Diamond in the Blue: D.I. Simpers Investigates (9 page)

Amelia's mumbled explanation reduced the room to fits of laughter. She didn't take the guffaws in good spirit, but decided it wasn't the time to enter into a prolonged conversation.

'Gem exhibition? Break in? What the hell are you talking about,' said the woman whom until a few seconds ago found herself pinned to the ground by Amelia.

'Amelia, here, said she heard you ask him how much you can expect to get from…' offered Jonathan.

'Get from what?' replied the woman.

'Well… come to think of it, Amelia didn't hear that bit, did you, Amelia?' said Jonathan.

Amelia shot the young man a withering look before turning her eyes to a familiar looking couple. Where did she know them from, she pondered. Anyway, they seemed otherwise engaged with a second couple, who she didn't recognise. Then it came to her…

'Mr and Mrs Smeeton? It is you, isn't it?'

The mention of their name caught the attention of the Smeetons. In response, they stopped what they were doing and fixed Amelia with a wide smile.

'Hi, Amelia… and Jonathan,' offered Mrs Smeeton before continuing, 'I didn't think this scene was for you. Anyway, the more the merrier and it doesn't matter one bit that you're not dressed in leather. If you have a word with me after, I'll tell you where I get my stuff, you cheeky pair.'

For once, Amelia was dumbstruck. Jonathan didn't seem to be suffering from the same affliction as he scanned the room with enthusiasm.

The woman Amelia had grabbed a few seconds earlier turned to her would-be attacker. 'What you heard me say, Amelia, is it?' said was that I wondered how much we would make from the evening's meeting. You see we organise these little get-togethers, but we do have expenses, you know.'

'Evening's meeting? Do you mean… This evening… This coming together, so to speak?' replied Amelia.

'You are cheeky, aren't you. I know we didn't get off to the best of introductions, but if you like, you can join SCREW.'

'SCREW, now let me think what that might stand for… Could it be
Swingers Cruise Worldwide?
'

'How clever of you, Amelia. How did you get that so fast?' replied Jenny Smeeton.

'Let's just say I'm good with words…' replied Amelia as she slapped Jonathan in the arm by way of diverting his attention.

'I hope you don't mind, but Jonathan and I have other things we need to do this evening.'

'Well, that's a shame, but if you change your mind you're both most welcome,' replied the leather clad woman as she opened the cabin door with a smile for the two failed sleuths.

'Amelia, Jonathan, I didn't think this sort of thing was your scene at all… Just shows you how you can misjudge people. Good for you.'

'Mr Simpers, what exactly do you think is going on?' replied a surprised Amelia as she stepped into the corridor to see Simpers peering into the room.

Simpers gestured for Amelia to look back into the room. At that moment Jenny Smeeton emerged from several bear arms and legs. She threw Simpers a wild smile.

'Naughty Mr Simpers. We do keep meeting in the nicest of circumstances, don't we…'

'Ah, Mrs Smeeton,' Simpers responded with the faintest trace of wearisomeness in his voice. 'In fact, I was on my way back to my cabin and heard… a bit of a commotion.'

'To be truthful, Mr Simpers, it's a bit of a story, but we thought…' said Amelia, trying her best to sound conspiratorial.

'No, Amelia, you thought…' interjected Jonathan.

'Well, never mind what anybody thought,' said Amelia. 'It's time we were off.' Amelia leaned into Simpers, grabbing his arm and whimpering into his ear.

'Mr Simpers, you see, we thought the woman at the door, with her husband. Well… we heard them at the exhibition. We thought they were talking about stealing the gems… the ones you are here to look after. Well, we thought we would help you. I did tell you I was a bit of an amateur sleuth, didn't I?'

Simpers was becoming more weary by the second. 'Yes, Amelia, I do recall you saying something to that effect… but I don't think a group of Swingers are much of a threat, do you? After all, where would they hide the gems?'

Simpers gestured with a backwards nod of his head into the room as the sight inside vanished as the door closed. Amelia blushed. In normal circumstances she would have come out fighting. The trouble was, her growing respect for, in her eyes, an intriguing man who happened to be a detective, prevented her from doing so. Instead, she did what she did when her husband got the better of her… she smiled and winked at him.

As the three companions set off down the corridor, a man coming the other way bumped into Simpers, knocking the detective off balance as he tried to make his way past in the narrow space.

'I do apologise,' said Simpers as he turned to face the man and catch his footing. In doing so, his foot caught the man hard in his ankle. Simpers' surprise was clear in that the man didn't wince. The man neither lifted his gaze from the carpeted floor to meet Simpers' eyes, nor gave any impression he had felt the blow.

For a fleeting moment Simpers thought he recognised the man. He racked his brain to place him, then remembered it was just before Pippa's fall through the deck railings, at least he thought it was. Simpers dug into his jacket pocket for a pineapple chunk. He sucked hard on the boiled sweet, deep in thought. He was also oblivious to Amelia and Jonathan, who were still arguing about who had got the wrong end of which stick.

'A penny for them…?'

Simpers recognised the voice behind the question as he rested against the ship's railing high on the sun deck.

'Nothing of any real consequence, Deputy Captain. Just nice to see land again.'

'…And it's a beautiful piece of land, isn't it,' said the Deputy Captain. 'I love coming to Funchal. Friendly people and you can get a great cup of cappuccino and Madeira cake from a place I know on the waterfront. I can show you around the place if you want…'

Simpers listened without responding; instead he continued to take in the panorama in front of him. Behind a long narrow strip that enclosed the promenade, the terrain rose to form a vertical backdrop. The landscape was covered with flowers of every colour with buildings clinging to the rocky terrain as if by luck, more than design.

'What's it to be, then. Being a Billy no mates, or a peaceful day taking in the sights?'

'Did you read a book on metaphors over breakfast this morning, Deputy Captain?' replied Simpers, before continuing. 'I'm sorry, that was a little harsh. The truth is I don't have much time for this tourist stuff, so if you don't mind…'

'Nonsense, Simpers, it may be true that you've had one or two little adventures since we set sail, but on the positive side no gems have gone missing. The weather's warm, and you never know what you might discover ashore. So, what do you think?'

'I'm not sure I'd describe shot at and almost tipped overboard as little adventures, as you put it. That said, the promise of a cappuccino and the chance to get on firm ground again does sound tempting.'

'To be fair, I would say the bit about going overboard was more to do with Pippa being the target, for whatever reason, than about you. Anyway, you can forget all that for a couple of hours. Come on, let's get going.'

'Pippa? Do you believe that…?' replied Simpers.

'Who knows; jealous boyfriend, deranged stalker…' responded the Deputy Captain.

'Don't talk nonsense.' Simpers couldn't hide his irritation, which brought the merest hint of a smile to the Deputy Captain's face.

When you've been at sea for as long as I have, especially on cruise liners, you learn that anything is possible. People who work in this industry, well, let's just say it's a strange world to inhabit.'

'…But Pippa doesn't work in the industry…' said Simpers, his irritation increasing.

'Good Lord, man. Why the stern look? I haven't the faintest idea what the woman does for a living. Now, see, the gangplank's down. Let's get going before every coffee shop on the promenade is full of impatient cruise passengers.'

'Those inpatient passengers give you your living, don't they?'

'It doesn't mean I like them, does it? Remember, I've seen and heard everything. And every fortnight I see and hear it all again. A little like the excuses you must hear from your villains time and time again. See, we have much in common.'

Simpers knew they had nothing at all in common.

***

'You might not believe it, but the weather is like this all year round. It averages about 68°, not bad for the middle of December, eh.'

'You're right, it beats a sleety day in Westbay,' replied Simpers as the two men started the twenty minute walk around the harbour wall and into the heart of the waterfront. He looked back to catch a glimpse of the immense superstructure of the cruise liner. He marvelled as it sat with majesty in the glinting waters that lapped around its hull.

'She is magnificent, isn't she?' said the Deputy Captain as he caught Simpers glimpsing the ship. 'You might find it even harder to believe that she has a draft of just thirty feet. Think about it, just over 150,000 tonnes and sixteen decks tall, and she sits just thirty feet below the waterline. Amazing isn't it,' said the Deputy Captain.

'As long as it stays at the recommended thirty feet below the water, then I'll be quite happy,' replied Simpers as he returned his head to look forward, only to notice the graffiti covering the long dock wall.

'Bit of a tradition that,' said the Deputy Captain as he observed Simpers straining to make out the roughly painted wording and fading images. 'Some of those, what would you call them, tags, go back decades. If you asked me it was a sign of ship crews having too much time on the hands. It may please you to know that our crew have not kept up the tradition… Not on my watch anyway.'

Simpers looked at the Deputy Captain. A stern face returned his gaze.

'Talking about traditions, a passenger mentioned something about Levadas earlier. Do you know what they are?' Simpers asked, disinterested in the Deputy Captain's exposition on man management.

'…Leading-edge technology in its day,' the Deputy Captain responded.

'What was?' Simpers asked.

'Water, or rather, the means to get the stuff where needed. You can see how mountainous it is. The trick has been to catch the runoff, without wasting it. So the clever bit is making sure the Levadas – the channels, are at the right angle, you know, not too steep. That way the water stays where they want it instead of losing it over the side, so to speak.'

'Well it seems to work. The place looks green enough, that's for sure,' replied Simpers.

'The thing is, the runoff can be dangerous. Heavy rain storms can cause a lot of water to fly off those mountains. It's not a pretty sight. Anyway, enough of the serious stuff. Time for refreshments. This is the place I was telling you about.'

The two men settled on one of a dozen tables outside the cafe as they looked at the grassed promenade area leading down to the waterfront. On the far side of the docks lay the impressive sight of the cruise ship, one of three that had docked that day. Secured to the pier one behind the other, the trio took on the appearance of an expensive taxi rank.

'Incredible to think there are around seven thousand passengers spread between those three ships, isn't it. Twenty years ago you couldn't have got enough ships in the whole of the port to have carried that many passengers between them,' said the Deputy Captain.

'Can they get much bigger?' responded Simpers.

'You bet. Some of the largest are now over 250,000 tonnes. Problem is, they can't dock at many of the ports on the popular cruise itineraries. That means they have to weigh anchor out in deeper water and lay on tenders to get ashore and back again.'

'I'm not sure that's my idea of fun. Bouncing around in that huge tin can was bad enough. Bobbing up and down in a posh canoe doesn't appeal to me at all,' said Simpers.

The two men carried on chatting about nothing in particular.

'Oh, I've been meaning to ask you,' said Simpers. 'Finding my bearings around the ship yesterday, I needed a phone to ring reception. I came across one but couldn't get at it because it was behind a locked glass door. What's the point of having phones in public spaces if the passengers can't use them?'

'But there are plenty of phones in the public spaces. I don't know why you had any difficulty in finding one. You're describing a phone that used to be used only by designated staff – we don't need them now, though.'

'What do you mean, 'were',' Simpers replied.

'Well, they were for our maintenance crew. Several times a day one of them would have to tour the ship, to check out our various safety systems. To record that he'd completed a check in a particular zone, he'd use the phone in that area to log the results with the Bridge. These days the relevant crew member use key switches to do the same thing. They just insert their key, twist it ninety degrees and it logs the date and time of the safety check.

'So the phones aren't used at all now?' said Simpers.

'Only as a backup, but I can't remember when one was last used,' replied the Deputy Captain.

'But you are saying dozens of staff still have access to those phones as a backup?'

'Simpers, you're starting to sound like Mr Plod, again. What on earth is bothering you? Is there something you want to say?'

'No, not at all. Just curious, simple as that,' replied Simpers.

'You may be a good detective, but you're god-awful at playing the dumb cruise passenger. Anyway, it's up to you. Just remember, my job is to give you any help you need while on board. That said, if you don't want to make use of me, tough shit.'

The Deputy Captain looked every bit as irritated as his voice intimated. Simpers looked at the man square on and without changing his expression as he took a final sip from his coffee. The detective worked hard on his outward appearance as his mind raced. He knew the call must have come from that phone behind the glass panel. But who made the call? Needles and haystacks sprang to Simpers' mind.

'Well, come on. I've got a treat for you. We're off to catch a cable car up the mountain, or at least a little way up it.'

The Deputy Captain reached out with his left arm. He pointed to a concrete square building with a glass floor around three hundred yards over Simpers' shoulder.

'Cable car, don't you think I've had enough of being flung around in a big metal box over the last few days? Now you expect me to dangle from a steel string in a tiny metal box. Do you think I'm nuts?' Simpers replied.

'I don't think you're nuts at all. Come on, it'll be fun, I promise you, and, I have a special treat to get us down again.'

Against his better judgement, Simpers agreed to the Deputy Captain's offer. As they neared the cable car station, Simpers fixed his gaze on a tiny object. At least the half glass gondola containing the silhouetted heads of its passengers seemed minute to him. As a small procession of gondolas ascended, each passed one making its return journey to the lower station.

Minutes later and leaving his common sense behind, Simpers stepped into the gondola. He looked back at the safety of the ground as the door swished shut. The noise from the street was now replaced by the excited squeals of half a dozen children around.

'Are you so nervous that you have to close your eyes, Detective,' said the Deputy Captain.

'If you suffered from vertigo, you wouldn't need to ask such stupid questions. Anyway, as you can see, now that I'm used to the movement of this contraption, I'm a brave little soldier.' To prove the point, Simpers opened one, then both eyes and fixed his gaze at a distant point on the mountainside.

'I do apologise, Simpers. I didn't realise that this sort of thing affected you quite so much. Why didn't you say?'

'Have you any idea how stupid it feels telling complete strangers you must sit in the front passenger seat when getting into a car. And guessing which way the thing is about to turn. You know, so you can look the right way, knowing that if you get it wrong you'll feel like throwing up for hours. But, you just have to get on with it. Now, what's this treat that you were babbling on about?' said Simpers as he tried to lighten the mood.

'Well, before we get to that I want to show you the Monte Church, or to give it its full name, the
Nossa Senhora do Monte
. It's a beautiful place and it'll give you a great view back down to the bay and the ship.'

'Isn't some exiled Austrian emperor buried up there?'

'I am impressed, Simpers, you've done your homework haven't you.'

'It comes with the job, Deputy Captain,' replied Simpers without changing his expression.

The two men were working hard to stay relaxed in each other's company, both recognising he needed the other.

Simpers steadied himself on a handrail until the swaying stopped, which signalled their arrival at the mid-way mountain station. After a few seconds, all was still, and Simpers opened his eyes to discover he was the only one left in the gondola.

'It's quite safe now, Simpers,' said the Deputy Captain. 'It's a bit of a walk to the church, but if you look to your left you'll get a glimpse of the botanical gardens. Are you into flowers and suchlike?'

'I suppose I like to see a nice garden, but I'm not prepared to put the work in to get the desired result. That's why I live in an apartment block,' replied Simpers.

The two men strode along an undulating pathway that edged the narrow roadway, each seemed lost in their own thoughts as they delighted in the warm sun of the late morning. An occasional plane landing at the island's airport disturbed the peacefulness of the moment. Simpers looked up each time he caught a glimpse of a plane as it skirted the mountainous backdrop of the island.

'Now those guys have got balls,' said the Deputy Captain.

'If you're referring to the pilots, I think anyone who's prepared to drive those things has balls. I also think they must have a screw missing, if you'll forgive my use of mixed metaphors,' replied Simpers.

'No, you misunderstand. It's not quite so bad now, but before they extended the runway it must've taken nerves of steel to get one of those damn planes down safely.'

'Not sure I understand,' said Simpers.

The officer continued his explanation. 'The first time I flew into the place, the passengers broke out into applause as we landed. I turned to the passenger sitting next to me and commented that it was quaint of the passengers to thank the pilots for a nice flight.'

'…And your point is?' replied Simpers.