Deliverance (26 page)

I’d lost Marguerite. I’d lost Vincent. I’d even lost Guillaume in a way. We did everything together but first Marguerite, then Aude came between us. I even lost Aude. And I was tired. So tired of holding on to who I was. Tired of smiling and joking and pretending everything was alright. Guillaume was allowed to be dark and broody but I was expected to be happy. To be normal.

Hands wrapped around mine but didn’t warm me. Whose hands were these that were even colder than mine? I tried to focus and remembered Nakissa had been with me. She slumped down next to me, her shoulders touched mine slightly. Just enough that I could feel her shivering. I wanted to save her. I wanted to be strong and take what I want.

I let everyone take everything from me. I hadn’t fought for Nagissa the first time around. I hadn’t even fought for Marguerite. I never let her know how she hurt me; instead I acted strong. I did it for me. For my pride. But all along I told myself I did it for them. So they could be happy together without worrying about me. It never worked. Guillaume had been weighed down by his guilt. Then he met Aude and something about her lit a spark in both of us, but I never even allowed myself to like her. I had never fought for anyone and I couldn’t fight for Nakissa. Not now. I couldn’t. I had to fight for myself first. I had to deserve her.

I held on tightly to the realization. That was me. That was how I could stay myself. I closed my eyes. I slowed my breathing and held on. It was my weakness that made me strong. It was how much I gave to others. But I needed to learn to do for myself what I did for others. I needed to believe the Garnier other people saw was real.

When her shoulder stopped quivering, I couldn’t wait anymore. She had done something and it had saved us. Barely. Now I needed to save us. I needed to reverse it. But I didn’t have the energy to cast my essence. In fact, if I lost any more essence I would turn to stone.

I opened my eyes and moved to my knees. My hands squeezed her cold ones. 

“Nakissa?” Her name barely escaped my lips.

Her eyes were empty. She was empty.

“I can’t do it.” I whispered to her.

“We should give up,” she said.

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s me Ramtin wants dead. He’s spared you before. He’ll do it again. You could save yourself.” She pulled her hands away from mine and wrung them together. “If I go to him alone you could escape him.”

“Nakissa. You did something to save us, and it worked, I think. But you need to undo it now.”

“I can’t.” She let herself fall so she lay in a fetal position on her side. “He’s coming. We have to give up.”

Garnier shakes my shoulder. His movements are slow, listless. He won’t let me sleep but he’s not feeling any better than I am. Of course he wouldn’t. I sent his essence off. I sent the Jinn towards an unsuspecting person and now what? It wasn’t gone. I still held on to it. How did the Jinn not get to him already?

Something had distracted them. I roll up to my knees and use the wall to support myself upright. I can only think of one thing. One person. Ramtin interrupted them. They’re coming back for us and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t save us. I can’t save Leyli.

I have nothing to live for.

Something burns inside me. A contradiction. What about my family? I’m not alone anymore. I have ties. Strong human ties. It would devastate them if something was to happen to me. I have to save Leyli. And I have to save Garnier.

I grab hold tight of the essence I had taken from him and slam it into him, pausing for a half a breath before doing the same with mine. If Ramtin didn’t know where we were before, he does now. I’m dizzy but I don’t have time for that.

“Garnier!”

His eyes open. The whites are red and glossy. The distant look is different now. He’s in pain. I put my hand on his forehead. He has a fever. Since when do Gargoyles get fevers? He squints his eyes at me and I see something more than the pain. More than the fever and the fear.

I don’t think about it. I throw my arms around him and hold him tightly against me. When his breathing sounds normal I pull away to look at him.

His smile is weak but it’s all I need. I bring my lips to his. They are cold at first, but warm up. Soon he’s kissing me back. He’s warmer and warmer and I remember he’s feverish. I make a half-serious attempt to pull away but he pushes back against me. My head becomes light and that spot in my chest tightens and expands.

His eyes open again and they seem clearer. He still feels warm to the touch but not as feverish. He gently untangles himself from me.

“What happened?”

And it all comes rushing back to me. “We have to get away from here.”

I grab his hand and pull him with me. Our footsteps echo the fast rhythm beating in my chest. Fear and exhilaration combine into a new, almost pleasant, sensation. His hand is deliciously warm in mine. Our pace is steady. As we move away from the worst parts of the neighborhood, we begin encountering people. People who notice the way our hands are locked together. But I can’t allow myself to pull away from him. Not yet. Anyway, I’m a witch now. Let them try to stop me from doing what I want.

Finally, as we approach the subway station, he’s the one who detaches himself from me. He leans against a wall and catches his breath.

“I think if our goal is to get away… we’ve attracted enough attention... We need to be more careful.” His words are interrupted by heavy breathing. He’s not well. I saved him, but he still needs help. A Gargoyle shouldn’t be in such bad shape.

He can’t go back to his hotel. But I can only think of one place I feel safe. In a way, it’s the last place anyone would expect me to bring a boy. I need to bring him home.

Maman frowns when we walk in the door, but the expression doesn’t last long. She sees he’s hurt and the doctor in her quickly takes over. She leads him to the couch and sits him down.

She looks him over briefly and turns to me with a dead serious expression. “What in the world did you get yourself involved with?”

“We were attacked.” I hope she won’t want more detail. How would I even begin to explain all this to Maman?

“By what? Jinn? I can’t heal this type of wound.”

I freeze. Maman believes in Jinn. Maman, the rational one. The physician.

“Don’t look at me like that. I would like to think you’re intelligent enough to know what you’ve been dealing with.”

I swallow and nod.

“How serious are you about healing him?”

“Very serious.” I avoid eye-contact.

“We will need to summon one to heal him.”

“One what? A Jinni?”

“Names are powerful. I know the name of one, but…”

“But what?”

Maman sits next to Garnier and looks at her hand. “But you need to understand what you’re getting involved with.”

“Maman, I’m already involved.”

“This isn’t something to take lightly Nakissa jan. When I got involved… Well… Agha joon was dying. I was desperate and some of the girls spoke of the better than us creatures. They were mostly spooky stories to scare each other, but I heard other stories too. Stories about them helping people. So I spoke to some more superstitious mullahs. Every one of them warned me against it, but I couldn’t think of anything else. I became obsessed with the idea. Eventually, I found a wise woman who agreed to show me how to summon them.” Maman exhales. “I saved your grandfather. But there was a price.”

“What price?”

“They said once I had my own family, I would have to let go of one of them. It was easy to give up something I didn’t know yet. Sometimes I wonder if your father would still be alive if I hadn’t made that deal.”

“Baba died in an accident. It can’t be the Jinn.”

Maman shrugs. “I don’t know. In a way I hope it was, otherwise I’m still waiting for them to exact payment. You have to understand, Nakissa, a deal with the Jinn isn’t something to take lightly.”

I look at Garnier. I would give up almost anything for him, but how will my mother ever understand?

“There’s more to the story isn’t there?” Maman looks between us. She moves to the end of the couch furthest from Garnier and motions for me to sit next to her. Between them. I sit carefully and stare awkwardly and my hands. She takes a piece of hair and pushes it behind my ear. “There’s always been something other-worldly about you. I tried to ignore it for a long time. Then, I thought it was just something residual from me. From my dealings with the Jinn. But there is more.

“I’m not sure if you remember that Leyli’s mother and I used to be close. The reason we barely speak to each other now is because of something that happened when you were seven. She took you to her own mother in her village to have your fortune read. I didn’t agree, but I went along with it. If anything, I would prove to her that she was crazy to believe in these things. And it was a road trip. Some excitement. It was before I met Bijan. I needed excitement, then.”

She sighed. “But what happened freaked me out. You should have seen them. The villagers chanted and shook their hair. At first it was funny, but it became creepy. Their eyes lost the life in them. They said they were coming closer to God, but to me it seemed they were closer to the other-world creatures.

“They had you in the middle of them. Your eyes were so wide and I felt so bad that I couldn’t protect you. And the women began to wail. They said you weren’t a human child but a demon in disguise. They said I should drown you or abandon you. How could they say that about a seven year old child? Khanom Abbasi didn’t say anything. She simply stood there. We never talked again, but I saw the looks she gave me from that day on. The looks she gave you.”

I don’t know what to say. Leyli’s family had wanted me dead. They’d known about what I really am and they thought I should die. I rub the goosebumps on my arms. Would Maman want me dead too if she really understood?

“Maman, I have to do this. I have to save him.”

She presses her lips together and gives me a firm nod. “I trust you, Nakissa jan.” She laughs self-consciously. “I always thought if I kept you far away from the supernatural, it wouldn’t touch you, but there is no stopping it, is there? I can help you summon the Jinn. I have a name. I can compel him to help.”

“We can call Pareen,” Garnier and I say at once.

I’m not surprised that Garnier knows about Pareen. Our lives have interconnected so much. Maman nods.

“We have to make the preparations, but I’m afraid we don’t have much time.”

Garnier seems fine to me. I wonder what Maman sees that I don’t, so I look at him closer and I see the wounds then. The places where essence escapes him.

“I wish you would have time to fast properly but I’m scared you don’t. Have you eaten any meat today?”

I shake my head.

“Don’t look at me like this,” Maman says. “It’s more than just modern medicine that makes me a good doctor.”