Demons Don’t Dream (20 page)

"A related species, perhaps. The allegories are found in the ever glades, while the allegations are here. We don't dare relax until we are out of their range."

Kim realized that these puns might have unpleasant representations. "Okay; on we go. I hope we don't meet any." But she suspected that the game would not let her get by without tackling this next challenge.

She was right. Bubbles barked as a large aquatic reptile swam toward them, with a ribbed greenish hide, solid threshing tail, and a mouth stuffed with more gleaming teeth man she cared to try to count "Keep moving," she murmured to Cyrus and Jenny.

"You are intruding on my territory!" the allegation said, with some justice. "I shall have to chomp you,"

Cyrus was silent, and Kim knew it was because he could not refute the charge. It was up to her.

"We are traveling an established route," she said. "You don't have authority to interfere."

The allegation pondered. Evidently she had managed to refute it Meanwhile the boat was moving. Then the creature made another accusation. "You are transporting an illicit animal. I shall have to chomp it"

"Oh no you don't!" Kim cried, putting her arms around the dog. "This is my pet, and nobody chomps her without first chomping me."

The allegation paused again. It seemed she had refuted it again. The boat was still quietly moving. But the thing hadn't given up. "You are a Mundane! You have no rights in Xanth. I shall have to chomp you."

Oops! She was indeed Mundane, so she couldn't refute that. What was she to do? While she considered, the creature was nudging up closer, ready to snap at her. Even if it missed her, it would surely catch the boat, and rip out a chunk, causing the whole thing to dissolve.

But she knew there had to be a way through. So she made what she hoped was a good refutation. "I am a Mundane Player in the game. I have the right to tour Xanth as long as I play the game. You can't chomp me unless I make a mistake—and I haven't made one here."

"Curses," the allegation muttered, turning aside. She had foiled it!

The boat slid on through the bog. Soon the land on either side firmed up, and pretty plants appeared. "The With-A-Cookee!" Jenny exclaimed. "See—there're the cookees growing."

“The cookies," Kim agreed. "So now at last we can camp."

"Yes," Cyrus agreed. "You handled that allegation very well, Kim."

"Thank you," she replied, feeling more justifiably flattered. After all, there were only so many compliments a girl could take from a handsome man before they started getting to her.

"That's odd," Cyrus said. "That wasn't here the last time I passed this way."

And there ahead was what looked like an enchanted campsite. "Does the game provide safe havens for Players?" Kim asked Jenny.

"Yes. But you have to find them yourself."

"It seems I did." Kim turned to Cyrus. "This must be about the edge of your range."

"It is. I travel the Water Wing freely, but seldom venture far into the neighboring regions. Nevertheless, I'm sure this was mere jungle before."

"It surely was," Kim agreed. "But the proprietors of the game must have set up rest stops in out-of-the-way places, and this is one of them. I'm certainly glad to have it." Which was perhaps her understatement of the day. She had used her wit and gotten through just fine, but she had been lucky too. She was willing to bet that luck wouldn't hold much longer.

They tied the boat and walked into the campsite. Cookee plants grew all around, as well as fruit and nut trees, and assorted material bushes. She knew this would do just fine for the night.

Cyrus went to a private spot, changed into legs, and went to work collecting materials and pitching two tents, while Kim and Jenny picked fruits and nuts, pies and milkweed pods and piled them on the picnic table. There was even a dogwood tree bearing dogfood; Kim put some of that in a wooden dish for Bubbles, and the dog liked it "And this is living!" Kim remarked as they ate.

Both Cyrus and Jenny looked surprised. "This is routine,” he said.

“Not for me. Where I live, pies don't grow on trees, and milk doesn't come in pods. This really is the land of milk and honey." She picked up a honey-soaked comb she had found and began licking the tines clean. She would be able to use it on her hair when all the honey was gone.

"Well, they don't where I come from, either," Jenny said. "But it's the way it is in Xanth. There's nothing special about it"

Kim shook her head. "You folk don't know when you're well off. You have such wonderful lives, compared to the pollution and parsimony and poverty we have. That's why everyone who knows about Xanth wants to come here. Even if only for a few hours, in a stupid game.”

Cyrus was interested. "What are the mermaids like, in your world?"

Kim laughed. "There are no mermaids! Well, maybe some faked-up ones, in tourist shows, but those are just regular women with their legs bound into tail-costumes. Nothing you'd be interested in."

He was surprised. “There are no crossbreedings with fish?”

"None. That sort of thing just doesn't happen in Mundania. In fact, there can be trouble when different races or cultures marry. It happens, but not often. People stick mostly to their own kind."

He shook his head. "Truly has it been said: Mundania is dreary."

“Truly,” Kim agreed.

Kim and Jenny settled down for the night in one tent, and Bubbles lay down at the entrance, satisfied to be a guard dog. Cyrus, always the model of decorum, slept in his own tent

In the morning they took turns washing, then ate and disassembled their tents so as to leave the camping area pristine for the next travelers. They got in the boat and set off down the
With-A-Cookee
River
. They didn't need to paddle; the gentle current carried them slowly along toward the west and north.

"But don't we want to bear south?" Kim asked.

"We do," Jenny said. "But the river will take us to the sea, and then we can paddle on along the shore, bypassing the Gap Chasm and other menaces such as Com-Pewter. We can land south of it and find a path going inland. We can pass Castle Roogna and go on to the Good Magician's castle. It's not a straight route, but it's a fairly easy one."

"Com-Pewter!" Kim said. "The evil machine! I'd like to meet—"

"You don't want to meet Pewter!" Jenny said, alarmed.

Kim sighed. Jenny's advice had been good so far, as she had found out when she didn't follow it "No evil machine," she agreed regretfully.

The cookies growing along the banks became fancier. There were clusters of ginger, chocolate chip, banana, walnut, raisin, and molasses cookies, growing out of beds of sandies. Pinwheels spun around on their stems. Kim reached out to pick one.

"No!" Jenny cried as Kim was about to take a bite. But she was too late, as usual.  Kim's mouth was already in motion. She bit out a piece, and it tasted very good.

"Why did you try to tell me no?" she asked. "There's nothing wrong with this pinwheel cookie.”

“That's not a pinwheel, it's a punwheel," Jenny said.

"Oh? What will it do to me? Make me a pundit? It can't make me a pungent, because I'm not a man, I'm a girl. Still, I suppose I could go around telling jokes, the way a pun-gent would. I could be his pun-girl, maybe." She paused. "What's the matter?"

"You're punning in circles," Jenny said.

Kim looked at the cookie. She had taken a bite, and it had affected her speech. "I'll try to watch my punctuation, so as not to punish you any more," she said punctually.

"Maybe we'll find an antidote soon,” Cyrus muttered. Even Bubbles hid her head under the seat, as if trying to shield her ears from the sound.

Kim decided to keep her mouth shut until the effects wore off. She just kept acting impulsively, then regretting it.

They saw things swimming. They looked like more allegations. There were also small shoes in the water. Kim knew what those were: water moccasins. She was glad they were secure in their boat, because this was not the best place to wade or swim.

Later in the day the river widened, and there were marshes to the left. The marsh water bubbled effervescently.

"
Lake
Tsoda
Popka!" Jenny exclaimed. "Oh, I remember when Che and Gwenny and I had our first popka-squirting fight! Of course Gwenny won't do anything like that now; she's a chief. And Che's her Companion, so he has to behave too." She took an empty water bottle and dipped it into the lake. "But I'm not a chief, and not a Companion to a chief. I'm just an innocent elf girl who doesn't know any better. So I can do it" And she held her thumb over the top, shook the bottle violently, and squirted tsoda water all over the boat.

"I know about that game!" Kim said, managing not to pun. She grabbed another water bottle and dipped it in the lake. "I'll puncture your balloon!" Soon they had a full-scale squirt fight going, while Cyrus, too decorous to participate, retreated to the farthest part of the boat, and Bubbles hid under the seat

Then something horrendous loomed ahead. It made a bubbly roar. They paused to stare at it. The thing was like a swirling mass of gelatin, with colored bubbles throughout. "What's that pun-k in the pun-ch?" Kim asked.

"That's the Tsoda Popka monster!" Cyrus said. "It must have been attracted by the commotion."

"Well, tell it to pun-t on out of here," Kim said.

But the monster, perhaps aggravated by the puns, reached out a bubbly tentacle to strike the boat. The tentacle hissed effervescently—and where it touched the boat, the boat began to hiss and sparkle too.

"What's happening?” Kim asked, alarmed.

"I think the Popka monster turned the water boat into tsoda water," Cyrus said, alarmed. "It is dissolving away!"

The monster sank out of sight, but that did not end the problem. The boat was now bubbling at a great rate, and becoming jellylike. They had to scramble out of it before it dissolved away.

There they stood, on a somewhat spongy bank. They were all right, and they had saved their supplies, but they had lost their boat They would have to walk the rest of the way.

Unfortunately they seemed to be on a squishy island. Around it swam the allegations, moccasins, and other things with projecting fins.

Kim opened her mouth. No pun came out. She wasn't surprised. Their situation did not seem at all funny.

Dug was better in the morning, being neither consciously streaming nor humble. For sure, he was going to watch what he ate and drank, after this!

The path was just beginning to veer south when they came to a grove of very tall trees. "I am not sure about this," Nada said. "I think these are hassle trees. If so, we should avoid them."

"We don't need any tall hassle," Dug agreed.

“I have not been this far," Sherlock said. "I hope you folk know how to deal with me dangers of this region."

"The best strategy is simply to go around this grove," Nada said.

But there was only one path, and that one proceeded through into the tall hassle grove. Nada could leave the path and travel in serpent form, but the two others could not "Guess we'll just have to chance it," Dug said. "The game doesn't give us much choice."

“It may be a game to you," Sherlock said. "But it's pretty serious to me. I mean, if you lose, you're suddenly back home In Mundania, right? But if I lose, I'm food for a dragon, or worse.”

"You're right," Dug said. "I think I got the better deal, getting supplies from your village. If you want to break the deal, I'll give you back the stuff."

"But you're going on?"

"I have to. I've got a game to play."

"Then I'm going on too. Just let's be careful, okay?"

"Super careful," Dug agreed. "I don't want to wash out again."

They walked on into the tall hassle grove. Dug was afraid that the trees would sprout arms and attack, but they seemed stable. They were so tall that they shut out the direct light of the sun, putting the path into gloom. There were no animals in sight.

Then they heard something. At first it was faint, but it became louder as they moved toward it. It was a sort of thumping and swishing, as of something very large jumping around and breathing hard. The ground shuddered.

Dug exchanged a glance with Sherlock. The black man shrugged. The path led only two ways: forward and back.

By the time they reached the center of the tall hassle grove, the whole forest seemed to be shaking as if an earthquake were practicing its moves. It was hard to keep their feet on the bouncing ground. But there were no roars or other indications of a hungry monster. Maybe it was something impersonal, like a boulder bouncing up and down inside a volcano. They moved forward almost on tiptoe, though it was hard to tell how they could have made any sound loud enough to be heard over the deafening reverberations.

At last they spied a large glade. Sunlight streamed down in a region hike an amphitheater. In the center was a flock of birds.

"Birds?" Dug asked, surprised. He had to yell to make himself heard over the noise.