Diary of a Minecraft Zombie: Book 1 (4 page)

Tuesday

Back to school today.

I was bummed because I wanted to skip another day of school…

But rotten flesh grows back pretty fast…

I guess it’s not so bad, because today we’re going on a field trip.

But field trips can be a hit or miss sometimes…

Ms. Bones took us to an abandoned mine once.

It was cool, but Skelee got lost and we couldn’t find him for days.

He said he got kidnapped by some blood thirsty humans that wanted to eat his brains.

But I think he just got stuck in a spider web and was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

Especially since Skelee doesn’t have blood or a brain.

Ms. Bones said that we were taking a trip to the Ender World.

That’s where the Endermen live.

This is great because I can finally settle a bet with Slimey over what an Enderman house looks like.

Slimey says it’s probably a castle made of Obsidian and diamonds.

I think it’s probably more like a junkyard since they are always picking up blocks of stuff.

Ms. Bones said we may even see the Enderdragon.

That would be so cool…

I heard about the Enderdragon…

It’s supposed to be this massively awesome dragon that flies around in the Ender World.

My Dad said that he saw it fly by once.

But I think my Dad made that up just to look cool.

I think the older you get the harder Dad’s work at trying to be cool…

Wednesday

The field trip yesterday was a total bomb.

Nobody told me that it was a field trip to the Ender World Natural Museum.

I found out the Enderdragon was just an exhibit of some old dinosaur bones…

It’s just like teachers to ruin a kid’s dream.

And, the only Enderman I met was the security guard that was guarding the Ender Crystal exhibit.

But I have to admit, the Enderdragon exhibit was pretty awesome.

They only had a skeleton of the Enderdragon, but it was huge…

Skelee was drooling…

Thursday

After class today, I saw Sally Cadaver…

She was talking to big mouth, Jeff.

I wanted to say hi, and see if I can take my relationship with her to the next level.

But Jeff started bragging again about something he did with his uncle.

“Yesterday I saw an Iron Golem!” He said.

“Big deal…”  I said.

And I knew I had to step up my game, or my feeble chances to make Sally my girlfriend would be utterly crushed.

“Yeah, well…I actually touched one!” I said.

Mouths opened.  Books dropped.  I heard creaking noises as heads turned towards me.

Oh man. I really stepped in it now.

I knew the next words out of Jeff’s mouth were going to determine the fate of my existence for all eternity.

“I dare you to do it again!” Jeff, said.

He said it!  I was doomed.

“OK,” I said.  Thinking that I might have enough time to get out of town.

But Sally looked at me like if I was the Enderdragon himself.  Like if I was one of the Legendary Giant Zombie Heroes of Old…

So you know I had to open my big mouth, and say:

“When, and where.  Just name it!”

“Tomorrow night.” Jeff said.

Great, I had one day left to live.

Friday

Today is the day…

Today is the day I face my death at the hands of an Iron Golem.

I went downstairs and gave my Mom and Dad a farewell hug.

They didn’t know that today would be my last day on earth, but I didn’t have the heart to tell them.

My little brother was riding his chicken around too fast so I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to him either.

After school, Jeff had his uncle take us to where they saw the Iron Golem before. 

And sure enough, there it was, standing guard in front of the village.

As we got there I thought there was a concert going on, because everybody from school was there too.

Great, I’m gonna die, and there’s gonna be an audience.

My family’s name will be cursed forever.

There was Sally, looking at me through her big eye sockets, so proud of the Zombie that I had become…

“Well, at least she can enjoy it for the next few short minutes of my life.” I thought.

“OK, it’s time,” Jeff said.

Gulp! 

Well, here it goes…

I started walking toward the Iron Golem…

As I started walking, it looked at me and got into a Zombie squashing stance.

“Oh man, this is going to hurt…” I thought

My Dad told me that when he was in the Army, he got hit by an Iron Golem once.

He said it took them weeks to find his left arm and left leg…

All this for Sally Cadaver…

“Man, girls are just trouble.” I thought

I was just about within arm’s reach of the Iron Golem (His arms not mine), when I thought to myself, “This is dumb.  Who am I kidding.  I’m a loser.”

I was about to turn around in utter shame, when all of a sudden Steve jumps out from behind the Iron Golem.

The crowd went silent.

Then Steve comes over to me and puts his arm around my shoulder, and walks me to the Iron Golem.

The Iron Golem lifted up his hand like if he was about to crush the both of us with a single blow…

Then when his hand came down…It was full of flowers!

He gave them to me and Steve, and I took some.

The crowd was so surprised, I think some of them dropped their jaws…literally.

As  I walked back to the crowd of Mobs, I handed the flowers to Sally.

Everybody started cheering…

I turned around and gave Steve a thumbs up.

And He gave me one back.

Saturday

Yesterday was the best day ever.

I survived being crushed by an Iron Golem.

I proved to Jeff that I am better at something than he is.

And Sally Cadaver is no longer “technically” my girlfriend …Now she “is” my girlfriend.

…But I still wish someone would tell me how I’m supposed to kiss her with no lips…

Everybody is talking about what happened yesterday, too…

But the thing that people are really talking about, is how I have a human friend named Steve.

Guess the secret’s out.

Well, I hope more Zombies can find friends like Steve.

Then instead of going out scaring villagers at night...

We could all just get along.

Sunday

Today, Steve invited me to come visit his village…

I’m going to bring Skelee, Creepy and Slimey with me.

I think it’s going to be a lot of fun.

Creepy was a little scared, though…

Had to calm him down.

I don’t know why he’s so scared…

I mean really…What could go wrong?

Coming Soon…
Diary of a Minecraft Zombie Book 2