Dick Longg: Sexual Saviour of the Universe (14 page)

As he undressed for bed Dick felt in his jacket and retrieved the matchbook that had mysteriously appeared there. This was his second surprise. The matches were still there but they were different. The matchbook he had offered
Taylor
had been white. This one was brown.
Taylor
must have switched it. Dick opened the flap and saw a handwritten note: ‘Dinner with
Alice
. Thursday 5
^th
at 7pm. Pelican Café’.

Dick smiled. He was looking forward to seeing
Alice
again.

Surprisingly, Dick found it relatively easy to get into the whole ‘work’ routine. He kept his pledge to Vera and threw himself headlong into his job since he wanted to impress her and gain her trust but also because he didn’t have anything resembling a social life. Over the next few days Dick became acquainted with most of his colleagues who seemed on the whole, to be equally dedicated if not a little dull. It seemed a lack of charisma was a desirable, if not a mandatory trait, of Party employees, along of course with blind, unfaltering and unquestioning dedication. Most of his co-workers were men; the few women in the department seemed as uptight at Vera. They returned his smile readily enough but this, Dick decided, hardly constituted a ‘come-on’, so he kept his distance.

Dick got on with all his colleagues but there was one, Benjamin Faraday, who was very patronising towards him, seemingly resenting his presence in the department. Of course, this could have been Dick’s paranoid imagination - only it wasn’t. Benjamin had all but admitted it during one of their lunch breaks in the large self-service communal canteen on the 21
^st
floor. On this particular day Benjamin sat next to Dick, just the two of them at a table. Although they knew each other superficially Benjamin took this lunch as an opportunity to formally introduce himself. He’d been working in the department for four years and because of his experience, assumed an air of superiority, looking down on Dick. This was actually quite difficult to do even when sitting down as Dick had about five inches over him.

Being quizzed about his previous experience, Dick gave minimal, matter-of-fact information. Benjamin also asked for his thoughts on Vera in a faux-friendly ‘co-worker to co-worker’ way but Dick was economical with his comments, just saying that he admired her dedication and skills. Benjamin was clearly jealous of Dick due to him being given more responsibility than was normal for a department ‘newbie’ and also because Vera seemingly looked favourably at him. Benjamin had a habit of making remarks that while not confrontational, were clear in their meaning. The essence of this particular conversation was that a) Dick had been lucky to get the job and b) that his inexperience would sooner, or later, make him slip up. Oh yes, and c) Benjamin would be keeping a close eye on Dick so that when b) did happen, Vera would know immediately and Benjamin would be restored to his natural place as Alpha Male in the department. Benjamin took his tray and rose to get up, winking at Dick and doing the whole gun/fingers thing.

If Dick had resented Benjamin slightly before this meeting, he resented him even more now. It was the whole tone of the conversation and its underlying threats. And of course, the gun/fingers thing hadn’t endeared him to Dick at all. It was obvious that Benjamin had dedicated his career to toadying up to Vera in an attempt to win her attention. It was also obvious that he’d been remarkably unsuccessful at this, which is why he hadn’t been promoted. After thinking the whole situation through Dick pondered the different choices facing him. He could ignore Benjamin completely. He could befriend him to minimise any bitterness or ill-feeling between them. Or he could just say ‘fuck it’ and antagonise Benjamin even more. After considering the varying degrees of satisfaction he’d derive from these different options Dick’s next course of action was obvious.

It started with calling him Benjy, which he absolutely hated, and also Benjy-Wenjy and Benjy-Boo, which he absolutely hated even more. It also consisted of Dick being blatantly obsequious to Vera when he knew Benjamin was looking, and making sure he was first in and last out the office every day. Benjamin was married so there were considerable pressures on him to return home at a reasonable time. Dick didn’t really mind the late hours, after all, he was proving his ‘worth to the party’
and
taking enjoyment from annoying a co-worker. Late nights and working at the Ministry at the weekend also meant Dick could avoid William and Mary, and any further probing or awkward questions that might arise.

By the start of his second week Dick had finished his comprehensive report and submitted it to Vera. In return she gave him the far less exciting task of reviewing the effectiveness of a recent recruitment campaign for the New Victorian Temperance League. The rest of the week was quite uneventful. Well it was until Dick was summarily summoned before Vera late one morning. He was sitting at his desk with his nose buried in paperwork, wishing his nose was buried somewhere else, when his phone rang. It was Vera requesting his presence immediately in Meeting Room B, which was located just down the hallway from the main office. Not knowing why he was needed Dick gathered up all the paperwork he was working on and rose, being careful to make maximum noise to attract the attention of Benjamin who, on cue, looked up. He gave Dick an expected and undisguised look of contempt; the sort of look you’d receive from someone whose presence had obviously not been requested at an important meeting. Given the way the Ministry and his department operated Dick had expected to join some form of sub-committee, steering group, working party or other form of organisational hell. He was therefore surprised on entering Meeting Room B to see Vera sitting there alone accompanied only by a thick file that was positioned face down.

‘Shut the door Mr. Brunel’, she requested in a low voice. In most instances this would have made the speaker sound seductive but in Vera’s case there was absolutely no chance of this happening. In fact, Dick thought, fingernails scraping a blackboard or the screams of burning orphans would have sounded sexier.

‘This is a very confidential matter and privacy must be maintained at all costs’.

Dick closed the door and listened intently.

‘I read your notes and insights into the matter of prostitution and incorporated many of them into my own report. My immediate superiors have been impressed with your input Mr. Brunel and I too, have been looking favourably on your aptitude and ability to date’.

Dick nodded, pleased at Vera’s approval, but more pleased at the look of displeasure Benjamin was giving him through the small glass pane in the meeting room door, out of Vera’s sight.

‘In the very short time here your talents have been recognised. You are a man with experiences that belie your years Mr. Brunel and I feel you will be a great asset to the Ministry. Because of this and the work you have already undertaken, I am asking you to work on a special project with me. A very special project indeed’.

Dick was shocked, but in a pleasant way. ‘I’m not sure what to say Miss Darling. I’m pleased you’re happy with my performance so far and I am honoured to have been given the chance to work with someone as experienced, intelligent and…’

Vera interrupted his sycophantic comments and leaned forward in her seat. ‘No one in the department must know about this task. Your cover story is that you are working on an urgent and secretive project about promoting reforms in education’.

Dick’s eyes glazed over as he thought about scrutinising changes to standardised testing or gender-based inequalities in the sciences, but soon unglazed as he realised the education project was just a cover story. He let out a sigh of relief and Vera continued in the same low voice.

‘Discretion and secrecy must be maintained at all costs. Because of the sensitive nature, a lot of the work will need to be done outside normal working hours. I cannot allow your colleagues here have any inkling about the real project’.

‘Not even Benjy?’ Dick enquired.

‘Who?’

‘Benjy-Boo’

‘I don’t think I understand…’. Vera had a puzzled expression.

‘I mean Benjamin’, Dick quickly replied, correcting himself. ‘After all, he has much more experience than me’.

‘He has experience in years, yes’, Vera agreed. ‘But his ability is severely limited as is his capacity for creative thinking. He operates on a basic level of competence. Nothing more. Nothing less’. Dick already knew this but was happy to hear it from Benjamin’s immediate superior who added, ‘You are probably unaware but the main reason he is working in my department is solely due to nepotism, not as a result of his own skills. He has a relative in a quite senior position in the Party’. Vera was clearly annoyed. ‘I cannot abhor people being rewarded with posts that they have not earned through sheer hard work, determination and inherent ability, don’t you agree?’

Dick gulped but then agreed readily enough. ‘That is exactly how I feel Miss Darling’.

‘We are like two peas in a pod, Mr. Brunel. Two peas’.

Dick gulped again and thought that the pod would have to be unfeasibly large to hold Vera. In fact it would have to be less of a pod and more like four reinforced horse blankets sewn together with ropes or possibly bound with anchor chains.

Vera continued. ‘Here we are, two single people putting their work before relationships and their personal pleasure, people who have dedicated their lives to the Party. Two peas in a pod!’

Before he had a chance to contemplate spending time in close proximity to Vera, whether it was in a pod or horse blanket, she slid the file towards him and turned it over. The cover said, ‘Project Gladstone. Above Top Secret’. Dick opened the file and flicked through it. His eyes became wider and wider until, he thought, his eyelids would flip right over the top of his head.

‘Precisely’, said Vera, noting his reaction. ‘Given what you have just learned from a cursory glance of the file I am sure you recognise why the contents must remain absolutely confidential at all times’.

Dick nodded and hid the file within the papers he had brought into the meeting. He thanked Vera again for her faith in his abilities, rose and left the room. Still stunned by what he’d just seen Dick almost walked straight into Benjamin who was loitering by the door, trying to pretend he wasn’t. It wasn’t until lunchtime that the two of them spoke. Sharing a table in the canteen Benjamin was very inquisitive about why Vera had met Dick in private. Dick told him about the education reform project he’d been given but it was clear from his colleague’s reaction that he didn’t believe him.

‘Confidential?’, Benjamin said. ‘Firstly I doubt whether that sort of project would require that degree of secrecy and secondly, any work that confidential would not be given to employees still in their probationary period. You wouldn’t be granted that degree of responsibility until you’d been working here for at least six months. You’ve only been here two weeks’.

‘I know’, Dick continued, not looking up from his salad lunch and deciding that he would rile Benjamin even more. ‘But Miss Darling was pleased with my performance so far and said I was one of the few people in the department she could trust’.

‘That seems very unconventional and even improper’, Benjamin added in his usual condescending manner. ‘As a departmental head Miss Darling would know that new projects were allocated according to seniority. She would be aware of the procedures more thoroughly than anyone and would always comply with the right protocols’.

‘Ah yes’, Dick added. ‘But when she was asked to assign this project by someone influential in the Party, procedures sometimes have to be over-ridden’.

‘What do you mean?’, Benjamin asked with a hint of surprise and an obvious degree of panic in his voice. This little piece of information was not something he had expected to hear.

Dick looked up from his plate and leaned towards Benjamin. ‘This is very, very confidential’, he said in low, almost conspiratorial tones. ‘But I see you as a friend so I’m willing to share it with you’.

Before Benjamin had time to dwell on the fact that his colleague might have even considered him to be a friend, Dick continued. ‘I have a close relative in the Party who is keeping an eye on my progress’, he said, looking straight at Benjamin, who involuntarily spat out a mouthful of tea. He apologised for his ill manners and while he embarrassingly mopped his mouth and the table Dick delivered what he considered to be the money shot.

‘This particular Party member wants to speed-up my promotion. He reckons in a year or two Vera will get a transfer to another section and I could be running the department myself’.

If Benjamin thought that his mouth was now empty of tea he was wrong. Somehow a residual amount also found its way out with a splutter.