Determination (8 page)

“I’ll text you later,” Brian promised, and double-locked the door behind Leo when he left. Finally alone in our new apartment, Brian was anxious to show me everything about it. We walked past Alex’s couch and into the tiny kitchen, where he showed me how he’d organized it.

Then he pulled me around the corner to show me a bathroom no bigger than our half bath back home. The room was just big enough to hold a tub with a shower, a sink, and a toilet. The barren white walls gleamed, as they did in every other room we’d seen. I didn’t care. Brian and I were together, and we had a roof over our head. Everything else, we’d work out.

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“Are you hungry?” Brian asked as he took a half step toward me.

His gaze had almost turned predatory, and there was only one thing that I wanted right then.

“No.” I moved another step closer to him.

“Want to watch a movie?” He smiled, and the expression just made butterflies erupt in my stomach.

“No.”

Our lips met first as we stood next to our new, shared bed, and then his fingers ruffled the back of my short hair as our limbs wound around each other. I caressed his face with one of my hands, feeling the stubble from the day scratch against my palm. The way his body hummed under my hands, his hard chest rubbing against mine, made my heart pound, and I moaned into his mouth. His breaths were harsh against my face, as I’m sure mine were against his.

“We shouldn’t do this. I don’t want to hurt you,” Brian murmured against my lips as I pulled at his shirt. Our mouths met again as I succeeded in tugging his T-shirt up over his nipples. Finally, he moved back just enough to allow me to get the shirt over his head. It hadn’t even hit the ground before he was kissing me again. My trembling hands explored all the delicate lines of his bare back, and his fingers slid down my back into the waistband of my loose sweats.

“I want to touch you,” I whispered as I pulled my own shirt over my head. “It doesn’t have to be anything intense. Just lay down in bed with me, and let’s see what happens. I promise we’ll be careful.” I wanted our first night in our own place to be about love and hope, not regret and pain. Against my cheek where his forehead rested, I felt a small nod. Pulling down my borrowed sweats, I took my new briefs with them and stood naked before him. Brian stepped back to look at me, and I saw his eyes cloud over with pain as he again took inventory of my injuries. His sadness made my heart clench.

I tilted his chin up so that his eyes met mine, and his expression softened. With a small kiss, I moved past him to drag back the covers and climb into our new bed.
Our bed.
The sheets had a stiffness to them that reminded me of a new shirt. My half-hard cock showed interest as Brian smiled down at me. He opened his fly and tugged his jeans and 46

Jamie Mayfield

boxers down long, muscled legs. I tried not to think about how perfect his skin was while the burn and my other injuries had permanently scarred mine. I pushed away the thought that he would be better off finding someone whole, because he didn’t want someone whole—he wanted me.

As he started to climb into bed with me, he stopped and jumped off again. I didn’t understand for a minute until he strode to the front door and turned off the light.

“In case we fall asleep,” he explained when he finally reclined on his side next to me on the bed. The light coming in from the window over our heads allowed me to see his beautiful face as he hovered above me. When I lifted up to kiss him, Brian put one arm behind my head while his other hand stroked my cheek. I let one hand fall back above my head, and our fingers intertwined as he explored my mouth with his. My other arm nestled under his body, and I ran my hand up and down his bare back. I reveled in the feeling of his skin, the scent of his body, and the safety of his arms.

With me on my back and him on his side, he half draped himself over me, being careful not to touch the bandage on my abdomen. I loved his weight against my chest, his fingers entwined in mine, and the way his deep, probing kisses made me throb. Everything about Brian turned me on. He let go of my hand and rubbed my chest, just lightly enough for an electric buzz to shoot down my spine. My nipples hardened when he stroked the small patch of hair between them and then lower. I rested my free hand on his arm to have a connection with him and stroked gently up to his shoulder.

“How are you feeling, baby? Are you hurting?” he whispered between tender kisses on my neck. I found it hard to focus with his hands and mouth working in tandem on my body.

“Please don’t stop,” I pleaded, surprised to hear how hoarse my voice sounded in the whisper. “This is the best I’ve felt in years. We’re in
our
bed, Brian.
Our bed.
I love you so much, and I’m going to make myself worthy of your trust and your love. This is the beginning of something special, baby, I promise.” His hand came back up to my face, and he cradled it as he kissed me, sealing our promise to each other.

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His arms closed around me, and in our new bed, in our new place, it was the first time in a long time that I felt like I was home.

Brian would always be my home.

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Jamie Mayfield

Five

WHEN I woke, I felt disoriented, and my heart began to race. I could feel my pulse in my temples as I tried to get my eyes to focus in the darkness of the room. The size of the bed reminded me of being at Steven’s apartment, as did the open space beyond the foot of it. Brian mumbled in his sleep and tightened his arm around my chest, and I started to calm. Closing my eyes, I could hear the faint thud of heavy bass in the distance like a slow, steady heartbeat. A cramp tore through my back from lying in the same position for hours, and I slid carefully out of Brian’s arms. He grunted, shifted his body into the newly vacant space, and slept on. I could never get tired of watching Brian sleep because his angelic face relaxed and he looked peaceful.

My bladder insisted I move from the bedside, and my mouth tasted like battery acid mixed with pond scum, so I went into the bathroom. As I stood in front of the toilet blissfully emptying my aching bladder, I saw a couple of brand-new toothbrushes and other toiletries sitting on the back of the sink. The care with which Brian had gotten the apartment ready made my heart ache. I had given him such a hard time, initially because I hadn’t believed he’d thought things out, had thought he’d acted on impulse. His actions over the last few days since I had woken up in the boardinghouse had proved me wrong over and over.

After cleaning up a bit and brushing my teeth, I walked out into the living room area, still naked, and tried to navigate to the kitchen by feeling my way around the furniture. I made it to the open doorway and ran my hand over the walls, trying to find the light switch. Since the Determination

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kitchen appeared to be around the corner and down a bit from the bed, I hoped the light wouldn’t bother Brian. I hadn’t eaten since that morning, and I wanted to see if I could scrounge something up.

As my fingers found a switch on the wall and moved it, a dim fluorescent bulb above the stove illuminated the tiny space. A refrigerator, stove, microwave, and even a dishwasher filled the room with surprising efficiency. The linoleum floor gleamed in the low light, obstructed only by a thin navy-blue rug that lay in front of the sink. A matching blue dishtowel hung from the handles of one of the drawers.

It felt so domestic, so homey, I couldn’t help but smile.

The refrigerator held a bounty of food, including eggs, milk, and a couple of different kinds of lunch meat and cheese. It looked haphazardly stocked, as if it had been done in a hurry. Packages of bologna and sliced cheese were thrown in next to a jar of mayonnaise and a sealed bottle of mustard. Bacon peeked out from behind the first row of food, and I considered making bacon and eggs. A bit of toast and butter would seal the deal.

Out of curiosity, I opened the freezer to see what it contained. All thoughts of bacon and eggs were lost as I found a stash of frozen pizzas stacked one on top of the other, filling half the freezer’s space. Steven hated frozen pizzas, so I never even considered buying them when I had lived with him, but I used to live on them back home in Alabama.

When Mama would have her church meetings and Daddy worked, I’d pop a pizza in and hang out in front of our big-screen in the living room, able to watch whatever I wanted. Mama had never let me watch some of the shows the other guys at school had talked about because of the sex or what she considered “immoral” behavior. But when I had been there alone, eating my frozen pizza and chips, I had felt just like every other teenager on the planet.

After flipping through the different options, I picked a sausage and pepperoni and laid it on the counter. It took me a few minutes to figure out how to work the oven because the configuration of knobs and buttons was different from the oven I’d been using at Steven’s apartment, but eventually it started to heat up. I sliced open the plastic wrapping around the pizza and left it sitting on the cardboard. After searching for a few minutes, I found a box of aluminum foil and a pizza 50

Jamie Mayfield

cutter. It seemed fortune had smiled on me at last. It was strange to get so nostalgic, so excited, over frozen pizza, but for those few minutes, I could be happy.

The oven reached the temperature I’d set, so I put the foil-lined pizza onto the top rack and closed the door. The small bistro table just outside the kitchen had comfortable chairs. I looked back into the kitchen at the digital clock and calculated the eighteen minutes until my pizza would be ready. It was strange to be sitting at the table nude, but I felt comfortable here, and I didn’t want to bother Brian by looking for my sweats.

After about twelve minutes, the smell of pizza started to waft through the apartment. I cringed back into my chair as I remembered the last time I’d baked tomato sauce and cheese. I remembered his face changing as rage consumed him. I remembered watching the plate fly toward me. I remembered wishing I’d left my sauce-splattered shirt on as the scalding cheese burned layers of skin off my stomach. The tears started before I could really understand why.

For the first time since it happened, I put my head down on the table and cried.

“Honey, what is it?” A hand stroked the back of my head and then rested on my neck. I sat up and wiped my eyes before leaning over and resting my head against Brian’s naked hip. The anger and pain I had felt just a moment before dissipated under his touch.

“It’s something stupid. It’s nothing,” I mumbled and closed my eyes, letting his body warm me. He smelled like sleep, sweat, and a little like sex. It was intoxicating.

“It’s not stupid if it upset you, baby,” he answered and rubbed lightly between my shoulder blades. “Is that frozen pizza I smell?”

“Yeah, it’s just about ready. Are you hungry?” I asked as I opened my eyes again and looked up at him. I loved his sleepy smile and the way his hair went everywhere. Small red lines, left by creases in the pillow, crossed over his pale cheek.

“Hell yes, I’m hungry,” he said and leaned down to kiss my neck.

In a low, sexy voice, he murmured, “And I’d like some food too.” He winked lewdly at me, and I laughed. God, it felt so good to be with Determination

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him. I was so accustomed to being scared all the time, to watching every move I made so I didn’t get a fist to the jaw. With Brian, I never had to worry about that—ever.

“Want me to put another one in?” I asked, and scrambled out of the chair.

“I’ll get it. I think I’ll eat a whole pizza myself. I’m starving.” He put a hand on my shoulder and walked past me into the kitchen, so I sat back down, disappointed. After everything he’d done for me lately, I could at least make him a damn frozen pizza, but he didn’t seem to think anything of it. He grabbed another pizza from the freezer, unwrapped it, and put it in the oven.

“Babe, I think the first one is ready. I’m going to take it out,” he called, and I smirked as I stood. Walking into the kitchen, I waited for him to set the hot pizza on the counter and bend to close the oven door.

I pressed my groin against his ass and put my hands on his hips. He stood slowly and half turned with a smile. The decadent feel of his bare skin against mine and the sweet smell of his skin made me want to skip the pizza and take him back to bed. When Alex had helped to get the apartment ready, he’d bought us coconut bodywash because it was something he liked. At first, I hadn’t care one way or the other, but after smelling it on Brian for the last couple of weeks, the scent made me hard.

“As much as I love to watch you take it out… you’re naked, darlin’—it’s already out,” I told him in a low voice against his neck. He moaned, a deep animalistic sound in his throat. He reached up and cupped the back of my head with his hand before turning his head and capturing my lips with his in a hot, slow, decadent kiss.

“You’re making me hard,” he whispered. I chuckled in his ear and ran my hand up his naked thigh before grabbing the pizza cutter just in front of him on the counter.