Discovering April (27 page)

IT SEEMS LIKE IT takes even less time to get back home than it took to get here, or maybe it is just because I had more on my mind. Jared walks me inside, mentioning something about ordering food, but I’m still pleasantly staring at the wrappings on my wrist.

“You didn’t ask to see my tattoo.”

“Let’s wait til after we eat. I can’t even think straight, I’m so hungry,” he mumbles, digging through the pile of menus on the side of his fridge. “Pizza?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Actually, now that he mentions, it I’m starving, too. My impromptu tattoo session distracted us from eating anything earlier.

“Pepperoni?”

“You know it!” I call over my shoulder before I walk around the living room, headed towards the bathroom. That’s when I hear it. A little bell rings and I spin around to see Jinx propped up on the back of the white couch, the couch still stained with my blood. I scream. Jared runs out of the kitchen to see what I’m pointing at.

“How did… does he?...” It seems like I can’t form a single thought.

“Oh yea, he’s been doing that.”

“For how long?”

“Since your little melt down. You did kind of stop feeding him.” The guilt flushes towards my cheeks and Jared continues. “He snuck in through an open window and I let him have some of my sandwich and ever since then, he finds his way in.”

“So... the day he ran away?”

“I found him sitting right on my kitchen table.” He points behind him.

“You heard me screaming and …”

“I didn’t know until later that night—I brought him right back!”

“That little jerk,” I mutter, roughing up the hair on his head as he rolls over and practically falls off the couch. Jinx regains his composure and swats at me while he loops around and settles into the back on the couch once more. “I can’t believe it…”

“I’m sorry… I didn’t know how to bring it up,” Jared mutters, dialing numbers on his house phone. I hear him place an order for a half cheese, half peperoni pizza but my eyes are still on Jinx sitting way too comfortably on Jared’s couch like he belongs here.

“You even took care of Jinx when I couldn’t,” I whisper to myself.

“Huh?”

“I mean…” I spin to meet his eyes. “You were looking out for me weeks before we even spoke again.”

“I knew you needed help.” He shrugs like it is no big deal.

“Jared!” I feel my eyebrows come together as my shoulders slump.

“What?”

“Why? Why did you do all this?”

A smile plays across his lips. “I want to show you something.”

I watch as he slowly pulls his shirt up and over his head. I’m not staring at his abs anymore because along the side of his ribs I see a clear wrap like mine.
He got a tattoo too?!
Jared peels it off, and beneath the clear plastic, an infinity symbol takes shape. It’s darker than mine, a little bigger and wrapped around and through it— is a blood red rose with thorns. “You see April—you’ve shaped my life as well.”

“And the rose?” I ask breathlessly as my eyes stare, unbelieving.

“It’s you.” He pauses, taking a step closer to me, and I lift my eyes up to his. “Because once you get past the thorns, you’re absolutely beautiful.”

“Oh, Jared.” My shoulders slump completely as all the wind is knocked out of me.

“I told you—you can’t say my name like that,” he murmurs, lifting my lips to his.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Stop saying all the right things! I mean, Goddamn!” My sarcasm is overtaken when he pulls my body closer to his, deepening the kiss between us.

THE NEXT DAY, I wake in Jared’s bedroom alone. Sitting up, I pull the covers up over to cover my naked self. It’s finally starting to get cold like a normal winter. I can’t even imagine camping in this weather. They must be crazy, this bunch. Breaking my thoughts, Jared enters the room with a steaming cup of coffee.

“Morning,” he murmurs, trying to walk without spilling the cup’s contents all over himself. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, he hands me the cup. It feels so good against my cold hands. The smell of coffee used to remind me of work and make me depressed; now I don’t think I could feel sad even if I tried.

“What are you doing today, Bear?”

“I have a surprise for you.”

“What?”

He hands me an envelope. Curiously, I slip my finger under the flap and tear it open. Unfolding the paper, I see an insurance card at the bottom with my name on it.

“I worked some magic and got you onto my insurance plan.”

“What? How did you manage that?”

“I told them you were an employee.”

“What? Didn’t they ask for paperwork?”

“Which I supplied.”

“Jared, this is kind of serious. Like joint-bank-account-serious!”

“Relax, Apes. You need insurance to get that leg looked at by a professional.”

“Why?”

“Because it could be infected or—”

“No, I mean why did you go through all this trouble for me?”

“Because you deserve to have someone look after you for once.”

“I don’t need someone to look after me. I’m—”

“Is this that thing you have against chivalry again?” he interrupts me with that cute smirk of his playing across his lips.

I laugh. “No, it’s a—”

“Well, it’s non-refundable until you get your own plan, and you have an appointment with a doctor on Monday.”

“Fine!” I concede, leaning back against the pillows in defeat. Forgetting to take the blankets with me, my bare chest peeks out and I see Jared’s pupils dilate slightly as the brown of his eyes deepen. My body automatically is ready. Like I said, we are magnets; we crave to be joined.

AN HOUR LATER, Jared is tiding up his room as I wander about the halls. Directly across the hall is the Lavender room, and the door in between them is the bathroom. But as I spin around, I notice another door I never realized was there. “Bear?”

“Yeah,” he responds with a strained voice, like he was lifting something.

“Where does this door lead?”

Immediately he’s in the hallway. “Don’t open that!”

“Jared… Jare, is that your parent’s room?”

“Drop it!” he responds, stomping down the stairs away from me.

I follow after him. “Jared Hoffman, answer me!” He pauses halfway down the steps when I use his full name. “Is that your parent’s room?”

“I said drop it!” he yells again, continuing down into the kitchen. He whips open the fridge and whisks out a beer, flicking it open and shot gunning the whole thing. Crinkling it in his fist, I watch as he turns and throws the empty can into the sink.

Slowly I walk up to him and wrap my arms around him in a side hug. “It’s okay, Bear.”

“You don’t get it. I know I have to get rid of it… I just can’t! Okay?”

“Let me help you. You helped me, so let me help you do this.” His chest rises and falls against me and I know I’ve won. “Okay, then, grab a garbage bag. Let’s do this.”

“We don’t have to do this right now!”

“Jare, if there is anything you’ve taught me, it’s to live in the moment… There’s no time like the present… chop, chop!” I clap my hands for emphasis.

OPENING THE DOOR, I climb the steps slowly, half expecting ghosts, until I reach the top and take a look around. It’s as if they never left. The bed is still unmade, covers thrown off like they were late for work. His mother’s make-up is still scattered on her dresser where she left it. His father’s socks are on the floor by the bathroom. The only indication that this was years ago is the stale air and the thick layer of dust that coats everything. I hear creaking on the steps behind me. I look down to eye Jared, who is walking like he’s stuck in quicksand.

“It’s okay Jare, I checked the room for ghosts. We are clear.”

I see a smirk cross his face; it’s a step, halfway to a smile. He climbs the remainder of the steps and I begin tossing things into the middle of the room for him to put in the bag. We stay like that for a while; I’m the one touching everything as he stands in the middle of the room like it’s a museum.

Once the tops of the dressers and night tables have been cleared out, I grab a dresser drawer and start stuffing clothes into another bag. This time he turns to help me. Going to his father’s dresser, he begins taking things out and placing them in bags. We work like this for hours, without words, breathing in the stagnant air and cleaning. We slide drawers in and out, the rustle of bags opening and closing the only sound, until finally everything is packed away, except for the furniture.

“Okay, you gonna help me lift this?” I ask, grabbing a leg of the bed, ready to hike it down two flights of stairs.

“It’s okay, Apes. The furniture can stay.”

“Really?” I mutter, looking around and back at him.

“Yea, I’m okay now,” he tells me, nodding as he looks around.

“How about a new paint job?” I ask.

“Yea, I think I can spruce it up a bit. I’m quite crafty…” He winks at me.

“So I’ve noticed!” I wink back with a little too much enthusiasm and he laughs.

“Okay, don’t do that again. You look like you just had an aneurism or something!”

“Hey…” I punch him playfully. He opens his arms to me and I go willingly. Wrapping me close, he places his chin on my head.

“Thanks for this, Apes.”

I wrap my arms around his waist. “You needed help. That’s what I’m here for.”

“Why can’t you tell me that you love me?” I freeze, my eyes open, staring straight ahead of me. So, he noticed. “Things like
this
tell me you do, but why can’t you say it? Tell me.”

“I… I just…” I sigh, taking the time to sort my thoughts before I respond. Picking my head up, I look at him. “Jare, I’m pretty sure I do. It’s just the next time I say it, I want to be absolutely sure that I mean it. I don’t want there to be any doubts, and I don’t want to say it to just say it.”

“So if you say it now, you don’t know if you’ll mean it?” His arms fall from my sides to his own. I hurt him, yet again.

“I want to be absolutely, completely, totally, borderline insanely sure before I ever tell anyone I love them ever again.” I tell him, pleading with him to hear me.

He sighs a defeated sigh. “Okay.”

“Okay?” I repeat.

“I’ve waited this long, Apes. I can wait for you to be sure.”

I almost say it right then and there, but something inside me holds back to keep my word.