”

“I suppose,” Daniel agreed. “One follows the other. Which
brings me to my purpose here. You have to leave tomorrow. I need time, Harry.
The past few days have…have upset my life. I don’t like this sort of chaos. I
need to think about what to do with Christy and with you, and how we can move
on from this.”

“No.” Harry took a step closer and grabbed the lapel of
Daniel’s jacket, dragging him the last few inches until their faces were nearly
nose to nose. “I told you once I wasn’t leaving until I’d won you back. I’m
telling you again. You’re mine, Daniel. I left once, against my will and my
desire. I will not do so again.”

“That’s preposterous,” Daniel exclaimed, pushing against
Harry’s chest. Harry switched his hold to Daniel’s arms and his grip was
ferocious. “This is not Portugal. This is my home. You can’t stay here if I
want you to leave.”

“Then I’ll have to change your mind,” Harry said. His gaze
had fallen to Daniel’s mouth and he looked hungry, the sort of hungry that made
Daniel’s traitorous body light up.

“You can’t,” he argued desperately, not sure if he was
talking to Harry or himself.

Harry smiled and it was dark and dangerous and did things to
Daniel’s insides that he couldn’t ignore if he tried. “I can, and I will.”

Harry was desperate. Daniel was pushing him away again.
After last night he’d thought it wouldn’t be this hard. Daniel had seemed so
passionate last night, and his aloofness today he’d attributed to some
trepidation over their reunion. Then that damn dinner party and Sir Barnabas
James and he was as far away as ever.

He kissed Daniel before either of them could say any more
stupid things. Daniel resisted for a moment but then he melted into Harry’s
arms as if he was relieved at the contact. His hold became as desperate as
Harry’s and the kiss spiraled out of control. Daniel shoved him against the
door and pushed his leg between Harry’s and Harry bent his knees and ground his
cock against Daniel. He wasn’t even sure which part of him it was and didn’t
care. He was so hard and so needy and damn it, it was Daniel in his arms again.
He wanted to fuck every part of him.

It wasn’t enough. They weren’t close enough. Harry grabbed
the back of Daniel’s coat in his fists and rolled them against the wall until
it was he pinning Daniel there. He pressed Daniel’s legs open wider and aligned
their hips and then—God, yes—they were cock to cock. Daniel whimpered into his
mouth and Harry fought a sort of madness he’d only known in war. He wanted to
fuck and own and devour Daniel. Never let him out of this room again. Fuck him
until they both died of pleasure locked in each other’s arms.

He broke the kiss with a gasp. “I can’t,” he said. “Slow
down.” He was talking to himself, but Daniel didn’t know that.

“No,” Daniel cried. He buried his fist in Harry’s hair and
pulled it tightly, yanking his head down until their foreheads touched. “Can.
Do it. Don’t think.”

For once it was Daniel begging and demanding and Harry let
his reservations go. He lifted Daniel off the floor, his hands on his hips, and
Daniel wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist. They kissed roughly as Harry
stumbled across the room to the bed. He toppled them both down onto it, Daniel
clutching him tightly with arms and legs, his mouth hard and furious on
Harry’s. It suited his mood. He wanted to fuck the madness away until only they
remained, sated and sane and in love again.

Daniel was humping him like a man possessed and Harry knew
they were both ready to come apart. He tore out of Daniel’s embrace and rolled
him onto his stomach. Daniel knew what he wanted right away. He scrambled to
his knees and unbuttoned his pants, shoving them down to his knees and then he
fell over to rest on hands and knees.

“Yes,” Harry hissed, knowing this was right, this was what
he needed. “Just like that. God I love you.” This would make Daniel his. He
tore his shirt off over his head and then yanked his pants down. His cock was
aching, throbbing, and he spit in his hand and spread the moisture on it. Then
he aimed it at Daniel and pushed inside.

Daniel cried out but he pushed back frantically, as if he
wanted to have Harry’s cock as much as Harry needed to give it to him. Harry
fucked him hard and fast and rough, the way he’d always liked it when he was
wild for it. He gripped Daniel’s hips so hard he left marks behind and it only
spurred him on. “I love you,” he said again, roughly, not caring if he was
playing his hand too soon. He had to say it or explode. Daniel was braced on
the bed and fucking him just as frantically. He reached under himself and Harry
knew he was fisting his cock. He wouldn’t have Daniel’s release wasted on the
bedsheets. He pulled his hand away and Daniel snarled at him. When he pulled
his cock out Daniel reached back and grabbed his hip, trying to keep him in
place.

Harry didn’t bother to explain. He simply rolled down onto
his back on the bed. Daniel tore off his boots and pants and mounted him. No
words were spoken. They both knew what this was about. They’d come too far to
stop now. When Daniel slid down on his prick again Harry saw stars, it felt so
damn good. “Fuck me,” Harry groaned. “I’ve missed you so much. I need you. I
need this.” Daniel rode him hard and after a minute Harry wrapped his hand
around Daniel’s cock and gave him something to fuck, bucking beneath him.
Daniel cried out again and again, with each hard thrust, the sound of their
coupling filling the room. Harry loved the sound of it, of Daniel’s flesh
meeting his, Daniel’s uneven breaths and cries. This was fucking. This was what
he’d missed so goddamn much.

Daniel’s cock hardened under his hand and he felt the first
pulse of Daniel’s release there before his come shot out onto Harry’s stomach
and chest. The hot, wet feel of it drove Harry over the edge and he groaned
hard from between clenched teeth as his cock exploded in Daniel, filling him.

“Yes,” Daniel cried out, arching his back. His buttocks
clenched around Harry’s prick as he continued to come, his release now running
down Harry’s hand.

When they were done Daniel sat atop him panting. “I want
this forever,” Harry confessed breathlessly.

Daniel didn’t respond. When he finally raised his gaze to
meet Harry’s stare, Harry let go of his cock and slowly licked his fingers.
Daniel groaned and closed his eyes.

“Am I really still fully clothed from the waist up?” he
asked.

Harry laughed. “Yes.”

“I haven’t fucked like that since the war.” As soon as he
said the words Harry could tell he regretted them. He slowly rose onto his
knees, groaning again as Harry’s cock slipped free of his buttocks. He could
see his come leaking down Daniel’s thighs and instantly he started to get hard
again.

“Me either,” Harry said, trying to focus.

Daniel gingerly sat down on the bed beside Harry. Harry
rolled over and wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed his hip, his
shoulder, whatever he could reach. Daniel didn’t push him away, but he seemed
remote. Harry didn’t like that. He was thinking too much.

“I can’t do this,” Daniel whispered.