Deranged Marriage (32 page)

I stopped and looked at the right-hand side of the page, then I screamed. I hadn’t noticed it before, how could I? I didn’t recognise this woman who was wearing a lacy black basque, and was spreadeagled across a bed, as me. But it was. Everyone, apart from Freddie, who had already seen it came to look.

‘I don’t fucking believe it.’ I thought it was the usual tabloid ‘model’, part of another story. But it was me! My parents would be seeing it. I couldn’t deal with this so I went back to reading what Justin said, feeling totally sick.

...
They
went
out
for
two
months
during
which
time
Justin
treated
her
like
a
princess
.
‘I
took
her
to
the
best
restaurants
,
bought
her
gifts
,
I
even
booked
a
weekend
at
a
top
hotel
in
Paris
,
travelled
first
class
all
the
way
.
It
was
on
the
way
back
that
she
dumped
me
.
’
Justin
is
obviously
not
the
first
man
to
be
treated
callously
by
her
,
as
George
can
concur
,
although
he
admits
that
they
probably
wouldn’t
have
lasted
the
distance
.
‘Holly
seemed
to
be
out
for
what
she
could
get
.
Her
selfish
nature
was
evident
from
the
beginning
.
’

George
Conway
and
Holly
Miller
were
betrothed
before
she
left
him
for
someone
else
.
George
is
still
trying
to
win
her
back
.
Our
advice
is
...
listen
to
Justin
,
she
is
not
worth
it
.

‘They’re making me out to be totally horrible, I can’t believe it.’

‘Holly, is there anything in the story that is untrue?’

‘Not exactly.’

‘Where did they get that photo from?’ Imogen looked horrified.

‘I have no idea,’ I replied.

‘Holly?’

‘OK, I let Justin take it while we were in Paris. He’d bought me all this fancy underwear, I thought the least I could do was let him take a photo.’

‘With no thought of the consequences. You do realise that our parents will see this.’

‘Well, maybe they won’t recognise her, after all she didn’t recognise herself.’

‘Freddie, that’s not helpful,’ I said, wanting to giggle. It wasn’t really funny, but Imogen looked so upset and it was my first ‘kiss and tell’, well sort of anyway.

‘It’s not the end of the world,’ Francesca said. ‘Our clients know that people exaggerate hugely, so I’m not worried on that score. Are there any more likely to come out of the woodwork?’

‘I don’t think so, well actually there could be loads. I have no idea. I never would have thought that Justin would do this.’ I felt a bit horrified at just how many people could do this to me. Not millions, but enough. Then I worried about the fact that it was true. I had used him. But I hadn’t used George. The whole thing was becoming quite surreal. But the worst thing was Joe. If he didn’t see it then one of his mates would, and just as I was trying to convince him I wasn’t a tart, Justin was doing the opposite.

‘What else?’ I asked, resigned to the fact there was bound to be something.

‘Nothing,’ Freddie said.

‘So only two newspapers?’

‘Which is good.’

‘Well there is a government scandal,’ Francesca pointed out. It did cover most of the broadsheets and tabloids.

They no longer needed to use my story to fill space. They had some real news to report. Although I wasn’t thrilled about red-headed Justin spilling the beans, that would probably finish off any hope I had of Joe feeling sorry for me. And I know I used him, but I don’t think he was in love with me, in fact I know he wasn’t. He liked to take me out with his work colleagues, I was his trophy, and so we both used each other. I liked eating out, I liked being desired and he needed to have someone on his arm, and someone to have sex with. Fair swap I’d say. I would also like to point out that at some stage everyone has used someone in a relationship. Shit, I’m not proud of everything I’ve done in my life but what thirty-year-old is? If I met them I’d look them in the eye and call them a liar.

‘Yeah, thank fuck for the fact the civil service is as leaky as Holly’s breasts are about to become.’

‘Freddie!’ Imogen was on her feet. I took a deep breath, I knew this was an Imogen tantrum stance.

‘It’s not funny. It’s not about Holly, it’s about all of us. Her baby isn’t even born yet and its mother is being portrayed as a whore. Every day Joe, who loved her, has to read about how callous she’s been. Jack has been asked to comment on it as her brother-in-law, Jack writes children’s books for God’s sake. He’s got an image to uphold and having a loose woman for a sister-in-law isn’t going to help his sales, and let’s not forget Mum and Dad. They live in a small town and they have to endure stares all the time. But they never complain because they love you, Holly. So, no, there is nothing to joke about here and two stories do not constitute good news.’ Imogen was shouting and I had to resist the urge to cover my ears with my hands as I had when she’d had tantrums as a child. It wasn’t easy.

Freddie and Francesca stared at Imogen as if they’d never met her before. Which, thinking about it, they hadn’t. I didn’t know what to do, or say. She was right, this affected many more people than just me. I was the least of my own worries. Or I should have been. The
whole
situation wasn’t my fault, but it was more my fault than it was theirs. I burst into tears.

‘I know, Immi, you’re right, but I don’t know how to stop it. I so want it to go away but I have no idea how to stop him from doing this. I don’t know if I should just fall apart or laugh. Immi don’t be mad at Freddie, it’s him who keeps my spirits up. We’ve tried to put our side of the story across to tell people I’m not the bad person that I’m being made out to be. But it’s hard because no one wants to know my side. They all like George’s version, and the television shows, well, now everyone loves George, so they need to hate me. I’m Lex bloody Luther to his Superman. And it is damn unfair because I know I’m not the only one who’s hurting. And it’s going to get worse. That’s what I can’t bear, it’s going to get worse when news of the pregnancy gets out. Joe will be dragged into it fully and I can’t bear it when I think of Mum and Dad being stared at, because they are the most loving people ever, and they don’t deserve this, nor does Joe. He doesn’t deserve it and neither do you and Jack, or Francesca or Freddie. I almost can’t bear it.’ I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks, the snot dribbling from my nose but I was unable to do anything about it.

There had been jokes, yes, but there were no more jokes to be had. This wasn’t flippant. This wasn’t funny. It was utterly desperate and that was how I felt at that moment. I felt as if I had nowhere left to turn. Nowhere to go except down. But things were going to get worse and that thought was panic-inducing; I had no idea how I would cope. I was aware of arms around me, but I don’t know who they belonged to. I was aware of tissue mopping me as if I were a helpless child. I
was
that child. Thoughts came and went with a speed I couldn’t contain. I was in a box with them flying around me, trying to grab them, but being unable to clutch a single one. Then there was blackness, but I don’t know when that came either.

I woke up and didn’t recognise my surroundings. Actually I did, I was on the set of
Casualty
. Then I shook myself as I realised I was still in a half-dream like state, or that’s how it felt. My mouth was dry and furry, but I wasn’t drunk. I panicked as it occurred to me that I was in hospital, and I looked around me for someone to tell me what had happened. As I tried to move my arm, I found a head lying on it; Freddie’s head. I jerked my arm and watched his head stir, he shook himself awake.

‘Hol, are you OK?’

‘You tell me?’ My mouth felt dry.

‘You passed out. The doctors think you just fainted, but they did some tests. We were so worried.’

‘The baby?’

‘The baby is fine, that’s the first thing they checked. I kind of lied to them and said that I was the father, so I got to see the scan, my God, Hol, it’s incredible.’ I smiled at Freddie.

‘You’re the only man I know that definitely isn’t the father,’ I joked, weakly.

‘Well, I would like to be. Actually I wouldn’t because that would mean I would have had sex with you.’

‘I could have got you so drunk that you wouldn’t remember it.’

‘I guess that would be all right. Seriously honey, I was so worried, so is Francesca, she had to go into the office, but she said to call her as soon as you woke up. Also, a very guilty Imogen is pacing the corridor outside.’

‘Why is she guilty?’

‘Because she said all that stuff to you, then you cried, I’ve never seen you cry like that, you totally lost it and then you blacked out.’

‘It’s not Immi’s fault.’

‘That’s what I told her. I told her it was probably the shock of seeing yourself in the newspaper.’

‘Actually I’m used to that by now.’

‘But not in your underwear.’

‘Freddie, can you get me some water please, and then find Immi for me and a doctor.’ I couldn’t talk about the newspaper or yesterday any more.

‘Sure.’ He passed me a glass of water, then he left.

I patted my stomach, it seemed to have grown. The door opened and Imogen appeared. I tried not to notice how awful she looked but it was hard. Her hair was greasy, and her make-up smudged. I had never seen my immaculate sister looking so ghastly in public. I felt guilty again.

‘How long have I been here?’ I asked.

‘It’s only Monday. You’ve been asleep since yesterday. I haven’t called Mum and Dad yet, I thought I’d let you decide on that.’

‘They don’t need to worry any more. Imogen, I’m sorry.’

‘No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said. This isn’t your fault.’ She sat on the side of the small bed and took my hand. ‘I was out of order, Holly. You’re the one who has to deal with this, and you’ve got a baby to think of. I shouldn’t have got angry. You know how hard I find it to be frivolous about things at the best of times.’ Imogen was right. She was too serious-minded, a bit like George actually.

‘I don’t need you to apologise. The baby is really OK?’

‘Yes, it’s fine.’

‘Then there is only one thing left to do.’

‘What?’

‘Immi, I think it’s time I told the world.’

‘You mean, announce it?’

‘Yeah, the sooner I do it, the sooner they’ll lose interest in publishing stories about me. And I don’t want the media, or George to find out by any other means. I want to tell the truth. It seems that lies are the only things that hurt anyway.’

‘Don’t decide yet, get your strength back. You need to do that.’ I nodded and closed my eyes. I was so tired.

I awoke to find Imogen, looking slightly smarter, sitting next to my bed.

‘How long was I asleep?’

‘All day, it’s eight now, and Lisa is here. She’s just gone to get some coffee, apparently the lack of nicotine is getting to her so she’s trying caffeine.’

‘Why doesn’t she go and have a cigarette?’

‘She’s given up. Just not very successfully at the moment.’

I smiled, at the familiar. ‘What about the doctor?’

‘You missed him, but you’re suffering from exhaustion, hence the need to sleep. Actually he recognised you, and said it’s not surprising that you feel the way you do. But the baby is fine although you have to try to stay healthy for it. I know that’s easier said than done.’ Just then the door opened again and Lisa breezed in. I was so pleased to see her.

‘You silly cow, what were you thinking of?’ She walked over and gave me a big hug.

‘What are you wearing?’ she was in fact, wearing a pair of high-heeled red shoes, and a polka dot dress. She looked a bit like Mini Mouse.

‘I was working on the set right, and when Freddie called me I ran out in their outfit. Hideous isn’t it?’

‘I thought you’d given up.’

‘I had, but this job was well paid and I thought why the hell not? What should I care if I look a total tit as long as I’m being paid. But it’s the last time. And I think they’re probably going to have me arrested for stealing this.’

‘You should be arrested for just wearing it.’

‘Imogen is coming to stay at mine tonight. I thought it would be better.’