Desolate (Riverband #2) (14 page)

He set a small box that was wrapped in a pink bow on my dresser. He kept a distance from me.

I looked up at him then the box then him again. "Havock, I love you."

He nodded and stared at his feet. "How is this gonna work? I was thinking and-"

I looked back at my hands. "I'm going to talk to dad. He’s going to have to give because I'm not. Not on this. Not on you." I looked at him. "And if he doesn't in one month, I'm moving out. Janet said shed give me a job."

His eyes met mine. He laughed coldly. "You just got your dad back. You'd ruin your relationship with him over me?" He shook his head and scoffed. "I won't let you do that."

A tear slid down my cheek.  "And when did I start letting you tell me what to do?" I asked repeating what he said to me once.

"You can do whatever you want. But I'm choosing to back off until he changes his mind about me. Do you know what I’d give for my dad to give even a little bit of a shit about me?!"  I could tell by the expression he held it took great difficulty for him to admit that he craved his dad’s approval out loud.

Another tear fell. I nodded. I stood up and picked up the box. I played with the bow. "What if you don't want me by the time he comes around?" I asked quietly.  I didn’t recognize Havock.  Who was he to care what my dad thought?  He always did whatever he wanted.  Why was he stopping now?

"Would you just open the damn box?"

I opened it and gasped. It was a beautiful infinity necklace. "I love it!" I said as I gently got it out of the box. "Thank you, Havock." I put it on then kissed him. "I love you. Always," I whispered against his lips.

“I hate being the good guy,” he said before kissing me.

“Then don’t.  I don’t care what my dad thinks.”

He moved away from me.  “Yes you do.”

I stepped forward, trying to get back into his arms but he moved again, putting his hands in his pockets.

“You’re dad went through hell and he finally has you back.  I’m sure it’s a lot for him to take in finding out you’ve been spending your time with the biggest outlaw in Riverbend.” 

“I don’t care what he thinks, Havock!”

He laughed coldly.  “Spend time with him.  Do your father-daughter bonding shit. I’m respectfully bowing out of your life right now.  It kills me but I won’t jeopardize your relationship with him.”

I wanted to scream at him.  He was being ridiculous.  I started to say something, but he cut me off.

“Tell him about the suicide attempt.  You need help. Promise me you’ll get help.” He nodded before I could answer then walked out of the room.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces. I hurried down the stairs to try to stop him, but he was already gone. Janet who seemed to be doing much better, looked at me then came over, giving me a small hug.

I shrugged her off.  “Let’s just go get my dad.”

~~~

When I got there, I walked into the hospital then the room. "You ready?" I asked as I put my hands in my pockets.

"Yup. Want to order pizza tonight?" He followed me out.

"That's fine," I said as we walked out to Janet's car. I put his bag in the trunk then helped him to the front. I got in the back behind him. I sighed. "Umm...Janet can you drop me off at the store. I forgot sheets and things for the beds."

"Sure, Darlin’." She smiled at me through the rearview mirror. I nodded then looked out the window.

~~~

I woke up with sweat pouring off me and screaming. I ran unsteady hands through my hair and left my room. I walked downstairs and sat on the couch. I stared off into space. I heard a noise and looked behind me. Dad was coming out of his room.

"You should be sleeping," I said to him. I looked at him as he came over and sat down by me.

"You should be as well."

"I don't sleep very well most of the time," I said as I looked back off into the un-decorated house.

"Do you still see the shadows?"

I nodded. "Yes. They follow me…speak to me… but they're worse at night." I rubbed my hand down my face. "I can understand why mom did what she did but I also wonder if she even realized what she did," I whispered.

I didn’t want to talk about it.  I didn’t like the shadows ruling my life and I damn sure didn’t give them the attention they wanted.  They enjoyed driving me mad.

"I guess I should go back to bed. I have school tomorrow." It had been a week since we'd moved into this house. I saw Havock at school, but since my schedule was changed I barely saw him. The longer I went without him the more intense my nightmares became and the louder the shadows were. I was drowning.

"Saturday I have training with Janet then I'll go shopping for more stuff for the house." My voice was melancholy and had been for days. I'd tried to put on a good front, but it was hard when I was missing Havock and going on only around two hours of sleep a night. I stood up and kissed dad's head.

"I know you're mad at me." He looked at me. "But I promise you I'm right about Havock.  He's not a good guy. And before you start arguing with me, because I know you're about to by the way you're scrunching your nose, listen to me, alright?"

I looked at him. Waiting. I know he said I was about to argue, but honestly I was too tired to argue. "I'm listening."

"He stayed in trouble with drugs. Not just doing them but selling them at school. He started drinking alcohol to the point of it being scary. His mother and father tried everything. Finally, they sent him to rehab. He started doing better when he came back to Riverbend. Then he started back with drugs again. He was luring girls with pills and having sex with them. He doesn't know this next part and he doesn't need to know. He got a girl pregnant in the tenth grade. She got an abortion because she was scared. I also have plenty of surveillance tapes where he, that Jude kid, and Selena Nixon broke in places around town. He's a dead end, Reese. He may love you now, but who knows what his next phase will be.  I don’t want you going down with him.  You’re in a tough place right now.  You need stability and help."

"He's not a dead end, dad. I can see something in him. He's different with me." I didn't yell. I stayed calm.

"I will never approve of him, Reese. To date him will be going against me and as long as you are in school and living under my roof, you are my responsibility, eighteen or not. It's your choice. You can date him but the only time you will be seeing him is in jail. Am I clear?"

I nodded. I started to walk out of the room but I stopped. I looked at him. "Dad, I love you. You have always tried to protect me so much that you hid me away. But eventually you're going to have to let me go. Let me make my own decisions. My own mistakes."

HAVOCK

I threw my backpack down and plopped down on the couch.  This whole life thing sucked without Reese.  I craved her more than I ever craved any drug.  Why I was being the good guy and respecting her dad, was beyond me.  I was caving, though.  Not being with her was like being in someone else’s skin.  I didn’t even know who I was without her.

I pulled a joint from my pocket and lit it.  It’d be a few hours before anyone got home.  Garrett had volunteered to help practice with the upcoming football team, dad was working late, and mom texted me telling me she had a few cases to see and to order out tonight.

I blew smoke rings to entertain myself as thought about how much longer I’d be this good guy I didn’t like.  A noise from upstairs startled me.  I heard moaning and a lot of banging.  My eyebrows shot up when I heard mom scream with pleasure.  No fucking way this was happening.  Her and dad’s car wasn’t out front so how was it that they were here, upstairs, having sex? 

I looked at my joint and cursed.  I hurried to the kitchen and put it down the sink.  I turned the water on, trying to be as quiet as I could.  I didn’t want to face mom and dad after hearing them upstairs. 

The noise from upstairs stopped when I accidentally flipped on the garbage disposal instead of turning off the light.
Shit.

I was about to make a run for it when two sets of footsteps came running down the stairs.  My mouth dropped open when I saw a man throwing a shirt over his head that wasn’t my dad. Mom froze.

I don’t know what was more disturbing that moment.  The fact that mom was in just bra and panties or that she was with another man.  I turned my head.

“Havock,” she said in a calm, apologetic tone.

I walked past them and grabbed my keys off the floor in the living room.  I went out to my truck and sat there in shock. What the hell just happened?!

~~~

I spent several long hours at the River alone.  Thinking.  I didn’t want to go home.  I didn’t know what it would be like there.  Would mom pretend like nothing happened?  Had she admitted to dad she had an affair and they were fighting?  Did dad leave?  Was he in jail?  Because I’d be in jail for the death of that man if I caught Reese sleeping with someone else. 

I dreaded looking at mom in the eyes and hearing her reasoning for doing that.  But I had to go home at some point.  I wanted to call Reese and tell her about this, but she didn’t need the stress of it.  I would’ve called Garrett, but I didn’t know how to tell him about it.   

I pulled onto the curb near the house and saw everyone’s vehicles parked.  I saw mom peek out the window and when she saw me, she came out onto the porch and sat on the swing.  My hands shook.  I was angry at her.

I got out and lit a cigarette.  She stood and walked towards me.  Tears fell down her face.

“Havock, let me explain.”

I laughed coldly.  “I shouldn’t be the one you’re doing the explaining to.”

“I can’t tell him.  I can’t ruin our marriage.  It was an accident.”

“An accident?  Are you really using that excuse?!”

She hugged herself and shrugged.  “I love your father just like you loved Reese but you still messed around on her!”

She had me there except for the fact that Reese was gone and I thought she was never coming back. Not that it made what I did okay, but dad is here with her.  I exhaled smoke and looked at her.

“You’re like me in so many ways,” she said with a heavy sigh and she grabbed my cigarette from my fingers.  She took a long hit then handed it back to me.

I stared at my mother I all of a sudden didn’t know.  “You bitch at me for smoking,” I said in shock.

She laughed.  “Yeah because every time I smell it on you or see you with one I crave one myself.”  She shook her head and laughed.  “I had a moment of weakness today.  I got bored with your father.  I’m okay.  Your father and I are okay.  But I needed something for me.”

“Who are you?”  I scoffed. 

She laughed coldly.  “I’m horrible.”