Dirty DNA (G Street Chronicles Presents) (25 page)

“I was just letting you know I am going to
make a quick run to the
CVS
to grab a few personal things.
Do you need anything while I am out?” I said.

He nodded his head and held up one finger as
if to tell me wait. He closed the door and I could hear him
shuffling around inside. I could also hear a female voice on the
other side of the door. I was vexed about him having company when
we were supposed to be on the low. I let the bad feeling I was
getting go. Hell, if I wasn’t embarrassed to be seen in the
Red
Roof Inn
I would have had some company too. Maybe that is what
I needed. Neko came back to the door. This time he was dressed in a
t-shirt and some basketball shorts. I shot him a knowing look. He
could read the displeased look on my face. I didn’t even say
anything I just shook my head.

“I was going crazy in here YaYa. You ain’t
been acting like yourself lately. You don’t come out of the room
and you ain’t exactly been good company.” Neko said trying to
justify why he had a bitch held up in his room with him.

“Just make sure she doesn’t run her mouth
about where we are. As long as you keep your shit in order, then
who am I to complain?” I said shrugging my shoulders.

“What do you need from the store?” I asked
Neko with my hand out because I wasn’t going to spend one red cent
on him and whoever the bitch he had hiding out in his room was.

He passed me a twenty dollar bill. I stood
there because he hadn’t told me what it was that he needed or
wanted from the store. I just stood there rolling my grey eyes at
him.

“So are you gonna’ tell me what you need or
are you just giving me money to blow?” I asked sarcastically.

“I need some condoms and make sure you get
Magnums
.” He beamed with pride.

I couldn’t help but smile because my little
brother thought he was the shit. At least he thought about
protecting himself, unlike me. I didn’t know what the fuck was
going on with my body. I playfully punched him in the arm and
walked away. Neko went back into his room to entertain his company
as I walked down the stairs that lead to the parking lot. I still
felt awful and I was praying that I was not pregnant. There was no
way I was ready for a baby. Yeah, I was old enough, but with the
way things were going in my life, a baby would not be a good idea.
The father was torn between his career and dealing with me and my
craziness.

I was feeling emotional just thinking of
having a baby. What the hell would I do if I really had one? I
drove the short distance to the
CVS
and started to feel
nervous. I had never done anything like that before and for some
odd reason I was scared. Deep down I knew I was knocked up, but I
was hoping against hope that I wasn’t. I didn’t need the added
stress of taking care of a baby on my own, because I am sure Dread
would not be pleased with me being pregnant and leaving with his
baby.

I walked in the
CVS
and felt so weird
buying a pregnancy test and buying condoms at the same time. I knew
that shit was like an oxymoron. I headed down the aisle that read,
“family planning” and got Neko’s Magnums first. I chuckled to
myself because that nigga was a mess trying to play big willy
buying Magnums. Right across from the condoms was the pregnancy
tests. The advertisements boasted about being able to detect if you
were pregnant days sooner than the other leading brand. There were
some with multiple tests in the box. I didn’t know which to pick. I
picked up several brands and threw them in the basket to be on the
safe side. I had heard about girls taking home pregnancy tests and
them getting a negative and then nine months later a bitch had a
baby. I was leaving nothing else to chance.

I left the “family planning aisle” and got
the giggles all over again just thinking of the name of the aisle.
There was nothing about planning in it. It was either you were
trying to not to get knocked up, or you were trying to see if it
was too late and you already were knocked up. I was hoping I was
just scaring the shit out of myself. I walked the other aisles of
the store to waste time. I didn’t have much else to do but wait for
my money. I gathered a few things trying to stall before going back
to the motel and peeing on a stick to find out what my future
held.

I walked around the store picking up shit I
knew I didn’t need. I threw ginger ale in the basket and crackers.
I half hoped that they would make the nausea go away. I picked up
tampons even though I had the sinking feeling I would not be
needing them for the next nine months. I grabbed a few magazines
and a pack of Djaram cigarettes. I took my items to the front of
the store and two young girls were working. One of them had on too
much makeup and the other had on too much perfume. The two of them
together were a hot mess. The one with the overly made face was
popping on a piece of bubble gum which I could smell a mile away.
It was grape
Bubbalicious.
I thought it was remarkable that
my senses were at an all-time high.

I placed my items on the counter and did my
best not to hurl on the lady with too much perfume on. I could tell
it was a cheap knock off, but who was I to look down on anyone. I
looked like a worn-out mess and probably smelled just as bad too! I
paid for my purchase and got out of the store right before I felt
the bile rising in my throat. I made it to the sidewalk before
letting go of the little bit of water and chips I had tried to hold
on to from earlier. I heaved until my throat hurt. Whatever was
going on with me had to end immediately because I could not stand
feeling that way. There was no way I was going to be able to get on
the road in a few days if I had to stop every few miles to throw
up.

I collected myself and got in the car. I
pulled out into traffic and I started feeling paranoid. I don’t
know why; I just did. I felt like someone was following me so I
made sure to drive around and around watching my rearview mirror
carefully to see if anyone was following my movements. After ten
minutes of driving up and down route one in VA, I felt like I was
by myself. I pulled into the motel’s little parking lot and shut
down my engine. The nervous feeling returned. I climbed the steps
to the second landing and knocked on Neko’s door. When he opened
it, I was greeted with a thick cloud of smoke. I had already taken
out the condoms so I didn’t have reveal why I had really gone to
the
CVS
. Neko took the Magnums from my hand and smiled
wide.

“Thanks sis! I am going to need these!” He
was way too excited about getting some ass.

I nodded and headed to my room. I was
starting to feel anxious. I need to see what was going on with me.
I slid the keycard and unlocked the room door and went inside. I
noticed it was really dark. I guess because I kept the curtains
closed so no one would bother me. I took off my shoes and headed to
the bathroom with the bag of six tests. I read the instructions
which were easy enough.

1. Pee on the stick.

2. Wait three minutes.

3. Decide if jumping from a ten story high
rise is better than having a baby.

I guess I was so nervous I couldn’t use the
bathroom, so I drank three cups of ginger-ale and hoped that it
would stay down long enough to make me have to go. After about
thirty minutes of waiting, I finally had to go. I headed back to
the bathroom and squatted over the toilet. I peed in a Styrofoam
cup so that I could dip each of the tests in the cup. I was leaving
no room for error. I placed two of the tests in the cup and waited.
It seemed like the three minutes it took to get an accurate result
was taking damn near forever.

I paced back and forth; I tried to focus on
the television. I even attempted to smoke a cigarette. Nothing was
working. Time was moving so incredibly slow. Finally, three minutes
passed and when I entered the bathroom I knew what was waiting for
me before I could even get a good look into the cup. I pulled out
the first test and it had a pink plus sign. I tossed it to the side
because I had heard stories of women having false positives and I
didn’t want to be one of them crying and tripping for no reason. I
pulled the second test from the cup and it had two lines indicating
that I was definitely pregnant.

I knew one thing…I was not going to stand
there like I was defeated. I threw the cup in the trash along with
both of the used tests. I left out of the bathroom sat on the bed
and tried to sort out what to do next. I couldn’t help it. I cried.
I was trying not to fall apart, but it was useless. I was breaking
down, I was running from God only knows who and I was trying to
protect my brother from some bullshit that Daddy had us twisted up
in. My best friend hated my ass, so I couldn’t even ask her for
help or advice at that point. She wouldn’t give me any advice being
that I was pregnant by Dread. I was on the run and pregnant.

This shit should have been written in one of
those stupid Urban Fiction books except it wasn’t fiction. This
shit was really happening. It was really my life.

I was confused on what to do next. The tears
were flowing and I could not stop them. I am not sure if I wanted
to stop them. I wanted someone to be there with me to hold my hand,
rub my back and tell me it would be ok. I wanted to be able to tell
Dread that I was pregnant and he would tell me which decision to
make.
This is not how I imagined being pregnant.
I was
confused and alone and scared. I cried until I had finally cried
myself to sleep. I was hoping that the answers to all of my
questions would come to me in my dreams.

The Boulevard

Largo, MD

I woke up with a nasty taste in my mouth. I
felt a little better after sleeping for a few hours, but I still
had no idea what I was going to do. The only thing I knew was that
I was not going to do, and that was abort my baby. I’m way too
strong to even think that having a baby would defeat me. My real
issue was whether or not I should tell Dread that I was
pregnant.

I made my way over to the window and peeked
out around the cheap curtains. It had started to get dark outside.
I decided that I would see what Neko had to say about becoming an
uncle so I left my room and went next door to Neko’s room. I
listened before knocking so I would not disturb anything he had
going on. It sounded quiet so I decided to knock. I could hear him
dragging himself across the floor. He must have checked the peep
hole because he swung the door open wide and stepped to the side to
let me in. I looked around the room half expecting to see the
mystery chick I had bought condoms for to still be there. My guess
was she was gone or Neko would have sent me packing. I took a seat
on the foot of the newly made bed and Neko took a seat at the old
desk that was across from the bed.

“So wassup?” He asked.

“I just wanted to tell you I got a lot going
on right now Neko, and I need your help working all of this shit
out. I went to the store today to buy a pregnancy test.” I paused
to see if he was listening to me.

He was actually staring at me like I was
going to tell him that I was in fact pregnant and it was his
child.

I continued. “I took two of them, and they
are positive. I am pregnant. That is why I have been so sick
lately.” I blurted out.

I lowered my eyes feeling ashamed of what
had happened. I should have known better than to fuck anyone
without protection. I started to drift into my own thoughts when
Neko moved over to where I was sitting and wrapped his arms around
me.

“Awww…YaYa, that is great! I wonder what you
are going to have. I wonder will the baby have our grey eyes. Will
it look like Mom and Pop or will it look like the father?” His
voice trailed off when I wasn’t giving him any responses.

“YaYa, are you ok with this? I mean are you
thinking about having an abortion?” He asked.

I shook my head left to right. “No, I think
I want to keep the baby. I just may be raising it on my own. I
don’t think the father will be interested in having a baby with me.
He barely even wanted to see me the last time we spoke.” I said
with my voice shaking and with me on the verge of tears again.

“Don’t cry YaYa. I got you. All we need is
each other. We can do this shit together. I don’t even see what you
are fretting for. As long as this bread hits your account soon, we
can bounce and then we can get you some pre-natal care. We gotta’
make sure we take care of my nephew!” He said excitedly.

Just hearing my brother being supportive
made me feel a whole lot better about the situation. Neko hugged me
tight.

“YaSheema, whatever we go through, we go
through it together. I got your back.” He said. I felt so safe in
my baby brother’s arms. I knew as long as we had each other we were
going to make it through whatever storm came our way.

I was glad Neko was excited and ready for me
to have a baby. I wasn’t so sure it was what I wanted. What did I
have to offer the baby besides pretty eyes and a keen fashion
sense? I was born of a ruthless hustler, and the only things he
taught me were:
sex, drugs, power, murder and
mayhem. I knew one thing: my son or daughter would not be brought
up to believe that was how they were supposed to live their lives.
If they did, they would end up just like me. I looked over at Neko
and he was still smiling. He was really excited about the baby
thing.

“We have to decide where we are going to
relocate too. We never put any real thought into it. That money
from the insurance should be coming any day now, and the day it
comes, we should already have a plan about where we are gonna’ go.”
Neko said.

“I was thinking we could go someplace sunny
and warm.” I finally said. I was feeling hopeful.