Desired (21 page)

From day one, she’d been fighting getting attached to him, wanting to keep it all casual, but Kyler had simply woven a spell over her so naturally. She felt safe with him. He made waking up a little easier than it had been before. He made her forget about her loss in her life, and he also made her forget about her emotional and physical scars.

Past all of that, she cared for Kyler.

More than a friend
, if she were being honest with herself.

Most of all, today he’d given her something that she’d deeply missed.
Being around a family
. Her throat thickened as she finished with the green pepper and put it in the basket to put on the grill. Restraining the tightness in her chest, she asked Kyler’s mother, “Do you need any more help?”

“No, thank you. I’m glad we got to know each other without the boys getting in the way.” His mother smiled in that warm way that Ella had missed, a smile that belonged only to a mother. “It’s a beautiful day. Go enjoy.”

Tears threatened to rise, but Ella restrained them. Perhaps she’d forgotten what having loved ones around was like. Now she remembered the loss, the longing for her family, and the happy moments she had with them. “Can you tell me where the bathroom is?”

“Down the hall. Third door on the right.”

“Thank you.” Ella turned, her chin quivering. She hurried her steps to get into the bathroom before the tears came.

Once in the bathroom, she shut the door and locked it.

She moved to the oak vanity and stared into the mirror, tears sliding down her face. Looking into her red-rimmed eyes, she knew it wasn’t so much being around family that hurt; she had that with Rory’s family. But being with Kyler’s family reminded her of the time before Rory’s father died, when life was uncomplicated.

Before everything had changed.

A sudden knock on the door startled her.

“Ella?” Kyler’s voice sounded muffled from the other side.

She quickly wiped her tears, then the knock came again. “Please let me in.”

Another few seconds passed and she pulled herself together before she moved to the door. She unlocked it and forced a smile. “Yes?”

Kyler’s eyes widened, alarmed. “Why are you crying?” He pushed inside the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Then he gathered her in his arms, holding her tight against his chest. “Christ, you’re shaking. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She hated her tears and cursed the tremor inside. “I’m sorry.”

Embracing her tight, he pressed his chin against her head. “Don’t be.” He hesitated, and
then his voice softened. “I didn’t realize bringing you here would upset you.”

“No, it’s not that. I’m just emotional.” Still reeling in guilt over how much he shared with her, she added, “Sometimes I forget what it’s like to be around family. Today I remembered, and it’s brings annoying tears.”

“It’s okay to be emotional.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I should have known this would be hard for you. That’s my fault.”

“No. No. It’s fine. Really.” Her voice hitched as she gripped the back of his T-shirt, holding him close. “It’s just me. I haven’t been around people like this in a while. I’m a basket case.”

Leaning away, he gave her a firm look. “You’re not a basket case.” His penetrating gaze reached into the depths of her soul, touching places that no one had touched before him. Offering a strength she wanted to drown in. “You’re not alone anymore, Ella.”

Sobbing tears rushed along her face, tears she didn’t try to control. So long she had felt alone. So long she had fought against the world that seemed to be fighting against her. Now it seemed like life had finally given her a second chance. And this man was the reason behind it. A man who gave her everything without ever asking for something in return. A man who had simply been there for her, every step of the way. “I’m no longer alone?”

Warmness softened his eyes, making her glow from the inside out, as he slowly shook his head. “This life. This family. Club Sin. It’s all yours.” Brushing the tears off her cheeks, he added with a tender voice, “Do you understand that, Ella? My life, it belongs to you now.”

She looked up into his potent expression offering protection, and she couldn’t run anymore. Not from the truth. Not from her feelings. Not from how special this was between them. No walls could possibly stand in comparison to the care that Kyler offered. To the love she felt around him. To the safe feeling she experienced in his hold. Right down to it, she believed everything Kyler told her, and she trusted him. She couldn’t fight against where fate had led her anymore … into the arms of
this
man. “Promise?”

He cupped her face, bringing his gaze in direct line with hers. “Promise.”

“Nervous?”

Ella spun around to Presley standing at the doorway of the bathroom. Looking pretty dressed in a pink corset and panties, Presley smiled, her long hair trailing over her folded arms.

“A bit,” Ella admitted.

Knowing what would happen tonight made today at work
long
and near excruciating. Perhaps she was still emotional from dinner at Kyler’s parents’ house, because today, the world seemed brand-new to her. Everything looked a little different, and she was more optimistic about things in general.

“Well, you’re doing better than me.” Presley laughed, leaning against the door frame. “I almost barfed on the floor just meeting Dmitri. No joke.”

Ella chuckled, and then she turned to the mirror. She gazed over herself in the black-lace balconette bra and matching panties, which hardly covered her bottom. In normal life she might be extra-nervous about being half naked around others, but some of the other women in Club Sin wore a lot less.

“Why don’t I walk you down,” Presley said.

Ella smiled. “Thank you, I’d appreciate that.”

As she stepped into stride with Presley, exiting the bathroom in Presley and Dmitri’s house, her mind swirled back to earlier tonight. When she and Kyler had arrived at Club Sin, he’d gone over the limits section of her agreement—the part she hadn’t filled in yet—and he also handed all her documentation to Dmitri.

She learned that Club Sin had firm rules that were nonnegotiable:
No fire play. No catheters or enemas. No breath play. No urination or defecation. No knives, needles, piercing, cutting, or blood
.

Kyler’s assistance helped her fill out the soft-limits section first, which were things that made her nervous but that she was open to try. Basically, he said, it told a Dom to proceed with caution. That the submissive was curious, but also hesitant. After some thought, she added:
erotic electrostimulation and caning
. Then she had to check off which toys she agreed to; from
bondage to dildos to paddles to floggers, nothing was left off the list. All of which she happily agreed to.

Last, she finished with hard limits. Those were things she would never do under any circumstances. She added:
No play with other Doms, except Master Kyler. No humiliation punishments
. Kyler had suggested she also add:
Sensual pain only. No force past a hard thud. No punishment through spanking. No interrogation. No role playing that would involve harsh force. No yelling. And no name calling
.

Journeying down the hallway, it still surprised her that he had suggested so much, but she also appreciated it. All of it sounded definitely not for her. Feeling good about her limits, she followed Presley down the basement steps and into the dungeon’s long stone hallway.

“Got any tips to keep me out of trouble tonight?” she asked.

Presley smiled softly. “Oh, I’ve got lots, but the important ones are: say
sir
when you answer Kyler. They get growly if you leave that off. And if you say his name, say
Master Kyler
. Other than that, just listen to him. He’ll let you know what the plan is and what you should do first. You’ll be surprised by how comfortable he’ll make you.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me at all.” Ella’s pulse matched each step she took, thumping in her ears. “He seems pretty sweet that way.”

Presley nodded with a sweet smile. “He is.”

When Presley opened the dungeon’s door, a wave of heat washed over Ella, as the erotic sounds all but tingled across her skin. The heavy rock song beat her heart faster, and she swallowed, scanning over the active dungeon.

Maybe a little more than a bit nervous, Ella
.

Though, as she matched Presley’s stride through the dimly lit sexually charged room, her gaze landed on Kyler. He leaned against a post and watched her every move. In the strength of his stare, a peace carried through her.

You’re not alone
.

Presley placed a hand on Ella’s shoulder, drawing her gaze. “Enjoy tonight. You’ll be fine with Master Kyler.”

“Thanks,” Ella replied.

She turned to Kyler again, slowly closing on him. His gaze roamed over her from head to toe, and he licked his lips, stirring tingles low in her body. Her sex became damp and her body
warmed. Dressed in blue jeans and a black T-shirt, he met her halfway and the side of his mouth arched. Then he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. “You look sexy as hell, Ella.”

“Thank you, sir.”

His brows rose in obvious surprise. “Did your book tell you to say that?”

“No, Presley did.”

“I’m glad she gave you some advice. She’s a good friend for you to rely on.” Erasing the distance between them, he pressed his hard body against hers and tangled his fingers into her hair. “For now, leave it off. I only expect a
sir
if we’re in a scene. Right now we’re not.”

She cleared her throat, as his low voice made her insides gooey. “Okay, so now what?”

“We talk.” He ushered her over to the couch in the center of the dungeon, where he sat down and motioned for her to sit on the coffee table.

She lowered down to the cool glass beneath her bottom, and he closed his legs around hers, staring at her for a long minute. Then he leaned in, running his hands up her thighs. “Before I take you into a scene tonight, we have some things to get sorted out. Last night at my parents’ house, I realized that I cannot have only a D/s relationship with you. It can’t be so casual.” He dragged his fingers over her thighs, bringing all types of heat with it. “I can’t play with you like I have others here in Club Sin.”

She sighed, not surprised he wanted to be all vocal now. That was kind of his thing. “I know things changed last night. I’m well aware what you want and what I want. And I know I’ve been keeping you at a distance, but I’m trying to stop that.”

“Good.” He inclined his head with a stony gaze. “Since the dynamics have changed some and we both know that this is not simply a D/s relationship, but that we want more, we need to talk.” He hesitated, as if choosing his words carefully.

She didn’t like the tightness in the corners of his eyes.

He finally said, “I’m afraid a certain situation has developed. One I wasn’t sure how to deal with, but to let this relationship grow, we need to be open with each other. Trust. Communication. It’s all important, Ella.” He twined his fingers with hers, and his eyes searched hers. “Having said all that, is there anything you want to tell me?”

She regarded his focused gaze, her pulse speeding up. “No.”

His brows pulled together. “You need to know that it’s not my way to avoid matters. You need to trust me. We have to have open communication. And I mean you need to be entirely
honest with me when I ask you direct questions.”

“I do trust you,” she replied without hesitation.

One sleek eyebrow arched. “Do you?”

“Yes, of course.”

He stared at her for many moments before his eyes narrowed. “Then I will ask again, do you want to tell me anything about what’s been troubling you the past couple days?”

Coldness swept across her under his knowing stare.

He knows about Rory
.

But how can he?

Now his insistence on adding certain things to her hard limits made sense, and her stomach roiled. Hoping—praying—she’d read him wrong, she tried another route to maintain avoidance. “It’s not important enough to talk about.” She didn’t want to withhold the truth from Kyler, but she also didn’t want to talk about her past. Why go there? It would lead nowhere good. “Or, I should say, there’s nothing going on that I can’t handle on my own. Okay?”

“That’s a better answer. It’s closer to the truth.” He paused again, watching her intently, and finally shook his head. “I didn’t want to do this, but I fear it can’t be avoided any longer. For us to be together, I need to know you, Ella. All of you.”

Unable to look away from him, her mouth dropped open.
Oh, fuck, he knows about it all
. The knowledge shone in the way he regarded her and in the sympathy crossing his face. She scooted back against the table, attempting to put distance between them.

He
tsk
ed and tugged her onto his lap. “When we talk, it’s always like this, face-to-face, and preferably with you in my arms.”

Then he waited.

She hung her head. “How did you find out about Rory?”

He tucked his finger under her chin, commanding her gaze. His heart lay bare in the depths of his eyes. “I found out yesterday before we went to my parents’ house. When you placed the call to Savannah, the police sent the information our way to keep an eye out for him.”

Her strength evaporated and her body slummed forward. “You know about the restraining order and that I’m married?”

“Yes, I know.”

Tears welled in her eyes and she couldn’t even look at him. “What do you think of that?”

He garnered her gaze again with his firm finger under her chin. His eyes were gentle—sweet, in fact. “I’m bothered that you never felt safe enough to tell me. But I’m only thinking of you and your safety.”

A tear slid down her cheek, and she hurried to wipe it away. “You don’t care that I never told you that I was
married
?”

“Of course, I’m not thrilled you kept it from me. But I simply want to understand you—not get angry for the choices you make.” His hands moved over her back in a comforting rub. “You told me you were coming out of a long relationship when we met, so I heard part of the truth.”