Destiny's Path (28 page)

After that his eyes began to feel heavy and he could only stay awake long enough to say, ‘Don’t leave me.’

‘No, I promise I won’t.’ She wasn’t at all sure he’d heard her because he was breathing softly and deeply. Was it her imagination or did he look a little better, with more colour in his cheeks?

The maid who’d been sitting in a corner, because Anusha’s mother wouldn’t let Xanthe tend Ronan on her own, came forward.

‘I watch him for you now, Miss. Time for the evening meal.’

‘Thank you. But come and fetch me if he asks for me. I’ll be back after I’ve eaten.’

‘No need. I see to him tonight.’

‘I want to stay with him.’ And no one was going to stop her doing so. But she tried to soften her words by adding, ‘He knows me, you see.’

‘Then mistress will say me sit with you.’

‘I’ll speak to her. I’m sure that’s not necessary.’

But there was no budging her hostess on that point. The proprieties would be observed. Xanthe was young and unmarried. No scandal was going to touch her in this house.

The following morning Ronan woke to find Xanthe slumbering in a chair next to the bed, while a woman who looked like a maid sat quietly watchful in a corner. He had no idea where he was, just that it wasn’t a ship, thank goodness. He didn’t wake Xanthe but the maid came across to offer him a drink of water and that woke her. And he was so thirsty he couldn’t bear to refuse.

‘I’ll see to him.’ Xanthe took the metal cup from the maid. She lifted him and again he enjoyed the soft wonder of being held close by her as he drank.

Afterwards she looked down at him dubiously. ‘Are you able to eat anything, do you think?’

‘I’m not really hungry.’

‘But you’ll eat something to please me? Maybe a little fruit to start with?’

‘Just to please you. Um – before that, is there a male servant who can help me see to my body’s needs?’

‘Of course.’ She turned to the maid, who clearly understood English because she nodded and slipped out of the room briefly.

‘You shouldn’t give up your bed to sit by me,’ Ronan said. ‘Though I’m grateful, of course.’ He raised one hand to his temple. ‘My head’s not aching as badly today. How long since the accident?’

‘I don’t know exactly. Several days, I think. You can ask Bram. He came yesterday evening but you were unconscious, so he said he’d come back this afternoon. He’s had your luggage sent across from the ship. He’ll be sailing soon, from what he said, going on to India then Singapore.’

‘Good. And maybe this fellow who’s coming to help me will be able to shave me.’ He rubbed his chin and smiled ruefully. ‘A fine way to appear before a lady.’

‘I’m not a lady.’

‘To me you’re everything a woman should be.’

She looked at him warily. What did he mean by that?

‘I missed you. Didn’t you miss me at all?’ he asked.

‘Yes, I did.’ She hadn’t wanted to, though. Caring about him could lead nowhere. She prided herself on her common sense, so must keep reminding herself of that.

Just then two men came into the room and the maid tugged Xanthe’s arm to take her outside. She wasn’t allowed back in to see him for over an hour and when she did Ronan was sleepy.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I can’t seem to get enough sleep.’

‘Before you drift away, do you want me to see if there’s another cabin free on the ship going to Suez? I’m leaving on it in two days. Otherwise you’ll have to wait a week or two to leave – though perhaps that might be better.’

‘No. It definitely wouldn’t. Please see if you can get me on to that ship. My eldest brother has died and I’ve inherited the family estate. I have to get back to Ireland as quickly as possible.’

‘I’ll do my best.’

But she felt sad as she walked away. It was difficult enough to love a man of means, but the heir to an estate – why, Ronan was even further beyond her reach now than he had been before!

It was a good thing she was being sensible about this, not letting herself get carried away. These feelings would pass. Surely they would?

By dint of shuffling the passengers around and asking Xanthe to share a cabin with the daughter of an English family, the agent managed to find Ronan a berth on the outgoing ship.

He bade a rather emotional farewell to Bram, sorry to be losing his childhood friend. He clapped him on the shoulder and wished him well.

Bram looked at him very seriously. ‘I want to thank you for giving me a chance to make something of my life.’

‘Me? I’ve done very little.’

‘You brought me here, you gave me your mother’s things – which have given me some money to make a start with. That’s not “very little”, it’s a lot.’

‘Well, I shall hope to hear that you’ve grown rich then.’

Bram gave him a strange look. ‘I’ll do that or die trying.’ Then, for all his threats never to go on board a ship again, he sailed away with his new friend, heading for other exotic-sounding ports to investigate trading possibilities.

And Ronan was left to continue his journey with Xanthe.

Within five minutes of making the acquaintance of her new cabin mate, Xanthe realised why she and her family had agreed so quickly to the changes: Ronan was now a very eligible gentleman and Marianne was on her way back to England to find a husband. Marianne was as fair as she was dark, and very pretty, dressed in exquisite clothes that Xanthe envied.

As was soon evident, the young woman considered Xanthe long past the age of snaring a husband, even before she found out that her cabin mate had once been a mill girl.

Ronan, still recovering, spent most of his time sitting on deck. But he soon found himself besieged by Marianne’s parents, who were determined to take charge of his convalescence, since it was inconceivable that a single woman like Xanthe should spend time with him on her own.

In the end Xanthe gave up trying to sit with or chat to him on her own, because if she did, Marianne and her mother were sure to join them.

One night, however, it was so hot that Xanthe couldn’t bear the stuffy cabin for a minute longer and in spite of Marianne’s shocked protests, she got dressed again in one of the saris Anusha had helped her choose at the market and went up on deck. She jumped in shock as Ronan’s voice came out of the shadows.

‘How did you escape them?’

‘I waited till Marianne was in bed, then got dressed again and came out.’

‘What’s the betting she’ll get dressed too, fetch her mother and come searching for you, all in the interests of propriety?’

‘At least I’ll have a few minutes on my own first.’

‘I don’t suppose . . . no, it wouldn’t be fair to you.’

‘What?’

‘I don’t suppose you’d like to come and sit in a little refuge I’ve found? I’m sure they won’t find us there. It’s outside our area of the deck, a place the crew usually use, but they’re asleep by this time, the steward says. He’s the one who showed it to me the other night when I said I just wanted some peace and quiet without people pestering me.’

‘Let’s go there quickly.’

He took her hand and led her through the moonlight into a shadowy part of the deck, where a narrow gap let them into a small area with a couple of benches along the sides. ‘Shh! I heard something.’

They stood very still and sure enough, Mrs Garston’s strident tones carried through the night. ‘Where can she be?’

‘I can’t think, Mama! She said she was just going up on deck for a few moments.’

‘She’ll be meeting a man, I’m sure she will. A female who’s worked in a mill won’t have moral scruples like our sort of people do. Their sensibilities are blunted by the free life they lead. I’d never have let you share a cabin with her if I’d known her background.’

‘She seems decent enough, Mama. She doesn’t flirt with anyone and spends most of her time reading. I’m sure she’s read everything in the ship’s library. It’s a wonder she’s not cross-eyed.’

‘Addling her brain. I’d not allow you to do that. Gentlemen don’t want wives who’re cleverer than they are.’

The voices faded away and Xanthe let out her breath in relief.

‘I’m sorry you heard such remarks about yourself,’ Ronan said.

‘It doesn’t matter. I’m quite aware of how they feel about me.’

‘Are you aware of how I feel about you? I—’

‘Ronan, please don’t!’

‘Don’t what?’

‘Say anything personal. It doesn’t matter what you feel about me. We’re so far apart there can be no – permanent friendship between us.’

‘It’s not friendship I want. Xanthe, won’t you—’

But she’d gone, fleeing from him with an inarticulate murmur of distress. And before he could catch her up, she was safe inside her cabin again. He went back on the deck, knowing he could at least safeguard her reputation.

When he met Marianne and her mother strolling along, he affected pleasure at seeing them and agreed to take a turn round the deck with them.

‘You haven’t seen Xanthe, have you?’ Marianne asked.

‘Should I have?’

‘She came out for a walk.’

‘I’m on my own, as you can see. And since I’ve enjoyed a little fresh air now, I think I’ll go back to my cabin and try to sleep. Perhaps I’ll have more luck this time.’

For the rest of the two-week journey to Suez, Xanthe took good care to keep away from him. He knew it was sensible of her. And he knew it’d be wrong of him to pursue her now that he was the heir to Ardgullan.

But he didn’t want to be sensible. He wanted . . . oh, he wanted her. Just Xanthe, with her lively comments on life and her beautiful expressive face.

16

M
rs Largan didn’t leave her bed again. She faded away as quietly as she’d lived, trying not to be a trouble, smiling when her son sat with her, thanking Maia for looking after her so carefully.

Conn was sitting with his mother when she died, holding her hand. When he heard a sigh, then felt the hand in his go slack, he looked at her face and knew what had happened. Still, he felt her throat for a pulse, not wanting to accept that she’d died. When he couldn’t find one he sat staring at her, feeling utterly lost. He couldn’t imagine life without her.

‘Oh, no!’

Maia’s soft voice made him turn and say, ‘Yes, she’s gone.’ He raised his mother’s hand to his lips then laid it across her chest, kissing her cheek as well before standing up.

Maia came to kiss his mother’s other cheek, tears streaming down her face. Shaking her head slowly and sadly, she fumbled for a handkerchief, couldn’t find one and mopped her eyes with her apron instead.

He tried to think what to do and couldn’t.

She waited, her head on one side, as if waiting for him to speak. When he didn’t, she said quietly, ‘Shall I lay her out for you? I’d like to perform that last service for her.’

‘Would you?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘Do you need help lifting her, Maia?

‘No. I’m sure Nancy will help me.’

‘We’ll need a coffin.’ He couldn’t even think how to get one, felt so numb and stupid.

‘Mr Carling makes coffins. You could ride across and ask his help.’

His words were bitter. ‘Would he make one for a person like me?’

‘Of course he would.’

While he was gone, Maia tended to Mrs Largan, with Nancy in attendance.

‘Poor lady, she was only skin and bone,’ Nancy said. ‘She must have been pretty when she was young.’

And a little later, ‘How will the master manage without her? He was devoted to her. It was lovely to see them together.’

‘He’ll manage well enough once he’s over the shock. We all do when we lose someone, don’t we? Life goes on, whether we want it to or not.’

Nancy’s face twisted in distress and she nodded.

There was no way of getting a clergyman to officiate at the burial, but Conn made an area of the garden into a burial ground and said he’d plant it with his mother’s favourite flowers.

Cassandra and Reece came across from Lynch’s Farm for the informal ceremony, bringing Livia with them.

To everyone’s consternation, Kathleen insisted on coming too, wearing black, talking too loudly, mouthing trite condolences Conn didn’t want from her and spoiling the burial itself by asking in a loud voice, ‘Why are those servants here?’

‘Because I asked them to attend,’ he replied in a tight voice.

‘You shouldn’t have done that. It’s not seemly. Tell them to go back to the house and get on with their work.’

‘The servants loved her too. She’d want all the people who loved her to be present as she’s laid to rest.’

When Kathleen opened her mouth to protest, he snapped, ‘Be quiet or go away!’

He looked so fierce even she closed her mouth, though she glared at the servants throughout the informal ceremony.

Afterwards, one by one, they came to shake his hand and offer their condolences. Kathleen tried to stand next to him, but Reece grasped her forearm and pulled her back, shaking her when she protested and telling her in a savage undertone to be quiet.