Demons Don’t Dream (5 page)

 Kim looked disappointed. "I guess I couldn't make any good names with your suggestion. So I'll make another for you. Riv. Can you make good names from that?"

The ogre was finally catching on. "Me Riv-Ver," he said. "She Riv-pid."

There was a stir among the other ogres. "Riv-Ver," an ogress said "River! Good name."

"Oh, my,"  Kim said, looking unhappy. "You did make a good name! It's probably a really stinky river, too."

The ogres clapped their hamhands, pleased. They were getting into it now. But Jenny wasn't; she didn't see how this was going to keep  Kim's screen out of the boiling pot She knew that if  Kim's picture got boiled, it would be just as if she got boiled: she would be out of the game.

Then  Kim frowned. "But is it a really obtuse name?” Then, seeing the ogres' confusion, she clarified her reference: "witless."

The ogres considered the matter, and slowly concluded that it was not ogrishly witless.

Now it was the ogre's turn to offer a name. "Chomp," he said.

Kim concentrated. "Now, let me see. You are Chomp-Ver. I am Chomp-Pid. Are those good names?"

It turned out that they were not. She had lost her chance, again.

But now it was her turn to supply a name. "Stu," she said. "Can you make a good name with mat?"

The ogre tried. "Me Stu-Ver," he said. "She Stu-Pid."

There was a pause. Then an exclamation. They had recognized a name! "She Stu-Pid!" an ogress exclaimed. "She Stu-pid! Stupid!"

Then they were all chorusing it "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

Jenny began to get a glimmer where this might be headed.

Kim sighed. "I guess you have done it You have found a good name for me. I'm Stupid."

The ogres were quick to agree.

"But we still haven't found a good name for him," Kim said after a moment "Do you have another one to try?"

The ogres were unable to change mental gears so swiftly, and could not come up with a name.

"Well, then, let's try Cle," Kim said. "Does mat work?"

The ogre managed to put it together. "She Cle-Pid. Me Cle-Ver."

There was another slow reaction. The ogres recognized a word! "Cle-Ver! Clever! He Clever!"

"Why, so he is," Kim agreed. "That must be his name. Clever."

“Clever! Clever! Clever!" the ogres chorused. Kim frowned. "Now we both have names. He is Clever. I am Stupid. "So which one of us is more stupid?"

"She stupid!" the ogre said, nailing it down.

“So he is Clever, and I am Stupid," Kim said. "So I am more stupid than he is."

They chorused agreement.

Suddenly Jenny saw the point. "So she wins! Because she is the most stupid!"

The ogres stared at each other. How had this happened? Kim had won the stupid contest! They had to let her go.

But when Jenny started to walk away, the ogre stopped her. "Elf no stupid," he said. "Elf go potty." He picked her up by the scruff and swung her toward the hot pot. Sammy Cat, perched on her shoulder, seemed about ready to jump off.

Oops. Kim had won her own freedom, but not Jenny's. Without Jenny as her Companion, she would not fare well in the game. She would not actually die if they dumped her in the pot; the demons would conjure her back to the character storage bunker. But she would be through for this session.

“Then we shall have to have a contest for the elf,**  Kim said. "But we'll need new names." She pondered briefly. "Let's see, you're male, so you must be called Gent She is female, so let's call her Belle. Can we find good names?”

The ogre couldn't think of one, so Kim suggested one. "
Co.**

"Me Co-Gent," the ogre said. "She Co-Belle.**

Cogent? Jenny saw that Kim had this set up for another win. But it didn't work, because the ogres didn't recognize the word.

Then the ogre suggested a name, trying to force a win for his side: "Dum."

Kim considered carefully. "Then you are Dum-Gent, and the elf is Dum-Belle."

Again the slow reaction. "Dum-Belle! Dumbbell! Dumbbell! She Dumbbell!"

 Kim's mouth opened in seeming dismay. "Oh, you have named her! She's a real dumbbell, all right!"

But Jenny remained smart enough to keep her mouth shut

The ogres agreed. But the game wasn't over, because the ogre still had to be named. Kim suggested Intelli. And to the amazement of all, they got a good name out of mat: not Intelli-Belle, but Intelli-Gent Intelligent!

After some further consideration, the ogres realized that they had been had again. They had to let Jenny Elf go, too.

The two hastened to depart Kim had evidently seen more than enough of real live ogres for the day. But Jenny had to admit that she had done a very nice job of getting them out of their picklement. She might make a good Player after all.

However, there was a lot more of the game to go, and not all the other creatures they encountered would be stupid.

Nada hoped for the best but expected to settle for less. She had indeed been chosen to be the Companion of a teenage Mundane male, which was her worst-case scenario. He had already tried to get fresh, and male freshness was really stale for her. Almost as bad, he knew nothing about Xanth, and did not believe in magic. This was bound to be a real chore.

It had seemed considerably more romantic when the Demon Professor Grossclout had first broached the notion. He had explained that Clio, the Muse of History, was getting ready to write up another volume in her ongoing History of Xanth. She had assigned the production chore to the demons. They expected it to be a good story, and there were openings for major characters therein. "Provided their heads are not full of mush," he said.

Nada wasn't interested. She had little concern for the business of the Muses, and less for demons, and none for the role of a major character. "I just barely escaped having to marry a child, last time I was a major character," she reminded him. Now she hoped to remain comfortably retired, and let others carry the burden of notoriety.

"Ah, yes," the Professor said knowledgeably. "You needed to marry a prince, and only two were convenient. One was underage, and the other was your brother Naldo Naga. Now both are securely married, and you are Xanth's most eligible princess." He gazed at her through his impressive spectacles. "Have you considered that such an episode may be excellent for introducing you to new prospects?"

Nada's sleeping interest began to stir. "Prospects?"

"If a new eligible prince of sufficient age is to show up anywhere, it will be in such a volume. I should think you would want to be on hand for the occasion,"

The demon was beginning to get to her. Nada was now in her thoroughly marriageable decade, and time was passing. It would be disheartening if a suitable prospect escaped because she wasn't keeping an eye on the scene.

"But why are the demons involved in this?" she inquired. "Demons are never major characters. They care nothing about human events, unless they wish to interfere with them."

"Will you make a princessly oath of secrecy?" the Professor asked. "The question has an answer, but it is not given for mere humans to know."

"I am only half human," Nada said. "No one ever called me mere." She inhaled. It was an action that normally had a peculiar effect on any adult human males in the vicinity, making them become more reasonable and attentive, especially if she happened to be leaning forward at the time.

"Precisely," Grossclout said, yawning. In this manner he demonstrated his immunity to this particular magic.

Now her female curiosity was stirring too. Something phenomenally significant might be in the works. "Very well. So oathed."

"It is truly demon business," Grossclout confided. 'The Demon E(A/R)th is attempting to take over Xanth. Naturally the Demon X(A/N)th objects to this. So the two are settling it in the
Demon Way
: by a contest of innocents in a dream."

"But demons don't dream," Nada protested.

"Because they don't sleep," he agreed. "Except for confused ones such as Metria. They merely go into stasis and think. However, mortals do sleep, and do dream, which is what keeps the realm of the gourd in business. Mortals also have waking dreams. Thus they will dream for the demons. The Game of the Companions of Xanth is intended to be an animation of such a dream, wherein mortals can participate as if it is reality. One of them will win the prize, and one will not. This entire volume of the Muse's history is to be devoted to this decision. Thus it falls to the lesser demons to make the arrangements, and to the mortal folk to play it out. We do not know what will constitute a win for the Demon X(A/N)th, but we are certain that this matter affects us most intimately."

Nada was horrified. "If the Demon X(A/N)th loses, magic will disappear from Xanth!"

"This, too. So it does behoove us all to cooperate, hoping that our efforts will facilitate his success."

"But suppose we unwittingly make him lose?"

The Professor grimaced. He was very good at it, having terrified generations of hapless students at the Demon University of Magic. "That would be unfortunate," he remarked, his tone making Nada feel exactly like a student.

She did not dare question the matter further. She agreed to participate in the volume. Thereafter she attended rehearsals diligently, because the Professor assured her that she would be chosen to be the Companion to a Mundane Player.

"A Mundane!" she shrieked, horrified. "I don't want to associate with any Mundane!"

The Professor could be amazingly reasonable when he had to. "Grey Murphy was a Mundane."

And Grey Murphy was Good Magician Humfrey's assistant, and a Magician in his own right. If Nada didn't marry a prince, she could marry a Magician; they were of similar status. Princess Ivy had already sewn up Grey Murphy, of course, but it did illustrate the point. It was theoretically possible for a Mundane to be worthwhile.

"Particularly if the Demon X(A/N)th should lose," Grossclout said, as if reading her thought. He had had generations of practice in that sort of thing too, reading the guilty faces of students. "Mundania would then be much more important, and you would do well to have an association with a Mundane."

So Nada acceded to the notion of being a Companion to a Mundane. "But I won't let him touch me in any Adult Conspirational way," she said firmly.

The demon glanced at her torso, which was among the firmest in Xanth. "Naturally not," he agreed. "He will probably be underage anyway."

"Underage!" she shrieked, echoing her horror of two moments before. "I have had it with underage males!"

"This is simply the nature of Mundanes who are interested in fantasy games," he explained soothingly. "They are all rebellious teenagers. It is in the Big Book of Rules."

She allowed herself to be soothed. "But how do you know that I will be selected to be a Companion? Aren't there any other prospects?"

“Certainly. There will be six or seven. But suppose one of them were your brother Naldo, and the Mundane Player were female? Whom would she choose, regardless?"

"Naldo," she said immediately. "He is Xanth's handsomest and most accomplished prince, until recently Xanth's most eligible bachelor."

"And if the Mundane is male?"

Nada opened her mouth, and closed it again. He had made his point, in his irrefutable professorish manner.

Thus the rehearsals, which included male demons playing the parts of uncouth teenage Mundane males with grabby hands. Nada had to learn how to discourage these without biting their heads off. Because in her large serpent form she could readily do that, and the Professor made clear that this was a no-no. Players were not to be harmed in any way by their Companions. In fact, it was the Companion's task to ensure that their Players were not hurt at all, and to help them proceed through the game and win the prize.

"But suppose he's really obnoxious?" Nada demanded. "Then may I chomp him?"

"No. You must find some innocuous way to avoid his unwarranted attentions."

"But Mundane males are famous for their oafish persistence in the face of polite demurrals."

"True. Consider it a challenge."

"I shall do no such thing! I resign my position in this stupid game!"

The Professor looked pained. "Please do not force me to exert disciplinary persuasion."

"Forget it! I'm not one of your demon students! I'm a princess! I am departing these premises forthwith."

“I can not allow you to do that"

"Who cares what you allow! You have no authority over me."

“Unfortunately for you, I do have authority."

“Oh? Give me one indifferent reason why I should remain here against my princessly preference."

Grossclout sighed a small cloud of smoke. "Do you remember when you and Electra toured the realm of the gourd? You tasted some red whine."

"So I tasted some red whine!" she agreed. "I wanted to identify it So what?"

“So any creature who partakes of the food of the realm of the gourd thereafter remains bound to the gourd. Had you forgotten that?"