Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy (2 page)

BOOK: Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy
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I find myself reflecting just how much of an impact Samuel has had on my career. The support and the sage advice when it all became too hard, made me feel obliged to hang in there for both him and the future rewards. He drives his PhD students hard and wants no stone left unturned. I smile internally at those years of insanity and frustration, pleased I completed them and relieved they are behind me.

Samuel had offered me a senior lecturing position at Sydney University and was not happy when I turned it down for a similar role at the University of Tasmania. He taught me so much, I felt indebted to him, but he understood my reasons, that it was a lifestyle choice, particularly with a young family in tow. He promised he would stay in touch and support me both professionally and personally, and he has definitely been a man of his word. Samuel was instrumental in getting my research on visual perception off the ground and more recently became my chief academic sponsor, which is how I come to be presenting this lecture series today.

I’m touched that he has taken the time to introduce me to his team of, in his words, ‘elite researchers’, who appear to be hanging on his every word. I suppose I looked the same way when I was a new postgrad. Brad, Max, Denise and Elijah, all of whom are doing fascinating work within the world of psychology and neuroscience. It makes me feel alive, interacting
with kindred folk again. It certainly isn’t the type of discussion for the average dinner party. Very quickly the specifics of their research unfold and it would be remiss of me not to say I’m more than a little astounded by the path that follows. Given the calibre of people engaging in the impassioned discussion, the comments fly around the table almost too fast for me to assimilate.

‘Even the source of the female orgasm is still to be scientifically determined, unlike the male orgasm which has been extensively funded, researched scientifically and agreed medically.’

‘Basically, medical science continually refuses to acknowledge the physical reality of the female ejaculation and unfortunately it is not a priority. Lack of funding has impacted the ability to provide coherent education on the study of women’s sexual behaviours. We are hoping to change that.’

‘Even today, there is a notable disconnect between medicine and science in relation to the female orgasm, to the extent that the primary understanding of female ejaculation is still urinary stress incontinence.’

‘Did you realise that no one has been able to medically agree on the source of the orgasm, whether it be uterine, clitoral, vaginal, vulval or a blend of any of these combinations? Even though this concept of the female orgasm has been recorded in literature throughout history?’

‘The main problem being a distinct lack of participants able to generate orgasmic fluid in a clinical environment.’

‘Nobody can agree on the most effective way to generate the female orgasm which in effect makes sourcing it extremely difficult.’

‘The physical, emotional, hormonal and environmental states of the female all seem to play a significant role, but at this stage
it is impossible to determine whether one plays a greater or lesser role than the other. The hypotheses are many and varied so we are now conducting more research on the neurological connections to help develop our theories further.’

My mind at this point envisions rows of women wearing white robes all lined up in hospital beds with legs spread open attempting to generate an orgasm to be captured in a test tube. I quickly shake my head to dislodge the disturbing image penetrating my brain. I notice I have barely touched my lunch; I’m so caught up in the flow of the discussion.

Samuel eventually concludes: ‘As you can see, my dear Alexandra, there is much more to understand and discover regarding the intricacies of the female orgasm, including the impact of intellectual and emotional components. The research is still highly subjective, personal and seemingly dependent on each woman’s individual experience of orgasm. We can only aspire to develop a more consistent approach regarding our research and conclusions.’

I can’t help but be enthralled with the history and mystery that seemingly surrounds this subject. I had no idea the topic was still so contested medically and in some areas considered career and research ‘taboo’, for want of a better word. How it is possible that the female orgasm is so under-researched, when the male orgasm is considered scientifically and psychologically a fait accompli is frankly shocking to me, to say the least. I can’t quite believe what I’m hearing, and indeed wouldn’t have had it not come from the mouths of the people seated around the table. I manage to quickly swallow a few mouthfuls of food before Samuel and his crew wish me luck as we pack up and make our way toward the lecture theatre.

‘Would you care to join us for a Friday night drink, for old times’ sake? I’m sure the team would love to share some of the insights of their research so far.’ Samuel has a twinkle in his eye as I feel my cheeks flush a pale pink.

‘You know I’d love to, but unfortunately I have other plans for after the lecture.’

‘Of course you have, my dear, one can only ask.’

For some reason, a nervous laugh escapes me, as if I’ve been caught off-guard.

‘I’m actually meeting an old friend from my undergrad days; you may remember him. Jeremy Quinn?’ I try very hard to keep my tone neutral — difficult when the mere mention of his name makes my heartbeat quicken.

‘Yes, indeed I do. Dr Quinn is taking the medical world by storm I hear, causing all sorts of waves and excitement in the US in connection to his research on depression. He’s working with Professor Applegate, is he not?’

I should have known Samuel would be more up to speed than I was in relation to what’s hot in global academia.

‘I believe so, albeit from an article, not from him personally.’

‘Send him my best regards. A very talented man, that Dr Quinn. No doubt there will be many a pharmaceutical company keen for his research. He certainly won’t have any of the funding concerns that constrain us, lucky chap.’

I’m not sure I fully comprehend this connection as my mind automatically shifts into gear for the lecture just moments away.

‘Will do and thanks for everything, Samuel. It’s been wonderful catching up with you again. I wish you and your team the very best. Let me know if I can be of any assistance.’

Suddenly, given the discussion at lunch, I wasn’t one hundred per cent sure whether that was an appropriate comment or not!

‘Indeed my dear. Go forth and conquer.’ We hug farewell and I head to the lectern for my imminent presentation.

 

What a beautiful Friday afternoon in Sydney, everyone basking in glorious sunshine. This city can really turn it on when it needs to. The harbour is sparkling with yachts and ferries merrily bouncing along, the colours are sharp and bold and the city is bustling. Office workers are gearing up for the weekend with such a vibrant beginning, as they head off to drinks along the harbour foreshore. I see some ‘beautiful people’ bouncing along for cocktails, laughing and smiling with a buoyant swing in their step. They look like they have just stepped out of
Vogue
magazine. I remember when I was one of those girls, focusing on career but as carefree as the wind, with the luxury of time and whispers of what the future might hold caressing every interaction. The main priority occupying our minds then was wondering how the weekend would unfold from twilight onwards and which cocktail to choose first.

It was on one of those nights that my relationship with Jeremy transformed from best friends constantly mucking around with each other to a high-octane sexual one. As the taxi drives past the key visual triggers where it all started in the city, I can’t help but remember the carnal lust and intensity we shared; the impact of such memories makes me squirm in my seat.

Back then, I had just started vacation work with one of the big four banks in the city. The job wasn’t that exciting but the people were fun and it provided me with some much-needed cash during the summer holidays. It was great to be free from study for a few months and I was secretly thrilled to be wearing
a suit and high heels, and mum had bought me a sensational new handbag, which I still have today …

‘Hi, Jeremy, I’m just going out to my first official corporate work function —’

‘Yeah, I’m excited. I’ll be at the Wentworth and will be meeting the girls at nine-ish for a drink and a boogie.’

‘Sure, grab them and come along. We’ll meet you there.’

‘No worries. Cool. See you later then.’

I hang up the phone.

He seems really keen to catch up with us all. Hmm, I think secretly, I wonder if he likes Eloise, most guys do … maybe I should mention something … The girls think she is going through a phase of exploring the other side, i.e. chicks, but we haven’t been able to confirm or deny the rumour … I’m sure she’ll tell us either way when she is ready. No, I confirm to myself, keep out of it, what will be, will be …

These corporate functions are cool because you get free food and drinks. We stay for a while, then decide it is time for our real Friday night to begin. We pack up and head to the club, where it’s straight to the ladies room to discard jackets, our pantyhose, undo a few buttons, plump up our cleavage, puff our hair, reapply mascara, eyeliner and lipstick. We reappear audacious and revamped, ready to embrace the evening.

The music is pumping and given we have already had a few sparkling wines, we hit the dance floor — as only a group of girls can do. I’m lost in the music, dancing with my eyes closed, when strong hands grasp my hips
and pull me backward toward their body. Instinctively, I know Jeremy has arrived and happily gyrate into his swivelling hips in time to the music. For some reason, we are in complete sync on the dance floor, our bodies are moving as one. It’s hard not to get lost in the feel of his body against mine, the pounding music creating a heady atmosphere around us. This is hot with a capital H! I almost feel as if I am magnetically drawn to him; some strange pent-up energy between us makes me unwilling to let him go … Something has shifted between us as I look into his darkened eyes, utterly mesmerised by the intensity of his being. What is wrong with me tonight? My hormones seem to be locked in lust overdrive.

The music is too loud to hear his words, so he grabs my hand and leads me in a determined path off the dance floor to one of the shadowed corners of the club where the music is slightly muffled. He pushes me gently back against the wall and places his hands either side of my shoulders, his presence pinioning me against the wall. In his fitted black shirt, his body looks toned and hot and his face is glistening, close to mine, due to our heroics on the dance floor. It takes me a moment to catch my breath as I allow myself to become lost in his seductive presence. It is as if my eyes have been opened for the first time as his sexual magnetism overwhelms and draws me in. I open my mouth slightly to ensure enough oxygen is getting to my brain.

‘I don’t think I can keep my hands off you any more, AB.’

He honestly looks like he is pushing his hands harder into the wall to keep them away from me.

‘Then don’t.’ Emboldened by this swelling of lust and desire, I’m sure I must be producing alluring sexual pheromones.

I pull his right palm off the wall, bring it to my lips, give his middle finger a gentle kiss and slowly slide it over my breast. His eyes widen as I continue its journey lower until it finds the secret passage under my skirt. I part my legs slightly, never breaking eye contact, and slide his finger past my knickers and lead him directly to my sweet spot.

‘Jesus, Alex, you are so wet.’

‘Hmm. I am. Do you have a solution for my problem?’

The shock on Jeremy’s face is truly priceless and I have to admit, I never expected those words to leave my mouth, but they’re out now. We are both a little stunned as we continue to silently question each other to ascertain a true sense of this new reality.

Seemingly compelled to action, Jeremy immediately removes his hand leaving a draft in his wake, grabs my wrist and strides so fast back toward our friends, I am almost stumbling along behind him. I hope I haven’t offended him … maybe I shouldn’t have said that …

He stops suddenly and I slam into his body. Jeez!

He grabs my handbag, marches straight to the dance floor and shouts something in my friend’s ear, so she waves and smiles at me. I raise my eyebrows at her and shrug my shoulders as I give her a wave before I am just as suddenly whisked away and out the front door of the club.

‘What are we doing?’

No response. Jeremy is in action mode.

He readjusts his hand from my wrist to clasping his fingers through mine as we charge down the street. My ears are still ringing from the noise of the club.

‘Are you not talking to me?’ Maybe he is as mad as hell. Oh dear, what was I thinking? Maybe I’ve ruined our whole friendship.

We are striding uphill and I’m panting to keep up with him. We seem to be heading toward the botanical gardens. When we reach grass, he swoops down, lifts me over his shoulder and walks silently under the moonlight before depositing me in a standing position under a particularly large tree. He drops my handbag to the ground, immediately cupping my face with his hands and devouring my mouth with such ferocity I’m forced up against the tree. His body anchors me in position and I’m wild with lust for him. He pulls a condom out of his pocket, unbuttons his jeans in record time, slides it on … this is the first time I have seen Jeremy’s penis and even though it is dark, what a sight. His eyes have returned from their carnal state when he registers my look with a mischievous grin.

‘Ready?’

I nod in greedy agreement.

He hitches my skirt up to my waist, lowers my knickers to my feet, bending my knees to free them from underneath my shoes and stuffs them in his pocket … Interesting, I can’t help but think, kinky but interesting!

He hoists my legs up to wrap around his waist and I curl my arms tight around his neck with my back against the enormous trunk of the tree. It’s rough and bark pokes into my satin blouse. I briefly hope
that it doesn’t rip the fabric but realise at this point, I don’t care either way. He pauses before I nod again, confirming that I am more than ready for this, beyond ready, as if we have been teasing and tantalising and playing with each other platonically for far too long. The sexual electricity between us needs to explode in order for it to begin — confirming that we both need this and we need it NOW.

He slams into me.

And it is glorious!

And he does it again …

And it is more glorious …

And again!

And again!

He impales me.

And I am loving it.

I stare up at the moon and release my howl in honour of its magnificence, of our magnificence. He explodes inside me as our carnal desire for each other is finally given physical recognition.

Could anyone see us? Did anyone see us? Do I care …

We lay on the grass for hours with each other, wondering at each other, talking and playing and laughing and teasing. Until the night lightens and dawn breaks. It’s as if we have been in a void of time. We stumble into a taxi together; I fall asleep on his shoulder and find myself tucked in my bed a few hours later. My first time with Jeremy is confirmed to be a reality and not a dream by the twigs in my hair and grass stains on my shirt. My knickers apparently never made it home …

BOOK: Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy
5.12Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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