Diamond (23 page)

“You’ve got yourself quite a little following here,” he said, looking around the room at the boisterous crowd still in place.

“It’s nice to be appreciated,” she said.

He nodded. “Name’s Melvin Call. Got myself a club up on the strip that features new singers ever’ now and then. Thought you might be willing to come up sometime between now and New Year’s and try your luck.”

“Mr. Call, it’s real nice to meet you,” Diamond said. “And I know your club. In fact, I was in there about three months ago looking for work.”

Melvin Call flushed. “Well, now, you understand how it is. There’s too damn many dreamers out there expecting to hit it big their first week in Nashville. I got to weed out the culls before I make my move, don’t you know.”

Diamond grinned. “Then I take it I’ve just been weeded.”

He grinned back. “You can take it any way you like, so long as you come sing for me.” He handed her a card. “Call this number tomorrow, ask for Shirley. She’ll give you a time slot. Don’t be late—and don’t be a no-show. Ruins your chances in this town real fast.”

Diamond watched him leave and then looked down at the card in her hand. A smile started at the corner of her mouth, spreading insistently across her face as the import of what had just occurred began to sink in.

“Well?” Dooley said gruffly as he walked up behind her.

Diamond spun around and threw her arms around his neck. “We’re in,” she said. “He wants me to come sing for him.”

“Humpf,” Dooley said. “Ain’t no ‘we’ to it. It’s you, and you know it. Now, go on out there and mingle. Let them men look, but don’t let ’em touch. If anyone gets out of hand, you just—”

“Oh, Dooley,” she said. “I’ve been taking care of myself longer than I can remember. I don’t need a baby-sitter.”

“Need somethin’,” he muttered as he walked away. “Maybe a new attitude. Gettin’ too damn smart for your own good.”

She grinned. He was happy for her. Only Dooley chose his own method of showing it. She walked out into the club and did as she’d been told. Diamond had mingling down to an art.

“Here we are. You wait. I’ll help you carry the damned thing up the stairs,” Dooley said as he climbed out of his pickup truck after parking on the street in front of her apartment.

Diamond rolled her eyes and looked down at the small color TV sitting in the seat beside her. He’d bought it and called it a Christmas present, only Christmas was still a week away.

“Just so’s you can watch all them holiday specials,” he had said. “You gotta stay up-to-date on the competition. Can’t have you missin’ out on somethin’, can we?”

There was nothing to do but let him help her down from his truck and then watch as he pulled the television from the seat and started toward her apartment, using his stomach as its resting place as he ambled toward the steps.

“Don’t just stand there, get the door.”

She hastened to obey.

It took Dooley exactly fifteen minutes to hook up the set, complete with rabbit-ear antennae.

“Gonna need cable, too,” he said.

“Dooley…”

The warning was sufficient to shut him up, but only for the moment. Diamond knew that when Dooley got hold of a notion, he went round and round until the thing was accomplished.

“There now,” he announced. “It’s ready. And I gotta be going. Ain’t got all day to stand around and visit. Promised an old buddy I’d stop in. He’s been kinda under the weather.”

“Tell Walt I said hi,” Diamond said, and watched the flush sweep up Dooley’s neck. He didn’t like people to know he had a soft heart and visiting a sick old man at the homeless shelter definitely fell into the category of “soft.”

“Damned woman,” he muttered. “Man can’t have any secrets.”

“Dooley…”

“What?”

“Thank you for my Christmas present.”

“Oh…you’re welcome,” he said, and slammed the door. “Lock it behind me,” he yelled from the other side.

Diamond grinned and did his bidding.

She turned all four locks just because they were there and then twirled in a little circle in response to the small delight of the day.

“Okay. You have a microwave. You have a television. Cook something. Watch something. Make yourself useful.”

As usual, her solitary pep talk worked. She dug out a frozen dinner, set the timer, and went to change while her evening meal was nuked through cardboard and cellophane.

Then, dressed in comfortable old sweats, she plopped down in the middle of her bed, curled her feet beneath her, and began flipping channels with the remote control, thinking as she did how much Johnny Houston would have enjoyed what she was doing.

It was the thought of her father, her missing sisters, and the impending holiday that finally ended the spurt of happiness. She dropped the control onto the bed and dug through her meat loaf with little appetite. Loneliness was still her only companion.

The remainder of her food went in the garbage. She tossed her fork in the sink and then turned and faced her existence.

It wasn’t what she’d hoped for when she’d left Cradle Creek. Even though she’d given up on love, there was still a chance of professional success. In two days, she would have her first command performance. Just thinking about the opportunity gave her the shivers.

A faint siren’s wail came through the newly curtained windows and brought Diamond rudely back to reality in time to hear the last of an announcer’s message.

“…so stay tuned for the annual ‘Nashville Christmas Special,’ starting in just…”

The meat loaf in her stomach did a nosedive as apprehension replaced her daydreams. If a country music special had been taped in Nashville, then it only stood to reason that Jesse Eagle would probably be one of the featured stars.

“Get a grip. It’s only television.”

But this pep talk did no good. She didn’t know if she was ready to face seeing him again, even if it was only on camera.

Diamond crawled out of bed and turned off the lights. If she was going to be able to watch this, she had to do it in the dark where no one could see. There was always the danger that she’d come apart inside, and if she did, she might never get herself back together again. There was always that danger.

14

“
Merry Christmas, shiny
girl, wherever you are.”

The message was an agonizing reminder to Diamond of what she’d lost by leaving Jesse. Listening to his voice and seeing him had been more than she could bear. She shuddered twice, swallowed against the lump of pain in the back of her throat, and willed herself not to scream as Jesse’s Christmas wish echoed in her ears.

She’d known that watching the special would be difficult, but she hadn’t realized it could be fatal. Her heartbeat had accelerated and then slowed so many times during his performance that she felt faint. She’d gone hot and then cold over and over until her skin felt clammy. It was the first time she realized that heartache was an actual, physical pain.

Blindly she aimed the remote. The screen went black. It was only after burying her face in her hands that she realized her cheeks were wet with tears.

“Jesse.”

It was the first time she’d allowed herself to say his name aloud, and as soon as she did, she knew that it had been a mistake. It only made the longing worse.

“Oh, God, how long will this hurt? Why did you let me love him if you knew I couldn’t have him? Why, dammit, why?”

Diamond rolled off the bed, stomped across the room, and grabbed her coat and purse. Before she realized what she was doing, she was outside on the street, running toward the phone at the end of the block.

The wind was bitter against her cheeks, freezing the last of her tears as her long legs quickly covered the distance to the booth. With an angry jerk she slammed the door shut behind her, unappreciative of the shelter it provided from the cold. Her mind was not on the weather, it was on the man she’d left behind.

Shaking from the rush of adrenaline that had sent her out into the night, she combed her fingers through her hair and then fumbled with the change in the bottom of her purse, trying to find a quarter to make her call.

Twice she got the coin to the slot, and twice it rolled out of her fingers and onto the floor. She was in tears again by the time it finally fell into place. Frustration, despair, and an aching need to hear his voice kept her attention focused as she punched in the number from memory.

It was only when the phone began to ring that she realized she couldn’t go through with it. But still she stared blindly into the darkness, her fingers curled tightly around the receiver, and waited.

She lost count of the number of rings and had almost gotten herself under control enough to hang up when he answered.

“Hello?”

He sounded disgruntled. It was at once the most wonderful and the most awful thing she could have heard. She gasped loudly, realizing that her impulsive action could ruin what she’d so desperately tried to salvage—his career.

Jesse was in no mood for games. Watching the televised Christmas special had done nothing but remind him of Diamond and of how lonely he was without her. He was mad that the answering machine was off and had ignored the rings until they had gone on for so long. Certain that Tommy would be the only one persistent enough to not hang up, he was surprised by the soft gasp he heard instead.

“Hello? Is anybody there?” he repeated.

Diamond closed her eyes and shuddered as she leaned her forehead against the cold glass. She needed to hang up. She would any time now. But she just wanted to hear his voice, just once more, even if he didn’t know it was she. But it hurt to breathe, and she wondered why. As she looked up to stare at her own reflection, she realized that she was crying.

Jesse heard the sob. It was only a small one, insignificant as sobs go. But it was enough to send a chill up his spine. His fingers curled around the receiver as anxiety tied his gut in a knot. A knowing, a certainty filled him as he listened to the soft, almost undetectable flow of tears and willed himself not to join in.

“Diamond…honey…is that you?”

But there was no answer other than a change in the texture of her crying. His heartbeat accelerated as his month went dry. Jesse was so damned scared of saying the wrong thing and losing this tenuous touch he didn’t know what to do, yet he was exhilarated by the implications of her call.

“God help me,” he muttered softly to himself. “I know it’s you, darlin’. And if you can’t talk, let me. Just don’t hang up…okay?”

He held his breath, waiting for a click that never came. Shaking with relief, he leaned against the wall and sighed as he began.

“I don’t know what happened to you, but I know it was bad. I swear to God I didn’t mean for you to get cheated, baby.” He rushed through his apology, frantic that she’d disconnect before he made his point. “But I take full responsibility for what happened to you, because I promised to take care of you and I didn’t do it right. All I did was take you to bed and leave the rest of your life up to someone else.” His voice shook as he continued. “I’m so sorry that you were hurt. But it can be fixed, shiny girl. Just come home to me. I can fix everything…but I can’t do it without you.” His voice broke and he closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he tried to regain control of himself.

Twice Diamond almost answered. Twice the urge to tell him she understood nearly made her speak, but both times she stopped herself. She caught her breath and then sighed deeply as her tears began to subside. Just hearing his voice was enough for now.

He heard her catch her breath and held his own, expecting at any moment to hear her speak, praying that she’d tell him where she was. But she said nothing.

“Where are you, baby? My God, Diamond, I’ve looked everywhere. I nearly went crazy when you left. When I couldn’t find you…”

She heard the despair in his voice and wished that he were standing beside her so that she could cradle his face in her hands and kiss away his pain. But that would mean a resurrection of the rumors that had nearly ruined him.

She only meant to take a breath, but it ended in a gut-wrenching sob that tore into his soul.

“Diamond. My God! Whatever has happened to you, let me help. Please…tell me where you are. I love you, lady. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

Still no answer. By this time, Jesse was starting to panic. He sensed she was pulling away, and in desperation he shouted into the phone.

“Goddammit, Diamond, answer me. When I lost you, I lost everything that mattered. Didn’t what we shared mean anything to you at all, or am I the only one who cared?”

Oh Jesse, I cared too much. And I’m the one who’s lost everything. At least your career is safe
.

The ground rumbled beneath Diamond’s feet as the night train passing through Nashville rolled under the overpass on which she stood. The noise from the engine was almost deafening, even through the enclosed booth. Then the whistle blew, a long, continuous wail that echoed in Diamond’s heart long after the train had passed.

Jesse listened, transfixed by the sound blasting in his ear. It wasn’t what he’d expected. He’d expected to hear her voice, or the empty sound of a dead line as she disconnected, but not that. The whistle of the train was a lonely echo of what was inside his heart, an empty cry of despair he’d almost learned to ignore…until tonight, and her call.

“Diamond, where the hell are you?”

She jerked, suddenly cognizant of what he must have heard, and slammed the receiver down before she thought. She shuddered, realizing that the connection wasn’t the only thing broken. From the pain in her chest, she feared her heart was coming to pieces, too.

Suddenly aware of the loneliness of her location and the darkness that could be hiding anything, or anybody, she shoved the door open and began to run. By the time she reached the front door to her apartment, she was gasping for air. She took the stairs two at a time and hit the door to her apartment with the flat of her hand, slamming it back and then slamming it shut in needless panic.

With shaking fingers she turned all the locks. Then she dumped her coat and purse onto the kitchen table and headed for her bed. Without undressing she crawled beneath the covers, rolled herself into a tight ball, and began to shake. She was inside, but she would never be safe again. Jesse Eagle had stolen her heart, and she didn’t know where to find it.