Destined Mate (Catamount Lion Shifters #4) (12 page)

Dane was quiet for a moment, his eyes considering. “Shana doesn’t do pressure well.”

Hayden nodded, his chest and throat still tight with emotion. “I gathered. I’ll wait. I haven’t told her exactly how I feel yet.”

Dane leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. “Might help if she knew.”

“You don’t think she might feel pressured?”

Dane shrugged. “I think she pressures herself more than anyone else can. I figure it’s best if she knows where you stand.”

Hayden considered Dane’s words. “Maybe.” He took a breath, trying to ease the emotion clogging his throat. “Look, I respect you. I don’t want you to think…”

Dane leaned back and waved a hand dismissively. “I was pissed, but I got it out of my system.” He paused and chuckled. “Shana pretty much jumped down my throat about it and made it clear she’s the one that started it. I’d still be pissed if I thought you might hurt her, but I’m not getting the sense I need to worry about that now. I reserve the right to get pissed in the future if anything changes though, so you’d better be good to her.”

Hayden chuckled. “Right. You have my word.”

Conversation moved on somehow. A while later after Dane left, Hayden sat upstairs in the small sitting area, staring out into the woods behind with the mountains rising beyond. The wheels in his mind turned as he considered when and how to tell Shana how much she meant to him.

Chapter 12

Shana returned home late after another double shift, her body tired and weary. When she went inside, she found Hayden had made dinner. She’d discovered he was a remarkably good cook. Tonight, he’d made a simple stew in the slow cooker, explaining he hadn’t been sure what time she’d be home. After eating a quiet dinner and mellowed with wine, Shana had tumbled into sleep, his strong arms around her.

The next morning she woke to the sound of low male voices. She lay in bed, contemplating a brief conversation from last night when Hayden told her Dane had confronted him about her. She’d fessed up that Dane had confronted her about it the day before, but she hadn’t had the energy to talk about it yet. Hayden had been gracious enough to say he understood, but he didn’t offer anything else. She couldn’t help but wonder. She didn’t have to be in for work until this afternoon, so she tugged a robe on and headed for the door. She paused when she realized the other voice was Dane’s.

“So, did you get up the nerve to tell Shana how you feel?” Dane’s question was soft with a hint of teasing.

Her spine stiffened, annoyance flashing through her. She had to quell the urge to shove through the door and give them both a piece of her mind. She waited to hear Hayden’s response.

“Not yet. Trying to find the right time.” His noncommittal reply only inflamed her irritation.

“Well, don’t waste too much time.”

Shana shoved through the door, tightening the belt on her robe as she strode into the kitchen. They were seated together at the table. Hayden pushed his chair back and stood. “Hey there, we just finished some omelets, but I’ve been waiting for you to get up before I made yours.”

She fought against the pull to him. She wanted to go to him, tug him close for a kiss and bury her head in his strong chest. He was like her personal tuning fork, her body flexing toward him whenever he was near. Her emotions ran deep and she didn’t know how to manage them. Hearing that her own brother (who had no right to be interfering in her personal life!) apparently knew more about how Hayden felt about her infuriated and embarrassed her at once.

When her eyes met Hayden’s, a flush raced through her, her face and body instantly hot. Her eyes bounced away from his to Dane’s. “Maybe you two could update me on whatever it is you’re talking about.” Her voice sounded high and shrill to her own ears, but she didn’t care. Anger pulsed through her in waves.

***

Hayden stopped mid-stride and turned to Shana. Her face was flushed, her eyes snapping.
Fuck. Talking to Dane before you talked to Shana…really bad plan.
Hayden tried to gather his thoughts and think of what to say. He wished like hell Dane wasn’t here at the moment because he knew Dane’s presence likely amplified Shana’s anger. She was angry with him for not talking to her first and angry with Dane for butting into her life. Dane pushed his chair back from the table and stood.

“Don’t get pissed at Hayden about this. I talked to him yesterday. Far as I’m concerned, he’s…” Dane started to say.

“Since when is it up to you to screen anyone I’m involved with?” Shana didn’t bother to give Dane a chance to reply, swinging to Hayden. “So you have enough decency to mention my brother confronted you about us, but you don’t bother to tell me whatever the hell your feelings are?” Hayden opened his mouth to reply, but she waved him away. “You know what? If you think my fucking brother has more right to hear how you feel than I do, than I don’t care to hear it.”

Hayden took a step toward her, curling his hand around her arm. She flung his touch away. “Shana, please…”

“No!”
 

His heart thumped, dread coiled in his stomach. He wanted to grab her and yank her to him, but he knew he couldn’t. Not now. Forcing this would only lead her to push him away. He let his hand fall, clenching and unclenching his fist to keep from grabbing her again. She whirled away, turning back before she pushed through the bedroom door. “When I come back out, I think it’s best if you stay in the other apartment here. Dane can help make sure the heater’s running.”

The door to her bedroom slammed shut. He stood there, the silence reverberating in the room. He turned and caught Dane’s eyes. Dane hitched his brows up and shrugged.

“Sorry, man. I shouldn’t have said anything. Give her some time. I know you mean a lot to her.”

Hayden tried to quell the pain tightening inside, but he couldn’t. He feared he’d lost Shana over the stupidest thing—not having the nerve to just tell her how he felt. He didn’t have it in him to talk anymore. He nodded sharply at Dane. “Mind giving us some privacy?”

Dane stood up so quickly, he almost knocked his chair over. “Catch you later,” he said over his shoulder on the way out the door.

Hayden took a breath and walked to Shana’s bedroom door.

“Shana? Please let me explain,” he called through the door.

There was a long silence before he heard footsteps pounding across the floor and the door flew open. Shana’s silver eyes were dark with anger and laced with pain. “I don’t want you to explain. I am so tired of everyone thinking I’m too fragile to tell me what’s going on. I need some space. Just leave me alone.” She turned away and closed the door quietly. The sound of the lock echoed through the hallway.

Hayden wanted to stay and wait for her to come out, but he knew he needed to give her the space she asked for, so he quietly gathered his things out of the spare bedroom and moved them into the other apartment. He stood by the windows and stared into the backyard. He knew he had only himself to blame. Shana’s life had been tossed asunder over the past year with little she could do to control it. The last thing he should have done was anything to add to the idea that others had a say in her life. Dane, well-meaning and overprotective brother that he was, shouldn’t have been the first to know how much Shana meant to Hayden.

***

A few days later, Shana pushed through the door of Roxanne’s Country Store and stepped outside. It was a bright, spring day. She took a deep breath, gulping in the earthy scents of new growth. Her heart was heavy as she tried to come to terms with the fact Hayden was likely leaving Catamount without talking to her again. She hadn’t been able to bear staying near him, so she’d begged Phoebe to let her crash there the last few nights. Phoebe had grudgingly agreed, but Shana knew Phoebe was holding back from pushing her too hard on what she thought. Until this morning when Phoebe asked how long she was going to be stubborn. Phoebe’s question had helped her dredge up the nerve to try to talk to him this morning, only to find him gone from the guesthouse when she stopped by.

Desperate, she called Dane this morning who told her Hayden was flying out of Portland in a few hours. As she approached her car, wondering where he was, she heard footsteps behind her. Shana whirled around. Hayden took two more steps, coming to a stop just in front of her. His caramel eyes locked with hers, and he didn’t look away. His hair was messy, as if he’d run a hand through it a few too many times. He wore faded jeans and a navy t-shirt, his muscled arms and chest stretching the fabric. Longing and lust struck deep inside. Her body hummed with want, the way it always did anytime he was near her.

He reached for her hands, his warm strong grip closing around hers. Her heart pounded and her throat tightened. She’d missed him so much the last few days. She had thought she needed space. Perhaps she still did, but all she knew was she couldn’t think clearly.

“I screwed up, Shana. This whole thing with you hit me sideways and I wasn’t prepared. I shouldn’t have talked to Dane about how I felt before talking to you. I can’t change it, but I’m more sorry than you know.”

He searched her eyes and took a breath. “Look, you said we’d figure it out if there was more to this. I don’t know about you, but there is for me. It’s tearing me up to leave with things like this, so you have to know how I feel. I love you.”

His words pierced through her. Hope twirled madly in her heart. He squeezed her hands, freeing one of his and sliding it up into her hair. The feel of his touch almost hurt—it was so good and she’d missed him so. He closed his eyes. His shoulders rose and fell on a deep breath. Feelings crashed through her, and she tried to gather herself. When he opened his eyes again, they held hers steadily.

His voice rasped when he spoke again. “I didn’t want to pressure you, but I can’t leave without you knowing exactly where I stand. Every part of me wants you like I’ve never wanted anyone before. I meant to tell you I already planned to move here once you were ready. The only thing holding me in Montana is finishing up this damn investigation. After that…”

His words trailed off. Emotion rose inside of her. Tears clogged her throat and stung her eyes. He lifted a hand and traced her lips. The air shimmered around them. She could hardly breathe. Hayden’s caramel gaze seared into her. Her heart battered against her ribs. His words scored her heart. He said everything she wanted to hear, and it terrified her. His thumb traced her lips, heat curling through her. When he fit his mouth over hers, sensation rushed through her. His hand cupped the back of her head, his thumb stroking the soft skin under her ear. She strained to get closer, desperate to feel him. Only a few days away from him, and it was as if she was starved. His tongue traced her lips, sweeping inside when she gasped. Her car was behind her. He came flush against her body and took a step. She felt the cool metal of her car against her back.

Hayden’s kisses had the ability to drive her wild, make her forget everything but the feel of his lips on hers. This one was no exception and was layered with the unfulfilled feelings she’d been trying to tamp down. She wanted to lose herself in him, yet he gentled his kiss and pulled back. She opened her eyes, emotion welling inside.

Hayden stood there with her, their breath rising and falling in unison. Distant sounds filtered into her awareness—voices from the far side of the town green, a crow squawking and sparrows chattering. Hayden’s eyes met hers, his gaze a mix of longing and sadness.

He cleared his throat, his words coming out gruff when he spoke. “Don’t forget this. I love you, but I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

He stepped away, his hands sliding from her body. She felt bereft, missing his touch immediately. She forced herself to speak. “I, uh…” The words wouldn’t come. She was too muddled, too overwhelmed.

“It’s okay. All you have to do is call me. I’ll be there.”

She watched him walk away. The tears burning her eyes finally rolled down her cheeks.

Chapter 13

A few days later, Shana pushed through the door at Roxanne’s Country Store. It was a rainy, cool spring morning. The rain was melting the lingering patches of snow, but the chill seeped through her. She made a beeline for the deli. It was mid-morning, so the place wasn’t at its busiest. She waited by the counter, perusing the specials listed on the chalkboard. Roxanne came through the swinging door that led to the back. She grinned as soon as she saw Shana.

“Hey there! How’s it going?”

Shana tried to smile, but it wobbled and wouldn’t hold. She thought she had her feelings under wraps, but it seemed she could only keep it together when she was at work. There, she was so busy she barely had time to breathe, much less think about how much she missed Hayden.

Roxanne’s smile dissolved into a look of concern. She glanced around the deli before turning to the young woman who was busy assembling sandwiches on the far side of the prep area behind the counter. “Keep an eye on the counter, Becky. Okay?”

Becky glanced up and nodded. Roxanne waved for Shana to follow her, hooking her hand through Shana’s elbow once she came around to the back of the counter. Roxanne led her into the back, past the office and into the small sitting room in the private quarters of the old home. Roxanne all but ordered her to sit in one of the comfy chairs and raced back out front. She returned moments later with two cups of coffee and handed one to Shana.

With a flourish, she sat down in the chair angled toward Shana. “Okay, what the hell is going on with you? Phoebe said you’ve been working yourself to death the last few days. She didn’t say much about you and Hayden, but I happened to see you crying when he walked away the other day. Spit it out.”

Shana’s throat was tight and her heart hurt. She took a gulp of coffee and stared at the swirl of rich, dark liquid in the mug. “I screwed up,” she said softly.

After a long silence, Roxanne cleared her throat. Shana looked up to find Roxanne’s warm blue eyes on hers. Roxanne circled her hand for Shana to continue.

Shana took another gulp of coffee. “So, Hayden and I kind of had a thing.”

“Had? Or have?”

Shana flushed. “I guess we have a thing. You know how things were with Callen and me. I just wanted to feel something, anything. And Hayden, well…”