Dirty Dom: Valetti Crime Family (A Bad Boy Mafia Romance) (14 page)

I press my lips together and hold back the sobs, threatening me, hating me. Tears leak out of the corner of my eyes as I climb carefully off the bed, keeping the shirt down and walk silently to Jax. My hands shakes as they go to his shoulders.

Guilt consumes me.

My heart may believe that what Dom and I just shared was something more than a quick, dirty fuck. I swallow thickly, avoiding Dom’s gaze. I know it was one sided. And it was stupid. I keep doing stupid things around this man.

But now when it comes to Jax.

“It’s alright baby, I’ll read you a story.” I’m almost surprised how easily and calmly the words flow from my lips. But then I remember I’ve been doing this for quite some time now, hiding the pain and being strong for my son.

Only, I don’t remember it ever hurting this much.

I
can’t fucking sleep
. She ripped my fucking heart out. How the fuck am I supposed to react to that? I’m trying real fucking hard not to take offense to that. That’s when she draws the line? I can fuck her all I want. Talk about using her pussy as payment and fucking make love to her in my bed. But I can’t read her kid a bed time story?

She had no fucking underwear on. My cum was probably leaking down her thigh. But she’d rather that?

She fucking safe worded me. I’ve only been safe worded a handful of times when I first started playing. I know limits. I know what women want. I’m good at reading their body language. But I can’t read her, my doll. Just thinking of my pet name for her has my heart clenching in agony.

I’m a fucking fool for thinking she’s mine. She’s not meant to be with a man like me and it’s obvious she wants it to stay that way.

I thought she felt it. How could she not? I gave her everything. I feel raw and broken. And now she’s laying next to me, right where I fucked her, on her side with her back to me, pretending to sleep. I know she’s awake. Her breathing isn’t even close to even.

I’m not gonna do this. I’m not going to put up with this shit.

She wants to act like that, it’s on her. But my heart is fucking open and I’m not going to let her pretend I didn’t just make love to her. That I didn’t just see right into her fucking soul as she came on my dick. It was fucking beautiful. I’m not going to let her disrespect that.

“Why are you pretending to sleep, doll?” I ask, doing my best to keep the contempt out of my voice.

“I’m not pretending.” Her voice comes out confident and then low. “Just trying to sleep.”

“You don’t want me to hold you after tonight?” That fucking hurts too. I should be all over her. Making sure she’s alright. I know better than to let her be on her own. But fuck, I’m hurting after that shit.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to.” Her voice breaks at the end. My brows raise in surprise.

“Babe?” I lean over and turn her so her back is on the bed. Her cheeks are tear stained. Fuck! “Doll, what’s wrong?” I pull her into my embrace and she fucking loses it. “Have you been crying this whole time?”

“No.” She shakes her head into my chest and barely gets the word out.

“Let it out babe.” I gently rub her back and feel like a fucking prick. I’ve been laying here pissed because she doesn’t want me around her son, yet she’s been crying right next to me and I didn’t even know. “Tell me what’s wrong.” I speak gently, but firmly. I know she’s gonna try to find a way around telling me what’s bothering her. My heart twists in agony; she didn’t want me to know she was crying.

“I know this is going fast babe, but you gotta try to trust me.”

A sob leaves her as she shakes her head. “It’s alright babe, just let it all out.”

“I can’t.” She pushes away from me with tears in her red-rimmed eyes. Her plush lips are turned down and I still think she looks so damn beautiful. I don’t know how I ever looked at her before. But something’s different now.

“You can babe, just let it out.”

She shakes her head and her chest heaves with a sob, her shoulders bowing inward. “I can’t with you.” She sucks in a strangled breath. “This,” motioning between us, “I can’t.” Her voice chokes on the last word. And it may as well have choked me.

My chest hollows and I let out a heavy breath, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and letting her cry into my chest. I don’t think I’ve ever felt pain like this. I don’t fucking like it.

“You don’t wanna be with me, doll?” I need her to say the words. I don’t want to hear them, but I need her to say them.

“That’s not it.” A spark of hope flares in my chest, until she adds, “Jax.” My breath stops short. “I can’t do this to Jax,” she cries into my chest.

“Because I’m in the mob?” somehow I ask clearly.

“I can’t give him that life.” She shakes her head and I hardly hear her words through her tears.

I swallow the lump growing in my throat. “You don’t think I’d be good for him?” I’d be great for him. I don’t know much about kids, but I’d learn. I’d treat them both better than her shit husband did.

She pulls away from me and looks at me with disbelief. “How could you?” She wipes the tears away with the back of her hand and tries to get off the bed. I snatch her wrist and pull her closer to me. I take her lips with mine and push her back onto the mattress. One hand on her throat and one beside her head, bracing my body. I cage her in and kiss her with everything I have. Her finger nails dig into my back.

I bite down on her bottom lip and pull back until she whimpers. I whisper in the air between us, “I’m good enough to fuck, but that’s it?”

A sad look of regret crosses her face. I wish it hadn’t. I don’t want to be a regret. I know I gave her what she needed. “Is that it, doll?” I search her pained expression for anything other than regret and remorse. “You don’t want me, babe?”

Her lips part and the saddest noise parts from her lips. I can see it in her eyes that she wants me. I know she trusts me from the way her hand gentles on my forearm. My hand’s wrapped around her throat and she doesn’t even react to it. I lean down and kiss her again, closing my eyes and gently suckling. I brush my tongue along the seam of her lips and she parts them, opening herself for me and moaning into my mouth.

She fucking loves me like I do her. It’s not supposed to be like this, but what really ever happens like it’s supposed to?

I gently rest my forehead against hers. My body heats and my dick hardens with a desperate need to be inside her again and show her how much she loves me.

“Don’t fucking act like you don’t want me.” My hips push her legs apart and she opens them obediently. “You just don’t want to believe you do.” I rock my dick against her heat before reaching down to push my pants down. “Stop lying to yourself.”

“I do.” She struggles to say her words. Relief washes through me, but it’s only temporary. The look on her face tells me everything. She’ll never be with me. It fucking hurts. She didn’t even give us a chance. She must see my pain because her hands grab my neck and she pushes my lips onto hers.

“Please.” She whispers. But I don’t know what. I can’t ever figure her out. I look deep into her hazel eyes. “Please.” She asks again, her breath shallow. She bites her bottom lip and rocks against my hard dick.

She just wants me to fuck her. A sharp shot to my chest makes me almost get off her, but her words stop me.

“Like you want to. Like I’m yours.” I barely hear her words. I search her eyes and then I hear the sweetest sound whispered from her lips, “punish me.”

It won’t take the pain away. I know it won’t; but I’ll be damned if I don’t want to pin her down and make her love me.

I narrow my eyes and look down at Becca. “Take your shirt off and get on your knees.”

I’m going to take her exactly how I wanted to since I first held her ass in my office. It may be the last time I ever get to. In the morning I know she’ll want to leave. And I don’t think I have it in me to stop her. I’m going to make this night count. I sit back on my heels and stroke my dick as she obeys me.

My hand comes down hard across her ass, leaving an angry red print. She yelps and her body jolts forward with the blow. The slap echoes through the room and then I remember her son. Fuck! I need to be quiet. A small voice inside me says she’s right. But I push that shit down and shake it off. I reach into the nightstand with my right hand while my left rubs the mark on her ass. I can have her tonight. Every way I want and every way she wants.

I lean forward, my dick nestled between her heat and take her throat in my hand. I squeeze lightly and whisper into her ear, “you want me to fuck you like you’re mine to do what I want, how I want.”

I stroke the lube over my dick and use the excess over her puckered hole. I don’t waste anytime slipping my finger in knuckle deep. “Good girl. Arch your back,” she immediately obeys. “Push back babe.” I fuck her ass with my finger until she’s moaning into the pillows and then I add a second. My left hand strokes my dick and I wish it was in her mouth. Her lips are parted and soft whimpers are falling easily from them. Her eyes are closed and I know she’s enjoying this. I pull out and line my dick up; her eyes fly open and it makes me smirk.

“This is what you want from me babe?” I keep my hand on the small of her back to keep her steady and I watch those lips turn into a perfect “o” as I pump shallow thrusts into her ass. Her hot walls feel so fucking good. She clenches her heat as her head thrashes on the pillow.

“You want me to fuck you like I own you,” I lean down and push my dick balls deep into her. “Guess what doll?” I pull back, almost all the way out. My dick begs to be back in her warmth. Her ass looks so fucking perfect with my dick in it. I grab her chin in my hand and pull her head back so she has to look at me. “I do own you.”

I slam back into her and watch her beautiful lips part with a cry of pleasure. I keep up a steady pace holding her eyes. My breathing comes in pants as I fuck her exactly how she wants. She wants it brutal; she wants to believe that’s who I am. I’ll give her that. I won’t deny her. I thrust into her and I don’t hold back. Her breasts bounce with my movement and I reach forward to cup one and squeeze it and pull to give her the added sensation. Her mouth hangs open and her eyes squeeze shut as I keep up my pace. Her whimpers turn to squeaks and I know she’s getting close. My hand flies to her clit as a cold sweat breaks out on my body.

“Cum for me.” Her back bows and her head falls to the mattress as she does exactly what I told her to do. My balls draw up and my spine tingles as I find my own release with hers. I pump into her with every wave until the after shocks have past.

I gently pet Becca’s back and kiss her shoulder. “Stay here, doll.” I plant another kiss on her shoulder and grab a hand towel from the bathroom to clean up. I wipe both of us off and lay her gently on the bed. I wasn’t gentle with her. Not like I was planning to be at her place.

I lay down beside her and pull her into me. None of that crying on her own shit. Tonight she’s mine. “You alright babe,” I ask as she backs her ass up to nestle between my hips. It makes a soft smile form on my lips.

“Hmmm.” She’s so exhausted she can’t even answer. I rub my hand down her arm and kiss her shoulder before settling behind her. Her warm body against mine feels so right.

A pang pains in my chest at the thought and just as I close my eyes and pray for sleep to take me I hear her say it. “I love you Dom.” It’s mumbled from her lips. I prop myself up on my elbow and look at her. She’s peacefully asleep, but I know I heard her say it.

I lay back down and kiss her hair. “I love you, doll.” I whisper the words and pray maybe that will be enough.

I
can’t stop watching
her fuss over her little boy. They’re in my kitchen sitting at the island eating breakfast. I lean back against the granite, gripping it to keep me in place. I could see myself with them. I could see myself with one arm wrapped around her waist and my other hand messing up Jax’s hair. An asymmetric grin pulls at my lips as she leans over to fix his hair. It makes me want to mess it up even more.

I can see the three of us together. But she can’t. Or won’t. I don’t know which.

I push off the counter to walk over to her but my phone goes off. It catches Becca’s attention and she looks at me with an anxiousness in her eyes. She’s been asking to go home since she woke up. She’s been avoiding me and not letting me touch her.

Well, she doesn’t move away from me, but she stills in my arms. She doesn’t mold to me and thrive in my embrace like she did last night. I knew it would be like this. I just didn’t know it would hurt this much.

“Yo.” I answer the phone how I always do, but when her eyes fall to the counter and then to Jax, I wish I hadn’t answered it at all.

“Got em.” Johnny’s says and I know exactly what he’s talking about.

“How many?” He got De Luca and his crew. My fists clench and my blood runs cold. I’m gonna beat the fucking piss out of them and make them suffer for what they did to my girl.

“All.” An evil smirk forms on my face and I have to walk out of the kitchen to hide it from her.

I remember what Becca said so I ask, “is a dragon there?”

There’s hesitation on the other end. I know I’m not supposed to ask anything with detail. It can always come back around if shit on the other end is heard.

“It’s here. All of ‘em.” I nod my head and let out a sigh of relief. Her house is fine, untouched. I got that message when I woke up. And now De Luca is done. That’s everything. Everything that’s given me a reason to keep her to myself.

“Later.”

“Later, boss.” He answers quickly and hangs up. Short calls, that’s the way they have to be.

My brows furrow as I pocket my phone and walk back into the kitchen. I grip the chair on the island that Becca’s sitting in. As soon as these fuckers are gone, there’s no reason for me to keep her here.

My eyes travel to her son who gives me a happy smile before picking the bowl up and slurping the milk out. I know why she doesn’t want me and it hurts, but she’s right. I can’t put her son through this life. I couldn’t guarantee her safety and I can’t ask her to risk her son. A frown pulls at my lips and I can’t help it. It hurts. I don’t want to say good bye.

“Who was that?” I smirk at her. She’s gotta learn to not ask so many questions. The smirk fades as I realize she doesn’t. She doesn’t have to learn shit; she’s leaving me.

“That was what I needed to hear this morning.” That’s all I can really say to her. She’s already seen too much. I won’t risk her knowing anymore.

“We can go home?” Her eyes widen with hope. It fucking shreds me.

“Yeah, doll. As soon as Jax is done with breakfast, I’ll let you two go.”