Dirty Shame (Bluefield Bad Boys #1) (6 page)

Chapter 9

Kellan

The porch creaked as I walked across it and sat on the top step. Even without turning on the heat, it was warmer inside the cabin, but I’d needed to clear my head. I spent most of my waking hours inside dark, cramped spaces and crowded bars. Sometimes, I craved the wide open space and fresh air like a drug addict craved heroin. And tonight, I’d needed it more than ever. Tonight, my one true temptation, the one craving that could never be satisfied, had returned. And the longing was as fierce as ever. I’d left the poker game and the bar and headed back home, no longer wanting to be around people or music or light. Seeing Rylan had brought back every second of our last night together. Rylan had left town believing that I’d ditched her on the gym roof. My silence afterward had only compounded that conclusion. I’d wanted to tell her, to let her know what had really happened, but I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want her to know the lengths her dad had gone through to make sure I stayed away from his daughter. She loved her dad. It would only break her heart more to know. And it was in the past. No fucking reason to stay in the past, far as I was concerned.

Right. No fucking reason to stay in the past. I got to my feet and fished my motorcycle keys out of my pocket. I climbed on my bike and started it up, sending a rat out of the bushes and across the road. I pulled onto the unpaved road in front of the cabin and rode toward town.

Rylan had moved on. She’d gotten a degree. She’d experienced life past the suffocating borders of Bluefield. I was still that bad influence from the wrong side of the tracks in her small hometown. She’d moved past her teen years. I’d done some growing up as well. But hell if I was going to let her leave here again thinking I was the worst asshole in the world.

Aside from the dull roar of voices and music coming from The Hole, the rest of the town had shut down for the night. Rylan had left the bar long before me. My guess was that she’d headed back home. There just wasn’t much else to do—on either side of the tracks—after midnight.

I lowered my face to avoid the sting of the cold air. The bike rumbled over the tracks as I headed north on the main road. Flat roofed, square houses with shabby lawns and old cars parked in front faded behind me, and the stately mansions and rolling lawns of north Bluefield loomed in the distance. The air was just as brisk and littered with the same microscopic float dust as the south side of town. But to the Highlanders, the grit was a small annoyance. Coal meant money and expanded wealth and better cars. The inconvenience of dirty air was a small price to pay because the rewards were great.

I turned the corner onto the private road leading to Rylan’s house. It had been a long time since I’d ridden through that part of town. I’d had no real need to wander north of the tracks. There was nothing for me on this side. Rylan’s dad had made that clear as glass years ago.

A tall black iron gate blocked the entrance to the long paved driveway leading up to the colonial brick mansion. A wall thick enough for a medieval fortress surrounded the property, a long lazy stretch of lush lawns, boxwoods and rose gardens.

When we were teens, Rylan and I had discovered the easiest place to climb into the garden. Back then, we’d run hand in hand, trying not to laugh out loud or alert her parents as we made our escape. It had meant climbing down a less than stable trellis and jumping down off a ledge eight feet above ground but nothing stopped us. We couldn’t get enough of each other. My whole fucking existence had been circled around the green eyed girl with the laugh that could ease the worst pain or lighten the darkest day.

I stopped my bike on the road and walked along the outside perimeter of the wall to the back of the property. The wall was a smoothly plastered brick barrier. A massive, gnarled mulberry stood just outside the wall. I was in luck. The tree’s long branches still curled up and over the wall. I’d always had a good laugh at the irony of it all. Merritt had gone to so much trouble to keep his family and property secure, but I’d breached his fortress dozens of times unnoticed.

I walked up beneath the dense canopy of the giant tree. I didn’t know whether to credit the tree with happiness or heartbreak. Both, it seemed. Old fashioned as Graham Merritt was, I figured there was still a good chance that he had installed a more elaborate security system by now. But I was willing to chance it.

Dying leaves rained down on my head as I reached up and grabbed a thick branch. I swung my feet up and over it. More leaves shivered and took their last breaths as they let go of the tree and fluttered to the ground. Winter was around the corner. Soon, every leaf still clinging to the twisted tree would be gone. I scooted toward the end of the branch. It dipped down as I pushed off of it and grabbed the edge of the wall. I hurled myself over it. My feet thudded onto the hard ground below.

A bright porch light lit up the front of the house, but I was heading to the back, to Rylan’s bedroom window. Some of the landscaping was different but everything else about the place brought me back to that time, that time when nothing mattered but having Rylan in my arms.

Her room was dark. I searched in the smattering of moonlight for three decent sized pebbles. I threw them at the windowpane one at a time. Each one plinked off the glass and then tumbled into the long vine of climbing roses covering the trellis below her window.

I shoved my hands in my coat pockets and waited. No light came on. Just as I started my search for more pebbles, I heard the window above my head push open.

Rylan leaned out. “Well, this is cliché. The old pebble against the windowpane trick.”

I shrugged. “Yep, which means you’re supposed to climb down or tiptoe past your parents’ room in your silk nightie to meet me.”

“I’m definitely not climbing down that trellis. And I’m old enough not to have to tiptoe. As for a silk nightie—” She stood up in the window and held her arms out to show off her flannel pajamas. She leaned her forearm on the window sill and gazed across the lawn. “Guess the old mulberry is still moonlighting as a ladder.”

“Sure is.” I walked closer and stared up at her. “You were a goddamn heartbreaker in high school, Lanie, but now—shit. Come down. I just want to talk.”

“I don’t know, Kellan. It’s late and it’s cold.”

“I’ve got a motorcycle.”

Her white smile rained down on me. “You do?”

“Yep, big ole fucking Harley. And it’s loud and fast.”

She laughed. It was the first time I’d heard it in seven years. The sound of it went straight into my chest. “Loud and fast, you say?”

I gazed up at her. Everything about her was familiar and breathtaking. She’d always been the one right thing in my life. “Come down, Lanie. Please.”

“Just a second.” She pulled shut the window.

I paced a few circles on the perfectly mowed lawn. I had no real plan. All I knew was that I had to see her. I had to talk to her. I’d thought of nothing else since Meade had told me she was coming back home.

A few minutes later, the door to the back veranda opened and shut and the girl I’d loved since I first laid eyes on her in high school walked out from beneath the shadows of the house. She still moved with that easy grace that always had me mesmerized. There was enough sway in her slender hips to require a deep breath just to get my heart moving again.

I stood stock-still on the lawn as Rylan walked toward me. She stopped in front of me. She’d pulled on jeans, shoes and a coat. Her blue pajama top poked out from the collar of the coat. The same sweet fragrance that had always circled her like a candy cloud was still there. I could never figure out if it was perfume, shampoo or just something my senses had come up with naturally.

I kept my hands deep in my pockets, not sure I could trust myself if they were free. “Holy shit,” I muttered.

“What? Déjà vu?”

“Something like that.” My pulse was definitely racing like it always had whenever she was near me. I looked at her for a long moment. “It’s really good to see you, Lanie.”

“Good to see you too, Kellan.” She peered up at me. “You got even taller.” She lifted her hands and moved them apart. “And broader.” A smile followed. “Manhood suits you, Mr. Braddock.”

I laughed. “That’s good, cuz there’s no going back from what I’ve heard. So, you want to take a ride? I’ll go slow.”

“Yes, I want a ride, and don’t you dare go slow.” She looked in the direction of the mulberry tree. “Think you can still get me up and over the wall?”

“Sure can.” I took my hand out of my pocket. I reached across and wrapped my fingers around her slim hand. It felt the same. And it felt completely right in my grasp.

We headed across the lawn.

“Remember that time we were sneaking back in and I twisted my ankle?” she asked as she glanced up at the night sky.

“I carried you across the lawn to the veranda.”

“Oh my gosh, that still plays out in my head as one of the best moments of my life. My ankle hurt like hell, and I had to hobble around for days but you carrying me—” She sighed. “You know, of course, it’s every girl’s fantasy to be carried to safety by her chivalrous knight.”

“I did not know, but I’ll remember that.”

“Yep, you can have that one free of charge for your bag of tricks. Not that you need any more tricks, from what I remember or from what I’ve heard.”

“Since when does Rylan Merritt listen to gossip?”

“I don’t usually. Unless the topic interests me.”

“Don’t believe everything you hear. Especially if it’s coming from Becky.” We stopped. “Shit, I don’t remember the wall looking so damn tall from this side.” I reached up and took hold of the lowest mulberry branch snaking over the wall. I lowered it and hoisted myself onto it. It creaked angrily as my full weight pressed down on it. “Give me your hand, and I’ll pull you up.”

A mischievous glint sparkled in her eyes. “I feel like a teenager again, and frankly, it’s awesome.” She lifted her hand up. I took hold of it and pulled her up onto the branch. She sat down hard and the branch wobbled. I grabbed hold of her arm before she pitched herself backward off the limb.

Rylan put her hand to her chest to catch her breath. “Guess I was a little more nimble in my teens.”

“I think it’s because I’m bigger and heavier, and this tree is older and crankier.” The top of the wall was one good hoist away. “Are you sure you’re up for this, Lanie?”

“I want to ride on the back of that Harley. I’m willing to risk life and limb to do it.”

“Then let’s get that cute ass of yours over this wall.” I hopped up on top and lowered my hand for her. “You’re still light and airy like a piece of lace.”

She landed hard on her bottom with a small grunt. “Yes, that’s me, weightless like a butterfly.”

I spun my legs around and jumped to the ground below. A thick root had broken through the ground near the base of the tree. It was a great stepstool and gave me just enough height. I reached up toward her.

She bit her lip in hesitation. “Was the ground always this far away?”

“Come on, Lanie. I’ll catch you.”

“We probably should have just used the key in my pocket. It opens the pedestrian gate near the entrance.”

I laughed. “Why didn’t you say so?”

“I thought this way would be more fun.” She pushed off the wall. My hands went around her waist. Her hands landed on my shoulders. I lowered her slowly to the ground, making sure to slide her body along mine on her descent.

She stayed pressed against me for a second.

My mouth was just a whisper away from her lips, lips that I’d never stopped thinking about. “I think you’re right. This way was much more fun.”

She stepped back. I felt the disappointment of no kiss through my entire body. Some things never changed.

“Show me to your steel horse, cowboy, before I lose my nerve.”

Chapter 10

Rylan

I wrapped my arms tighter around Kellan’s waist. My hands dug beneath his coat for warmth and to revel in the feel of his hard stomach muscles as they tightened and relaxed with the movement of the bike.

I ducked my face behind his shoulder to avoid the icy wind. He felt warm and secure. I’d always felt that way with Kellan. Until that horrible night when he left me alone on the roof of the gym, he had been the one solid thing in my life, the one thing that I could count on.

I rubbed my cheek against the soft leather of his jacket wishing we could be transported back to the time when we were the only thing that mattered to each other. I was sure our connection would be forever. It had been a raw slap in the face when I’d come to realize that the attachment was one-sided.

I was back in town to restart and reorganize my life, to get past the horrid thing Chase had done to me. The last thing I needed was to be around Kellan. But when he’d asked me to come down and see him, I’d barely given it a second thought. And, it had had nothing to do with the motorcycle. I just wanted to feel that same carefree bliss I’d felt seven years ago.

The scenery blurred as the bike rumbled along the curved mountain highway. Little about Bluefield had changed, and everything looked completely familiar, as if I’d been gone for only a week instead of seven years. Sitting with my arms around Kellan felt completely familiar too. As if we’d never parted. As if he had never crushed my heart. 

“You cold?” Kellan yelled back over his shoulder.

“I don’t know. I’m too numb to feel anything,” I called back.

His stomach muscles rippled with a laugh.

We rode around the next curve. He pulled off onto a wide turnout and stopped the motorcycle. Reluctantly, I pulled my hands out from under his coat, giving up the warmth provided by the jacket and Kellan’s body. I held his shoulders and swung my leg off the bike. I shoved my hands deep into my own pockets and walked to the safety railing that kept cars and people from rolling down the steep wall of the mountain.

The vast, endless wilderness stretched out below me. The potent scent of evergreens filled the cool air. We were above the town, in the part of the atmosphere that was free from coal dust and train fumes.

I swung around. Kellan was just getting up off the bike. His large silhouette looked almost menacing in the dim moonlight.

“I remember this place. Lover’s Point, right? Everyone used to come up here to park and make out.”

Kellan walked up next to me on the railing. “Yeah, this is the place. And now I’m really missing that old truck of mine.” His mouth kicked up into a half-smile.

“That’s right. The old Ford pickup. I was afraid to sneeze in that truck for fear that the doors would blow off.”

“I finally had to send her off to the junkyard. We had a lot of good times in that truck. Dawson started singing Amazing Grace when the tow truck took her away.”

“I thought I saw Dawson and Tommy sitting at the poker table with you. I mean it was all sort of a blur, and it was a little hard to see around the big boobs casting their shadows over the poker players.”

He turned and leaned against the railing. A week ago I’d been sitting in Chase’s tiny, ridiculously overpriced New York apartment talking about where to have the wedding, and now I was standing on the top of a mountain ridge looking at the man who I’d spent the last seven years trying to forget. But I hadn’t forgotten him at all. Even the way he was looking at me brought back every emotion, every second of joy, every second of heartbreak.

“Sasha is a friend. She’s lonely and lives a sad life. But she’s a good person. There just aren’t that many of those around.”

“Then I’m glad she has someone like you as a friend, Kellan.” I wrapped my arms around myself for warmth and to calm the small tremble that had started the second I saw Kellan standing on the lawn below my window. “And, you’re right. Good people are a rarity. Speaking of good people, how is your mom?”

He stuck his hands in his pockets, stared down at the ground and kicked at some loose gravel with the toe of his boot. “She just never completely recuperated from losing my dad. She doesn’t take care of herself. We rarely see Derek. He’s stationed in Europe. That doesn’t help. She’s still working at the fabric store, but I help her out as much as I can. She has problems with her knees and her hands and just about every other part of her.” He looked up. It was obvious he was worried about her. “What about your parents? I know your dad is still active on the board. I see his name on all the memos and meaningless shit they stuff in our lockers.”

“Far as I know, he’s still got a heavy hand in the mine. And my mom spends her days working out and shopping online. She’ll probably outlive me.”

“Guess that’s the difference between living on the north and south sides of the tracks. So, what will you do now?”

We watched as a car rolled slowly past the turnout. It seemed we’d put a crimp in someone’s make out plans. “I’m not sure. I gave up my job to move to New York.” I paused. “Big mistake. Big damn mistake. I had a good job as an editor.”

“You miss him? The guy in New York?” he asked, but it seemed he didn’t really want the answer.

I thought about how easily I’d packed up, how easily I’d walked out the door and climbed into the taxi. I shook my head. “I walked into his office, the one he’d worked so hard to get. He had his assistant bent over his fancy desk with her skirt up over her ass. I don’t miss him. He wasn’t ever the one. I just needed someone to fill a void, and Chase came conveniently along. My mom is far more heartbroken than me.”

“Rich, successful, clean fingernails and free of coal dust, the perfect checklist for a son-in-law.” He said it with a laugh, but there was a sadness behind it. “The guy is a fucking idiot.”

“I heard you’re a roof bolter now.”

“Yeah. Dawz and I work together. It’s not paradise down there, but sometimes, if the walls aren’t closing in on me too much, it’s a nice place to forget about life up on the surface.”

I smiled. “You make it sound like it’s a different planet down there.”

“It sort of is.”

“I guess you’re right.”

Kellan looked around. “People don’t park here much anymore. The cops come up and shine a big spotlight into the car if the windshield is fogged up.”

I looked down into the deep valley below. “Says the man who told me not to believe everything I hear.”

“Not sure what you want me to say, Lanie. There’ve been other women, but none of them were you.”

I swallowed the knot that his last words had formed in my throat. I’d had no plan of bringing up our last night together, but, suddenly, I just needed to talk about it. “That night, after I finally convinced myself you weren’t coming back to the roof, I ran into Jason Meade.” Just the mention of the name made Kellan’s jaw clench tight. They’d always been enemies. It seemed that still hadn’t changed. “He told me you’d taken off with Lilly Upton.” An ill-timed laugh fell from my lips. “I blamed myself for that. I was so inexperienced. I knew you needed someone more—well, anyhow.”

He shook his head. “Jason lied. I wasn’t with Lilly.” He turned to me. “Christ, Lanie, I was so fucking nuts about you I had your name tattooed on my arm. Why the hell would you believe something Meade said?”

Warm tears rolled down my cold cheeks. I’d caught my fiancé, the man I’d followed like a silly groupie to New York, screwing his assistant and not one tear had formed or even threatened to fall. “Because I had to believe something. I had to make sense of the anguish I was feeling.” I crossed my arms around myself more to keep myself from falling apart than to keep out the chill. “I was so damn in love with you. I was sure you felt the same.”

He scrubbed his hands through his hair and seemed to be searching for something to say. “Are you fucking kidding? I couldn’t take a breath without thinking about you. I loved you. Fuck, I still love you, Lanie.” His fingers wrapped around my arms, and he brought his mouth down hard over mine.

All of it came pouring back. The thrill. The heartbreak. The passion. The anguish. The tears.

Kellan wrapped his arms around me and held me against him. “Christ, Lanie. Tell me this is real. I need to fucking know that this is real. That you are here again in my arms.”

“It’s real, Kellan. I’m in your arms again.”

A bittersweet hush fell between us as we rode back to the house, just the fresh air and silent, stoic shadows of nature surrounding us. Neither of us knew what this meant. We’d both survived losing each other, barely, it seemed, but were we just destined to get hurt all over? I couldn’t go through the heartbreak again. Kellan was a miner. He was connected to Bluefield with blood and sweat. I, on the other hand, couldn’t imagine living the rest of my life in Bluefield. As strongly as we still felt about each other, it was impossible to deny the fact that seven years had passed.

Kellan coasted the motorcycle along the street and stopped at the pedestrian gate. It seemed, like me, he’d been wondering just what the hell came next. We’d gotten lost in a moment of passion, an emotional confession of sorts, but now what?

I climbed off the motorcycle. Kellan gazed up at me with that intense blue gaze that always made my chest ache for him. “Thanks for the ride.”

“I can walk you to the house.”

I glanced through the iron gates. The house was dark and quiet. “Think it’s better if I go it alone.”

He nodded. “Will I see you again, Lanie?”

“Yes.” With that, I turned and went through the gate.