Deviations: Submission (12 page)

distasteful. But you're far too good a submissive to deny meand if you do, there's always the punishments. I am a strict master, Noah. There will be chores, obligations, and 102

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discipline. Punishments will be easy to earn and hard to avoid, although not outrageous."

"Respect is far more difficult to earn, I think," Noah said.

"Not one Dom I've had a session with at the club has challenged me the way I need to be. I'm a good sub, I know that much. The easy stuff comes naturally. With most Doms, if I remembered to call them sir and did what I was told, that was enough." He glanced at Tobias. "That's not enough for me."

"Of course it's not, this isn't a game for you." Tobias wanted to move around the table, wanted to be physically closer-and that was the rip in his control he'd been waiting for, his signal to himself to back off. "I'll send a car for you on Friday," he said, passing Noah a blank card and his pen. "I'll need your address and the time you get home. Don't bring anything except a change of clothes for Monday. If there is a problem between now and then, please page me."

"You'll make sure I get enough sleep Sunday night to function at work on Monday morning, right? I don't really want to have to explain to my partner why I'm dozing in the squad car." Noah winked and took the pen, leaning over the table to write. He wrote down his address, and Tobias recognized it as a one of the downtown neighborhoods. "I usually walk in the door about four-thirty, give or take a few minutes if the subways are off. How should I reach you if I get stuck late with an arrest or something? Your pager?"

Tobias nodded. "That's fine. I'll send the car for quarter to five; that should let you get home, gather your bag and start shedding your ... occupation. Will the hour in the car give you 103

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enough time to adjust your frame of mind, or will you need some help when you get there?"

"The hour should be enough, thanks for thinking of that."

Noah smiled. "Do you want the session to start as soon as I'm out of the car, or will you have a contract for me to look over first?"

Tobias stopped to think about that, considering how to word his reply. "I think ... I hope that reading over the contract will be sufficient, and that changes will not be needed. But once it's signed, Noah, you'll be my sub.

Exclusively. There will not be a time for the next six months that you will not call me sir or master, and it won't stop unless you safeword. There will be scenes, of course, with defined times ... but once you sign, that's it."

Noah nodded, also appearing to think over his reply carefully. He chewed on his lip a moment and then took a deep breath and sighed. "Right. I understand that." He took a sip of his tea. "So, how about if I read the contract, we negotiate whatever changes there might be, if any, and then we behave as if it's been signed for the weekend? Then you give me the week to think it over and sign it, or decide not to, when I'm in my own space. Is that fair?"

"A trial run?" Tobias wasn't terribly happy with the idea.

"You'll know it's not real."

"Hm. You'd rather I either sign it or not, on the spot. You really want me to need those safe words, don't you?" Noah winked. "All right, we'll do it your way. I either sign it or I don't on Friday. Will you agree to give me, say, thirty minutes alone to make up my mind?"

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Tobias smiled, a wide, teasing grin. "If you take much longer than that you'll be cleaning stalls. Naked. You've had a tetanus shot, haven't you?"

"Hopefully I won't even need that long, right? Wait ...

stalls? You have horses? Or cows? Was that the reason I heard a cow on the phone the other day?" Noah grinned.

Tobias merely smiled, made sure he had his pen and Noah's address safely in his pocket, and stood up.

"Goodnight, Noah. The driver's name is Jorge, the car is a Mercedes, and I'll see you Friday."

Without another glance at Noah, for fear he'd succumb to idle talk and the man's charisma, he opened the door and slipped out, pausing only long enough to make sure that the meal was paid for before he escaped into the street. He had a great deal of shopping to do, and only three days to arrange it.

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Chapter 10

Noah stayed and finished his dinner, a little disappointed by Tobias' hasty retreat. He'd been hoping that he and Tobias could talk a little, get to know each other. But the longer he sat there alone the more he realized that getting to know each other wasn't the point, and Tobias had probably left abruptly to make sure business stayed business. Noah could respect that. He had been surprised to find the bill paid though; he'd rather wanted to do that himself.

Well. This was the beginning of something, wasn't it?

He sprang for a cab ride home instead of waiting for the subway and paged Brett on the way. He needed a reality check, he needed to hear that he was ready, that it was okay to be scared, that it was natural to be nervous. He needed to hear these things, even though he knew them already, even though Tobias had told him he'd be safe, because he didn't trust himself to make a decision like this alone anymore.

He waited about ten minutes for his cell phone to ring, and it did at last, just as he was walking in the door. He dug it out of his pocket and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Noah? Noah, what's wrong? Are you all right?"

Noah breathed a sigh of relief. "Hey, Brett. Yeah. Yeah I'm okay. I was just..."

"Are you stuck someplace? You need a ride or something?"

"No. Nothing like that, I'm fine, Brett."

"You know you paged me with 911."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I needed you to call me right away." Noah started pacing in the hall.

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Brett snorted, clearly annoyed. "Noah, this had better be an emergency, I'm not at your beck and call anymore."

Noah wondered if this was a bad idea after all, but he had to talk to someone, and Brett was his only real friend on the scene. "I know! I know, I know, I'm sorry, Brett. Jesus." He rubbed his fingers into his forehead.

It was Brett's turn to sigh and his tone became more sympathetic. "Okay, baby, okay, calm down. What's the matter? You haven't used that code in months."

Many months. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he had. "Brett, I think I'm going to sign a contract." There was a long silence on the other end of the line. "Did you hear me? I was out tonight negotiating ... Brett?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here. With Dr. Vincent?"

"He's a doctor?" Noah stopped pacing to let that sink in.

"He's a veterinarian." Brett informed him.

Noah sat on his sofa, his train of thought interrupted.

"Huh. No shit."

"Wait, you're about to sign a contract with the guy and you don't even know what he does for a living?"

"Fuck," Noah groaned.

"Not for a living..."

"Cows."

"Excuse me?"

"I can't believe I didn't ask him what he does for a living!"

Noah slapped his palm into his forehead.

"Noah, you're not connecting your dots, baby." Brett's tone was a little condescending.

"Stop calling me 'baby', Brett."

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Brett sighed into the phone. "Oh shit. I didn't even notice."

"You never notice." Noah hadn't been able to break him of the habit since the day they split up.

"Must have been the 911 on my pager. I'm feeling all protective."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Okay, look. We've just come full circle here, right? Why did you call me?"

"I want to sign on with Tobias," Noah told him flatly.

"Exclusive?"

"Yeah."

"Full-time sub?"

"Apart from my work and my volunteer stuff, yeah. And not live-in or anything. Full time headwork though."

"It sounds like just what you need, ba ... Noah."

Noah was pacing again. "I'm scared, Brett. I'm terrified.

I'm nervous."

"I know." Brett's voice was calm, reassuring, exactly what Noah had been looking for. "But you're ready."

"Do you really think so?"

"Yeah, I think so. For starters, when was the last time you had two sessions in as many weeks with anyone? He's the right Dom for you and you know it. And anyway he's ...

you're not going to find anyone better than he is."

"You think?"

"He's tough as nails, Noah, and he's interested in you."

"Yeah? He said that? What did you guys talk about?"

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"He didn't say it in those words, but he talked to me, he talked to Bradford. You don't do that if you're not considering long-term."

"What did he say, Brett?"

"He wanted to know about your hang-ups, he wanted to know your buttons..."

"You told him about the cage, didn't you?" Noah sank into his couch again. Sometimes he wished he was a drinker.

"Yeah, baby, I had to. But don't worry, he thinks I should be shot at dawn and you came out smelling like a rose."

Noah sighed. "Brett..."

"I'm glad you found someone, Noah. Someone good."

"You were good, Brett. You still are." Noah had always felt bad for Brett. Sure Brett had made a mistake, and yes, it had been a bad one, but even Noah hadn't anticipated he'd panic like that. Noah's fears weren't caused by Brett, Brett just wasn't ever able to get past them.

Brett growled at him. "Fuck you. Don't say that, Noah."

Noah's wounds from that day had healed. Brett's hadn't.

"Brett, come on, we're past this."

"You're past it, and I'm glad you are." Noah could hear Brett lighting up in the background.

"You should be."

"I know I should be, but I'm not. I might never be." Noah felt bad about the emotion in Brett's voice.

"It's been over a year—"

"I'm not yet, Noah, okay?" Brett interrupted. "But I'm glad you're moving on, baby, I am. I'm happy for you."

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Noah didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything at all.

"Are you still there?"

"Yeah."

"Look, I'm sorry. This is about you, right? And I think you should do it, Noah. Sign the contract. Tobias has an incredible reputation. He's gonna rock your world, baby, I know it."

"Yeah, okay, Brett. I will." Noah knew it was the right thing; he really didn't need Brett to tell him so after all, but it was still good to hear. Validating. It was the reality check he'd been looking for. "Thanks for calling back, Brett."

"I love you."

"I ... know." Noah shook his head at himself. Damn it. He didn't miss Brett as a Dom, but he didn't hold a grudge either.

After the incident, Brett needed someone to help him regain his confidence and Noah had tried to stay on with him and make it work but in the end it had been too hard on them both.

Brett sighed. "He'll never do better than you either, you know."

"Thanks, Brett. Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm just happy for you and sort of sad too, you know?"

"I know. Be good, go kick someone's ass." He tried to sound like he was smiling.

Brett chuckled. "Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight." Noah hung up the phone and collapsed back in the couch.

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Chapter 11

"Are you sure you have everything?" Mrs. Miller asked as she gathered her things. "Everything is all right for supper?"

Tobias leaned against the wall of the kitchen and watched her fret. "We'll be fine," he told her.

"I'm not sure if there are enough eggs for Sunday breakfast," she said, disappearing again into the pantry, making worried noises.

He knew it was an act. He was aware that she knew he knew. But still they danced around each other, him insisting that everything was fine and ready for the weekend, and her stalling with all reasonableness so she could meet the new boy.

"How long have you known him?" she'd asked him earlier in the week. "Are you good friends?"

He'd rolled his eyes at the phone, safely an hour's drive from her, and had calmly said, "He's coming for the weekend, I'll be down first on Friday. Don't do anything, I'll take care of—"

She'd interrupted with a delicate snort. "Honestly, you always say that, but I doubt very much if you can manage three days' worth of meals on your own-I'm well aware that Phantom did your cooking for you, and I'm quite sure he's not going to come and do that for your new ... friend. Noah, you said?"

"Yes," he'd sighed. "Noah." And then he'd realized that there was no way Noah would see the inside of the house 111

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without Mrs. Miller being there. He made a note to call and warn him, as soon as possible. "I'll see you Friday."

He'd immediately called Noah, sending the poor man into a fairly well-hidden panic. He'd felt bad, but it was best for all of them that Noah be aware that they wouldn't be entirely alone until Jorge had taken Mrs. Miller back with him. He didn't, however, warn Noah of anything other than the fact that his housekeeper would be there for a few minutes; it was far more fun to watch the lady work with raw material.

Mrs. Miller came bustling out of the pantry with a fair amount of speed, and went to her bag. She looked determined, and Tobias had to bite his lip to keep from laughing-he could only assume the car was coming up the drive. He hoped Noah had some experience with domineering women as well as men.

He followed her to the door and watched the Mercedes pull up, Jorge in front, Noah in back. The sun was on the other side of the house, and the shadows were just beginning to stretch out across the fields. It was rather pretty, he thought absently as Jorge and Noah both climbed out of the car.