Delphi Complete Works of Jerome K. Jerome (Illustrated) (Series Four) (312 page)

Fanny, after following a few steps, stops and thinks. Ernest has entered with the wood. He is piling it in the basket by the fire. His entrance decides her. She glances through the open door of the dressing-room, then flies across to the desk, seats herself, and begins feverishly to write a telegram.

FANNY. Ernie! [He comes across to her.] Have you still got your bicycle?

ERNEST. Yes.

FANNY. Could you get this telegram off for me before eight o’clock?
I don’t want it sent from the village; I want you to take it
YOURSELF — into the town. There’s a sovereign for you if you do it
all right.

ERNEST. I’ll do it. Can only get into a row.

FANNY. Pretty used to them, ain’t you? [She has risen. She gives him the telegram. She has stamped it.] Can you read it?

ERNEST. “George P. Newte.”

FANNY. Hush!

They both glance at the open door.

ERNEST [he continues in a lower voice]. “72A, Waterloo Bridge Road,
London. Must see you at once. Am at the new shop.” [He looks up.]

FANNY. That’s all right.

ERNEST. “Come down. Q.T. Fanny.”

FANNY [nods]. Get off quietly. I’ll see you again -

THE VOICE OF JANE [from the dressing-room]. Are you going to keep me waiting all night?

[They start. Ernest hastily thrusts the telegram into his breast- pocket.]

FANNY. Coming, dear, coming. [To Ernest] Not a word to anyone! [She hurries him out and closes door behind him.] Merely been putting the room a bit tidy. [She is flying round collecting her outdoor garments.] Thought it would please you. So sorry if I’ve kept you waiting. [Jane has appeared at door.] After you, dear.

Jane goes out again. Fanny, with her pile of luggage, follows.

[CURTAIN]

ACT II

SCENE

The same.

Time. — The next morning.

The door opens. Dr. Freemantle enters, shown in by Bennet, who follows him.

DR. FREEMANTLE [talking as he enters]. Wonderful! Wonderful! I don’t really think I ever remember so fine a spring.

BENNET [he is making up the fire]. I’m afraid we shall have to pay for it later on.

DR. FREEMANTLE. I expect so. Law of the universe, you know, Bennet- -law of the universe. Everything in this world has got to be paid for.

BENNET. Except trouble. [The doctor laughs.] The Times? [He hands it to him.]

DR. FREEMANTLE. Thanks. Thanks. [Seats himself.] Won’t be long — his lordship, will he?

BENNET. I don’t think so. I told him you would be here about eleven.

DR. FREEMANTLE. Um — what do you think of her?

BENNET. Of — of her ladyship?

DR. FREEMANTLE. What’s she like?

BENNET. [They have sunk their voices.] Well, it might have been worse.

DR. FREEMANTLE. Ah! There’s always that consolation, isn’t there?

BENNET. I think her ladyship — with MANAGEMENT — may turn out very satisfactory.

DR. FREEMANTLE. You like her?

BENNET. At present, I must say for her, she appears willing to be taught.

DR. FREEMANTLE. And you think it will last?

BENNET. I think her ladyship appreciates the peculiarity of her position. I will tell the Miss Wetherells you are here.

DR. FREEMANTLE. Ah, thanks!

BENNET. I fancy her ladyship will not herself be visible much before lunch time. I understand she woke this morning with a headache. [He goes out.]

The Doctor reads a moment. Then the door of the dressing-room opens, and Fanny enters. Her dress is a wonderful contrast to her costume of last evening. It might be that of a poor and demure nursery governess. Her hair is dressed in keeping. She hardly seems the same woman.

FANNY [seeing the Doctor, she pauses]. Oh!

DR. FREEMANTLE [rises]. I beg pardon, have I the pleasure of seeing
Lady Bantock?

FANNY. Yes.

DR. FREEMANTLE. Delighted. May I introduce myself — Dr. Freemantle?
I helped your husband into the world.

FANNY. Yes. I’ve heard of you. You don’t mind my closing this door, do you? [Her very voice and manner are changed.]

DR. FREEMANTLE [a little puzzled]. Not at all.

FANNY [she closes the door and returns]. Won’t — won’t you be seated?

DR. FREEMANTLE. Thanks. [They both sit.] How’s the headache?

FANNY. Oh, it’s better.

DR. FREEMANTLE. Ah! [A silence.] Forgive me — I’m an old friend of the family. You’re not a bit what I expected.

FANNY. But you like it? I mean you think this — [with a gesture] — is all right?

DR. FREEMANTLE. My dear young lady, it’s charming. You couldn’t be anything else.

FANNY. Thank you.

DR. FREEMANTLE. I merely meant that — well, I was not expecting anything so delightfully demure.

FANNY. That’s the idea—”seemly.” The Lady Bantocks have always been “seemly”? [She puts it as a question.]

DR. FREEMANTLE [more and more puzzled]. Yes — oh, yes. They have always been — [His eye catches that of Constance, first Lady Bantock, looking down at him from above the chimney-piece. His tone changes.] Well, yes, in their way, you know.

FANNY. You see, I’m in the difficult position of following her LATE ladyship. SHE appears to have been exceptionally “seemly.” This is her frock. I mean it WAS her frock.

DR. FREEMANTLE. God bless my soul! You are not dressing yourself up in her late ladyship’s clothes? The dear good woman has been dead and buried these twenty years.

FANNY [she looks at her dress]. Yes, it struck me as being about that period.

DR. FREEMANTLE [he goes across to her]. What’s the trouble? Too much Bennet?

FANNY [she looks up. There is a suspicion of a smile]. One might say — sufficient?

DR. FREEMANTLE [laughs]. Excellent servants. If they’d only remember it. [He glances round — sinks his voice.] Take my advice. Put your foot down — before it’s too late.

FANNY. Sit down, please. [She makes room for him on the settee.]
Because I’m going to be confidential. You don’t mind, do you?

DR. FREEMANTLE [seating himself]. My dear, I take it as the greatest compliment I have had paid to me for years.

FANNY. You put everything so nicely. I’m two persons. I’m an angel — perhaps that is too strong a word?

DR. FREEMANTLE [doubtfully]. Well -

FANNY. We’ll say saint. Or else I’m — the other thing.

DR. FREEMANTLE. Do you know, I think you could be.

FANNY. It’s not a question about which there is any doubt.

DR. FREEMANTLE. Of course, in this case, a LITTLE bit of the devil -

FANNY [she shakes her head]. There’s such a lot of mine. It has always hampered me, never being able to hit the happy medium.

DR. FREEMANTLE. It IS awkward.

FANNY. I thought I would go on being an angel -

DR. FREEMANTLE. Saint.

FANNY. Saint — till — well, till it became physically impossible to be a saint any longer.

DR. FREEMANTLE. And then?

FANNY [she rises, turns to him with a gesture of half-comic, half- tragic despair]. Well, then I can’t help it, can I?

DR. FREEMANTLE. I think you’re making a mistake. An explosion will undoubtedly have to take place. That being so, the sooner it takes place the better. [He rises.] What are you afraid of?

FANNY [she changes her tone — the talk becomes serious]. You’ve known
Vernon all his life?

DR. FREEMANTLE. No one better.

FANNY. Tell me. I’ve known him only as a lover. What sort of a man is he?

A pause. They are looking straight into each other’s eyes.

DR. FREEMANTLE. A man it pays to be perfectly frank with.

FANNY. It’s a very old family, isn’t it?

DR. FREEMANTLE. Old! Good Lord no! First Lord Bantock was only Vernon’s great-grandfather. That is the woman that did it all. [He is looking at the Hoppner.]

FANNY. How do you mean?

DR. FREEMANTLE. Got them their title. Made the name of Bantock of importance in the history of the Georges. Clever woman.

FANNY [leaning over a chair, she is staring into the eyes of the first Lady Bantock]. I wonder what she would have done if she had ever got herself into a really first-class muddle?

DR. FREEMANTLE. One thing’s certain. [Fanny turns to him.] She’d have got out of it.

FANNY [addresses the portrait]. I do wish you could talk.

Vernon bursts into the room. He has been riding. He throws aside his hat and stick.

VERNON. Hulloa! This is good of you. [He shakes hands with the
Doctor.] How are you? [Without waiting for any reply, he goes to
Fanny, kisses her.] Good morning, dear. How have you been getting
on together, you two? Has she been talking to you?

DR. FREEMANTLE. Oh, yes.

VERNON. Doesn’t she talk well? I say, what have you been doing to yourself?

FANNY. Jane thought this style — [with a gesture] — more appropriate to Lady Bantock.

VERNON. Um! Wonder if she’s right? [To the Doctor] What do you think?

DR. FREEMANTLE. I think it a question solely for Lady Bantock.

VERNON. Of course it is. [To Fanny] You know, you mustn’t let them dictate to you. Dear, good, faithful souls, all of them. But they must understand that you are mistress.

FANNY [she seizes eagerly at the chance]. You might mention it to them, dear. It would come so much better from you.

VERNON. No, you. They will take more notice of you.

FANNY. I’d so much rather you did it. [To Dr. Freemantle] Don’t you think it would come better from him?

DR. FREEMANTLE [laughs]. I’m afraid you’ll have to do it yourself.

VERNON. You see, dear, it might hurt them, coming from me. It would seem like ingratitude. Mrs. Bennet — Why, it wasn’t till I began to ask questions that I grasped the fact that she WASN’T my real mother. As for old Bennet, ever since my father died — well, I hardly know how I could have got on without him. It was Charles Bennet that taught me to ride; I learned my letters sitting on Jane’s lap.

FANNY. Yes. Perhaps I had better do it myself.

VERNON. I’m sure it will be more effective. Of course I shall support you.

FANNY. Thank you. Oh, by the by, dear, I shan’t be able to go with you to-day.

VERNON. Why not?

FANNY. I’ve rather a headache.

VERNON. Oh, I’m so sorry. Oh, all right, we’ll stop at home. I’m not so very keen about it.

FANNY. No, I want you to go, dear. Your aunts are looking forward to it. I shall get over it all the sooner with everybody out of the way.

VERNON. Well, if you really wish it.

The Misses Wetherell steal in. They are dressed for driving. They exchange greetings with the Doctor.

FANNY. You know you promised to obey. [Tickles his nose with a flower.]

VERNON [laughing — to the Doctor]. You see what it is to be married?

DR. FREEMANTLE [laughs]. Very trying.

VERNON [turning to his aunts]. Fanny isn’t coming with us.

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL [to Fanny]. Oh, my dear!

FANNY. It’s only a headache. [She takes her aside.] I’m rather glad of it. I want an excuse for a little time to myself.

THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. I understand, dear. It’s all been so sudden. [She kisses her — then to the room] She’ll be all the better alone. We three will go on. [She nods and signs to her sister.]

FANNY [kissing the Elder Miss Wetherell]. Don’t you get betting.

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Oh no, dear, we never do. It’s just to see the dear horses. [She joins her sister. They whisper.]

VERNON [to the Doctor to whom he has been talking]. Can we give you a lift?

DR. FREEMANTLE. Well, you might as far as the Vicarage. Good-bye,
Lady Bantock.

FANNY [shaking hands]. Good-bye, Doctor.

VERNON. Sure you won’t be lonely?

FANNY [laughs]. Think I can’t exist an hour without you? Mr.
Conceited!

VERNON [laughs and kisses her]. Come along. [He takes the Doctor and his younger Aunt towards the door.]

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL [who is following last]. I like you in that frock.

FANNY [laughs]. So glad. It’s Ernest who attends to the fires, isn’t it?

THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Yes, dear.

FANNY. I wish you’d send him up. [At door — calls after them] Hope you’ll all enjoy yourselves!

VERNON [from the distance]. I shall put you on a fiver.

FANNY. Mind it wins. [She listens a moment — closes door, comes back to desk, and takes a Bradshaw.] Five-six-three — five-six-three. [Finds page.] St. Pancras, eight o’clock. Oh, Lord! Stamford, 10.45. Leave Stamford — [Ernest has entered.] Is that you, Ernest?