Detect Me (13 page)

She tripped over a brick someone had left out on the pavement and had to catch herself against a pole. Nikki remembered Mark catching her the other day. She tried not to resent him for not being there this time and failed.

“Are you alright?” Mark asked, suddenly at her elbow.

“Where were you a second ago?” Nikki snapped with some venom. Mark rocked back on his heels, looking shocked.

Nikki bit her lip. She leaned against the lamppost and shook her head. “I’m sorry, that was rude. I’m just on edge after the sign and…”

“Not sleeping,” Mark finished when Nikki trailed off, not wanting to blame him. She nodded unwillingly.

They’d been walking all day and Nikki just wanted to sit down, eat, and fall asleep at the table. She wasn’t picky, anywhere would do. She tilted her head and stared longingly at a tiny diner situated on the street opposite to them.

Mark followed her gaze; she watched his head tilt and felt the urge to reach out and stroke her fingertips across his chin to find out what his five o’clock shadow felt like.

Then Mark pushed his hands into his pockets and shrugged.

“Do you want to stop?” he asked. “I can drop you off at my apartment and come back out.”

The words hit Nikki hard, though really, they shouldn’t have. She tried desperately not to feel hurt, but it was impossible. A day ago Mark had noticed that she was hurting and walked her home; had taken the elevator even though it bothered him just to save her bruised feet. And now she was hungry and exhausted, partially because of him, and he didn’t even seem to care.

“I… No,” she said, willing herself to tough it out. “We can keep going.”

Mark stared at her for a long moment and then gave a jerky nod. He started to walk away. Nikki’s heart sank and suddenly she felt like no, she really couldn’t go a single step further.

“Wait!” she called after Mark, and he stopped immediately, like he’d been expecting it. She hated him a little for that. “I - yeah, okay. Can you take me back to your place?”

Mark raked a hand through his hair and stared off into the distance. “Sure. Not a problem.”

He headed off in the opposite direction and led onward in silence, weaving through the still-crowded streets always a few steps ahead of her. Nikki followed for what felt like a long time before forcing herself to say, “You know, I could just go back to my apartment.”

She watched his shoulders tense before he glanced back at her.

“Absolutely not,” Mark said, his voice certain in that way she’d gotten used to. It was only now that she realized he’d sounded off somehow all day. “It’s not safe there. You’re sleeping at my place.”

Nikki just nodded, too tired and confused to argue.

By the time they reached the building Mark lived in, Nikki was almost too worn out to be impressed. But not quite. Mark lived in one of those buildings that looked like space-age hotels, the kind where she always walked by and hated the people inside by default. Did hating people for being rich and successful and actually good at things make her a bad person?

“Uh, are you okay?” Mark asked, and Nikki realized that she’d been staring at the well-designed architecture for a little too long. She might have been swaying slightly. Mark looked worried.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Nikki said. She knocked her shoulder against Mark as she stumbled inside. Completely by accident, but it still hurt when Mark jumped away from her touch like he was allergic.

“Come on, the elevator’s this way,” Mark said.

He started walking down the hall, but Nikki shook her head.

“No, we’re taking the stairs,” she said. She felt a stab of sick vindication when Mark’s head snapped around and he immediately dropped his gaze, looking shamed and angry. Red spots flared along the lines of his cheekbones. If he wasn’t acting like such an ass for no reason… she thought. She followed Mark into the stairwell and climbed after him. His shoulders slumped as he trudged up the stairs and the momentary victorious feeling slipped away, leaving her just feeling sick.

On the third floor Mark finally crossed to the door. He didn’t pull it open for her and wave her through, but charged through himself first before pausing and holding it open behind him like he couldn’t quite stand to just let the door slam in her face. Nikki couldn’t understand it. She couldn’t understand him.

“Right down here,” Mark said, the first debatably non-essential words he’d spoken to her since this morning. She hated herself for the hope that rose in her chest, and the way Mark turned his head when she looked eagerly at him.

Fine. If this was the way he wanted things to be, she wouldn’t fight it.

The jerk didn’t have to struggle with a rusty lock the way she did. He didn’t even have a key; he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and waved it in front of the door. There must have been one of those fancy magnetized cards in there, because the mechanism inside slid open with a gentle click. This time, Nikki was expecting it when Mark walked right in and didn’t wait for her.

“So. Where am I sleeping?” Nikki asked as soon as she stepped over the threshold. She refused to be impressed. A nice apartment did not make a nice person, anyway. Even if it did have huge ceilings and a shiny chrome kitchen. Whatever. She didn’t need any of that. She couldn’t even cook.

She almost laughed when Mark looked affronted. “The bed, of course,” he said. “Where else? You can’t think I’d make you sleep on the floor.”

At that, she did laugh. “Oh right, because you’re such a gentleman,” she scoffed. Nikki thought she detected a flash of hurt in Mark’s blue eyes, but the expression was shuttered before she was even sure it had been there. “I guess only when you feel like it, huh? You sure had me fooled.”

Mark angled his body toward one of the huge open windows. Rain was starting to patter against the glass. It had been a stormy week, and Nikki couldn’t tell which way the wind was blowing.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mark said in a dull voice, like he couldn’t even be bothered to act like he believed it.

Nikki wasn’t sure if she was about to scream or fall down. “Of course you don’t,” she snarled.

When that didn’t get a reply she asked hopelessly, “You don’t have an evil twin or something, do you?” She was so tired and confused. She just wanted some answers. It was bad enough that there was a dangerous criminal threatening her and she had no idea what to do about it. Now her only port in the storm was throwing up the gates and threatening to lock her out. Nikki didn’t know what she’d do if Mark walked away. Get killed, probably.

Part of her refused to even contemplate that Mark would abandon her. The mere thought was absurd. She’d watched Mark throw himself in the path of a knife to save her, for God’s sake.

And yet, how well did she really know Mark, even after the best part of the last couple weeks had been spent together? Two days ago she never would have imagined that Mark was capable of treating her with the kind of coldness he was displaying now, and for apparently no reason.

Mark didn’t respond or even look Nikki’s way and all the fight fell away from her. She put her hands up to her face and rubbed her eyes, ignoring eye shadow and mascara wholesale. It didn’t matter if she looked like a raccoon. Mark didn’t care anyway.

“The bedroom’s down the hall. Help yourself to anything in the cupboards, or the kitchen. Or, well, just anything at all. Let me know if you need me,” he said. The words sounded oddly genuine, even spoken in that strange monotone he’d adopted.

Confusion and resentment and exhaustion welled up inside Nikki. Before she could help herself she snapped, “Please, like you could help anyone. You’re a pathetic mess. It’s no wonder you’re all alone. Who would want to stay with - this?” She gestured wildly at him, wishing he could feel the pain of being shoved away for no reason. It wasn’t fair.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. They were lies as unfair as the way that Mark was acting.

Mark went utterly still, his gaze still trained on the raindrops falling from the sky. His jaw tightened and the cords in his neck stood out. For a second it looked as if Nikki had turned him to stone. She held her breath and gathered her courage.

“Oh God.” Nikki sucked in a breath and swallowed hard. “Mark, I’m - I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded, or… I just didn’t mean that, okay? I’m just tired, and I don’t understand why you’ve been acting like this. You won’t explain! But that’s not an excuse. I’m so, so sorry.”

An eternity passed and Mark said nothing. A sick, ugly feeling curdled in Nikki’s belly. She couldn’t find the words to tell Mark how much she hated herself for those words; how little they had actually meant. Nikki screamed at herself in her head, demanding that her mind surrender the words to explain herself, but it wouldn’t. She just stood there uselessly.

Finally Mark gave a soft exhale and half-turned to look at Nikki. He gave her an odd little smile that turned her stomach.

“It’s fine,” he shrugged. He looked quickly between Nikki and the door, the first sign of any sort of emotion that he’d betrayed. “So if you’re going to be alright here, I’m just going to head back out and keep working.”

“Mark, I’m
sorry
,” Nikki said, desperate for some sort of acknowledgment. She stepped forward quickly and reached out to touch Mark’s arm.

Before her fingers landed on his sleeve Mark suddenly seemed to come to life. He jumped back from her touch so quickly that he stumbled backward and had to grab at the wall for support, backing away from Nikki like she was diseased.

Nikki stood there in shock with her hand still outstretched. Tears sprang to her eyes and she had to blink them back.

“I… I’m sorry,” she repeated blankly. “I just want you to know I didn’t mean those things. Any of them. Okay?”

Mark nodded tightly and dodged around Nikki for the door. As he moved past Nikki caught a glimpse of his face drawn tight and pale. His eyes looked haunted. His shoulders were slumped forward like he was pulling back from a blow.

At the entrance to the apartment Mark paused with his hand hovering over the doorknob. He cocked his head back and Nikki watched the curve of his neck since he wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“It really is okay,” he said softly, with an imitation of that empty smile. But he couldn’t keep the sadness out of it this time; it tugged down the corners of his mouth, making him look young and lost. “Nothing you said was a lie.”

Then he walked out. As soon as the door shut, Nikki collapsed into tears.

Mark’s feet pounded the pavement as he stormed through the streets of New York without seeing them. He didn’t know where he was or where he was going. All he saw was the anger and disdain on Nikki’s face as she sneered at him for thinking he was capable of doing anything right. Of helping anyone. Of being anything but a disaster.

Of being worthy of her attention.

A shoulder slammed into Mark’s and a big muscle-bound guy whirled around with a shout. When he caught a glimpse of Mark’s face, though, something made him pause and let it go with a scowl. Mark barely noticed; he strode forward at a frantic pace, putting as much distance as possible between himself and all the mistakes he had made.

Like talking to Nikki. He should have known - he
should
have
known
. It had happened before; what on earth had made him think it wouldn’t happen again? When you opened up to people they remembered your weaknesses and used them to tear you apart. Just because Nikki smiled when he laughed and listened raptly when he described the process of investigation didn’t mean she was any different. Clearly.

“Hey!” a feminine voice shouted. Mark stopped in his tracks and looked back instinctively. A short, curvy brunette was staring in dismay at the shopping bag he’d accidentally torn out of her hands when he passed by. Its contents were strewn all over the ground, which was awkward since her shopping seemed to consist entirely of lacy black underwear.

As angry as Mark was, he couldn’t ignore a woman the same way he’d ignored the man that had almost confronted him. He walked back and stooped down on the pavement gamely, though he wasn’t quite sure whether to actually help her pick up the garments or not. “I’m very sorry, ma’am,” he said when the brunette leveled a glare at him.

She stared at him with wide brown eyes for a moment before exhaling. “Guess I can’t be too mad at any guy in New York City who says ‘ma’am’. But watch where you’re going, okay?”

Mark nodded solemnly. By that point she’d finished stowing everything back inside her bag, so he offered her a hand up. Her palm was warm and very soft against his. It made Mark realize that Nikki’s hand didn’t feel like this, not exactly. Nikki’s fingers still had slight callouses from all her years of painting and sketching for hours every day.

“Rosa,” the woman said, holding on for several seconds longer than strictly necessary. She flashed him a wide, toothy grin.

“Hello, Rosa. I’m Mark and I’m very sorry about, er, knocking into you.” He felt trapped by the look she was giving him, though surely it was innocent enough. Flattering, even. Mark made himself study the brunette. His eye was drawn to her ample curves, and the way she dressed to highlight them. Her hair was big in that way women’s hair sometimes was that Mark couldn’t quite figure out. It was probably witchcraft, or maybe a lot of hairspray.