Devil Said Bang (32 page)

“Is there any Spiritus Dei around here?”

“There’s a small bottle in the medicine
cabinet.”

On the way back to the Chateau, we make a quick
stop at the Beat Hotel. I feel bad about Kasabian. If I’m a shit magnet, he’s a
getting-stomped magnet. Maybe I should’ve forced him to come with us. He
would’ve loved that. One more thing to complain about.

At the Chateau, Candy and I break more furniture
and afterward I try to figure out what to do next. The sofa won’t budge. It sits
like an iceberg surrounded by a sinking Titanic of broken furniture.

I go to the window to have a smoke. Something that
might be an iceberg slides down Sunset Boulevard, tearing up the road, smashing
windows in the buildings across the street, and crushing cars. Then it slips
silently out of sight. The stars overhead blink on and off like colored
Christmas-tree lights. In the distance, there’s the glow of fire and sound of
sirens. What’s that line from
The Outlaw Josie
Wales
? “Get ready, little lady. Hell is coming for breakfast.”

I
t
comes to me sometime around dawn. Fuck Saint James. I don’t need him. I want the
Key to the Room of Thirteen Doors but I’m doing fine without it. It’s sure not
enough to put up with this carousel of bullshit. An apple-cheeked ghost that has
everyone jumpy as a chicken on an electric fence. A pushy skeleton whining like
the clingiest girlfriend since Ophelia. A fruit bat in Malibu who has high tea
with skeletons. Downtown is turning to shit again and L.A. is on fire. And I
know things are only going to get worse. If Semyazah can’t handle Hell, how am I
supposed to? I don’t need any of it. Fuck Saint James. Aelita and King Cairo are
the ones I need to worry about and by “worry about,” I mean kill.

W
e’re
sitting in a stolen Ford soccer-mom SUV between a hipster art gallery and a
costume store.

“So this is your idea of a double date,” says
Allegra.

“You wanted back in the field. Welcome to the
exciting world of trench warfare.”

“We’re just sitting here.”

“We’re waiting for the order to advance. Then we
run straight into the enemy’s machine guns and barbed wire.”

“But until then, we have teriyaki,
gyoza,
and miso soup,” says Candy, passing around
Styrofoam cartons.

“And sake,” says Vidocq. “I will light a candle for
the lovely goddess Matsuo to honor every bottle she has given to us over the
years.”

Candy says, “That’s going to be a fire hazard.”

“What’s life without risk?” says Vidocq.

“Long,” says Allegra. “And with a lot of time to be
grateful for the stupid things you didn’t do. Like staking out a killer’s
apartment.”

“We’re not staking out Cairo’s apartment. I think
he owns the whole building.”

“I feel better knowing we’re after a man with real
estate. It makes the whole thing seem friendlier,” says Candy.

Allegra dunks a
gyoza
in soy sauce with her chopstick and feeds it to Vidocq. He smiles and kisses her
lightly on the lips.

He says, “The good father tells me that you
witnessed the Via Dolorosa yesterday.”

I nod, keeping my eye on a doorway across the
street.

“That I did. Traven’s turning into a real bruiser.
He’s done that to other people? After Amanda stopped by, he wanted to come with
me to meet Teddy Osterberg. That would have been a lot of laughs.”

Vidocq shakes his head. Sips more sake.

“The father is a good and serious man. He would
never abuse his power.”

“If you say so. I just hope he isn’t a kid with a
loaded gun.”

Candy stops eating for a second.

“Is that crack aimed at me?”

“Your gun is unloaded. I checked.”

She turns to Allegra.

“Stark is going to take me shooting. You and Eugène
should come with us.”

“That sounds like fun.”

Candy frowns.

“Father Traven isn’t Sub Rosa, is he?”

“No.”

“Then how can he do the Dolorosa?”

I shrug and take a bite of teriyaki chicken.

“Allegra isn’t Sub Rosa and I taught her to make
fire with her hands.”

Allegra waves her chopsticks like shaking her
head.

“You didn’t teach me that magic. You gave it to
me.”

“Fair enough. But there are some kinds of old
hoodoo that even civilians can do if they learn the right spells and make the
right sacrifices. Which is the problem. They didn’t grow up around real magic
and they don’t understand the power they’re playing with.”

Vidocq says, “Plus, much of the most common old
magic is Baleful. That’s what Father Traven used.”

“What’s Baleful magic?” says Candy.

“It’s what Sub Rosas call black magic,” I say.

Vidocq says, “The Sub Rosa believe in four systems
of magic. The Aethereal, which describes psychic abilities, scrying,
telekinesis, and the like.”

“In other words, standing-there magic,” I say.

“There’s Corporeal magic. Physical magic.”

“Touchy-feely magic.”

“Magic with the hands,” says Vidocq. “Potions.
Healing. Charm making. The reading of objects. And there’s Baleful.”

“Which is the most popular. Especially with kids.
That’s why even owning most of the old Baleful books is illegal and Traven has
piles of them.”

“What’s the fourth kind of magic?” asks Candy.

Vidocq says, “Theoretical magic.”

“What’s theoretical?”

“God,” I say. “The angels. The stuff that holds the
universe together and makes it run. It might not even be magic the way we
understand it. That’s why it’s theoretical.”

Candy punches me lightly on the arm.

“Why don’t you tell me these things?”

“I don’t think about them. Why should I bug you? If
you want to know more, talk to the Frenchman or borrow one of his books.”

Vidocq makes a small bow, his mouth full of
chicken. He swallows and says, “I’d be honored to loan you one or two.”

“Just history. Nothing practical,” I say.

Allegra laughs like she just got something over on
her little sister.

“You can learn some magic after you learn to
shoot,” I say.

“Thanks, Daddy. You going to get me that
two-wheeler for my birthday?”

“For that, I thought I’d teach you how to steal
cars.”

“I’m glad to see that this relationship is keeping
you both out of trouble,” says Allegra.

Candy puts her hand on Allegra’s arm.

“Did he tell you where he’s crashing?”

“Later. I’ll tell her about it myself.”

“Lucifer’s private suite in the Chateau Marmont,”
Candy says.

Allegra looks at her food, moving it around the
container with her chopsticks.

“You two must still be tight if he’s loaning you
his apartment.”

Allegra had a tsunami-size freak-out when I was
Samael’s bodyguard while he was in town working on a movie. We barely spoke for
a while. I didn’t even say good-bye when I went back to Hell.

“I don’t know how they’d be tighter,” says Candy.
She laughs.

“Shut up.”

Candy looks at me, then at Allegra.

“Oh. Shit. I’m sorry.”

She puts down her food.

“That’s why I wanted to tell her,” I say.

“Tell me what?” Allegra says.

I sit there like an idiot. My mouth won’t open. I
know what will happen when it does.

Vidocq says, “Darling, things have changed a great
deal while Stark was in Hell.”

Allegra’s hand moves halfway to her mouth. A
gesture of fear or concern or maybe she’s just stifling a burp.

“My God. You didn’t sell him your soul to get out,
did you?”

“No,” I say.

I keep looking across the street at Cairo’s
place.

“I am Lucifer.”

I turn and Allegra is looking at me like I answered
her in Urdu.

I say, “I didn’t ask for it and I don’t want it.
Lucifer, the one you know about, dumped the job on me. I had to protect Alice
and the other souls down there. I didn’t have a choice.”

She sets down her chopsticks.

“So now you take souls and lead people into
sin.”

“Mostly I just handle paperwork.”

She looks at Vidocq.

“You knew about this?”

He nods.

“It wasn’t my place. He wanted to tell you
himself.”

She looks at Candy.

“You know too. So I’m the only ignorant one here.
Why is that?”

“Because of how you’re acting now,” I say. “You
said that all that stuff that happened between us before was over and forgotten,
but it’s not. You liked it when I showed you how there was real magic in the
world. But you couldn’t handle it when it got down to the hard stuff. Magic and
Lurkers were fun and sexy, but Heaven and Hell? You never even tried to deal
with them and they’re part of everything that’s happening.”

Allegra is quiet for a minute. She looks out the
van’s window at the sky.

“Is that why the sky keeps changing colors? Or the
sinkholes?”

“I hadn’t heard about sinkholes. And I don’t know
anything about the sky. I was talking about my current employment situation. I’m
half a person with half the universe on my back, and if you think that makes me
a monster, then you can go to Hell yourself, princess. The door handle’s there
and there’s a bus stop at the corner.”

She sits for a minute looking at the floor, then
slides the van’s side door open hard enough that it almost comes back on her.
She gets out and walks away.

Vidocq gives me a look he’s never given me before.
Like he actually wants to hit me.

“Well handled, boy. As graceful as always.”

“You better hurry. Make sure she doesn’t fall and
crack her halo.”

Vidocq gets out and slams the door closed.

Candy and I sit in silence for a minute.

“Well, that just happened,” she says. “I have a big
mouth. I’m sorry I said anything.”

“Forget it. It was going to happen sooner or later.
Wait here.”

Lula Hawks, tattoos and scarred face, is walking
our way. I get out and go around to her.

“Are you stalking me? You could have just asked for
an autograph.”

She takes a startled step back.

“What are you doing here?” she says.

“I asked first.”

She nods toward Cairo’s place.

“You know King lives over there, right?”

“Yeah. When he comes back, I’m going to kill
him.”

She pushes her hands deep into the pockets of her
leather jacket. Takes a breath. That wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

“How is it you know him and want to sell him out to
a bad person like me?”

“We went out for a while,” she says. Shakes her
head. “I don’t like what he’s become since Aelita arrived. He’s out of
control.”

“He’s always been out of control.”

“Not like nowadays.”

“Why did you send me to that stiff, Manimal Mike?
He was pretty much useless.”

“What does ‘pretty much’ mean?”

“It means I have important questions and he didn’t
know shit.”

“What did he say?”

“He said the girl tried to cut Saint James and that
he ran off somewhere called Blue Heaven but he didn’t know where it was.”

“Anything else?”

“Nothing. I had to twist his greasy arm to do some
Tick Tock work for a guy I know. That’s all.”

She nods like she’s deep in thought. “So, he told
you where this Saint James is and his motives for going there. And that the
ghost girl attacked him specifically, not randomly. He also agreed to do tens of
thousands of dollars of Tick Tock work for, I’m guessing, free. You call that
nothing?”

“When you put it like that, it sounds like
something, but I’m telling you, the way it came out of his whiskey hole, it sure
seemed like a lot of nothing.”

“I’m glad I could help you take a second look. Now
I’d like to go before anybody sees me talking to you.”

“What happened to your face? Did Cairo do that to
you?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I know but I’m uncouth, so I thought I’d ask.”

“And I answered.”

There’s something about her.

“Have we met before? I mean before
Blackburn’s.”

“Why did I even bother talking to you? You’re as
bad as King. Leave me alone.”

She takes a couple of steps back and detours around
me, heading the way she’d been walking when I stopped her.

I’m making all kinds of friends today.

When I get back to the van, Candy says, “Who was
that? Another one of your porn stars?”

“Someone who tried to help me but then I asked a
dickheaded question.”

“She’s the one who told you about Cairo?”

“Yeah.”

“Looks like she told you the truth. There he is.
Who’s that with him?”

“No idea.”

Cairo is walking on the other side of the street
screaming and waving his arm like a windup gorilla. A few feet in front of him
is a pretty dark-haired girl in a long sweater and boots over a tiger-print
dress. He gets up right behind her, shouting loud enough that people turn to
look. He curses at them too. Tiger Stripe Girl keeps walking, trying hard to
ignore him. The leather bag on her shoulder slips and slides down her arm. Cairo
puts a hand out and grabs the strap. Tiger Girl turns and shoves him hard with
both hands. He grabs her arms and shouts in her face. Tiger Girl’s face switches
from disgust to fear. She bends back at the waist to keep some distance between
her and Cairo.

I get out of the van and start across the
street.

Horns honk. Growling engines pass behind me. Most
cars stop. I squeeze between them and wave on the rest.

Cairo turns to check out the noise and sees me. He
smiles. Gives me the finger. Tiger Girl tries to pull away but he has her tight
and he’s dragging her to his door. She swings one of her heavy boots out and
roundhouses Cairo in the shin. He screams a stream of cryptic ’Bama curses and
drops her arm, holding his leg. He lunges at Tiger Girl but pulls up short. Now
it’s his turn to look scared. He backs away and fumbles keys from his pocket.
Opens the steel door to his building and slams it shut.