Delphi Complete Works of Jerome K. Jerome (Illustrated) (Series Four) (305 page)

It was but short-lived. The few reviews that reached him contained nothing but ridicule. So he had no place even as a literary hack!

He was living in Paris at the time in a noisy, evil-smelling street leading out of the Quai Saint-Michel. He thought of Chatterton, and would loaf on the bridges looking down into the river where the drowned lights twinkled.

And then one day there came to him a letter, sent on to him from the publisher of his one book. It was signed “Sylvia,” nothing else, and bore no address. Matthew picked up the envelope. The postmark was “London, S.E.”

It was a childish letter. A prosperous, well-fed genius, familiar with such, might have smiled at it. To Matthew in his despair it brought healing. She had found the book lying in an empty railway carriage; and undeterred by moral scruples had taken it home with her. It had remained forgotten for a time, until when the end really seemed to have come her hand by chance had fallen on it. She fancied some kind little wandering spirit — the spirit perhaps of someone who had known what it was to be lonely and very sad and just about broken almost — must have manoeuvred the whole thing. It had seemed to her as though some strong and gentle hand had been laid upon her in the darkness. She no longer felt friendless. And so on.

The book, he remembered, contained a reference to the magazine in which the sketches had first appeared. She would be sure to have noticed this. He would send her his answer. He drew his chair up to the flimsy table, and all that night he wrote.

He did not have to think. It came to him, and for the first time since the beginning of things he had no fear of its not being accepted. It was mostly about himself, and the rest was about her, but to most of those who read it two months later it seemed to be about themselves. The editor wrote a charming letter, thanking him for it; but at the time the chief thing that worried him was whether “Sylvia” had seen it. He waited anxiously for a few weeks, and then received her second letter. It was a more womanly letter than the first. She had understood the story, and her words of thanks almost conveyed to him the flush of pleasure with which she had read it. His friendship, she confessed, would be very sweet to her, and still more delightful the thought that he had need of her: that she also had something to give. She would write, as he wished, her real thoughts and feelings. They would never know one another, and that would give her boldness. They would be comrades, meeting only in dreamland.

In this way commenced the whimsical romance of Sylvia and Aston Rowant; for it was too late now to change the name — it had become a name to conjure with. The stories, poems, and essays followed now in regular succession. The anxiously expected letters reached him in orderly procession. They grew in interest, in helpfulness. They became the letters of a wonderfully sane, broad-minded, thoughtful woman — a woman of insight, of fine judgment. Their praise was rare enough to be precious. Often they would contain just criticism, tempered by sympathy, lightened by humour. Of her troubles, sorrows, fears, she came to write less and less, and even then not until they were past and she could laugh at them. The subtlest flattery she gave him was the suggestion that he had taught her to put these things into their proper place. Intimate, self-revealing as her letters were, it was curious he never shaped from them any satisfactory image of the writer.

A brave, kind, tender woman. A self-forgetting, quickly-forgiving woman. A many-sided woman, responding to joy, to laughter: a merry lady, at times. Yet by no means a perfect woman. There could be flashes of temper, one felt that; quite often occasional unreasonableness; a tongue that could be cutting. A sweet, restful, greatly loving woman, but still a woman: it would be wise to remember that. So he read her from her letters. But herself, the eyes, and hair, and lips of her, the voice and laugh and smile of her, the hands and feet of her, always they eluded him.

He was in Alaska one spring, where he had gone to collect material for his work, when he received the last letter she ever wrote him. They neither of them knew then it would be the last. She was leaving London, so the postscript informed him, sailing on the following Saturday for New York, where for the future she intended to live.

It worried him that postscript. He could not make out for a long time why it worried him. Suddenly, in a waste of endless snows, the explanation flashed across him. Sylvia of the letters was a living woman! She could travel — with a box, he supposed, possibly with two or three, and parcels. Could take tickets, walk up a gangway, stagger about a deck feeling, maybe, a little seasick. All these years he had been living with her in dreamland she had been, if he had only known it, a Miss Somebody-or-other, who must have stood every morning in front of a looking-glass with hairpins in her mouth. He had never thought of her doing these things; it shocked him. He could not help feeling it was indelicate of her — coming to life in this sudden, uncalled-for manner.

He struggled with this new conception of her, and had almost forgiven her, when a further and still more startling suggestion arrived to plague him. If she really lived why should he not see her, speak to her? So long as she had remained in her hidden temple, situate in the vague recesses of London, S.E., her letters had contented him. But now that she had moved, now that she was no longer a voice but a woman! Well, it would be interesting to see what she was like. He imagined the introduction: “Miss Somebody-or-other, allow me to present you to Mr. Matthew Pole.” She would have no idea he was Aston Rowant. If she happened to be young, beautiful, in all ways satisfactory, he would announce himself. How astonished, how delighted she would be.

But if not! If she were elderly, plain? The wisest, wittiest of women have been known to have an incipient moustache. A beautiful spirit can, and sometimes does, look out of goggle eyes. Suppose she suffered from indigestion and had a shiny nose! Would her letters ever again have the same charm for him? Absurd that they should not. But would they?

The risk was too great. Giving the matter long and careful consideration, he decided to send her back into dreamland.

But somehow she would not go back into dreamland, would persist in remaining in New York, a living, breathing woman.

Yet even so, how could he find her? He might, say, in a poem convey to her his desire for a meeting. Would she comply? And if she did, what would be his position, supposing the inspection to result unfavourably for her? Could he, in effect, say to her: “Thank you for letting me have a look at you; that is all I wanted. Good-bye”?

She must, she should remain in dreamland. He would forget her postscript; in future throw her envelopes unglanced at into the wastepaper basket. Having by this simple exercise of his will replaced her in London, he himself started for New York — on his way back to Europe, so he told himself. Still, being in New York, there was no reason for not lingering there a while, if merely to renew old memories.

Of course, if he had really wanted to find Sylvia it would have been easy from the date upon the envelope to have discovered the ship “sailing the following Saturday.” Passengers were compelled to register their names in full, and to state their intended movements after arrival in America. Sylvia was not a common Christian name. By the help of a five-dollar bill or two — . The idea had not occurred to him before. He dismissed it from his mind and sought a quiet hotel up town.

New York was changed less than he had anticipated. West Twentieth Street in particular was precisely as, leaning out of the cab window, he had looked back upon it ten years ago. Business had more and more taken possession of it, but had not as yet altered its appearance. His conscience smote him as he turned the corner that he had never once written to Ann. He had meant to, it goes without saying, but during those first years of struggle and failure his pride had held him back. She had always thought him a fool; he had felt she did. He would wait till he could write to her of success, of victory. And then when it had slowly, almost imperceptibly, arrived — ! He wondered why he never had. Quite a nice little girl, in some respects. If only she had been less conceited, less self-willed. Also rather a pretty girl she had shown signs of becoming. There were times — He remembered an evening before the lamps were lighted. She had fallen asleep curled up in Abner’s easy chair, one small hand resting upon the arm. She had always had quite attractive hands — a little too thin. Something had moved him to steal across softly without waking her. He smiled at the memory.

And then her eyes, beneath the level brows! It was surprising how Ann was coming back to him. Perhaps they would be able to tell him, the people of the house, what had become of her. If they were decent people they would let him wander round a while. He would explain that he had lived there in Abner Herrick’s time. The room where they had sometimes been agreeable to one another while Abner, pretending to read, had sat watching them out of the corner of an eye. He would like to sit there for a few moments, by himself.

He forgot that he had rung the bell. A very young servant had answered the door and was staring at him. He would have walked in if the small servant had not planted herself deliberately in his way. It recalled him to himself.

“I beg pardon,” said Matthew, “but would you please tell me who lives here?”

The small servant looked him up and down with growing suspicion.

“Miss Kavanagh lives here,” she said. “What do you want?”

The surprise was so great it rendered him speechless. In another moment the small servant would have slammed the door.

“Miss Ann Kavanagh?” he inquired, just in time.

“That’s her name,” admitted the small servant, less suspicious.

“Will you please tell her Mr. Pole — Mr. Matthew Pole,” he requested.

“I’ll see first if she is in,” said the small servant, and shut the door.

It gave Matthew a few minutes to recover himself, for which he was glad. Then the door opened again suddenly.

“You are to come upstairs,” said the small servant.

It sounded so like Ann that it quite put him at his ease. He followed the small servant up the stairs.

“Mr. Matthew Pole,” she announced severely, and closed the door behind him.

Ann was standing by the window and came to meet him. It was in front of Abner’s empty chair that they shook hands.

“So you have come back to the old house,” said Matthew.

“Yes,” she answered. “It never let well. The last people who had it gave it up at Christmas. It seemed the best thing to do, even from a purely economical point of view.

“What have you been doing all these years?” she asked him.

“Oh, knocking about,” he answered. “Earning my living.” He was curious to discover what she thought of Matthew, first of all.

“It seems to have agreed with you,” she commented, with a glance that took him in generally, including his clothes.

“Yes,” he answered. “I have had more luck than perhaps I deserved.”

“I am glad of that,” said Ann.

He laughed. “So you haven’t changed so very much,” he said. “Except in appearance.

“Isn’t that the most important part of a woman?” suggested Ann.

“Yes,” he answered, thinking. “I suppose it is.”

She was certainly very beautiful.

“How long are you stopping in New York?” she asked him.

“Oh, not long,” he explained.

“Don’t leave it for another ten years,” she said, “before letting me know what is happening to you. We didn’t get on very well together as children; but we mustn’t let him think we’re not friends. It would hurt him.”

She spoke quite seriously, as if she were expecting him any moment to open the door and join them. Involuntarily Matthew glanced round the room. Nothing seemed altered. The worn carpet, the faded curtains, Abner’s easy chair, his pipe upon the corner of the mantelpiece beside the vase of spills.

“It is curious,” he said, “finding this vein of fancy, of tenderness in you. I always regarded you as such a practical, unsentimental young person.”

“Perhaps we neither of us knew each other too well, in those days,” she answered.

The small servant entered with the tea.

“What have you been doing with yourself?” he asked, drawing his chair up to the table.

She waited till the small servant had withdrawn.

“Oh, knocking about,” she answered. “Earning my living.”

“It seems to have agreed with you,” he repeated, smiling.

“It’s all right now,” she answered. “It was a bit of a struggle at first.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “Life doesn’t temper the wind to the human lamb. But was there any need in your case?” he asked. “I thought—”

“Oh, that all went,” she explained. “Except the house.”

“I’m sorry,” said Matthew. “I didn’t know.”

“Oh, we have been a couple of pigs,” she laughed, replying to his thoughts. “I did sometimes think of writing you. I kept the address you gave me. Not for any assistance; I wanted to fight it out for myself. But I was a bit lonely.”

“Why didn’t you?” he asked.

She hesitated for a moment.

“It’s rather soon to make up one’s mind,” she said, “but you seem to me to have changed. Your voice sounds so different. But as a boy — well, you were a bit of a prig, weren’t you? I imagined you writing me good advice and excellent short sermons. And it wasn’t that that I was wanting.”

“I think I understand,” he said. “I’m glad you got through.

“What is your line?” he asked. “Journalism?”

“No,” she answered. “Too self-opinionated.”

She opened a bureau that had always been her own and handed him a programme. “Miss Ann Kavanagh, Contralto,” was announced on it as one of the chief attractions.

“I didn’t know you had a voice,” said Matthew.

“You used to complain of it,” she reminded him.

“Your speaking voice,” he corrected her. “And it wasn’t the quality of that I objected to. It was the quantity.”

She laughed.

“Yes, we kept ourselves pretty busy bringing one another up,” she admitted.

They talked a while longer: of Abner and his kind, quaint ways; of old friends. Ann had lost touch with most of them. She had studied singing in Brussels, and afterwards her master had moved to London and she had followed him. She had only just lately returned to New York.