Diablo (25 page)

“It's very interesting,” she said, her hand exploring.

He groaned. “Interesting?”

“Splendid,” she amended.

“That's better,” he said, and there was definitely laughter in his voice.

“Better than splendid,” she said. “What makes it grow?”

“You do,” he said mirthfully. No wariness now, no sarcasm, no caution.

She was encouraged. “Why?”

“You have to ask God,” he said.

“Do you believe in God?”

“Sometimes,” he said. “Especially when someone asks a question like that one.”

She pondered his answer. “I don't know much about God.”

Kane didn't suppose she did, growing up as she had. Well, he hadn't known much himself until he went to live with Davy's family. His own father's God was a vengeful, hateful one who wreaked destruction on all who sinned, and even those who didn't. The Carsons' God was a gentler one, of whom one asked for blessings. He hadn't thought about either God in a long time, not since he went to war. It had been hard to believe in any but a vengeful God during those years of blood and destruction.

But now, with Nicky in his arms, he wondered. He wondered how such sweetness and passion had come to him, wondered if there was indeed a God that blessed.

Or was his vengeful God merely setting him up for a long, hard fall?

And would Nicky fall with him?

He wanted to protect her always. He wanted to hold her like this, and feel her wonder and innocence. He wanted to build something with her, like Davy and Martha had built a family, and he wanted to believe in happy ever after. He didn't want to think about Masters, or the death sentence hanging over his head, or Davy sitting in prison. He groaned, his arm tightening around her as if he could close out the rest of the world. If only he could.

She was still watching the progress of his erection, her fingers tracing the small veins on his manhood, cradling its smooth tip until he thought he was going to explode.

“How big does it get?” she asked.

It was about as big as it could get. He was literally vibrating with need. And she was rolling onto him, spurred apparently by curiosity and instinct. “Sit up,” he said and guided her body until she sat astride him, and he felt himself swelling even larger as he went into her.

“Oh,” she gasped. “Oh, oh.”

And suddenly she was riding him, and he felt a joyous rapture he'd never known in lovemaking. She sheathed him tightly, moving in ways that made his blood boil and every nerve tingle. And all the time, great rolling waves of sensation washed through him. He heard her whimper. He exploded in her, and she cried out, low and throaty.

She leaned down and kissed him, long and savoring, and then she collapsed on him.

“Hell's bells,” she sighed.

As exhausted as he was, he felt his chest rumbling again, and a smile form on his lips.

Chapter Sixteen

Reality did not return to Kane until they started to dress. His departure was hanging between them like a curtain, creating a certain awkwardness. Kane knew that Nicky had no idea how thick the curtain was, but awareness keep picking at his mind like a steady current of water eating away banks of a river bed.

“It won't be long,” she said, touching his face with such gentleness that he wanted to take her up on his horse and ride away, away from Sanctuary, away from obligations and lies and death.

“You look so sad,” she said.

Damn that slice of moon. He swallowed. Whatever he said would be a lie. His life was a lie. He'd even lied to himself. It had been easy with her in his arms. He'd sought justification for loving her, and it had come easily when his blood was hot. He'd told himself everything would be all right, that Masters would give him time; but now that the wind was cooling him, and common sense was returning, he knew it had been nothing more than wishful thinking.

Masters wasn't going to let him off the hook, and Nicky would discover his perfidy. He had used her as Masters was using him. His breath caught in his throat. What in the hell was he doing? To her? To himself?

“Kane?”

He looked down at her. Her face was turned upward toward his. He took her in his arms and held her, one hand soothing that short, curly hair. “Always know I cared,” he said.

Her body stiffened, and he knew he'd made a mistake.
Cared.
Not care. His words sounded like a good-bye—and most likely were exactly that.

“You are coming back?” she asked, her voice uncertain.

“I'm going to try,” he said. A long silence passed. He had said that before, but there was a warning now that hadn't been there before.

He knew she heard it as he watched her bite her lip, her body sliding closer to his. “Promise you'll be back.”

“I can't,” he replied.

“Why?”

“There's a price on my head, remember?”

“Then don't go. And don't go with Sam Hildebrand.”

“I won't leave him here with you.”

“My uncle will take care of him.”

He shook his head. “The other men here, your ‘guests,' didn't like Yancy being ejected. Hildebrand's respected. Your uncle would be asking for trouble if he killed Hildebrand now.”

“Mitch …?”

“Nicky, you have a powder keg here,” he said. “Your uncle has been able to control it through sheer will, but that will isn't so strong anymore, and the others suspect it.”

“What's so important that you have to leave?”

“A friend,” he said simply. “The best friend I ever had. I owe him everything, including my life. Remember that, Nicole, if I can't return. Nothing else could make me leave you.”

She was shivering. He needed to let her go before he said more, before he forgot his other obligation, the one pledge he'd made in his life, and meant to keep.

He laid his cheek on her head for a moment. “If for some reason I don't return in three weeks,” he finally said, “get yourself out of here. As soon as you can. And take Robin. I have some money. I'll leave it with Andy in the morning.”

“My … uncle.”

“Listen to me—you will have done everything you could for him. You've paid back any debt you might have owed him. If not for your own sake, leave for Robin's.”

“It's not a debt,” she protested. “I love him.”

Kane closed his eyes for a moment against a new onslaught of pain. “I know,” he finally said softly. “But he wants you and Robin safe. That's why he invited me to stay. You won't be doing him any favors by endangering yourself. Go, if I'm not back in three weeks. Promise me.”

“You expect trouble,” she said hesitantly. “There's something you're not telling me.”

Damn her intuition.

“No,” he lied. “I just think it's time for you to leave Sanctuary. For good. It's too dangerous. They smell blood, damn it.”

“When you come back …”

“Even if I do return,” he said, “and, God help me, I'll try, Sanctuary is still no place for you or Robin.”

“I won't go without you.”

“What about Robin? What about his future?”

She hesitated, obviously torn. “Can't we go somewhere with you?”

“I don't have any place to go, Nicky.”

“Why …?” Her question trailed off. Then a minute later, she said simply, “I would go anyplace with you. I love you.”

His jaw clenched. He didn't want her to love him. He didn't want to be the cause of her destruction, as he had been the cause of Davy's. Hell, he'd never been good for anyone.

“Don't,” he ordered.

“I can't help it,” Nicky said. “It just happened.”

“I can't marry,” he said. “I'm a convicted murderer. There's a rope with my name on it. I've been disaster for everyone I've ever cared about, and I'm not adding you to that list.” Or had he already?

“Have you ever been in love?” she asked.

He knew he should say yes, knew he should scare her away. “No,” he said.
Not before Nicky.

A brief pause, then: “Andy said there are layers and layers to you.”

Layers and layers of deceit, of lies.
The blacksmith was too perceptive.

“I'll take you home,” he said, letting the implied question die.

“I don't want to go yet.”

His hand touched her hair, ran through the silky curls. “It's late, and I'm leaving at dawn. I won't leave you here alone.” He heard the hollowness of his own voice, and he hoped she didn't detect the anguish filling him.

Her hand caught his and brought it to her lips. “Come back to me,” she said. “To Robin and me.” His hand trembled.

“If anything happens, if I don't come back,” he said, “don't mourn me. Just take the money and go to San Antonio. I have friends there. A blacksmith named Harry Clayton. He'll see to it that you're all right.”

She didn't say anything, just held his hand.

“Promise me,” he said.

“I can't,” Nicky replied. “Not until I can get Uncle Nat to a doctor.”

“It might be too late,” Kane said, feeling her body stiffen. “And if he goes, you won't be safe. Promise me. If I'm not back in three weeks, swear you'll leave. For Robin.” He knew nothing else would work.

“Yes,” she finally whispered in surrender.

He sighed. He'd won one battle. One small battle. If only he could win the larger one with Masters and get two more months of time, maybe even three.…

“Let's go back,” he said, leading her to her horse and helping her mount.

But she hesitated. “Be careful.”

He felt himself smiling. “I will. I don't think anyone will recognize me through the beard.”

“Except Sam Hildebrand.”

“I can take care of him.”

She finally allowed him to help her mount. She didn't say good-bye, and he was grateful. He didn't think his crumbling defenses could stand it.

Nicky stalked the confines of her room as dawn approached. She kept returning to the window until she saw the silhouettes of three men on horseback, moving slowly from the livery. She recognized Kane's back. She would recognize him anywhere. Kane. Hildebrand. Calico. She watched until they were out of sight, a sense of foreboding filling her. Though her body was sated and tired from his lovemaking, her mind was restless, seeking answers that kept evading her.

A friend. He was going back for a friend. But who was it? And what was the debt that Kane owed this person? Was it really so strong that he had to leave the relative safety of Sanctuary to honor it? Clearly, the answer was yes, and she hated not knowing more.

What she did know was that terrifying finality in Kane's tone and demeanor, an anguish that went beyond the mere words of his explanations, such as they were.

Are you coming back?
she'd asked. And he'd replied,
I'm going to try.
She believed he would. But she also believed he didn't feel he had a hope in the world that he would succeed.

And then there was Hildebrand. Nicky thought about telling her uncle what had happened. He would probably wonder why Hildebrand had chosen to leave so abruptly. But she couldn't bother her uncle now, not when he was feeling so poorly. She worried that Kane might not be able to control him, but surely he and Calico, together, could.

Unable to stay in the room another moment, Nicky found her small derringer, slipped out of the house and headed toward the livery stable. She would give Molly a few oats. Maybe that would give her a respite from the worries building like blocks, one upon the other, in her mind.

The door to the barn opened easily. Theft was not a problem in Sanctuary. No one dared, knowing there was no way out other than through a gauntlet of guards.

She went inside, knowing that Kane had been here moments earlier, remembering his face only a few hours before when they'd unsaddled their horses together. He had touched her face with such tenderness, with such a melancholy sadness etched into his features, that she'd been sure he was saying good-bye forever. She shuddered once, then wiped the thought away.

Molly caught her scent and whinnied from her stall. Nicky grabbed a handful of oats and allowed the mare to nibble from her fingers. The other hand twisted in the horse's mane. A moment later, she heard a noise—and the sound of voices. Hunkering down in the corner of the stall, she wished Andy were here. A month ago, she wouldn't have been frightened, but things had changed. Her own home was no longer safe. She recalled Kane's words.
They smell blood.

A voice: “That goddamned blacksmith isn't here.”

Another: “Good. I'll look around, see if I can't find any weapons in the back room. There has to be at least a knife somewhere.”

“Any ideas where Thompson keeps the guns?”

“Hell, no. If we knew that, we could take them now.”

“I feel damn naked without a gun.”

“Sam said to find any weapons we can. He'll take care of Diablo.”

“You sure he can?”

“Sam says Calico owes him real big. And Calico has a gun. Between the two of them, they can take Diablo, all right. Sam says he approached Diablo about a job, even hinted about this one, and the man backed off. Seems he's turned yellow. Either that, or he's in Thompson's pocket. Now get to looking. Make sure the rifles aren't here.”

Nicky heard the harsh music of spurs, then the banging of several drawers along with some curses. She moved into the back of the stall and tried to fade into the hay. Her hand grasped the derringer; but there were two of them, and she only had one bullet.

There was another loud curse. “Nothing here.”

“Must be in Thompson's house then. Have a man watch the house, and when they're all away, search it.”

“I'm not too sure about this.”

“Hell, Sam has friends. He'll come riding back with them, and we have to be able to help him from inside. We'll have ourselves a nice little town with rules
we
make for a change.”