Deity (19 page)

Disappointment swamped me. “But—”

“Alex, how do you think your mom would feel if she knew you were here? There’s only one reason why you’d be here. It would upset her.”

Dammit, he had a point. But I was here, which meant I was dead. Wouldn’t I be seeing her soon anyway? So that logic failed with me.

“I’ve missed you,” he said again, and it brought me back to him.

I clenched the front of his shirt, and words I wanted to say spilled forth. “Caleb, I’m so, so sorry for everything. What happened in Gatlinburg and… and I didn’t really pay attention to what you were going through afterward. I was so stuck on myself.”

“Alex—”

“No. I am sorry. Then what happened to you. It wasn’t fair. None of it was. And I’m so sorry.”

Caleb lowered his forehead to mine and I swore his eyes glistened. “It wasn’t your fault, Alex. Okay? Never think that.”

“I just miss you so much. I didn’t know what to do after you… left. I hated you for dying.” I choked up. “And I just wanted you back so bad.”

“I know.”

“But I don’t hate you. I love you.”

“I know,” he said again. “But you need to know that none of that was your fault, Alex. This was meant to happen. I understand that now.”

I laughed thickly. “Gods, you sound so wise. What the hell, Caleb?”

“Death made me smart, I guess.” His gaze searched my face. “You don’t look any different. It just seems so… so long since I last saw you.”

“You look better.” I traced my fingers down his face, pressing my lips together. Caleb looked marvelous to me. There wasn’t a hint of all that he’d suffered. He seemed at peace, fulfilled in a way he hadn’t been when he was alive. “I just miss you so much.”

Caleb squeezed me tighter and he laughed. “I know, but we need to stop with this friendship bonding crap, Alex. First we’re tortured by daimons together and now we’ve both been stabbed. That’s taking the ‘we do everything together’ to an all-new high.”

Tears streamed down my face, but I laughed again. He felt so warm and real. Alive. “Gods, I really am dead.”

“Yeah, you sort of are.”

I sniffled. “How can I be sort of dead?”

Caleb pulled back and tipped his chin down. A mischievous smile tugged at his lips. “Well, there’s this really big, blond god raising all kinds of hell with Hades right now. Apparently you’re still in limbo or something. Your soul is still up for grabs.”

My insides knotted, and I blinked. “What?”

He nodded. “You’re not going to be dead for very long.”

I wiped under my eyes. “I’ve been here for hours. I’m so dead.”

“Hours here is only seconds there,” he explained. “When I came up here I was worried it was too late, that Hades had already released you.”

“I’m not going… to stay dead?”

“No.” Caleb smiled. “But I had to see you. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay.” A twinge of pain in my stomach startled me. I jerked against him. “Caleb?”

“It’s okay.” His lanky arms held me still. “We don’t have much time, Alex. I need you to listen to me. Sometimes we hear things down here… about what is going on up there. It’s about Seth.”

A burning kindled deep inside me. “What… what about Seth?”

“He doesn’t really know, Alex. He thinks he’s in control, but he’s not. Don’t… don’t believe everything you hear. There’s still hope.”

I tried to laugh, but the burning was turning into a full-blown fire. “You’re still… such a Seth fanboy.”

Caleb made a face. “I’m being serious, Alex.”

“Okay,” I breathed, clutching my stomach. “Caleb, something’s… wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Alex. Just remember what I said. Sometimes people have a hard time remembering everything after these kinds of things. Alex, can you do me a favor?”

“Yes.”

“Tell Olivia that I would’ve picked Los Angeles.” Caleb placed his lips against my forehead. “She’ll understand, okay?”

I nodded although I didn’t understand why as I held onto his shirt for dear life. “I’ll… I’ll tell her. I promise.”

“I love you, Alex,” Caleb said. “You’re like the sister I never wanted, you know?”

My laugh was cut off by the fire tearing apart my insides. “I love you, too.”

“Never change who you are, Alex. It’s your passion—your reckless faith—that will save you, save both of you.” He held me tighter. “Promise me you won’t forget this.”

As the pain grew and my vision clouded, I held onto Caleb. “I promise. I promise.
I promise. I prom—
”

I was ripped away from him, or at least, that was how it felt. I was spinning and spinning, coming apart and slamming back together. Pain was everything. It swamped my senses, fueling the terror. My lungs burned.

“Breathe, Alexandria.
Breathe.”

I gulped in air as my eyelids fluttered open. Two all-white eyes—no pupil or irises—stared back at me. The eyes of a god.

“Oh,
gods
,” I whispered, and then I lost consciousness.

CHAPTER 17

PEOPLE MOVED AROUND ME. I COULDN’T SEE THEM, but I could hear their feet smacking on the tile, their voices hushed. Someone hovered near the bed. Their breathing was even and steady, lulling. I caught the scent of burning leaves and sea salt.

A door opened, and the person beside my bed shifted.

I faded out after that, slipping back into the pleasant haze. When I opened my eyes finally, they felt like they’d been sewn shut, and it took a few tries to get my vision to work. White walls surrounded me—plain and boring white walls. I recognized the med room. There were no windows, so I had no idea if it was night or day. There were faint memories of Linard and pain, then a flash of light and a feeling of falling. After that, things were hazy. I remembered a musty smell and there was more, but it seemed to exist just on the fringe of my thoughts.

My mouth felt as dry as cloth, my limbs wooden. A dull ache throbbed in my sternum. I drew in a deep breath and winced.

“Alex?” There was movement on the other side of my bed, and then Aiden came into view. Dark shadows bloomed under his eyes. His hair was a mess, falling every which way. He sat on the bed, careful not to move me. “Gods Alex, I… I never thought…”

I frowned and reached over to take his hand, but the motion pulled at my stomach. Tender skin stretched, sparking a sharp sting. I gasped.

“Alex, don’t move around too much.” Aiden placed his hand on mine. “He patched you up, but you need to take it easy.”

I stared at Aiden, and when I spoke, my throat felt raw. “Linard stabbed me, didn’t he? With damn Titan blood?”

Aiden’s eyes flashed to a dark, thunderous gray. He nodded.

“Rat bastard,” I croaked.

His lip twitched at what I said. “Alex, I’m… I’m so sorry. This shouldn’t have happened. I was there to make sure you remained safe and—”

“Stop. This wasn’t your fault. And obviously I’m okay for the most part. I just didn’t expect Linard—Romvi, yes. But Linard?” I started to move, but Aiden was faster, gently pushing my shoulders down. “What? I can sit up.”

“Alex, you need to lie still.” Exasperated, he shook his head. “Here, drink this.” He held a cup in front of my face.

I took the straw, glaring at him over the rim of the cup. The peppermint-flavored water did feel absolutely divine, easing the soreness in my throat.

Aiden stared back at me, drinking me in as if he’d never expected to see me again. An image of him leaning over me, stricken and pleading, flashed through me. An array of emotions flickered over his face now: amusement, weariness, but most of all, relief.

He pulled the cup away from me. “Easy.”

I pushed the covers down, surprised to find that I wore a clean shirt and the gray sweats that the Covenant usually handed out. Ignoring the twinge of pain, I pulled up the hem of my shirt. “Oh crap.”

“It’s not as bad—”

My hands trembled. “Really? Because I think this would make your James Bond proud.” The angry red line was two inches long and at least an inch wide. The skin around the mark was pink and puckered. “Linard tried to gut me.”

Aiden took my hands and pried them away from my shirt. Then he pulled it down and fixed the blankets around me carefully. It never failed to amaze me how… careful and gentle Aiden was with me even though he knew I was tough to the core. It made me feel feminine, small, and cherished. Protected. Cared for.

For someone like me who was born and trained to fight, his gentle handling undid me.

A muscle flexed in his jaw. “He did.”

I stared at Aiden, sort of in awe. “I’m like a cat. I swear I have nine lives.”

“Alex.” He looked up, meeting my eyes. “You used all those lives, and then some.”

“Well…” The musty scent came back to me.

Aiden cupped my cheek, and warmth sped through me. His thumb smoothed over my jaw. “Alex, you… you died. You died in my arms.”

I opened my mouth, but closed it. The bright light and the sensation of falling hadn’t been a weird dream and there was more… I knew it.

His hand trembled against my cheek. “You bled out so quickly. There wasn’t enough time.”

“I… I don’t understand. If I died, then how am I here?”

Aiden glanced at the closed door and exhaled slowly. “Well, this is where things kind of get strange, Alex.”

I swallowed. “How strange?”

A brief smile appeared. “There was a flash of light—”

“I remember that.”

“Do you remember anything after that?”

“Falling—I remember falling and…” I scrunched up my face. “I can’t remember.”

“It’s okay. Maybe you should get some rest. We can talk about this later.”

“No. I want to know now.” I met his gaze. “Come on, this sounds like it’s going to be interesting.”

Aiden laughed, dropping his hand. “Honestly, I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it.”

I started to roll onto my side, but remembered the whole no moving thing. Staying still was going to be a challenge. “The anticipation is killing me.”

He inched closer, his hip bushing my thigh. “After the flash of light, there was Leon crouching over us. At first, I thought he’d just gotten to the room, but he… he didn’t look right. He reached for you, and I thought he was going to check your pulse, but he put his hand on your chest instead.”

My brows lifted. “You let Leon cop a feel?”

Aiden looked like he wanted to laugh again, but shook his head. “No, Alex. He said that your soul was still in your body.”

“Uh.”

“Yeah,” he replied. “Then he told me I needed to get you to the med clinic and make sure the doctors started surgery to stop the bleeding, that we weren’t too late. I didn’t understand, because you… you were dead, but then I saw his eyes.”

“All-white eyes,” I whispered, remembering a brief glimpse of them.

“Leon’s a god.”

I stared at Aiden, unable to come up with any response to that. My brain pretty much shut down with that little piece of information.

“I know.” He leaned over me, smoothing my hair back with one large hand. “Everyone pretty much had the same expression when I brought you in here. Marcus had arrived then… and the doctors were trying to get me to leave. Some were closing off the wound. Others were just standing there. It was chaos. You had to have been…. gone a couple of minutes—the time it took me to get you from your dorm to the med clinic, and freaking Leon just popped into the med room. Everyone froze. He walked up to you, put his hand on you again, and told you to breathe.”

Breathe, Alexandria. Breathe
.

“And you breathed,” Aiden said, his voice hoarse as he cradled my cheek. “You opened your eyes and whispered something before going unconscious.”

I was still stuck on the whole god part. “Leon’s a… god?’

He nodded.

“Well,” I said slowly, “holy daimon butt.”

Aiden laughed—really laughed. It was deep and rich, full of relief. “You… you have no idea…” Averting his eyes, he ran a hand through his hair. “Never mind.”

“What?”

Jaw tensed, he shook his head.

I reached up and the moment my hand touched his, he threaded his fingers through mine and looked at me. “I’m okay,” I whispered.

Aiden stared at me for what seemed like eternity. “I thought you were gone—you
were
gone, Alex. You had
died
, and I was… I was holding you and there was nothing I could do. I never felt pain like that. His breath caught. “Not since I lost my parents, Alex. I never want to feel that again—not with you.”

Tears rushed to my eyes. I didn’t know what to say. My mind was still reeling from everything—total brain overload. And he was holding my hand, which was not the most shocking event of the day by any means, but it affected me just the same. I’d died. And a god who was apparently a Sentinel here had brought me back, and all that jazz. But it was the way Aiden was staring at me, like he’d never expected to talk to me again, see my smile, or hear my voice. He looked like a man who had stood at the edge of despair and had been pulled back at the very last second, but was still feeling all those terrible emotions, still not quite believing that he hadn’t lost something—that
I
was still here.

I realized something so important, so powerful then.

Aiden could tell me he didn’t feel the same way I did. He could fight what lay between us night and day. He could speak only in lies from here on out. It didn’t matter.

I would always,
always
know differently.

Even if space separated us, or a dozen rules were imposed to keep us apart, and we could never be together, I would always know.

And gods, I loved him—loved him so much. It would never change. There were so many things I was unsure of, especially right now, but that I knew. Before I could stop it, a single tear escaped, running down my cheek. I squeezed my eyes shut.

He drew in another breath, this one much sharper, more broken. The bed dipped as he moved, and his hand slid into my hair, where his fingers curled around the strands. His lips were warm and smooth against my cheek, kissing the tear away.

I became very still, afraid that any movement would send him away. He was like some kind of wild creature about to break.

When he spoke, his breath danced over my lips, sending shivers through me. “I can’t feel that way again. I just can’t.”

He was so close, still holding my hand tightly in his while his other slipped out of my hair and traced an invisible line over my face.

“Okay?” he said. “Because I can’t lose—” He cut off, looking toward the door. The sound of footsteps grew closer. His lips pressed into a tight line as he turned back to me. He dropped my hand and straightened. “We’ll talk more, later.”

I sat there dumbly, my heart fluttering spastically, and said the most eloquent thing I could. “Okay.”

The door opened, and Marcus walked through. His shirt was half-tucked in and his usually-pressed trousers were wrinkled. Like Aiden, he looked a mess, but relieved. He stopped beside my bed, exhaling loudly.

I cleared my throat. “You’re wrinkled.”

“You’re alive.”

Aiden stood. “That she is. I was just filling her in on everything.”

“Good. That’s good.” Marcus stared at me. “How are you feeling, Alexandria?”

“Okay, I guess, after dying and all.” I shifted, uncomfortable with the attention. “So about this Leon god thing? I don’t know of any gods named Leon. Is he like the red-headed stepchild god that no one claims?”

Aiden retreated to the corner of the room, a much more appropriate distance for a pure-blood. I immediately missed his closeness, but he kept his eyes on me. It was like he was afraid I’d disappear. “That’s because Leon isn’t his real name,” he said.

“It’s not?”

Marcus sat in Aiden’s spot. He reached out, but stopped and lowered his hand into his lap. “Do you want some water?”

“Um, sure.” Weirded out a little, I watched him refill my cup and hold it for me to drink. The alien in my uncle had obviously taken full control. Soon, it would claw its way out of his stomach and tap dance across my bed.

Aiden leaned against the wall. “Leon is Apollo.”

I choked on the water. Wheezing, I clutched my stomach with one hand and waved the other in front of my face.

“Alexandria, are you okay?” Marcus set the cup down and glanced over his shoulder at Aiden, who was already beside the bed. “Go get one of the doctors.”

“No!” Eyes watering, I dragged in air. “I’m fine. Water just went down the wrong pipe.”

“You sure?” Aiden asked, looking torn between wanting to drag a doctor in here and taking my word for it.

I nodded. “Yeah, that just surprised me. I mean, whoa. Are you guys sure? Apollo?”

Marcus watched me carefully. “Yes. He’s definitely Apollo.”

“Holy…” There weren’t enough words in the world to do that justice. “Did he explain anything?”

“No.” Marcus tucked the loose blanket back around me. “After he brought you back, he said he needed to leave and that he’d be back.”

“He kind of popped out of the room.” Aiden rubbed his eyes. “We haven’t seen him since.”

“And that was yesterday,” Marcus added.

“So I’ve been sleeping for an entire day?” My gaze darted between the two. “Have either of you slept this entire time?”

Aiden looked away, but Marcus was the one who answered. “A lot has been going on, Alex.”

“But you guys—”

“Don’t worry about us,” Marcus interrupted. “We’ll be fine.”

Not worrying about them was easier said than done. Both of them looked terrible. “Is… Linard is dead.”

“Yes,” Marcus said. “He was working with this… this Order.”

I glanced at Aiden, now remembering that sickening crunch I’d heard. If I was expecting remorse in his steady gaze, I didn’t find it. Actually, the look on his face said he’d do it again. “What about Telly?”

“He never landed in New York. Right now, we have no idea where he is. Instructor Romvi has also disappeared.” Marcus dropped his hands into his lap again. “I’ve made some calls and I have a few trusted Sentinels looking for Telly right now.”

“Trusted like Linard?” As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I wished I hadn’t said them. My cheeks started to burn. “I’m… sorry. That wasn’t right. You didn’t know.”

Marcus’ green eyes flashed. “You are right. I didn’t know. There were a lot of things I wasn’t aware of. Like the real reason you left New York and the fact that you’ve already been receiving the Apollyon marks.”

Oh, no
. I didn’t dare look at Aiden.

“It wasn’t until a few nights ago that I was even aware that the Order of Thanatos could be involved,” Marcus continued, his shoulders stiffening. “If I had known the truth, this could’ve been prevented.”

I squirmed as much as I could. “I know, but if we’d involved you in what happened in New York, then you’d be at risk.”

“That doesn’t matter. I need to know when these kinds of things happen. I’m your uncle, Alexandria, and when you kill a pure-blood—”

“She did it out of self-defense,” Aiden said.

“And you compelled two pure-bloods to protect her.” Marcus shot a glare over his shoulder at Aiden. “I get that, but that doesn’t change the fact that I needed to know. All of this created a perfect storm for something like this to happen.”