DirtyBeautiful (25 page)

“It might be gray, but it’s not my fault if I want my world
to be pastel rather than bleak. What’s wrong with not wanting to get hurt
anymore?”

“At least when something hurts you know you’re alive. Life
is
pain, Erica. There is no avoiding it. Whether it be from death, betrayal or the
failure of relationships. I fucking know and I’m still here, still trying.”

“Like you did last night?”

That was a damn low blow. “You’d like to play the martyr,
wouldn’t you? I’m just a pervert who fucks anything that walks? Well I guess
I’ve proved you right, huh? You broke up with me and I spent the night with
another woman so I’m a bastard. You’ve
ruined
me. I don’t want to be
with anyone but you, but I can’t have you. What am I supposed to do? Live like
a monk for the rest of my life? Who I fuck now isn’t any of your business.
That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

“No, it isn’t want I wanted!”

Dylan blinked. “Then what do you want, Erica?”

“I don’t know,” she said softly.

Well there it was. Dylan thrust back his shoulders and
staunchly ignored the agony tearing him apart. His headache had expanded beyond
a dull throb to bone-crushing pain and Dylan didn’t feel inclined to argue with
her anymore. He was done fighting. Done reaching for something he didn’t
deserve. “You’re right. We all deserve to be happy, but apparently I’m excluded
from that category.”

With that he twisted away and stormed toward his house. It
hurt to damn well breathe. Her rejection eviscerated him. Shit, he really
needed to get over her. She made her stance clear. She couldn’t be with a guy
who used to work in adult films.

Anger began to bubble in the depths of his being. Who the
hell was she to judge him for his past? He was done. He slammed the door shut
and glanced up at the yelp of surprise. Ruby stood just beyond the living room,
a cup of orange juice in her hand. Without a word he marched up the stairs and
pulled a suitcase from under his bed. He flipped it open and started to pack
his shit up. Drawers opened and snapped shut as he shoved his belongings into
his luggage haphazardly.

“What are you doing?”

Dylan glanced up at Ruby, whose eyes were wide with
disbelief. “What’s it look like I’m doing?”

“Are you leaving?”

Dylan resumed packing. “I’m going back to LA.”

“You can’t do that! You like it here.”

He shrugged it off. He liked it once, but not anymore.
“Seems like there are some things in this town I can’t stomach.”

“This is about Erica, isn’t it?”

He faltered and shook his head. The mention of her name felt
like a gut punch. He couldn’t live like this. Yearning for an illusion.

“Look, let me talk to her. If I just explain everything—”

“No!” He paused and struggled to bring his emotions under
control. “No. She decided and I’m done fighting it.”

Ruby frowned. “What…what do you mean?”

“I’m going back to what I do best. Fucking.”

“You can’t be serious. What about this house? You worked
your ass off on it. You have friends here who don’t care what you did. Why let
her drive you away?”

Because he’d forever be reminded of the one thing he wanted
most and couldn’t have. “It’ll be better for me in LA. Trust me.”

Silently he reached into his jeans and removed the house
keys then handed it to Ruby. “Feel free to stay here for as long as you want.
It’s not like I’m gonna need it. I’ll need you to watch out for Bud until I can
organize getting him shipped.”

“You’re making a big mistake.”

Dylan zipped up the suitcase and carried it downstairs. All
the while, Ruby yabbered at him, but he tuned her out. He opened the door and
noticed with some level of relief that Erica had gone. He shoved the luggage in
the back of the truck then started the engine. Music blared and Ruby stood by
his window, yelling heaven knows what. He stared at Erica’s house one last
time, recalling the woman who’d wormed her way into his heart, then ripped it
from him. When was he going to learn? He slammed the pickup into reverse and
beat a hasty retreat out of Templeton and a future he couldn’t have.

Chapter Fourteen

Erica sighed as she sat at Deb’s and tried to indulge in pie
in an attempt to medicate her misery, but her appetite had left her. The last
two days had been an absolute disaster. Since her altercation with Dylan, she’d
struggled to focus on the children and remain upbeat when his words repeated in
her mind. She couldn’t deny that she still wanted him, that the sight of him set
off a bone-deep ache inside her. She missed their talks and the way he spooned
her at night. That argument was perhaps a culmination of everything that’d
passed. It was bound to happen. Not once had she allowed Dylan to say his
piece. To make his case or even allow him a chance to make it up to her.
Instead she’d cut him off and thought that would stop her pain. But all it did
was make it worse. Dylan was right. Life was painful. Love was painful and
sometimes one had to ask if it was worth it.

As she pushed at the melted clump of ice cream, she caught
murmured conversation.

“He is a monster. He assaulted Greg for no reason. The
sheriff didn’t press charges. Said it’s just a scuffle between men, not worth
his time to investigate.” She huffed indignantly. “The lack of police integrity
has grown rife since Gilbert was promoted.”

Immediately she recognized the voice of dissent. Beverly.

“I don’t know what my son saw in her. If she wasn’t Grace’s
granddaughter, I wouldn’t give her the time of day. She should be ashamed of
herself. Teaching little children while carrying on with that man? It’s a
disgrace.”

“But she isn’t with him anymore,” her companion pointed out.

“It doesn’t matter, clearly her mind has been perverted.”

Unable to take it, Erica stood and faced Beverly. “You
should be ashamed of yourself.”

Beverly twisted around, her jowls wobbling as her mouth
dropped open in surprise.

“Your son isn’t the saint you make him out to be and I’m not
about to enlighten you on the depravity he has been involved in. You should
remember that my grandmother might’ve been a nice woman, but she knew all your
secrets, so if you want to slander me or the people I care about, I’d be
very
careful about what to say.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

Erica leaned forward, a hand pressed over the woman’s chair.
“Oh I’d dare all right. I dare you to find something beyond Dylan’s previous
occupation to malign him about. You can’t, can you? Because of all Dylan’s
faults, I think he cares too much and I’m surprised he stuck around here with
you and your vultures spreading your vicious diatribe.”

Erica twisted around and grabbed her bag. “Now, if you’ll
excuse me, I’m going to do something
perverted
and hopefully win Dylan
back.”

Erica marched to her car only to have Mary-Mae step in her
path. Frustration and anger curdled in her stomach. Here was the woman who’d
poached Dylan when he was vulnerable.

Mary-Mae golf-clapped, a smirk on her face. “About time
someone told that bat off.”

Erica frowned. “What do you want, Mary-Mae? You’ve come to
gloat?”

A perfect brow rose in surprise. “Why would I gloat?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I know he spent a night with you.
You’ve been wanting to get your claws into him since he came to town.”

She shrugged one shoulder. “You weren’t with him anymore.
That made him fair game.”

Erica cringed at the logic. Although they didn’t officially
break up, the message she’d sent him was loud and clear. She’d hardly been fair
to him since then and now she was feeling the sting.

Mary-Mae fingered her hair as though to put it to rights.
“Besides, he isn’t over you. He spent most of the night bemoaning about you
before he passed out.”

“What are you trying to say? That he just went to your house
for a heart-to-heart?” she scoffed.

“Oh no, he tried, but his heart and body wasn’t into it. Men
are odd creatures, you see. He probably thought the only way to get over you
was to just pretend it didn’t bother him to be with another. Well, I guess it
did.”

Erica’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you telling me this?”

“We mightn’t have been friends in high school. In fact, I
probably was a real bitch. But life outside of Templeton has taught me a few
things, and one of those is regret is a hard thing to live with and sometimes
fighting for what you want is better than folding to the masses. Take it from
someone who knows.”’

“What do you know about what I’m going through?”

Mary-Mae laughed, a sound lacking humor. “Honey, I’m a
country bumpkin who married a doctor and rubbed shoulders with the
crème-de-la-crème of society. You think I didn’t hear their whispers about how
Jackson could’ve done a whole lot better than me? I was torn down and spat out
by that group and I had a choice. I could’ve sucked it up and fought for it.
But we know what I did. I tucked tail and ran.”

“How can I be sure he won’t cheat on me?”

Mary-Mae grinned as she stepped around Erica to walk away.
“Faith. It’s as simple as that.”

Momentarily stunned, Erica slipped inside her car and took
off for home. Her argument with Dylan rattled in her head and brought with it a
heavy lump of anxiety. She’d failed to do the one thing that maintained a
relationship and that was to have trust. She didn’t trust Dylan with her future
and subconsciously expected him to fail. Now she wondered if he would even give
her a chance. After all, she didn’t give him a chance to tell his side of the
story. Still, in her heart it didn’t matter what his reasons were for doing
what he did. She loved him and he deserved more from her.

As she pulled into her driveway she noticed Dylan’s truck
was missing. The notion that he wouldn’t be home never occurred to her. Still,
Ruby could’ve borrowed the car. It was a flimsy excuse, but she’d never know
unless she knocked on the front door. Resolute, she walked across the yard and
did just that.

She clutched her hands together, the wait feeling like hours
until she heard footsteps beyond. Finally the door opened and her shoulders
slumped. Ruby. “Uh, hi,” Erica said. “Dylan not home?”

Ruby glared at her. “No, he isn’t.”

Erica swallowed back her disappointment. Sure it was a given,
but she still hoped. “Well, I’ll just come back later.”

She only managed a few steps before Ruby’s words forestalled
her. “You know, you have some nerve.”

Erica twisted around. “Excuse me?”

“You can sit on your high horse and look down on people like
us, but you know what, Dylan has more integrity than you or any of the people
here could ever hope to have.”

Erica didn’t know what to say to that. She didn’t expect a
confrontation with Ruby. “I know I hurt him, and I’m sorry for that. If you can
just tell him—”

“I’m not going to tell him anything. After what you did, he
can do a lot better.”

It stung to hear that and she struggled to breathe. “You’re
probably right.”

Ruby blinked. “What?”

Erica cleared her throat. “I said, you’re probably right. I
let him down. I shouldn’t have let whatever he did before meeting me control
our relationship. I shouldn’t have let my own insecurities overrule what I knew
about him. That was my fault.”

“So why are you here?”

“I’m here to win Dylan back.”

Ruby sighed and shook her head.

“Look, I know I don’t deserve the time of day, but I really
want to have the chance to say I’m sorry.”

“No, you misunderstand. I’d love to help, but he left a
couple of days ago.”

“What do you mean?”

“He moved back to LA.”

Erica wavered on her feet and she gripped the banister to
keep her balance. She struggled to breathe, the anxiety she felt earlier giving
way to misery. Tears pinched at the corner of her eyes and she blinked them
back.

“Did he say anything?”

“Not much. But if you ask me, he’s hurting and would
probably come back in a heartbeat if you asked him.”

Erica pulled her cell from her pocket and dialed his number.
The time it took to connect made her anxiety worsen. It started to ring but
after the second ring it cut off. She stared at her phone, unable to believe
what had just happened. Shaking off her apprehension, she tried again and this
time he picked up.

“What?”

Erica faltered at the rough edge of his voice. “Dylan, what
are you doing?”

A harsh sigh drifted over the line. “Looking for work.”

“You’re going back into adult films?”

“Yeah.”

“You can’t mean that.”

“I do mean it. You were right to chuck me out that day.”

Confusion and panic tumbled in her head, throwing all
thought of reconciliation from her mind. “What are you saying?”

“I’ve never been good at relationships. Every one I’ve tried
to hold on to has turned to dust. And I think I’m okay with that. You have a
good life, Erica.”

“But—”

The line went dead and Erica screamed in frustration. She
dialed again and this time it went to a standard telecommunications message.
He’d switched off his cell.

“What happened?”

Erica could barely see Ruby through the sheen of tears. “He
didn’t even give me a chance to tell him I didn’t care about what he did. He
hung up on me.”

“Idiot. He probably thinks this is all in your best
interest.”

Wiping at her tears, Erica held back a sob. “Wh-what do you
mean?”

“Dylan’s always been the guy you go to when things got bad.
He never asked anything in return, he just did it. No complaints. Nothing.”

Erica knew this about him. The way he accepted her for all
her flaws and tried to work around them. Tried to fix them.

“There’s only one thing you can do now.”

“What?”

“Fight for it.”