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“He’s gone...” Justice said, knowing Declan’s emotions were still set on a year ago. He wasn’t on track with the notion that time had kept moving here. It always took him a minute to understand under the best of circumstances.

Declan shook his head and turned. He still couldn’t believe it, not after hearing it, not after driving by and seeing the taped off riverbank, not after he saw all the flowers on the side of the road. He still felt Nolan. He did. His God given Rawlings instinct
felt
him.

“You let them bury the idea of him, let me go and put another man in your bed,” Declan accused in a dark tone.

“Yeah, I did.”

Declan looked right at Justice, and she was sure then she watched his soul shatter. She was sure he did love her still, just as much if not more today then before.

“They needed to move on, Declan.”

Before he could leave she gripped his arm, and pulled him to face her. “The letters gave them hope, the letters are the reason we have closure today.”

He jerked his arm away. “No.”

“Declan.”

He shook his head. “You moved on.”

“Don’t move,” she said sternly then she ran to her porch, then inside. Both Dawson and Bell looked up, Justice shook her head. “Take him upstairs right now,” she said then she flung open the drawer in the kitchen and pulled out not only Nolan’s letters but also things she had wanted to give Declan, send to him, but was too sacred to do so.

When she came out, under a minute later, he was still there. His head was bowed. In his mind, he was sure the driver of that Silverado was going to come out and leave. When he didn’t, the finality of all this hit him in his chest.

Justice stood a few feet away and held out Nolan’s letters. “These helped your family...they’ll help you. His voice, Declan.”

Declan didn’t look at her when he took them. With his head down he shifted through the stack, seeing the dates on the bottom corner, ones that were long gone.

The first date fell when he would have still been in boot camp.

Declan didn’t want to read it in front of her, to be there a second longer, but his fingertips slid the short paper up, he recognized it. The paper came from a pad Declan had in his truck, in his glove box.

Yeah, so I just dropped your ass off and you were looking like a man with a few regrets. Let me lay it out for you, bro. This is your gig now and when it’s over you’ll figure out where the rest of it is. My money is on the great town of Bradyville. Don’t roll your eyes at me. You only got the wild idea to leave when Mom did. You wanted something to fight and saw the perfect path. That’s good. That’s right. But now your dumb ass has figured out girls do not all suck. Some stay, they stay forever because they are just as loyal as your fucking ass. I wasn’t sure about you and Justice, not right now with her dad being all crazy, you leaving, but after this morning, when I saw you with her, I was. She makes you care, that says something. I’m officially taking my take away. Go slow, take your time. Give her the space she needs when she asks for it. And don’t say stupid shit you’re going to regret.

In seven days you’re going to be home, a Marine, the family is going to think you’re the best thing since gravy and I’m going to be the crazy tree loving hippy (yeah, I sent the letters—a lot). And I’m good with that. Take her out when you get back. Tell her you’re an asshole but if she gives you half the chance you might grow on her.

Catch you in a few...

Declan almost crinkled the letter, had nearly done so before he stopped himself.

“Just let this sink in a bit, Declan. You don’t have to read them now.”

He didn’t say a word, just bowed his head again.

“Your family needs you,” Justice said quietly.

A hurt smirk emerged but he never looked at her.

“I’m serious. There is no blame there. That fight was expected, and forgotten.”

Another shake of his head.

The silence across the next few minutes was terrifying. The sickening weight of grief and regrets were heavy in the air.

“Declan, we need to talk...”

He shook his head and leaned up. “I don’t want to hear it,” he said and he meant it.

“You have no choice because you’re going to hear it from me before I let you hear it anywhere else.”

“What?”  he roared. “You want to tell me someone else is drowning in the smell of strawberries and champagne, that they’re lying across your fiery blush, making you smile, driving you crazy?”

“Yes!” she yelled back so ready to kick him, hit him, something. Every chance this boy got he accused her of sleeping with someone else, when the bare bones of it was he was the one with every opportunity to step out.

She slammed what was in her hands against his chest. “It’s all there. I didn’t fucking tell you because you didn’t call. Should I have tracked you? Maybe. But I was mad, and right now I’m not feeling much better about it.”

He looked down at the thick envelope and the iPod in his hand, lost as ever.

“The ‘man’ in my bed is Declan James Nolan.” Her eyes welled. “He is five weeks and three days old...and looks just like his
father
.”

Declan’s hands started to tremble. His heart was thundering and nothing was making sense to him. This day, this afternoon had tested him, and put him through more emotions than his entire time in the Corps.

“You—
you
kept this from me!” he roared.

Her blue gaze raced across his, anger and disbelief clashing on both sides. “I wasn’t going to trap you. I’m
not
a burden.”

He threw his hands to the side. “So denying me my
own
blood sounded like a better idea to you? That’s your truth?”

“My truth?” she huffed. “You stole my first kiss, my first touch, my
virginity
and acted like
nothing
happened the next time I saw you.” She glared. “You’re good at ignoring me. I was going to tell you when I saw you. When you got over your last bout of pretending I don’t exist.”

He charged her but stopped an inch from her, his face wincing with emotion. “Mine.
Mine
—this was
wrong
.”

She bowed her head, silent tears dripped to the ground. “I know...” she looked up at him. “I was hurt.”

“This is the wrong way to hurt me back,” he said just as sharply, but lacking the thunder in his voice. “Do you have any idea—” He stopped short only because he saw it, all of his last tour flashed before his eyes. “I could have died never knowing.”

She’d thought the same but was fast to push it away, hearing him say it, and knowing he never bothered to exaggerate what he saw, what he went through, that at best it was hard to even get him to speak about it cut right through her.

“Why didn’t you write back when I told you I had the letters, why didn’t you call?”

He gripped what was in his hand and wanted to understand what it was but afraid to at the same time. “I was only a few weeks from home...wanted to see you.”

“One letter saying as much and I would have told you everything. I was scared, Declan.”

He shook his head. “Don’t. This was
wrong
.”

“And would it have been right for you to have another worry there? For you to make whatever choices you had about your career with this as an underlining issue? For me or you to not know if we are where we want to be for the right reasons?”

“How would this not be the right reason? How would it not be something I should consider?”

She shook her head. “I’m not trapping you.”

What was in his hands, as precious as it may be, hit the ground as he gripped her shoulders and pulled her closer. “I love you!” She melted just a bit, it was hard to keep up with the sharp twist in his emotions. “You keep saying burden, trap—it’s all bullshit,” His hold was still strong but not as desperate when he figured out she wasn’t running from him. “That night of the storm...” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to leave anymore, and it wasn’t because I thought you couldn’t handle it or you were weak. It was because I wanted to be with you. You were reachable seconds before I had to leave and there was nothing I could do about it.”

One hand reached for her face as his gaze searched hers. “I’ve never trusted myself to be good enough for you.” He swallowed harshly. “I gave you space, time to figure out who you are. I didn’t want to trap
you
.”

He pressed his forehand to hers. “I didn’t re-up, no reenlistment. I’m done.”

A shuddering breath left her. She stepped back for air. “Was it so you could search for Nolan? I’m not looking for validation; I swear I’m not. I just want you to make sure where you are and what you want is right with you.”

He moved forward and took her lips, a slow and sexy kiss that underlined how starved this girl left him. “It is now.”

A relieved smile came as she kissed him back, and she moved her arms around him. He was washing away a year of doubt and all the other ugly shit emotions tilled up—then clarity came to her. A beat later, she let go and reached for the items on the ground, and then rose slowly looking up at him.

“Just so you know, if you hear something harsh, I got over it...usually within seconds.”

He lifted a brow.

She slid the first image on the iPod. It was one of all seven test she had taken, the next was a side view of her with the date.

“After every day there’s like a minute or two video diary.” A quivering breath left her. “I didn’t want you to miss it.” She looked up at him. “I was mad as hell at you but I couldn’t take it from you.”

“You still did it by yourself,” he said as disdain for himself flashed in his gray eyes.

“Only because I wanted to, because I was stubborn.” She reached her hand to his chest. “Boon stays here,” she said and smiled. “Another day you might find his reaction to the drive to the hospital a bit amusing.”

“He—he was there?” Declan was jealous as hell—but he was grateful, too.

She nodded. “I called your dad, too.”

Declan dropped his head. “I want to hold Nolan...”

Her eyes welled, not surprised he knew what she called him. She took his hand and pulled him toward the house, feeling him tremble slightly.

Dawson nodded at him when he came in, then grabbed her keys to leave. Bell was with her. She only patted Declan on the chest as she passed him. In shock, Declan watched her get in the truck he had been cursing since he got there. Then he kicked himself for ever thinking Justice would boot him, even when he deserved it.

Upstairs, nestled in his crib, little Nolan was sound asleep. At first Declan only stared, disbelief washing over him. He was still mad, still hurt, and still full of grief but all of it faded, was forgotten. Life as he knew it was never going to be the same again.

Justice carefully lifted Nolan, and when she placed him in Declan’s unsure arms, Nolan woke and looked up at him.

“A Rawlings through and through,” Declan whispered to him as he decided he felt safe enough to sway him.

H
ours later, after settling little Nolan down again and answering the slew of texts from Declan’s family, she made her way back to him.

Declan was leaned forward on his knees scrolling. From a distance she could hear her own voice. She couldn’t even remember what she had said but it must have been amusing because he smiled, a sad one, but a smile.

He looked up right as she approached, just before she reached him he went to his knees and looked up at her as his hands clutched her hips. “Let me give you forever, marry me...”

Her hands reached to cup his face. And after a breath she said, “Ask me again when you’ve had an easier day,” When she saw anger flash in his eyes, she reached to trace the base of his lip. “My answer will be yes then, too.”

Before she knew it he was standing, his lips were on hers and he was spinning her in the small space.

Carefully, he laid her down across her bed as his kiss went savage, then as his hand dipped between her legs, he suddenly stopped. “Is this okay,” he whispered, really having no idea if it was or not.

Her hand landed on his, moving it back into place. “Careful...like the storm.”

His eyes fell to hers and looking down at her he did feel like they were back in that closet feeling and hearing the world shattering all around them but not caring because in each others arms they had found a hope of tomorrow.

Each sway of his hand was just as careful then as it was years ago, and instead of his lips falling across her bruises, they fell across the barely there battle scars across her stomach.

“I love this fire,” he said as his lips slid across her chest and he felt the heat of her skin chasing him.

A breath later he was seated deep inside and only his kiss held her cry of passion at bay.

“My Justice,” he breathed, as he moved even deeper.

He was home...

***

I
f Justice had learned to do or be anything as she spent time with the Rawlings it was to become bold and brave. Which is what she embodied as all of Declan’s brothers, his grandparents, and his father each pulled up at seven the next morning.

Bell and Justice had been in the kitchen for an hour already making a breakfast feast. Declan was sound asleep upstairs, little Nolan a few feet away in his bassinette.

When they all came in they were not loud or rambunctious the way they always were. Their steps were quiet and their words were a whisper. Most of them had dealt with their grief in one way or another over the years, and the letters had walked them down the same path months before but now it was final—Nolan’s funeral had finally come.

Most everyone was settled around the table, or where they wanted to stand and pace. Justice was on her way to wake Declan when she heard him from around the corner. “Babe, you’re going to have to check this. I don’t know if I got it right.” She could hear the laugh in his voice. “Looks right to us, though, right boss. Oorah...”

A beat later Declan rounded the corner with little Nolan in his arms, his onesy unbuttoned and the fasteners to his diaper looking a little too loose as far as Justice was concerned.