Dipped, Stripped, and Dead (35 page)
Read Dipped, Stripped, and Dead Online
Authors: Elise Hyatt
“You didn’t get into trouble at all for letting the sus
pect kill himself?” I asked.
pect kill himself?” I asked.
Cas shrugged. “I had witnesses to the whole thing. Although one of them isn’t exactly impartial. Tiff is madly in love with Rocky, you know?”
“I figured. Maybe now that Nell is not around he’ll notice that.”
“He probably will. He will see the convenience of marrying his only remaining employee. He was totally unaware of all of it, you know. Theft, murder, hatred, love, all of it.”
“Men often are.” Then I realized I was talking to two men and blushed. “I mean—”
“Yeah, like I was unaware of the table. Let me tell you, it was harder to work around that, as evidence, than to explain Nick’s suicide. Fortunately the chair that we found in the Dumpster also had a note on the bottom. It appears to be a Hepplewhite and quite valuable.
“So I didn’t need to confiscate the table. I asked Rocky and he said you can keep it. I think he’s grateful to you,
you know, for clearing the whole thing up. He says you can come by and have first look at his discards before he puts them at the curb in the future.
you know, for clearing the whole thing up. He says you can come by and have first look at his discards before he puts them at the curb in the future.
“But next time, if you have something that might even remotely be involved in a crime . . . just tell me the truth, all right? I’ll do what I can.”
“But why did Nick get rid of the furniture?” I asked.
“Some of this is guesswork, but it seems that after he and Tiff got rid of the body, Nick drove Nell’s car back to her house, so no one would know she’d been to the workshop. Then he had to get rid of the furniture Nell had confronted him with. He was afraid of passing it on to his contacts because of the inscriptions. He couldn’t sand them away, because it would have been obvious. And our experts said there’s something about not erasing writing?”
“Well, if he sanded the bottom, people likely would think he was hiding the seal of a manufacturer, like Michael Manson’s,” I said. “Something that would have shown that the piece was not antique. Refinishers don’t sand off writing. It’s part of the history of the piece.”
“Right,” Cas said. “So as far as we can figure, he walked back to the workshop, got his own car, then got the furniture and discarded it with the body.”
“But if he was just going to throw it away, why didn’t he sand the bottoms?” I said.
“My guess is that from the moment that he realized Nell was dead, he stopped thinking clearly and was running scared,” Cas said. “Otherwise, he would have used a different Dumpster. And if he’d done that, we might never have known what happened. We got his accomplices, by the way. It was the trash men and a guy in Denver who then refinished the pieces and resold them.”
The three of us—Ben, Cas, and I—were sitting around my kitchen table having tea. This had necessitated my getting one of the folding chairs from the closet. Cas insisted on using it. I’d been just about to sit down with
Ben, trying to make sense of the events of the day before, when Cas had come in unexpectedly. At least it was unexpectedly for me, though Ben didn’t look quite as surprised as he should have been.
Ben, trying to make sense of the events of the day before, when Cas had come in unexpectedly. At least it was unexpectedly for me, though Ben didn’t look quite as surprised as he should have been.
“So, your loft is all fixed?” I asked Ben. He had removed his things from my bathroom and living room just minutes ago and put them in the back of his car.
“Yeah. It will take me months to replace the vases. Years, maybe. But the rest is fine.”
“And you changed the locks?” I said.
“Yeah,” he said.
“Good. I’d prefer that Les not kill you.”
He looked startled, as if this possibility had never crossed his mind. “Dyce, he didn’t even destroy any of my stuff when he broke in here. Only my tires, and that was because he was really angry when, you know, E interrupted the phone call. Okay, and he did damage the loft, but most of that, like the vases, he did before I left. Other than that, he went after your things. Out of jealousy.”
Ben continued. “Les was . . . a little afraid of me, I think. And at the same time, he was convinced I didn’t love him, because he could never make me mad. He couldn’t make me lash out.” He shook his head. “I don’t lash out! You know that. Much less at someone smaller than me. Besides, I thought I must have done something terrible to make him go around the bend. It took a long conversation with my friend Peter for me to realize how around the bend Les was when he wasn’t around me . . .” He shrugged. “But I wouldn’t worry. He’s joined a symphony in . . . well, I couldn’t read the word properly, but it looked like Belize. Or it might have been Brazil. Or . . .” he said, thoughtfully, “maybe Berlin.”
“Read . . . ?”
“He sent me a letter telling me I had driven him from his native land. You’d think he was joining the Foreign Legion.”
Cas laughed. “Well, next time, file a complaint, okay? If I’d known what was going on . . .”
“Yeah, yeah,” Ben said. “But see, I thought it was my fault. Dyce keeps saying that one day she’ll put a hatchet in my head. Either that or pink panties.”
“Pink . . .”
“It’s a very long story.”
But the funny thing was that Cas Wolfe didn’t seem to be put off by our stories. He might ask what was behind them, but he didn’t pout and sulk because he didn’t understand them at first.
“And I’m not going to tell it now,” Ben said. “Because you guys have reservations.”
“We have what?” I said, and I’m afraid my voice squeaked.
“Reservations. I called Ben first, because I wanted to be sure he could babysit.”
“But we were going to the restaurant with E and then the crime got solved and you had to do a report and . . .”
“And tonight we’re going somewhere nice,” Cas said, firmly. “Where we can dance. There’s this place that just opened up. They have a jazz band.”
“Oh,” I said, blushing. “Okay.” I looked over at Ben. “If you don’t mind . . .”
“I don’t mind the babysitting,” he said, giving me a disdainful once-over. “But—Dyce Chocolat Dare, you’re
not
going out to a place with a jazz band to dance in jeans and a stained T-shirt!”
not
going out to a place with a jazz band to dance in jeans and a stained T-shirt!”
Furniture-Refinishing Tips and Tricks
The first thing you need to know about picking up used furniture cheaply is that you should under no circumstances imitate Dyce’s method. I’m not saying you shouldn’t look for furniture that someone else has discarded—depending on where you live, this can be a very good place to find it—but you definitely shouldn’t go Dumpster diving, at least not without getting lessons from someone who knows how to do it.
So where should you find furniture that can be restored to its former glory or be made to look like it had a former glory? We’ll start with the most likely and expensive source.
So You See Something Interesting•
Used-furniture stores.
See if there is a good one in your area. These are often like Shabby Chic, operate on consignment, and have already fixed pieces. Some others, though—and these are usually cheaper—have a mix of already finished and whatever was in the last estate
sale. In those—particularly if they have a section called “fixer-uppers” or something like it—you can find decent, solid furniture that will probably not have too many coats of paint or any structural flaws.
Used-furniture stores.
See if there is a good one in your area. These are often like Shabby Chic, operate on consignment, and have already fixed pieces. Some others, though—and these are usually cheaper—have a mix of already finished and whatever was in the last estate
sale. In those—particularly if they have a section called “fixer-uppers” or something like it—you can find decent, solid furniture that will probably not have too many coats of paint or any structural flaws.
•
The local thrift shops.
It’s been my experience that what I’d call the “best-known” thrift stores, those everyone mentions as another word for
thrift store
, are almost as expensive as the used-furniture stores. But look in your phone book. If you live in a city of any size at all, chances are that there is at least one “off-brand” thrift store. In Charlotte, North Carolina, it took me some years to find it, because it was attached to a no-kill cat shelter, which it supported. So keep your eyes open. These less well-known stores often price things at a fraction of the price of the big stores. For one, they tend to have less floor space and they want the furniture to move.
The local thrift shops.
It’s been my experience that what I’d call the “best-known” thrift stores, those everyone mentions as another word for
thrift store
, are almost as expensive as the used-furniture stores. But look in your phone book. If you live in a city of any size at all, chances are that there is at least one “off-brand” thrift store. In Charlotte, North Carolina, it took me some years to find it, because it was attached to a no-kill cat shelter, which it supported. So keep your eyes open. These less well-known stores often price things at a fraction of the price of the big stores. For one, they tend to have less floor space and they want the furniture to move.
•
Garage sales and flea markets.
Note that I didn’t mention estate sales, because unless you can buy a whole lot in bulk, they tend to be overpriced. Garage sales vary wildly in price, according to the neighborhood in which they’re held and the time of year. Winter ones are cheaper. And garage sales in middle-class neighborhoods are cheaper and often yield better finds than those in the “better neighborhoods,” where people are likely to think their stuff is worth more than it really is.
Garage sales and flea markets.
Note that I didn’t mention estate sales, because unless you can buy a whole lot in bulk, they tend to be overpriced. Garage sales vary wildly in price, according to the neighborhood in which they’re held and the time of year. Winter ones are cheaper. And garage sales in middle-class neighborhoods are cheaper and often yield better finds than those in the “better neighborhoods,” where people are likely to think their stuff is worth more than it really is.
•
Local for-sale ads.
I’ve found some surprisingly good pieces in these, particularly when people are moving and selling in a hurry. Not usually antiques or anything resembling them, but decently built wood furniture at a low price. And some of it can be made to look stunning with very little work.
Local for-sale ads.
I’ve found some surprisingly good pieces in these, particularly when people are moving and selling in a hurry. Not usually antiques or anything resembling them, but decently built wood furniture at a low price. And some of it can be made to look stunning with very little work.
•
Trash.
Yes, I said you shouldn’t go Dumpster climbing. But in my hometown, and probably a lot of others,
people put their discarded furniture a little to the side of the trash cans on trash pickup days. Back when I was doing this semiprofessionally, I knew the trash pickup days for every neighborhood in town. Most of the time, the drive-bys showed nothing of interest, but once every few weeks there would be an armoire or a table. Even in college dorms and student apartments, people often set their furniture to the side of the Dumpster, instead of in it. It’s worth taking a look at the end of the term.
Trash.
Yes, I said you shouldn’t go Dumpster climbing. But in my hometown, and probably a lot of others,
people put their discarded furniture a little to the side of the trash cans on trash pickup days. Back when I was doing this semiprofessionally, I knew the trash pickup days for every neighborhood in town. Most of the time, the drive-bys showed nothing of interest, but once every few weeks there would be an armoire or a table. Even in college dorms and student apartments, people often set their furniture to the side of the Dumpster, instead of in it. It’s worth taking a look at the end of the term.
So, let’s say you just found something you think might be a good piece under all the grime and the coats of paint. How do you know if it’s really good? Or even acceptable?
Well, let’s say you picked up Dyce’s little tea table, lucky you, and you’re examining it to see whether you should talk the garage-sale holder down from the twenty bucks he wants.
Signs that you probably shouldn’t buy, or you should at least beware that it is not a good piece:
• They tell you it’s good quality because it’s really heavy. Plywood and the various conglomerates are much heavier and denser than real wood. If a piece is disproportionately heavy, the chances are good it is not unaltered wood.
• You can see that staples were used in the construction.
• The edges of any carving look smooth, like the wood was pushed in, rather than carved. This is another good indication that it’s not unaltered wood. I’ve recently seen this type of “pressed” decoration advertised as a plus for a chair, and I’m wondering if there’s a fad for
it or the advertiser was insane. At any rate, it’s not good wood.
it or the advertiser was insane. At any rate, it’s not good wood.
Signs that you might have a find on your hands:
• The piece is not perfectly symmetrical. Before machines, built-by-hand pieces were often slightly off; for example, every drawer was its own size, or the joints in the wood were slightly irregular.
• If there is carving or an edge on the legs, it’s really sharp—sometimes even under coats of paint. This shows that it’s not pressed in wood, but cut or carved.
• The underside/exposed parts of the furniture look like real wood. Not smooth, like pressboard, but with a definite direction of fibers.
• Look as you might, you find no metal fasteners of any sort. No screws or nails. The older—and better-made—furniture is all wood on wood.
When in doubt:
So You Got This Piece• Look for a stamp with a factory name and manufacture date. This is not necessarily bad. A lot of factories in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century had these.
• If there’s a drawer, take the drawer out and examine it. Only completists ever paint the inside of drawers, and only completists on magic mushrooms ever use metallic paint inside those.
And the adventure begins. I do not have time here to tell you how to refinish it or even how to deal with
the most common problems—look for those tips at the back of the next Daring Finds Mystery,
French-Polished Murder
—but for now I will tell you what to do if your piece is merely lusterless and a little scuffed. Put on gloves. Get the finest grade of steel wool, then mix together some turpentine and some mineral oil as best you can (they won’t stay mixed). Buff the wood with the steel wool dipped in just a bit of the mixture. (Test in a hidden corner first. If you have one of the new water-soluble varnishes, the turpentine will ruin it.) What this does is melt the lacquer and respread it. The oil is just there to keep the turpentine from evaporating so quickly. Do a little area at a time and wipe with a soft cloth afterward. And work in a well-ventilated area, preferably outside. Turpentine fumes are very bad for you.
the most common problems—look for those tips at the back of the next Daring Finds Mystery,
French-Polished Murder
—but for now I will tell you what to do if your piece is merely lusterless and a little scuffed. Put on gloves. Get the finest grade of steel wool, then mix together some turpentine and some mineral oil as best you can (they won’t stay mixed). Buff the wood with the steel wool dipped in just a bit of the mixture. (Test in a hidden corner first. If you have one of the new water-soluble varnishes, the turpentine will ruin it.) What this does is melt the lacquer and respread it. The oil is just there to keep the turpentine from evaporating so quickly. Do a little area at a time and wipe with a soft cloth afterward. And work in a well-ventilated area, preferably outside. Turpentine fumes are very bad for you.
If your piece is just a little scuffed and you don’t want to fuss with it too much, there’s a product sold online (no, I don’t get a cut)—
www.kramerize.com
—that will be a little better and faster than the mix I described. It’s a proprietary mixture, so I can guess at what’s in it, but—so far—I can’t reproduce it. It’s your quickest no-fuss, no muss furniture facelift.
www.kramerize.com
—that will be a little better and faster than the mix I described. It’s a proprietary mixture, so I can guess at what’s in it, but—so far—I can’t reproduce it. It’s your quickest no-fuss, no muss furniture facelift.
Of course, a lot of people don’t like to remove the old coats from their antique piece. They figure that paint or varnish is part of the piece’s history and should stay with it. If you are one of those purists, just use steel wool to gently rub away any flaking paint. If you have small children in the house, take one of the paint chips to be analyzed for lead paint. If it’s lead free, feel free to display it in all its multicoated glory.
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