Delayed Penalty (5 page)

Since it was Christmas Eve, and I still hadn't been home yet, I decided I would leave for a little while and at least take a shower.

After I showered and crawled into bed for the night, I tried not to think about that girl, but fuck if she wasn't in every thought. I knew myself well enough to know I wouldn't be able to walk away from her. This wouldn't be the end, even though I wanted it to be. I didn't want to go back to that hospital. I saved her. That should have been enough. Being attached to a girl like that was not what I needed right now.

As I tried to sleep, the way she looked, the tests she endured, her attack, all the vivid memories clung to my mind. Visions of her blood spilled over white snow, her pale face, and helpless state…fuck.

I groaned, throwing my legs over the side of my bed around two that morning, and headed to down the hall to where my weights and treadmill were.

Working out seemed to do the trick for a while, but she was never far from my thoughts. Just like in a game, play had stopped against the boards for me. I was frozen, waiting for it to get loose, and play to start again.

When I got back to my room, my pile of bloody clothes caught my attention, and I had to get rid of them. I wondered if he felt bad for what he did. I wondered what he was doing right now.

Was he staring at a pile of bloody clothes, too?

Was he feeling any regret?

Was he wondering if she made it?

Did he think she was dead?

The gaps my mind filled in were the worst part for me, especially after seeing what I had. I imagined her walking alone and then some guy attacking her. I imagined her screaming, fighting for her life, frantically trying to get him off her, and then her just taking it, knowing she had no chance.

The images were enough to make me physically sick, and they did. I couldn't even eat. So I couldn't sleep, couldn't focus, and now I couldn't eat. I was fucked.

As far as I was concerned, it didn't matter if this guy was sorry for what he had done. That didn't mean a goddamn thing to me anymore.

Why?

Because while I was throwing out those bloody clothes, and that girl was fighting just to make it another day, that motherfucker was free right now. No fucking way I was settling for that.

Zone – Three areas made up by the two blue lines. The attacking zone is the area farthest from the goal a player is defending. The neutral zone is the central area. The defending zone is the area where a player's goal is and where the team's goalie is stationed.

After I went home and couldn't sleep, I took two showers, and then sat in my living room watching highlights from the Eastern Conference games. When nothing took my mind off her, I decided to go back to the hospital.

When I got there her doctor wasn't around, but they said he lived only a few minutes away. Now that I thought about, I had recognized him. He lived in the same building as me.

The poor nurse on call Christmas Day had said the doctor had to go back in last night and perform another surgery. He ended up leaving her skull flap open to allow pressure relief. I understood none of it but did a lot of nodding.

They let me see her again, and the same gut wrenching feeling came over me. I was relieved a little to see that she was still alive, but then a nagging sadness crept in. I It was Christmas, and she had no one but me.

Knowing Leo wouldn't be traveling this Christmas, I called him.

When I told him what happened, he immediately came to the hospital. He claimed I shouldn't be alone.

"I wonder who did this to her?" Leo said, sitting next to me in the waiting room. His usual curly, light brown hair was matted to one side. Judging by his tired, bloodshot eyes, he must have had a long night, but probably nothing like mine.

"I don't know, but every time I think about it I want to fucking kill the guy." I shook my head, staring at the tile floor. Leaning back in the chair, I crossed my arms over my chest, shifting my weight to the side. "What the fuck possesses someone to do that shit?"

Leo's eyes caught a nurse as she walked passed. "Not sure, man. Hey, would it be weird if I asked that girl to exam my dick. It's itchy."

"Yes, that would be weird. Don't do that."

"Fine. You look at it. Tell me if I'm dying." Leo stood reaching for the button of his jeans, his dark flannel pushed up showing me his stomach. "I'm really worried."

Before he had the chance to unbutton his jeans, I punched his stomach with a good amount of force behind it.

He fell over, clutching his gut, sputtering out, "You're such a jerk sometimes."

"Well, I'm confused. At what point in our relationship did you think it would be okay to show me your dick?"

He coughed for a while and then got back in the chair beside me.

"Oh hey, look!" Leo nudged my ribs, still a little winded, pointing toward another nurse walking our direction with a handful of gray files stacked in one hand and a cup of Starbucks coffee in her other. "Isn't that Natalie?"

My eyes squinted, and I remembered her, well her lips anyway. They gave me some good memories if I remembered correctly. She walked right by us until Leo whistled and she stopped. "You really gonna ignore two Blackhawks?"

Natalie stopped, glanced over her shoulder, and then gave a half smile and walked over to us. "Let me guess, waitin' on Remy?"

Leo laughed, reaching for her badge, and then snagged it from her scrubs, sticking it in his pocket. "No, Mase here is stalking a girl in the ICU."

"Leo!" I smacked him again, this time on the side of the head.

Natalie reached for her name tag back, and Leo put his hand over his pocket, waving his hand at her, simultaneously flipping me off. "If you want this you gotta check something for me."

"What?"

"Wrong question to ask," I told her, watching the snow fall from the window behind her.

"My dick." Leo once again reached for his jeans, this time getting the top button undone before Natalie kicked his shin. "It's red," he defended as if that would make dropping his pants in a hospital okay.

"I'm not that kind of doctor."

"You're a doctor?"

Natalie rolled her eyes. "Yes. I'm a pediatrician. Why?"

"I thought you were a nurse," I said, looking to the snow again.

"No. I never said that." Natalie seemed offended that I thought she was a nurse, her weight shifting from one foot to the other. She set her coffee down to reach for her badge again. "Give me that, Leo."

Leo chuckled, shaking his hand at her. "Check out my dick and you can have your badge back."

With a groan, I left the two of them bickering over dicks and badges to find the vending machines. Wandering around, I tried to ask myself what the hell I was even doing here.

It was Christmas. Shouldn't I be with my family?

My parents weren't happy with me missing Christmas, but when I explained the situation, they understood. Growing up, values held a lot of importance in our house. My parents had tried to instill their beliefs in me and my sister. As far as I was concerned, they had. Among those beliefs were honesty, loyalty, respect, love, and hard work. You worked for what you wanted.

Maybe sometimes you got lucky and didn't have to work as hard, but still, you worked hard.

I liked to think I still had those qualities, despite my lifestyle, and maybe that was the reason why I was here waiting for this girl to wake up.

When I got back to the waiting room Natalie was gone, but Leo was asleep in the chair I left him in. I kicked his left leg, and he jumped, looking around and glaring. "What the fuck was that for?"

"Oh sorry. I tripped." I had just sat down when a nurse wearing navy scrubs came over to us.

"Which one of you is Evan Masen?" When she said my name her eyes lifted from the clipboard to meet mine and then back to the clipboard as if she had to be sure. A smile came over her. "You're Evan Masen with the Chicago Blackhawks, aren't you?"

I nodded, raising my eyebrows as if to say, "What do you want?" but I wasn't rude about it.

Leo sat up in the chair, reaching for her badge. She was quicker than Natalie was and slapped his hand away. "Don't touch that." Then she recognized him. "Oh hey, you're Leo Orting!" Leo must have been her favorite player. As soon as she looked at his charming smile, her attitude was completely different.

Next thing I knew Leo was asking her to dinner.

"Why did you really come over here?" I interrupted.

"Oh, uh, Ami Sutton's in room five on the third floor if you want to see her. I was told to pass that information on to you. They'll allow you back there for a little while, but where she's at visitors are not allowed. Seems the doctor pulled a few strings, and now I know why." She smiled at Leo, who in turn gave her a cocky nod. I had a feeling he was about to make her Christmas unforgettable later that night.

I hadn't realized how late it had gotten, but it was now ten o'clock in the morning. On a day when most people were opening presents, Ami was fighting for her life. It just didn't seem like Christmas to me.

Part of me thought maybe I could catch a quick flight to Pittsburgh and see my family, but the other part, the part that couldn't sleep and was here at the hospital, didn't want to leave.

Christmas with the Masen family was always a major production. Our entire family came over—aunts, uncles, cousins, and even friends gathered in our suburban home for the entire day. Fights between my cousins and me usually broke out, and most of the time my dad would pick a fight with his older brother when one would bet the other he couldn't do something.

It was always off the wall shit, too, like, "I bet you can't jump off the roof and land it," as though that was something two fifty-year-old men should be doing.

My mother, the soft spoken woman that she was, took it all in good humor and entertained. Being a professional caterer, parties were her thing, and drama was part of the game. Wendy, the nurse, who now had Leo hanging off her arm, led me to the third floor where the ICU was and pointed to the door. After she left, I opened the door to see Ami lying in bed, looking much the same as yesterday. Wendy gestured to the room. "Talk to her. She has no one."

I swallowed, trying to nod, but instead I shook my head and turned to the door. The churning in my gut, the fog in my head, the uncontrolled beating of my heart had returned as did the images.

She looked worse today, as if the real trauma was making itself known. The blood had been cleaned from her hands and face now, but dark bruises were scattered across any skin that was showing and were outlined by bright red splotches. Everywhere I looked her skin was colored.

Immediately, my mind went to what she had to have gone through. The beating, the force of his hits to do this damage, it was repulsive. It was one thing to hear about someone being raped or beaten, but to see it—see the aftermath and see the person struggling for their life—that was different. It made the reality alive. It happened so often most didn't blink an eye. I knew this sort of shit happened, and I didn't think it was right, but I also never gave it much thought. Now, it was all I could think about.

This girl was only a few years older than my fifteen-year-old sister. What if this happened to her?

My hands clenched at the thought.

I was pissed. I wanted to find the guy and kill him. I wanted him right here in this room so he could to see the damage he did. I wanted him to beg for his repentance and bleed right along with her.

Taking a seat before I fell over, I sat beside her and automatically reached for her hand that rested on top of the blanket. Gently, careful of the IV, I held it in mine. Her hand was so tiny it made mine look huge. Slowly, I lifted my head to her face. The chest tube was taped to the right side of her mouth, her lips swollen. My eyes were drawn to the large cut above her eye. She still had that was the thick white bandage around her head.

I looked away again, an angry growl emitting from me as I tried to not punch the fucking wall.

What the hell?
I thought to myself.
Why was I having such strong feelings about this?

I could feel the anger course through me in waves. One minute I would be fine, but the next, I wasn't, and my face would get hot, and I wanted to find the guy.

Shifting back and forth in the chair from nerves, I mumbled, "Hang in there, Ami." My thumb stroked her hand once before standing. While I intended on leaving, I couldn't. I sat back down until Wendy came back three hours later and told me the doctors would be making rounds soon and that I should leave. So I did, but not without one last glance, one I shouldn't have taken because it was a memory I would never forget.

When I got back to the waiting room, I couldn't leave. I just stood there watching the snow fall in the same spot I had when I started the day. Again, I thought about what would happen if she didn't make it?

"Hey, man." Leo came to stand beside me, his phone in hand, typing out a message. "Wanna get some food. It's Christmas."

Leo caught onto the look on my face and smiled. "Come on, head case. Maybe the cafeteria is open."