Discern (25 page)

and we will see you again.

My body was rigid. Everything inscribed on her headstone was true, nothing made up, except for the last part. I wasn’t sure if I would ever see her or hear her sweet voice again. Although, if something as powerful as Andrew existed, then seeing her again seemed possible.

“Mother,” I whispered aloud.

“I know you probably can’t hear me, but I need you now more than ever. I’m so scared and lost. Your touch was the only thing that ever calmed my fears. I know we can no longer touch, but I hate that you left me here all alone.” My voice became louder.

“You left dad and me here to clean up your mess!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

“How could you?” I demanded. “How could you leave me, your only daughter, to fend for herself? I did the only thing I knew how and poured my attention on someone else to forget the pain of your death that left an empty shell behind with no heart to give. You ripped my heart out and took it with you when you left,” I cried.

“I want it back. I want to be able to love someone. I deserve happiness and so does dad.” I beat my fist upon the cold, hard ground.

The smell of dirt filled my nostrils as I lay my face against the ground. “Please, please, I beg you to let me heal. I just want to move on,” I pleaded.

“I know the world isn’t what it appears to be. I’ve discovered some things that they never tell you about in history books,” I sobbed, shaking my head. “I’m sure you know the truth, but I know it now, too,” I explained foolishly to a piece of black stone.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks. My fists were black from pounding them against the earth. “I think I love someone,” I admitted softly. “I think he loves me, too.”

“He knows a lot about history, because he has lived it all. You would love to hear his stories. He was a Greek God, he played kings, emperors and everything you could imagine,” I explained excitedly.

“He could’ve told you all about those times. I know you love that time in history. I remember that little gold book you used to read over and over again. I finally moved it to the bookshelf in my room. I know how you cherished it. It gave you a glimmer of hope that those fairytales were real and they are, Mom. They are real. And if you approve of him, I can find out more,” I wept.

“He can’t die, so he’ll never leave me,” I said, shaking my head. “He won’t leave me like you did.” I shouldn’t blame my mother for leaving, it wasn’t as if she committed suicide, but she did take risky chances that inevitably ended her life.

“He’s so beautiful. His eyes are like crystals, his skin so smooth and his body so warm. When we touch, I feel sparks. I knew from our first touch he wasn’t ordinary, and now I yearn to be with him more than ever. I’ve never felt this connection with anyone. Never,” I whispered.

I wish I could hear her voice—just one word that reassured me that she would approve of Andrew. But that was a wish I was certain would never come true. Slowly lifting my face from the ground, I wiped away the dirt and cradled my knees—rocking back and forth.

“I love you, mom. I’m sorry for what your father did but it wasn’t worth throwing your life away. You don’t need a speech from me, but I miss you. I miss everything about you. I’d take your disapproving look over no look any day. But I know you aren’t coming back. So I’m taking my heart back, and I’m going to give it to someone special. I promise to visit more often. The emptiness inside is beginning to go away, and I can do this now. I can come and talk to you, just like old times,” I smiled, gently stroking the cold, hard stone. “Good bye, mom, and I love you,” I whispered.

I stood up and brushed off my jeans, giving her headstone one last look. I began my journey back to the car. I realized I was still crying, as I tasted the salt from my tears.

My heart still ached, but I wanted to be with Andrew. Would he know that it hadn’t completely healed though and reject the idea of us being together? I stopped and closed my eyes.

“Haley.” A whisper came from the dark.

I froze. Every hair on my body stood straight up. I kept my eyes closed, hoping I had imagined hearing my name.

“Haley.” I heard once more.

I opened my eyes and spun in the direction of the whisper. “Andrew!” I gasped.

He pulled my body close, wiping the last remaining tear from my cheek. “How are you feeling?”

His touch warmed my frigid body. “Confused.”

“About what?”

“Wondering if you still want me?” My eyes dropped.

He lifted my chin with one finger, forcing me to look at him. “It takes time to heal, and you’ve only just begun.”

“Does this mean we can’t be together?” I asked. I closed my lids tightly trying to fight back a complete breakdown.

His fingers ran across my eyelids. “I never said you had to be completely healed,” he laughed.

“This is funny to you?”

“No, Haley, none of this is humorous,” he said sternly. “But I wasn’t expecting you to be completely healed tonight.”

“You said that you wanted all of my heart, and I can’t give that to you tonight,” I said frustrated.

“I do, but you just trying to heal yourself is enough for now.”

“I’m trying, harder than I ever have before.”

“I know, and it brings me great pleasure that I’m a part of that reason,” he smiled.

“I guess I don’t need to tell you my feelings,” I said, assuming he already knew.

“And why not?”

“You already know.”

“Oh, I see…” he paused “Let me clarify my ability.”

“Yes, please do.”

“I can’t read your mind. I don’t know your every thought. I can only sense emotions. And believe me, sometimes when I’m deeply involved, those senses can be clouded by my own emotion. So I do need to hear how you feel and what you want.” His voice was soft and vulnerable.

“My feelings haven’t changed,” I said, knowing there was more I wanted to say, but couldn’t muster the courage to speak it.

“Have you given everything, and I mean everything, an immense amount of thought?” From soft and vulnerable, his voice turned to intense and focused.

“Yes, I did, as you told me to.”

“You realize the danger of being with something like me?”

“Yes. But there’s danger with anyone that I might choose.” I offered my small amount of wisdom.

“Haley, the danger factor is not really comparable between a mortal and an immortal.”

“If I break down every little piece of what our relationship would be like, that wouldn’t be fair. Because I would just be using my knowledge to keep myself guarded and never be able to love,” I explained.

“Haley, you have to do this, I cannot bring you in to my world without knowing that this is everything you want.”

“I cannot and will not do that.”

“Then we cannot be together.”

I gripped his hand tightly. “I’ve never felt as alive as I do with you, and if it means death, then so be it. At least I got the chance to really be able to love and feel alive,” I breathed.

I closed my eyes. Confessing my desire to be near was probably not enough for him. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, ready to open my eyes and face the rejection. But before I could, an intense amount of warmth began heating my body.

Sparks
of electricity tingled throughout as his hands touched my face. His lips gently touched mine as they began to move simultaneously with one another. I clutched his shirt. Our kiss became more passionate as our instincts kicked in and our inhibitions lowered. This kiss was everything I had imagined.

My strength to continue standing weakened. My knees buckled, but before I hit the ground, he gripped my body, forcing me closer to his. He gently lowered our bodies to the ground.

The sparks of electricity subsided as our lips unlocked. I slowly opened my eyes to find a stern look upon his face. “I apologize for not asking your permission first, but I can’t continue trying to be so rational in this situation. I want you and only you for as long as I exist,” he breathed.

I searched his face and my mind trying to find the appropriate response. “There won’t be anything or anyone I want more than you.”

“I know there isn’t anyone but you, it‘s always been you.” His voice was almost pained with his confession.

For thousands of years, he had traveled the world and seen so much, I wondered how an ordinary person such as I could be so intriguing to him. “Why me?”

“It’s always been you…always,” he whispered.

“I don’t understand.”

“There’s more that you need to know, but I’m confident that a cemetery is the last place we should be discussing this matter,” he said seriously.

Lost in our moment, I had forgotten where we were. “Not the ideal place for your first kiss with someone,” I said.

“No,” he agreed.

He rose from the ground and extended his hand. I graciously accepted his offer and placed my hand in his. We began walking toward the entrance of the cemetery. The warmth from his body helped block out the cold, mountain air that now filled the night.

“It won’t seem like such a bad place now,” I grinned.

“Because of our kiss?”

“Yes,” I blushed.

“Kiss of death,” he said barely audible, but I caught it.

“Kiss of death?”

“I’ll explain when we’re in a more comfortable setting.”

“Where and when will that be?”

“I can’t tell you where, yet, but I’m hoping you’re willing to go with me tonight,” he said softly.

“As long as I’m with you.”

“We can take your car back home and go from there.”

 
Something was different about his skin. The golden glow was brighter as it radiated from his body. He reached out for my hand and the glow became brighter and more brilliant as we touched.

He followed close behind as I made my way back onto the highway. I turned on the radio to pass the time in the car. Glancing in the rearview mirror, assuring he was still following, I realized I hadn’t been wearing makeup and my hair was a mess. He hadn’t seemed to mind my sloppy appearance, but it bothered me.

We slowly pulled up to the house. Darkness filled my rearview mirror as he switched off his lights, and I followed suit. Opening the garage door would almost certainly wake my father, so I decided to park in the driveway. I motioned for Andrew to wait in his car as I quietly pushed my house key in the doorknob.

I remembered leaving a note for my dad, and if I were to leave it overnight, he would panic in the morning. I wasn’t sure where Andrew and I were headed, but I had to prepare, just in case I did not return this evening. Accepting the nature of the situation made it easier to be near.

My father’s snores echoed throughout the house as I slowly crept through the foyer. He still lay asleep on the couch. I slid the note from the coffee table and folded it in to fours. I hovered over my father watching him sleep, thinking back to the fresh lilies on my mother’s grave.

This couch would not be an option if my mom were still alive. Their love was unlike any others. It was a deep, close connection that I now understood.

I leaned down and gently kissed my father on the head. “Goodnight, Daddy,” I whispered.

His body turned. “Goodnight, sweetie,” he mumbled in his sleep.

I looked down and gave him one last glance. “I love you,” I whispered.

I exited the house and slid into Andrew’s awaiting car.

13

Bittersweet

He gently lifted my hand to his lips, softly kissing it. “Is your father asleep?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll have you home before he wakes,” he smiled.

“I’m in no hurry,” I answered. I did not want to rush any moments that I had with Andrew, even if it did alarm my father.

“Are you ready to speak to your father about me?” he asked surprised.

“Can I?”

“Well, you obviously can’t tell him much about me, but for now, I think we should keep him in the dark about us,” he suggested.

“Why?” I asked, slightly hurt.

“The less he knows the better.”

“What if Mr. Mitchell tells him?”

“He won’t,” he assured. “Believe me, he knows the consequences.”

Mr. Mitchell seemed hell-bent on keeping me from seeing Andrew. I just hoped he took Andrew’s warnings seriously, for his sake at least. “I hope,” I half-smiled, trying to keep the mood from souring.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure.”

“Can you please turn off the GPS on your phone? I don’t want anyone unnecessarily tracking our whereabouts.”

“Okay,” I agreed, retrieving the phone from my purse. After scanning through all the menus, I finally found the GPS icon and disabled it.

We slowly turned left into the old Masterson gas station that had burned down several years ago. It was just a hollowed out shell of its former self. “Is this your idea of more comfortable?” I joked, remembering back to his earlier comment in the cemetery.