Devil's Kiss (Hellhounds Motorcycle Club Book 1) (11 page)

“Why?”

“Because I have to sort some things out first.”

“What?”

He sighed. “Alex…I want to stay. But I can’t. How would I live?”

“You can stay with me until you find something.”

“I have no skills, Alex. I will be pushing a broom and emptying trash cans. How would I support a family on eight bucks an hour?”

“We can make it work.”

“I know. And we will. But give me a chance to do better than minimum wage. Alex, I make over a hundred thousand a year now. That is the life I want to give you. Not the life of a guy that flips burgers.”

A hundred thousand dollars a year? The amount ricocheted around in my mind. I thought I was doing well at sixty. What did he
do?
“How much you make isn’t important.”

“It’s important to me.”

I thought about that a moment. I knew some men didn’t want their partners making more than them, but I was surprised that Cain was like that. Or was he? Maybe it wasn’t the money as much as being a good provider.
“Why? Why does it matter?”

“Because, it does. I remember when we didn’t have
anything
and I want better for my kid.”

“Tell me what you do, Cain. Please. I won’t tell a soul.”

He was quiet for a long time, but I waited him out. “I can’t,” he whispered.

“Okay.” I felt the connections that had formed with him wither.

“Alex, please understand. I swore an oath. I can’t break that. The only thing I ever had was my word. I can’t break it. Just like I’m promising you, I will be here for you. All you have to do is call and I
will
be here. Every doctor’s appointment, every class, every time you need me, I will be here.”

I didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” he murmured.

“So am I,” I whispered
as I rolled to my side and turned my back to him.

He pulled me in close but the connection was gone. There was so much about him that I didn’t know, so much that he wouldn’t tell me. Was I just supposed to trust him? There were just too many unknowns. The 1% patch was a big problem. He could tell me it meant he rode his bike rain or shine, but I didn’t believe it for a moment. Not with him pulling down six figures working for the club. No, he was mixed up in something illegal, no matter what he said. Maybe it wasn’t drugs, but it was something.

Machined Parts…
Something they imported and put together. I tried to figure out what he wasn’t saying, but I kept coming up empty. Something illegal, but not illegal. Something that generated a lot of cash. As my eyes began to grow heavy I finally gave up thinking about it. It didn’t matter what machine they built, it was still obviously illegal. If it was machines at all. It was just as likely it was all a bunch of lies and they were dealing drugs, despite what he said.

I sighed. I always thought I would be a mother someday, but not like this. Tomorrow I would take him to get his bike, and then he would be gone. Out of my life. I knew I could do this on my own. I had no choice.

Epilogue

Cain dismounted his bike after leaning it over onto the stand in the Hellhounds’ clubhouse parking lot, tired and saddle sore from the eight-hour ride from New Orleans. The time on the road had given him a chance to think, to think about Alex and all that could have been. He needed to check in, but as soon that was done, he was out of there and headed home. First thing in the morning he would contact the bank and start the paperwork to get checks cut for her every week. She would either cash them or not, but if she didn’t, the next contact she received from him would be from a lawyer. He was ready to wash his hands of her.

“Cain! Where have you been, man? Thad has been looking for you,” Clyde said as Cain walked into the clubhouse.

“Yeah. Something came up while I was in New Orleans. I called him yesterday and told him I would be late. I’m going to see him now.”

“Glad you’re back. Trouble’s brewing, bro.”

“What kind of trouble?”

“Bulls trouble.”

“Shit…okay. Where’s Thad?”

“Try the office.”

Cain walked down the short hall to the President’s office, dragging his hand along the restored, teal, 1950 Panhead that decorated the main room.

“Thad?” he asked quietly as he stuck his head into the President’s office.

“Cain, glad you’re back. Get your…issue…resolved?”

“Yes. No. Hell, I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Well, I need you to get your head back in the game. The Bulls are making a move on us.”

“What kind of move?” The Blacktop Bulls were a rival club and were a constant pain in the Hellhounds ass, always yapping at them like one of those little dogs chasing cars. All bark, but if they ever caught the car, they wouldn’t have the first idea what to do with it.

“They are trying to make a move into our business.”

“Guns?”

“Yeah.”

Cain snickered. “Let ‘em. We have the best supply chain in the business. They’re all bark.”

“Not according to New Jersey.”

Cain’s brow furrowed. “Why? What happened?” New Jersey was the club’s nickname for some very heavy hitters out of Newark, just across the river from New York City. They were the Hounds biggest customers.

“They said the Bulls were offering US and NATO weapons at the same prices we get for our stuff.”

“Bullshit!” Cain spat. “There is
no
fucking way they can get NATO arms at those kinds of prices. This is bullshit, Thad. New Jersey is trying to screw us.”

“Maybe. But I had to let their last shipment go at our cost…less shipping…to get the deal through.”

Cain sat in the chair and fumed a moment. “I’ll call Nicolaus and find out what the fuck is going on. I think either the Bulls are fucking with New Jersey or New Jersey is fucking with us, one of the two. Did New Jersey actually see the weapons?”

“Don’t know. Are you sure we are on top of this?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely! Thad, I’m telling you, this stinks to high heaven. The Bulls are just trying to screw us. Why can’t they just stick to running their whores and leave us alone? We don’t shit in their sandbox; why are they shitting in ours?”

“Bad blood, brother. It’s always been this way.”

“We need to clean their clock.”

“If it comes to that, we will. But for now, just find out who is fucking who, and get it straightened out. Let me know if you need anything.”

“I don’t need anything at the moment, and I will find out what the
fuck
is going on. That it?”

“That’s it. Make it happen, Cain.”

“Yeah. I’ve got it.”
Cain kicked the chair back so hard when he stood that it fell to its back. He jerked the chair off the floor and slammed it upright before storming out of the office.
Goddamnit! When it rains, it fucking pours!
He snarled to himself as he stomped out of the clubhouse, kicking over a trashcan along the way.

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DEVIL’S RIDE

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Chapter 1

My eyes flickered open and I lay still, waiting for it to arrive. I knew it would; it always did. I stared at my ceiling a moment and I felt my stomach roll over.
Here it comes,
I thought as I rolled over, hung my head over the edge of the bed, and puked into the large plastic trashcan I had bought just for this purpose.
God, please, why? What did I ever do to deserve this?
I heaved again, my sides cramping as I strained to empty my already empty stomach.

I rolled back over onto my back as I panted and swallowed convulsively, fighting to not heave again. The mornings were the worst. As I lay still, I once again mentally composed my obituary.
Alexandria Nicole Bernhardt: born July 22nd, 1988, died September 16th, 2014. Cause of death: terminal morning sickness.
I had just completed the cause of death when I rolled over and heaved again into the trash can, spitting and gagging.

“Fuck that hurts,” I moaned softly as I flopped back into the bed, but at least I was feeling better. I knew from experience that I had about thirty minutes to get up and eat something or the barfs would start all over again.

I threw the covers back and staggered into the bathroom, taking the trashcan with me. I poured the contents of the can into the toilet, flushed and then filled the plastic container with water from the tub along with a healthy splash of bleach. I then used the toilet myself and rinsed out my mouth before I made my way into the kitchen to make myself a peanut butter sandwich.
  

My stomach rebelled and I had to force the sandwich down, but after about half the sandwich had been consumed, my stomach began to settle and I started feeling better.
Just one more month to go… I hope,
I thought as I took a drink of water to help the gummy sandwich down. That was the only thing keeping me going at this point, the hope that the morning sickness would pass after the first trimester. To be like this for
nine
months was just too depressing to think about.

Feeling better, I returned to the bathroom where I dumped the trashcan into the toilet then set it aside. I started the water for the shower, holding my hand under the stream until it ran warm, before I stepped in and began to scrub. I ran my hands over my stomach. I was just beginning to show. While still easily hidden by my clothes, standing naked in the shower I could tell there was something happening down there and I smiled. I wasn’t going to be able to keep this a secret much longer.

My family and friends knew, but I hadn’t told a soul at work that I was pregnant. I had been frantically looking for a new job, wanting to find one before I told my boss that I had gotten knocked up. I didn’t think he could legally fire me, but he could stuff me in the back room while he built a case against me – not that he needed many more reasons to fire me. I had missed so much work the last three weeks it was embarrassing. I had passed my sickness off as the flu, but that excuse was wearing thin. I would show up at work and everything would be going great until about eleven o’clock. That’s when the upset stomach would hit. Some nights I could get through it, but other nights were terrible. I had tried everything – eating and not eating. I had tried fruit, pasta, peanut butter, all the things that I normally could eat that would help me. Some night it helped, a little, but others, I would puke it up as fast as I could get it down. God it was awful, and it had left me in tears of frustration and misery more than once.

I shoved the thoughts away. I knew thinking about being sick only served to upset my stomach and bring the on the heaves. Today was my second doctor’s visit and I would talk to the doctor about it and find what she recommended that I do.

Finished in the shower, I dried myself and returned to my bedroom, setting my barf can beside the bed. I had forgotten to place it there one night, a mistake I won’t make again.

I dressed in jeans and a comfortable shirt. As I tucked in the shirt, I looked myself over in the mirror. I still had my figure, but there was a thickness about my middle that hadn’t been there before. I smiled as I caressed my baby through the shirt.

I finished getting ready in the bathroom, putting on a light application of makeup, before I returned to my bedroom. As I slipped on my rings and watch, I saw the four checks from Cain lying on my dresser.

The latest one had arrived just yesterday. Each neatly typed check in a typed envelope arrived like clockwork on Thursdays. They looked like a business checks, though only Cain’s personal information was on them. I had been shocked at the amount of the checks when they arrived — a thousand dollar each. I hadn’t cashed them, feeling like if I did so, I would be admitting him into my life. I hadn’t spoken to Cain since he left, after I told him he was a father, until Wednesday when he had called me to confirm that he would be here for my doctor’s visit.

When the first check had arrived, I thought about tearing it up, but then decided that I would just give them back to him the next time I saw him. That way he would
know
that I didn’t accept them. But since the first check, I had begun to worry that maybe I would
have
to accept them after all. I had started pricing baby furniture and clothes, along with all the other stuff that comes along with having a child. Suddenly that nice fat savings account I had didn’t seem so fat anymore. Not to mention I worried more and more that my little Mazda MX5 just wasn’t going to be up to the task of being a mom-mobile. I could get the kid in there, but where was I going to put all the…
stuff?
No wonder moms all drove SUVs and minivans.
Babies took up a lot of room... and were expensive!

I looked at the four checks for a moment then took them and stuffed them into my purse. I would give them back to Cain when I saw him at the doctor’s office. I didn’t have to buy all new stuff. Goodwill and the Salvation Army were probably full of perfectly useable cribs, strollers, and the like, items that I could get for much less than the same stuff would cost new. My mind made up, I grabbed my keys and started for the door.

***

I smiled as I turned into the doctor’s office parking lot and there wasn’t a motorcycle in sight. Those promises of being here for me had lasted only until he actually had to be here. After I parked my car I checked in at the nurses station then turned to the waiting room where I saw him sitting in the corner, his head propped against the wall as if asleep. As I stepped into the room he must have sensed the motion because his eyes opened. He saw me, sat up, and offered me that megawatt smile of his as he moved his helmet from the chair beside him.

I started to sit somewhere else but most of the chairs were taken and I decided that I didn’t want to make a scene. “You made it,” I said as I took the seat beside him.

He leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips. I didn’t want him to do that because it stirred up all kinds of feelings that I didn’t want to have, but to reject him in public would be embarrassing for him
and
me.

“I said I would,” he murmured when he pulled back.

“I didn’t see your bike when I pulled into the parking lot.”

“I parked at the back. I left at one this morning to allow myself plenty of time. I arrived a little early and I didn’t want to take a space from you expecting moms.”

“How long have you been here?”

“About two hours. I would have come to your house, but…well…I thought it would just be easier to meet you here,” he said with a sideways shrug.

I pursed my lips. It was always the same with him. He always made me feel like a selfish shit, even though he didn’t actually
say
or
do
anything at all. I opened my purse and pulled out the four checks. “Here. These are yours.”

He made no move to take him. “No. Those are yours. You are supposed to cash them and put the money into an account in case you need it.”

“I don’t want your money!” I hissed as quietly as I could. I looked up and the woman across from us smiled at me. I smiled back and tucked the checks away. This wasn’t the time or the place to get into it.

“Then put it into a savings account for junior. It’s what you agreed to do.”

“I did not!” I whispered.

“We’ll talk about it later,” he said as he placed his hand on my arm.

“There is no later,” I murmured. I would have pulled my arm away, but the woman was watching us and I didn’t want to come across as a complete bitch.

“There’s always later,” he replied.

“Alex Bernhardt?” a nurse called before I could answer him. 

We stood and followed the nurse into a room. “Make yourself comfortable. The doctor will be right with you,” she said as she closed the door.

“Cain,” I said firmly. “I’m not cashing these checks.” I pulled them out and ripped them into four pieces.

I saw his face harden. He stood up and pulled a wad of cash from his back pocket, took my hand and removed the remains of the checks before he slapped the money into it and squeezed it closed. “I figured you did something like that. So I brought cash.”

“I’ll leave it in the office,” I threatened as I looked at the roll of one hundred dollar bills. I had never seen so much money in cash before. Not my money anyway.

“Fine. It’s your money,” he said, his voice cold as ice, daring me to carry out my threat.

“What is it with you?” I demanded.

“It’s not me that’s the problem, Alex. It’s you. I’m just trying to help you. But you are so damned hard-headed that you can’t see it.”

I fumed. It was the same argument as last time. It was always how
I
was the one being unreasonable. “Fine. I’ll take the money, this time. But stop sending the checks. And this changes nothing. You realize that?”

“Thank you. I know how you feel, and I have agreed to leave you alone. And I have, haven’t I? But the checks keep coming. That’s the price of my staying away. I want you to cash them. It’s a pain in my ass to have to stop by the bank and get cash every time. Not to mention that those are cashier’s checks. Now I have to inform the bank that the checks have been destroyed so they can refund the money into my account. But if that is how you’re going to play it, then I will just start bringing cash.”

The door opened and my doctor stepped in. “How are you feeling today, Alex?” she asked.

I tucked the wad of cash out of sight into my purse. “Fine. The morning sickness is killing me, though.”

The doctor smiled in sympathy. “Tell me about it, when it happens, and what triggers it.”

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