Destiny Mine (16 page)

Stalking Wolf watched Kionee remove the fur with skill. She gave the meat to her pet and scraped the fat from the pelt before rolling it and putting it with her possessions, to be cured later by her mother. He could not seem to take his gaze from her. Soon he was lost in stimulating memories of what he had viewed at the waterfall near the winter camp. His heart drummed as he remembered how she had looked without the painted mask and male garments.

Kionee looked up to find him watching her with a strange gleam in his eyes. Enticed, she asked, “Why do you stare at me this way?”

“You are beautiful and special, Kionee,” he murmured rashly.

She gaped at him and trembled. “Your words confuse me.”

Stalking Wolf drew a deep breath as he caught his mistake. Perhaps, he reasoned, this was the time and
place to expose his feelings, to begin his quest for her. “I know you are a woman, Kionee.” He watched her brown gaze widen in alarm and he heard her gasp in surprise.

“D
O NOT BE AFRAID,
Kionee; trust me to tell no one your secret. The words in my heart spoke swifter than my wits could halt them. You walk into my thoughts when I sleep and race into them when I do not.” He came and knelt before her and captured her gaze with his. “There is no other like you. We are matched. Destiny drew us together to find each other. You are the woman for me. I want you as my mate.” He lifted his hand and stroked her colorfully painted cheek. As she stared at him in panic and disbelief, he pulled her head toward his to kiss her.

Maja leapt upon the warrior and knocked him backward. The wolf took a menacing stance between them and growled in warning. His ears were erect and the ruff on his throat bristled; his tail was motionless. His golden eyes were clear and threatening. He was ready to attack on her command.

“I mean her no harm, Maja, for she has captured my heart.” Stalking Wolf met Kionee’s troubled gaze. “I hunger to taste your lips, to hold you, to make you mine, to share a life and tipi with you. Do you feel the same for me?”

Kionee leapt to her feet and urged, “You must not
speak such words! You must forget I am a female in body. To mate with you is forbidden.”

Stalking Wolf decided he must urge his chosen one to face the truth about her feelings, if she had not done so already. As long as she denied or resisted them or remained unaware of his love and desire, he could not win her. Worse, he could have a rival for Kionee in Night Walker, who was an acceptable choice by her tribe and under her laws. “Do you say you do not desire me as a man and mate? Do I misread your signs?” His last words seemed to stun her, so he appeased, “Only I sense them, for you hide them with skill and cunning. Do you not want me as I want you, Kionee?”

“It is forbidden,” she repeated in rising distress. “Why do you speak such cruel words?”

“Ne-mehotatse,”
he murmured in a tender tone.

Kionee’s heart fluttered and she trembled. “How can you love me? You do not know me.”

“We have spent many suns and moons together, and you live in my dreams and visions. I know you, Kionee, as you know me.”

She did not know how to respond and turned her back to give her time to think.

“If it were not against your laws, would you come to me in love?”

Anguish flooded Kionee as she yearned to tell the truth. If she did so, that would make the futile situation worse. “I must not speak such words; I must not think them. I am a
tiva.
I can be no less or more.”

“You are much more,
Na-htsesta;
you are the woman I love and desire. You are a vital part of my destiny.”

Kionee turned, and Stalking Wolf attempted to rise from the ground. When Maja growled, she commanded in a gentle voice for the animal to sit. The creature obeyed but remained alert. He had called her “my
heart” and warmed her soul. “How did you learn the truth?”

“It was revealed to me. My vision and those of Medicine Eyes said I would find my mate this season,” he answered in honesty without betraying Taysinga as promised.

“I am not the woman in your vision, Stalking Wolf. I must remain true to my vows and laws. I am the Hunter-Guardian for my family, for my mother bore no son to take that rank. They cannot live without me. To break my vows would bring shame and anguish to my family and people.”
It would also lead to my punishment, and almost certain death.

“What do you want for yourself, Kionee?”

“I can ask for nothing more than
Atah
gives to me.”

“How do you know He did not send me to you to become your mate?”

“
Tivas
do not join and have children.”

“Never?” he asked, needing her to tell those things he should not know so they could discuss and resolve these obstacles they presented.

“Only if a son is born and she is released by our law.”

“There is no other path to freedom?”

“Yes, but it has been traveled few times and long ago.”

“Why can you not travel it this season?”

“You are not Hanueva; it is forbidden to join outside our people.”

“No female of your tribe has joined to one from another?”

“Never; it is our law. It cannot be broken or changed. To go against it would reveal the
tiva
secret. That would endanger our survival.”

“Not if no one learned you had been a
tiva.
”

Kionee lifted her hand. “I am marked for life.”

“What of the others who left the
tiva
rank? What of their marks?”

Kionee stared at him. “I do not know,” she admitted. “No
tiva
has left the rank since I joined it. I have not seen marks removed. I have not been told how it is done.”
But it must be possible!

“The few who left the rank to join mates, how did they do so?”

Kionee told him the requirements and the reasons why mating and bearing children were perilous to a
tiva
’s family and to the tribe.

“I am of high rank. I can be the Hunter-Protector for your family until they join your Great Spirit. When that moon comes to pass, we can go to live with my people. The mark can be removed and we will tell no one your tribe’s secret. I can win a challenge against you. I have done many good deeds for your people and they can reward me with you.”

“You do not carry Hanueva blood.”

“I can become a blood brother as my father did with the Cheyenne.”

“That is not the same, and it is against our law. My people will never break it or change it, or reward you for any reason with a
tiva.
”

One point remained to be settled for now. “If the Great Spirit shows us a path around the blood law, will you accept me? Do not sting my pride and knife my heart with words you do not mean.”

“My feelings do not matter; they change nothing.”

“They are important to me. Speak them, my love, if only one time.”

Kionee did not want to hurt him. “If my laws did not stand between us, I would accept you. I have known no man such as you. No man has made me feel this way. But it is forbidden, Stalking Wolf, so I cannot break my vows. You must forget I am a woman beneath this mask
and these male garments. You must forget your desire for me. You must choose another as your mate.”

The Cheyenne saw her anguish and ached to comfort her. “How can I do so, Kionee, when I love and desire only you? When my sacred vision said you will be mine? You are part of my destiny, as I am of yours.”

“You misread the vision, Stalking Wolf; it cannot be true. I am captive to my rank and, even with your great skills and prowess, you cannot free me. Even with mine, I cannot free myself. Ours together are not strong enough to release me. It is hopeless. To try to escape my laws and vow will bring pain and trouble to many. Do not attempt such a futile task,” she pleaded.

He grasped her small hand. “If the Great Spirit wills it and He clears the path between us, will you join to me?”

Tears mistied her brown eyes and her heart ached in denial. “Do not ask me to hope and dream for what will never come to pass.”

“Your words are clever, but they give me the answer I need. I will be patient while
Maheoo
clears a path for us. Will you touch lips with me?”

Kionee warmed from head to feet. “That is perilous.”

“All we do in life is filled with dangers and challenges. Say yes, and I will ask nothing more from you this sun and speak no more on this matter.”

Kionee nodded in suspense and pushed aside nibblings of guilt. She yearned to experience that thrill once in her life, and this was her only chance. She allowed him to pull her into his arms and kiss her for what must be the last time. She quivered in the flames that surrounded her as their mouths meshed and their bodies made contact. She followed his lead and let their tongues dance with joy and defiance. The kiss was long and deep and filled with powerful emotion. His embrace was possessive, but gentle. His taste was wonderful.
She closed her eyes and permitted blissful sensations to wash over her.

Stalking Wolfs control was strained, but he knew he must not break his promise and seduce her. She was too special to him to be tricked, and to do so would harm their new relationship and make him an dishonorable man. He had needed proof her feelings were as strong as his own, and he had obtained it. She was his match in all ways. She fit into his arms and life to perfection. Somehow and some way, he would win her. He hugged her and ended the kiss with reluctance. He stared into her gaze of wonder and passion. “I love you, Kionee, and I will wait for the moon when we can join, for it will come.”

With daring boldness, she smiled and said, “I love you, Stalking Wolf of the Cheyenne. I pray your words are true, but I fear you are wrong. We must not reveal our feelings to others or trouble will part us too soon.”

Safe in the sheltered canyon, they slept peacefully that night, with Maja resting between them.

They reached the Red Fork River and traveled its banks without encountering trouble. When it flowed into the Middle Fork, they located another sheltered canyon to make a safe and hidden camp for the night. It had been three days since they had kissed and embraced. They had laughed, talked, and enjoyed each other’s company more than ever in their new closeness and with their shared secrets. They had exchanged tender gazes and light touches. They had refused to speak of the obstacles between them; more accurately, against them. But desires were building within them, enormous hungers craving to be fed.

The moon was full and romantic, and it cast a soft glow over them as they lay on their mats beneath it.
Maja was off hunting and roaming, so nothing separated them. They were vulnerable to surrender, and both were aware of that temptation.

Stalking Wolf turned his head to look at Kionee, to find her watching him. Their gazes locked and searched and spoke forbidden messages. He extended his hand and she grasped it.

“In a few suns, we will be on the Crow trail and on alert again,” he said.

Kionee knew their brief time alone would soon end. Did she dare yield to love, to passion, to him? Was it a risk worth taking this one time? If she did not, she would never experience the full joy of being a woman, of being in love, of having Stalking Wolf. Yet, could she endure the shame and punishment if discovered? How would her family survive without her?

Kionee told herself she had lived an existence of sacrifice to others for over twenty cycles of the seasons and would do so for the rest of her life after this one moment of weakness and defiance. For tonight, it was her turn to grasp happiness. “I will return soon,” she said as she left her mat and took a parfleche and blanket with her to the river.

Kionee removed her garments and bathed. She scrubbed the mask from her face. She dried herself with the blanket, then loosened her braids to brush her hair. She would go to the man she loved as a female, not as a
tiva.
She would seize this wondrous event before the chance was lost forever.

Do not punish my family and people for this deed, Atah, for I must have him. I must know love this one time. If it is Your will, I will return to my duty when I reach my camp. If he is my destiny, guide us and protect us as we seek Your path to each other.

As Kionee turned, Stalking Wolf approached. He had feared she left camp to sleep elsewhere to avoid temptation.
He had come to tell her he would not press her to surrender to him if she returned to her mat near him. The sight of moonglow splashing over her naked body, unbound hair, and lovely face was breath-stealing. He halted, stared, and the words caught in his throat.

“I will be yours for this moon, Stalking Wolf, but that is all I have to offer you. Unless
Atah
changes my destiny once more. Until He does, I must remain a
tiva.
Do you accept those terms and honor my vow?”

Stalking Wolf hurried to her and said, “It will be as you say, my love, but I will convince the Great Spirit and your people to let us join.”

“You must say nothing to my people about joining with me, for I live as a man and you must not reveal you know the truth. Swear it.”

“I swear it, but the Great Spirit will help us.”

“If it is not the destiny He wants for us. He will not. You must understand and accept that bitter truth. To battle it will bring great trouble and perils to us and my tribe.”
To me, certain death.
“This has been our way since the beginning when
Atah
created us; it will not change because we desire it to. When you face a band too large and strong to fight, you do not, for it would be rash and fatal. It is the same with my laws; do not challenge them with the misguided hope you can win me with skills and cunning. It would be as if I asked you to throw away the Sacred Arrows and to forget Sweet Medicine’s prophecy. These are our beliefs and customs; they are as binding and important to me as yours are to you. To betray them by leaving my rank is unforgivable and dangerous. My love for you is great, but I cannot accept it by destroying others.”

“I will retreat when and if the time comes to do so,” Stalking Wolf promised.

“It will come, my love, have no doubt. I live in a trap
which I cannot escape without harming others; that would be wrong and cruel, selfish.”

“Then I will share your captivity as long as possible.”

Stalking Wolf removed his shirt and tossed it to the ground. As he continued to undress, Kionee admired his virile body. She saw Sun Dance scars and the Strong Heart symbol on his chest; marks of the grizzly on one arm. His waist was narrow; his stomach, flat and taut. She noticed that his long legs—which had been covered during the winter—were lighter than the brown of his torso and face. As he stripped off his loincloth, she realized the area it concealed was even lighter, almost shaded white when compared to Indian flesh. Dark, curly hair surrounded his manroot, which was already thickened in eagerness to enter her body and seek pleasure there.

That sight did not frighten or discourage her. Her gaze lifted to fuse with Stalking Wolfs, who stood still for her appreciative study. She smiled.