Destitute On His Doorstep (23 page)

Gazing at Bilborough's surrounding acres, she waited for the comfort that this blessed place always gave her. But the old easy magic of her home did not work, did nothing to ease her sadness.

 

When Francis knocked on her chamber door hoping to speak to her, she told the chambermaid to tell him she was resting.

‘Is she ill?' he demanded of the maid in alarm.

‘No, sir, merely resting.'

An hour later, when Francis knocked again, he was told the same thing.

The following morning when he tried to see her again, he was informed she was having a bath. Annoyance now replaced his worry.

‘Tell Mistress Lucas,' he ordered in a dire warning tone, ‘that I will not enquire after her again, but I expect to see her downstairs within the hour, fully rested, clean and amenable to me.'

Feeling listless and very unhappy, Jane was in no hurry to leave her room as she tried to find a way out of the dilemma for Francis's sake and her own. After tormenting herself in this way until she thought she was going out of her mind, she left her room to go in search of Hester, only to find herself confronted by Francis in the otherwise empty hall, waiting for her to emerge from her room.

He looked so swarthy and formidable, the heavy muscles in his shoulders swelling beneath his loose-fitting white shirt in such a way that she was unable to look away. He seemed to radiate a force that made her feel weaker than she was.

‘Francis!'

He gave her a long, cool look, his eyes as bright and as sharp as the teeth of a trap. ‘Aye, Jane, none other.'

‘I—I'm looking for Hester.' She would have fled, but Francis stepped in front of her.

‘Easy, Jane. Spare me a moment of your time.' The blue eyes flinted like hard metal. ‘We have a matter to discuss.'

‘I'm listening.'

‘Will you not sit down?'

‘I might. It all depends what you have to say.'

His brows snapped together and his eyes narrowed, and when he spoke his voice was carefully controlled. ‘Would you mind telling me why you've been avoiding me? Every time I knocked on your door I was told you were either resting or taking a bath.'

‘I—I haven't been avoiding you, Francis.'

‘Yes, you have.'

She thought quickly for an answer that would soothe and placate him. ‘It—it's just that so much has happened of late—everything moving so fast, I—I was confused. I have so much on my mind—that is why I may have seemed…'

‘Cold and uncaring,' he provided harshly, studying her face closely.

‘If I did, then it was not intentional.'

‘I am relieved to hear it.' He breathed an inner sigh of relief that the skirmish was over. Believing they were in complete accord once more, tipping her chin up, he touched his lips to hers and felt the gasp of her indrawn breath at the same time as her body seemed to tense. Puzzled by her rather extreme reaction, he raised his head and waited for what seemed a long time for her to open her eyes. When her long lashes finally fluttered
up, she looked bewildered. ‘Is something amiss?' he asked cautiously.

She looked away. ‘No, not at all,' she replied, but it seemed as if the opposite were true.

Francis looked at her in waiting silence, but before she could say anything else, Hester came into the hall to inform them that a carriage carrying Colonel Russell's sister-in-law and her sister Alice had drawn up in the yard.

With an exclamation of annoyance, Francis brusquely excused himself and with long purposeful strides left the hall.

 

Later, knowing the confrontation with Francis could not be put off any longer and that she must tell him she would not be his wife, Jane went in search of him. Unfortunately she came face to face with Alice as she was leaving the house. Alice showed no surprise at Jane's sudden appearance, and there was a hard, venomous glint in her green eyes. Jane was tempted to turn and go back inside, but it was too late. Alice's voice rang out coolly, halting her on the steps.

‘Why, Jane. You are still here, I see.' She sauntered towards her, her dislike obvious and the thin smile on her lips insincere. Her eyes shone ruthlessly like those of a cat, her claws coming out to play. ‘I trust you are suffering no ill effects from your short imprisonment in the town gaol. How unpleasant that must have been for you.'

Jane faced her coldly, intending to remain calm, refusing to be intimidated. ‘As you see, I am well and free,' she retorted pointedly.

‘I hear Mr Atkins has been arrested.'

‘You heard correctly. He attacked Francis—indeed, he tried to kill him. Mr Atkins deserves to be locked up. Being as concerned about Francis's well-being as I am, then I am sure you will agree.'

‘Of course—and I have taken note of your concern for Francis, since without him your precious Bilborough is denied you.' She tossed her head haughtily. ‘I have just seen Francis. He tells me the two of you are to be married. I congratulate you—not on your marriage, but on managing to secure him. What a clever, conniving woman you are, Jane, and how well you have played your game—and how fortuitous that because of what I said, he recalled that you were Tom, the lad who saved his life.'

Jane looked at her sharply, angered that Francis was so certain they had struck an agreeable bargain he had told Alice. ‘Secure him? Conniving? I don't think so. Francis—'

‘Is marrying you for no other reason than to repay you for aiding him in his escape from Mr Atkins,' Alice exclaimed, a fierce surge of pleasure shooting through her when she saw Jane's face whiten. ‘Don't deceive yourself. Francis doesn't love you. He feels that he owes you, and he can think of no other way to repay you for saving his life than by making you his wife, so that you can return to live at your precious Bilborough.'

‘If it suits you to think so, then do,' Jane said coldly.

At that moment Elizabeth appeared from the garden. With a quick look at both their faces and Jane's hands clenched by her sides, she took in the situation at once.
Giving Alice a harsh, reproving look, she said, ‘Alice, it is time we left. Go and get your things.'

Throwing Jane a final glare, reluctantly Alice stalked into the house, but she left her resentment behind like a draught of cold air.

‘I must apologise for my sister, Jane,' Elizabeth said. ‘She has a tongue that would put a wasp to shame.'

‘Please, think nothing of it, Elizabeth. I'm sorry you have to leave before we've had a chance to talk properly.'

‘I shall stay longer next time, I promise. I am staying with Father and Alice for a few days and we only called in passing. I wanted to tell you myself how horrified both Richard and I were to learn of your imprisonment and to express our relief when we heard you had been freed.' She smiled warmly. ‘I saw Francis earlier. I hear congratulations are in order. I'm so happy the two of you are to marry—and I know Richard will be.'

‘Francis—told you?'

‘Yes, and I shall be delighted to have you as a sister-in-law.' On seeing Jane's downcast features and the bleakness in her eyes, she frowned. ‘Why, what is it? Has Alice said something to upset you? I admit there have been times when she has angered and frustrated me beyond bearing, but she is my sister and I owe her my protection. She is a woman like you, Jane—full of desire and longing like you. She may be greedy, but she is not a bad woman. But I can see that, while ever she remains close to you and Francis, there will always be discord. Which is why Richard and I—with Father's permission—have decided to take her to London for a few weeks. Hopefully in that time a suitable husband
can be found for her, so you and Francis will be able to wed without any interference from her.'

‘Nothing has been decided for certain, Elizabeth,' Jane said tentatively. ‘I—I'm thinking of returning to Northampton with Hester. After everything that's happened of late, I—I feel I need a time to recover.'

‘Why, of course you do, and you are right to do so.'

When Elizabeth and Alice had left, Hester received Jane's request to go with her to Northampton with a mixture of delight and puzzlement.

‘But of course you may, Jane,' she said without hesitation. ‘You know we'd love to have you, but—I am sorry—this is all rather sudden. Why have you decided against marriage to Colonel Russell?'

‘Because—though it grieves me to say it—I—I cannot trust his motives for marrying me. I was just going to look for him—to tell him.'

‘I think he's ridden into Avery,' Hester informed her. ‘He had a message—something about my father being taken ill. I am to go myself as soon as Isaac has brought the carriage round.'

Jane stared at her in astonishment. ‘He—he is sick? Is it serious?'

Hester looked at her steadily. ‘I really can't say.'

 

When Francis and Hester returned from Avery they brought with them the news that Jacob Atkins was dead.

‘Dead?' Jane felt a small shiver creep down her spine.

‘Yes, Jane,' Hester said. ‘He is dead.'

Jane was stunned by the news, but not sorry to hear it. ‘But—how? What caused it?'

‘We're not sure,' Francis answered curtly. ‘And of course there will be an inquest as there is on any sudden, unexpected death that occurs in gaol.'

‘But it looks like his heart,' Hester was quick to explain. ‘I told Justice Littleton that he has suffered with his heart for years.'

Jane stared at her in stupefied amazement. ‘He has?'

‘Indeed. Why, there was a time when he had such a seizure that we thought it was all over for him. It was obvious to me that he had suffered another such attack.'

‘It was? I see.' Jane realised as she said it that she didn't see at all. It was as if, although she had nothing to do with it, she knew there was more to it than was immediately obvious. But then, why should she care? Jacob Atkins deserved to die for the wickedness, the pain and the fear he had inflicted, not just on her and Francis, but on his three children. ‘I cannot pretend to be sorry, Hester. I owe him nothing but humiliation and imprisonment. Your father was a monster and I'm glad he's dead.'

Hester reached out and squeezed her hand, and Jane was somehow not surprised to see that she was smiling in a strange but loving way. ‘I know. All our lives can now be lived in peace—without fear.'

J
ane found Francis in one of the paddocks checking a newly delivered horse. On seeing her he crossed to the fence and climbed over, wearing what could only be a mask of composure, for which she could hardly blame him after she had kept him at arm's length since she had tended his wound.

As she stood cool and composed, he nodded politely. ‘So, Jane, you deem to speak to me at last. I trust you have recovered from the news of Atkins's demise.'

‘Yes, and I do not grieve for him. How can I, after what he has done?'

‘And you know Justice Littleton has dropped any charges made against you?'

She nodded. ‘You must know how relieved I am. H—how is your wound? Better, I hope?'

‘It's healing.' He looked at her hard. ‘I don't think you've sought me out to speak to me about my wound, Jane. What is it?'

‘I—I've come to tell you that I shall be leaving with
Hester for Northampton in the morning. There is no reason for me to remain any longer. Now that Mr Atkins is dead, I am no longer in any danger—so I have no need of your protection.'

‘Leave? You are leaving? Just like that?' he said in an awful voice.

‘Yes, I feel that I must. I have made my decision. I…'

‘What?' He moved closer, putting his fists into his waist, glowering at her. ‘What the hell are you talking about? From what you said when you tended my wound, I was under the impression that you'd given the matter some thought and would say yes.'

She stepped back from him. It was hard to think with him so close, looming over her, so big, so male. She recognised the threat of her emotions welling forth in greater volume and sought to turn aside, but his hand, firm and unyielding, caught her chin and forced her to face him, refusing to allow her to escape his close inspection. She could do nothing but submit to his probing gaze.

‘What is it, Jane?' he demanded. ‘What has happened to make you change your mind about becoming my wife? Do you feel threatened in some way? Is that it?'

‘To tell the truth, Francis, only one person dares to threaten me at this moment,' she said pointedly, knocking his hand from her chin and turning away, leaving him no doubt to whom she referred.

‘Since I have never threatened a woman in my life, I can only think it must by your peace of mind I threaten.'

‘Perhaps intimidation is a better word.'

‘You feel intimidated by me, Jane?'

‘No. I do not feel in the least intimidated by you,' she lied.

‘Then why are you leaving? Since I suspect my proposal of marriage has something to do with your decision, I would be grateful if you would enlighten me.'

A disconcerted shake of her head was her response. ‘Please don't pressure me, Francis. It's not important.'

Her casual words fired his anger even more. ‘On the contrary, it
is
to me,' he countered, ‘and if I am angry, it's because I am unable to fathom your decision to leave Bilborough. I can understand that events of the past few days and Atkins's death has obviously distressed you, but a time of quiet here at Bilborough will soothe you.'

‘No,' she cried. ‘I dislike this pretence we're going through, and I have decided that it would be best if I release you from your commitments.'

His eyes narrowed. ‘Pretence? Are you telling me that when I kissed you you were only
pretending
to like it? I do not pretend what I feel, Jane.'

His icy tone hit Jane like a bucket full of freezing water. ‘No, maybe not, but henceforth from this moment, you may live your life without worrying about marriage to me. I have no wish to marry—not you, not anyone—and I want no more of it. Indeed, I can bear no more of it, and I cannot continue.'

‘For God's sake, Jane, you're not making sense,' Francis argued. ‘Surely you must realise why it is that I don't want you to leave. Why I will not let you leave.' His voice had gone low and deep, almost hoarse. ‘Since
the first moment I saw you I've longed to have you for my own.'

Feeling hot and cold, Jane looked about her in fear. A hawk hovering above her in the sky caught her attention and she watched it as if fascinated. She wished she could look him in the eyes, but she knew she would be unable to control her heated emotions. How could he lie to her so blithely, when the truth was that he wanted to marry her to repay a debt?

‘Please don't say that,' she cried softly, feeling the pain of knowing he would deem her unworthy were it not for the debt. Her disappointment should not shock her, but somehow it did, and deeply, and she felt the pain of a woman who did not know if the man she yearned for could love her just for herself. The full force of the emotions churning within burst from her.

‘When you asked me to be your wife I had nothing. When I came to Bilborough I was an orphan who had come in out of the darkness, a stranger, an intruder in what I had always believed was my home, the home I had been coming towards since the day I left. It was where I belonged. I had loved it and missed it and needed it, and when I stepped inside I came into the very heart of it.'

She breathed in deep a breath of wind blowing softly off the land. She breathed in the smell of it. She could almost taste the soil and the grass, studded with flowers, where violets and pale yellow primroses and cowslips grew in early summer. She knew it was her home and she wanted to belong here again, even though she knew it was too late.

‘But then,' she continued, looking beyond him, ‘I saw
it through new eyes and I saw you. I soon saw that this private world was being run perfectly well without me, that I was not a welcome heir, finding my way home at last.'

‘Nothing is the same, I grant you, but Bilborough can still be your home—and I can be the family you no longer have.'

She shook her head. ‘I have no family,' she said coldly, meeting his gaze directly. ‘When I dreamed of Bilborough I did not dream of you. All the family I had are dead. You need not worry about me, Francis. The life I thought of as bleak has surely taken a turn for the better now Mr Atkins is dead. I shall go away and try to find somewhere that I can be myself.'

‘Stop this, Jane,' Francis argued. ‘Stop this nonsense.' Reaching out a hand, he rested it gently upon her forearm as he sought to calm her. ‘You'll feel different in a few days.'

‘No, I won't! I'll feel exactly the way I do now,' she cried, throwing off his hand. ‘I'm freeing you from your commitment,' she declared resolutely. ‘There is no more to be said.'

He caught her hand and held it fast within his grasp. There was an ache in the pit of his belly that would not be appeased by denials and rationalisations.

‘There are some things that cannot be put aside so easily, Jane. You may turn from me if you wish, but I can promise you it will change nothing.' Taking her by the shoulders, he forced her to face him. What he saw in her eyes was in complete variance with what her lips conveyed, and there was a trembling in her slender body that belied her words of denial. His lust overcame his
common sense. If he could silence her protests, perhaps her heart would follow. Drawing her tightly, to him he covered her mouth with his.

Jane stepped back from him, all her grief and anger and frustration boiling over at once. ‘You may force me, Francis, if that is your desire, but I will never be yours.'

‘It is not over, Jane,' he said. ‘I intend to delve further into this until I get this matter settled between us. I have no intention of simply letting you walk away from here—from me—unless I have reason to believe that your contempt for me is beyond the measure I can bear.'

Jane backed away from him. ‘That is your prerogative, Francis. Think what you like, but I am still leaving with Hester in the morning.'

‘Aren't you forgetting something? Bilborough! I don't know what game you think you're playing,' he said, low voiced, ‘but I stupidly thought you wanted to be back at Bilborough more than anything else. Like a fool I promised myself I'd see you brought safely back to your home the only way I knew how—without losing out myself. I thought you needed advice. I thought you might need me. More fool me,' he said bitterly. ‘I now see you don't. Go to Northampton. I'll leave you to your ruin. You'll be gone and will never see Bilborough again.'

For a moment there was a rage so hot and so burning that Jane could see nothing, not even his face, for the red mist that was in her head and behind her eyes. She breathed deeply, to try to slow the rapid thudding of her heart. She was so angry. She wanted to punish him, to
hurt him, to cut him to the heart. He was feeling nothing, though her life was over. She glared at him with angry fury.

‘I will take Bilborough back,' she cried, her eyes black with unsatisfied anger. ‘This is my house. My land. If I decide to wed, then I'll find someone else. Someone who is wealthy enough to help me buy back Bilborough. And then you can get off my land. Then we'll see who gives the orders around here.' She was final in her dismissal of him as she turned on her heel and walked on.

Francis came after her in one fluid movement, faster than Jane would have thought he could move. He was at her side in an instant and grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her so that her head rocked on her shoulders.

‘Don't be ridiculous,' he shouted. ‘What are you saying?'

She blazed back at him, angry, unafraid of his violence. ‘That I will wed a rich man and have you off my land. You see if I don't.'

His blue eyes burned at her for one moment longer, then he flung her from him so that she stumbled backwards. ‘The devil you will,' he hissed.'

The shocked look on his face made Jane wish she had never flung those empty, careless words at him to taunt him. He looked as if she had stabbed him in the heart. But she could not, would not weaken before him, and tossed her head haughtily.

‘Yes, Francis, the devil I will. Just watch me.'

‘Then it is right that you go,' he said coldly. His hard eyes raked over her, and then he turned and walked
away. He was tempted to turn back, but he caught himself up short, wondering if he really had made a stupid, blundering mistake in asking her to be his wife. But the hollow feeling in his chest removed any doubt from his mind that he could no more live without Jane Lucas than he could his own heart.

Jane watched him go, her throat choked with anger and her cheeks wet with tears. She hated to see him striding off in a rage like that. She wanted to speak to him, to take back the awful things she had said and that she had not meant.

 

Francis looked up from his correspondence to see Hester hovering in the doorway to his office. Whenever he was in the presence of this lovely young woman, he found it hard to believe she was the spawn of Jacob Atkins.

‘What is it, Hester?'

‘If you could spare me a moment of your time, I—I would like to talk to you. It concerns Jane.'

Francis threw his quill down onto the desk. ‘I thought it might.'

Hester moved further into the room and perched nervously on the edge of the chair, facing him across the desk. ‘I believe she has told you she has decided to come with me to Northampton in the morning.'

‘She has,' he said, getting to his feet and beginning to pace the floor with his hands clasped behind his back, unable to understand why Jane was behaving so strangely. ‘I am surprised. Yesterday she agreed to be my wife, and then she changed her mind. I cannot for the life of me understand why and she has given me no sound reason for doing so.'

‘I have tried to dissuade her. She cannot leave this house. Bilborough is life's blood to her. Without it she will wither away.'

‘What do you expect me to do, Hester? What can I do?'

Hester got to her feet. Colonel Russell was so very tall and male, and excessively masculine men always discomposed her. ‘You must make her realise that she will never be happy away from here. You have to try.'

Francis laughed, unable to conceal the bitterness he felt by Jane's decision to leave, her rejection of him. ‘Me? You know how headstrong she is. I've asked her to be my wife and she has turned me down. Why would she listen to me?' He stopped pacing and looked at the nervous young woman. ‘She doesn't know you're here, does she?'

‘Dear me, no. I know she would never forgive me if she knew.'

His face softened. ‘I think she would. Jane is very fond of you.'

‘I know, and I'd do anything in the world for her, which is why I'm here now. You have just told me that she has given you no reason for deciding to leave Bilborough—and I beg your pardon if you think I am intruding, but she must have good reason for declining your proposal.'

‘If she has, I'm damned if I know what it is. She was upset—and very angry—but for the devil of me I cannot remember her giving me a valid reason.'

Hester smiled and resumed her seat on the chair. ‘Then if you will spare me a moment of your time, I will tell you.'

 

Following her confrontation with Francis, utterly miserable, Jane had sought sanctuary in her room. When Hester came to tell her that Francis would like to speak to her and that he could be found out in the paddocks, having no wish for a repeat of their last encounter, she was tempted to ignore his request, but, knowing she would have to face him some time, she reluctantly acquiesced.

Francis was leaning on a fence, standing with his back partially to her, calmly watching two of his splendid horses grazing. His broad shoulders were squared, his jaw set with implacable determination, and even in this pensive pose, he seemed to emanate the restrained power and unyielding authority she had always sensed and feared in him. The closer she got to him, drop by precious drop she felt her confidence draining away. How could she have deluded herself into believing that she could turn her back on this man and walk away?

‘You wanted to see me?' she said in a flat, emotionless voice.