Devour, A Paranormal Romance (Warm Delicacy Series, Book 3) (8 page)

I nodded feebly in answer.

“Come here.” He opened his arms and I leaned over, resting my head against his chest. My tears had subsided, but a dreadful feeling was bleeding out into my heart. Should I have forced her to come with us? At least then I’d know she’d be safe.

“You did the right thing,” he answered the questions that were twirling in my mind.

“Then why do I feel like I’m abandoning her? I feel like I just left some helpless lamb out in the field for the wolves!”

“It was
her
choice Claire. You accepted her decision, and that meant a lot to her. Didn’t you feel it?” I shook my head. All I felt was my own self-loathing. He rested his cheek against the top of my head after depositing a small kiss there. “You’ve got to open yourself up. Stop fighting the emotions inside you. There’s a whole world out there and you’re blocking it all out.”

“Of course I’m blocking it out!” I screamed at him, pulling my body away from his embrace. “All there is in this world is pain! Why should I let myself feel that?”

His eyes grew sad. “You know that’s not true.” He tried to pull me to him again, but I refused. A sigh escaped his lips as he turned away from me. I watched him gaze out at the night sky as he swallowed hard. “You try so hard to protect yourself from being hurt. Are you that afraid of feeling all the good things in this world? All the love?”

I opened my mouth to argue, but then I realized he was right. I was terrified of losing those I cared about. So much so, that I was keeping them at arm’s length. I was refusing to allow myself to feel what I truly felt for them, and in doing so, the only emotion that seeped through was anger. Anger that I couldn’t be with the ones I loved. Anger that I couldn’t protect them, and anger that those I loved always left me.

“You’re right.” My words were breathy as they choked on my emotion. I finally understood my anger; the rage that I could never seem to contain. All this time it was me who was hurting me most.

Arrick turned, pain etched into his expression. “She loved you very much, Claire. She wasn’t choosing to stay behind because she didn’t want to go with you, but because she wanted to protect you. If you could only have felt the love she has for you… the love I have for you.”

My breath caught in my throat again and tears clung desperately to my lashes. I felt the love exuding from him like a warm heat that caressed my skin and warmed my soul. As much as I’d tried to say I cared about him, or that I thought I could feel, the same I was still holding back. My heart longed for him with a throbbing ache, but my mind lashed out.

“Should we get going?” Arrick asked.

He’d started the engine and put the car in gear before I’d even given him an answer. I knew I’d taken too long to answer, but what could I say? I knew that I kept going back and forth with him on my emotions. I knew my anger was getting out of control, but it was so hard to admit I was wrong. The only thing I could do was try to learn from those mistakes and move forward.

It was silly to have driven the few houses down the street that it took to get to Liz’s house, but I needed the privacy and the time to collect myself. Arrick was right, I had to try and allow myself to open up. No matter how afraid I was, I had to try. I might have thought I was protecting myself, but in reality I was causing more harm to everyone around me. That revelation, of course, made me feel worse about myself, but I was willing to accept the truth of it. I had become a walking, talking hypocrite. I would fight, bleed, and die for those I cared about; but I wasn’t willing to let them into my heart completely for fear of losing them. The more I thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense.

The keys jingled in the ignition as we rolled to a stop outside Liz’s house. It looked exactly as I remembered it; light blue with dazzling white shutters and a beautiful beveled glass front door. The dried flower wreath her mother bought at the farmers market during the spring still hung in place. A soft glow emanated from the curtained windows. I allowed my eyes to travel across the familiar building until they finally settled on Liz’s room. I had to prepare myself for the possibility that she might not want to come with me either. Maybe she hated me for leaving, maybe she was still hurt, or maybe she had moved on and found a new best friend. I’d prepare myself for the worst, but hope for the best. Either way, I was telling her the truth and I would do whatever I could to keep her safe.

“I’ll give you a few minutes,” Arrick said. The pain was gone from his eyes and a small smile lifted the corners of his lips. The connection between us tugged at my heart, and I grasped his hand in mine before I opened the door and walked up the steps.

It took me a few seconds to decide between knocking on the door, and ringing the doorbell. My hands were too unsteady so I pressed the button and heard the chime echo within. Liz’s mother called out for her to answer and I could hear Liz moan in response, which only made a smile light up my face. Her feet pounded on the stairs to let her mother know how putout she was, and then the door swung open.

We just stared at each other. She looked like she’d seen a ghost, and I waited with my breath held for her to say something, or slam the door in my face. She was exactly as I remembered her, not that she’d have changed in the months I’d been gone. Her blonde hair was in a long, curly pony tail, she was in her favorite pajamas, and her skin was fresh and clean. I always thought she looked prettier without makeup. She had been getting ready for bed. It was very late and I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d been up to.

“Claire?” Her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth fell open. “Wow, you hardly look like you anymore.”

“Hey.” I smiled at her, suddenly nervous. Her eyes widened in shock and I realized I’d flashed full-on fang at her. I slapped my hand across my mouth and looked away. Geez, I could be a real idiot sometimes.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. Her tone was simply curious, but the words cut through me like a knife. Those weren’t exactly the words I had been hoping to hear.

“I… I came to see you.” I rubbed my arms even though it wasn’t cold out. “Can I come in?”

“Uh… sure.” She stepped aside and I walked hesitantly into the living room. Her house was much the same layout as mine, just bigger. Liz’s mom opted for the extra rooms even though it was just the two of them. Memories of my childhood flooded my mind as I took a seat on the couch. The overabundance of decorative pillows gave me only a few inches of space, so I balanced myself on the edge as best I could.

“How are you?” My voice grew soft as I watched my childhood best friend take a seat in the armchair instead of beside me on the couch.

“I’m great.” She smiled with fake sincerity. I focused and allowed myself to reach out to her. I was surprised by what I found. Anger.

“You look great,” I said, and she really did. She always did. “I’m sorry I didn’t come see you sooner.”

“It’s whatever. I don’t care. You’ve got a new life now.”

She looked disinterested and turned her attention toward the expansive bay window that opened to the front yard. Her emotions were spilling out of her, filling the room like hot steam. She was angry and I couldn’t say I blamed her. Had our situations been reversed I’d be angry too. I just hoped she could forgive me.

“
I care
.” I scooted closer toward her and she didn’t move away. That was a good sign. “Just because things have changed, doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life any more, Liz.”

“Yes, it does.” She turned to look at me, her pony tail draped over her shoulder like a luxurious mane. “What could we possibly have in common now? What is there to even say about anything?” The hurt in her eyes overshadowed the anger. “Am I supposed to be happy you came here to slum it with us simple humans?” Her arms crossed across her chest as she scowled at me.

“Liz.” I closed the gap between us. “Just because I’m different, doesn’t mean we have to be.”

She sighed, making her face look somber and defeated. “Yes, it does, Claire. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see you, but what’s the point? You haven’t even so much as called! Not once.”

“I’m sorry.” She had a point. There was no excuse for that. I could have said the same to her, but there was no reason to shove it in her face. “I
should
have called. I should have done a lot of things that I didn’t, but I’m here now. Doesn’t that count?” I reached out to touch her, but thought better of it and knotted my fingers together in my lap.

“I get it. Your life is better now. You’re rich, powerful and beautiful. I’ve seen you on TV, Claire. You don’t look anything like the girl I grew up with.” Her eyes glistened with emotion and my heart hammered in my chest. I thought I had been able to retain a small part of the girl I once was, but maybe I was losing that battle. I knew I looked different on the outside, yet I always thought I still had some of the same teenage girl inside me. If Liz couldn’t see it, then maybe I was wrong.

“A lot has happened since I left, Liz. Nothing is like what I thought it would be.”

“What? Not enough parties and jewels for you?” She winced at her own words and I could feel her regret for saying them. She was just lashing out at me, and I knew I deserved it. I had been a terrible friend. “What do you want, Claire?”

Her words were dipped in softness, yet sadness burned at the seams. I’d hurt her, and for that I would do whatever I could to repair it. I had done the very thing I knew we both feared the most I abandoned her. I might have had no choice about leaving, but I didn’t take the time to call or even write. All I had to do was reach out to her, to let her know I hadn’t forgotten her and I didn’t even do that.

“I want you to come with me.” Shock painted her face, hiding all the sadness.

“Come with you?” I nodded. “Where? To the palace?”

“Not exactly.”

Glee bubbled inside me as hope spread across her face. Liz had always seemed the more independent one, the leader of our two-girl group, but she was more invested in our friendship than I had ever realized, and that made my heart swell with love. Arrick was right, if only I hadn’t kept myself closed up for so long I might not have felt so alone all my life.

“Well, where exactly?” Liz’s interest was piquing as she pulled her legs up to her chest to sit more comfortably on her chair as she hugged a pillow.

“To Naos. It’s a long story, but that’s where I live now.”

“Naos?” Her nose wrinkled as she tried to pronounce the foreign word on her tongue. “Where’s that?”

“It’s on the coast.” I said, settling back into the couch. The pillows were lumpy and uncomfortable, but the tension was breaking and I couldn’t be happier.

“Why do you live there? Because of what they said on the news?” She picked up the remote to flip on the television. Her favorite station flickered on, lighting up the living room in a flash of colors as a music video played. “They keep playing clips from the announcement.”

“Sort of.” I took a deep breath, dreading the conversation I knew was coming. I had to tell Liz the truth, I only hoped she’d come with me. It wasn’t safe for her here. Somewhere deep inside of me, I knew that the Noire region would be Baal’s first target.

Liz hugged the pillow in her arms like a life vest as I recounted the tale of my life as a vampire. Tears burned hot trails down her face when I painfully detailed Ana’s attack at the palace and the unspeakable violence of the assault by The Dark. I felt like I was forcing her to watch a scary movie as she sat, horrified by my every word.

“I don’t know what to say.” Liz had unfolded her limbs from the chair and was bouncing her feet on the floor. Her emotions buzzed with nervous energy. “Why doesn’t Nicolae just take all the vampires and go attack them?”

“Because… the dark vampires are very strong.”

“And that’s why you want me to come with you?” I nodded. “What makes Naos safer than here?”

“You can stay with me. I can watch over you and make sure you’re always protected.” I couldn’t hide the desperation in my tone. I wanted her to come to Naos so badly. “You’ll like it there, Liz. It’s beautiful.”

“What about your mom? I mean… Jacklyn, and my mom?”

“Jacklyn didn’t want to come. She said she wanted to stay behind and inspire more people to follow Nicolae; that he and the vampires needed the people’s support more than ever.” I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice. I understood Jacklyn’s reasons for staying, but they still burned like a fresh paper cut on my heart.

“Oh,” Liz exclaimed, sounding surprised. “I guess that makes sense. Ever since you left she’s been completely consumed with her work. Even more so than she ever was before.”

“Yeah…” Jacklyn was a subject I didn’t want to revisit. “Isn’t winter break coming up?”

“It’s next week. Why?”

“Tell your mom you’re going on vacation for the break with me. That’ll explain your absence and she won’t be worrying about you.”

Liz rolled her eyes. “Like she’d worry about me anyway.”

I squeezed her hand. “You know what I mean. She’s loves you, Liz. She’s just…” How could I put that her mother was a self-absorbed, gold-digger nicely?

“She has a new boyfriend; a
real
winner this one.” New anger fumed below the surface of her words as her eyes rolled dramatically. Liz’s mother’s boyfriends were nothing but trouble. She’d pick them up at bars or nightclubs; any guy that looked like he had some serious money. They’d have a whirlwind romance that would usually end up with the cops being called, and then Liz would stay with me for a couple weeks because she was pissed off at her mom. I was pissed off at her too. “She probably won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“That’s not true.” I don’t know why I was trying to play neutral when I knew Liz was probably right. She could tell her mother she was going to be a tree-hugger and live in the forest with the magical fairies, and her mother wouldn’t bat an eyelash.
But
, it
was
her mother, didn’t she deserve a warning too? I told my mom, it was only fair.

“And don’t even think about inviting her to come with,” Liz growled at me as if reading my mind.