Discovering Stella (16 page)

Well,
fuck me if she
didn’t
just shiver and tremble slightly at the thought of
my
promise. And
it
was a promise, because
as
soon
as
I felt she was
ready,
my
mouth would be
all
over
her.

“Now,
slowly bring your arm around your body and release the rock with a gentle flick, like
that,”
I instructed, directing
her
arm
as
if she were a puppet.

Her
eyelids fluttered and
her
chest rose,
but
she complied
beautifully.

Taking a step back, I gave
her
enough room to skim the rock, watching
as
she turned just slightly and flung
her
arm and wrist like I’d shown
her.
The rock bounced two times before
it
disappeared beneath the
water.

“I
did
it!”
she
exclaimed, spinning
to
face
me
with a
proud
smile.

I held
her
gaze
and answered,
“Yeah,
you
did.”

I hoped that
my
confident
tone
and underlying message would let
her
know what she could achieve if she just tried.
Perhaps
it
was
stupid
and presumptuous of me,
but
I wanted
her
to have a little faith in herself,
for
her
to realise she was capable of
...
some
thing
new.
Something different.

Anticipation and
excitement
seemed to radiate from
her
as
she stood barely a metre
away,
her
chest catching
my
eye yet
again
as
it
rose and fell. The atmosphere around us seemed to change
as
I
moved my
stare from
her
expanding tits to
her
tongue, which was delicately dampening
her
bottom
lip,
before
my
eyes once
again
landed back
on
hers.

The look she displayed was one I’d seen before, a look of want, need
...
desperation. I
t
was the look I
now
mirrored.
And
as
hard
as
it
was, I refused to make the
move
to reduce the distance between us. This time, that step was hers to take. I just fucking prayed she’d take it.

“Stella, tell me what
you
want,”
I said
imploringly.

A tear freed itself from
her
eye and disappeared down
her
cheek.
“I
want
you
to kiss
me.”

“So come
closer,”
I encouraged
softly.

“I
can’t.”

“Yes,
you
can.
You
just have to want
to.”

She
looked at me pleadingly.
“I
do.”

“I
know
you do.
I
can
see
it
written
on
your
face.”

Stella raised
her
hands to
her
cheeks
as
if to hide what
her
body so desperately wanted.
“I’m
not
sure
I’m
ready.”

“I
think
you
are,”
I offered, holding
out
my
hand
for
her
to reach.
“I
want to
help you
through whatever
it
is
you
need to get through.
You
just have to let
me.”

She
looked at
my
outstretched hand before returning
her
gaze
to mine. Then, with the confidence I knew she had, she ignored
my
hand and stepped up to
my
chest. “Can
you
fix me?” she whispered.

I could see the hope in
her
eyes, which were glistening with tears.
“You’re
not broken,
Princess,
but
I fucking promise that I
will
take your sadness away if you’ll let
me.”

Staring at
her
beautiful face, watching
as
her
eyes darted from
side
to side, I waited. I waited
for
her
to give me the green light, to initiate something
more
between us. I waited to become
her
knight.

She
nodded just slightly and
that’s
all
it
took
for
me to bend down and capture
her
mouth with
my
own, hungrily seeking
her
lips and tongue. I kissed
her
like I’d never kissed a woman before; and never before had I wanted to kiss a woman like I did
her.
Not
even
Vicky,
who,
for
a short time, I’d loved.
Now,
it
was only Stella. Stella and
her
sweet fucking mouth.

She
moaned
as
our kiss deepened, grabbing
my
shoulders
while
I gripped
her
arse and hoisted
her
body against mine. Fuck, I wanted inside
her,
and
not
only did I want in, I wanted to taste, lick and touch every goddamn inch of
her.
The woman was bloody intoxicating.

Stella wrapped
her
legs around
my
waist,
her
thighs claiming
my
hips with constrictive force.
“Lawson,”
she moaned while rocking
her
pussy against the seam of
my
shorts.

I found the
trunk
of a red gum, spun around and pressed
her
up against it, bracing us both with
my
hand. “Jesus,
Stella,”
I groaned, nipping at
her
chin
as
I made
my
way down
her
neck.

Her
fingers clawed at
my
scalp and gripped
my
hair, the aggressive action sending a clear message to
my
cock. And fuck, did
my
cock want to communicate.
He
wanted to stand
tall
and become the next fucking Nobel Peace Prize
recipient for
uniting
Stella’s
nation with his own.

I
couldn’t
say I was against his plea
for
peace between our respective nether regions. In fact, I was desperate
for
release,
bor
dering
on
crazed
for
wanting nothing
more
than
to bury myself deep inside
her,
which was why I hoped she would tell me to
stop.
For
whatever reason,
it
was clear that she
wasn’t
really ready to fuck.

Fall back, you arsehole. Fall the fuck back.

Unable
to stop
my mouth’s
descent to
her
chest,
my
hand equally disregarded right from wrong and yanked the
front
of
her
dress down, releasing
her
beautiful tits — and they were fucking perfect.

Growling like
some
wild beast, I grabbed
as
much
as
my
hand would
hold,
guiding
her
flesh
into my
mouth and sucking
her
nipple
as
if
it
were the last thing I’d ever taste.

“Oh.
My.
God!” she cried
out,
her
body tensing within
my
grasp.

Stella’s
reaction to
my
mouth egged me
on
further, so I gave
her
other
nipple
the attention
it
sought and hungrily licked it.

“Lawson,
stop.”
She
barely voiced the words, gasping
for
breath
as
she gently pushed me back.

Never in
my
life have I been so relieved, yet entirely fucking devastated at the
one
time.
It
was a new
type
of torture and
one
I hated experiencing.

Stella closed
her
eyes and let
her
head fall back against the tree, the war
she
battled within clearly
visible.
“I’m
sorry.
I just
...
I
can’t
—”

“It’s
okay,
I understand,” I said with assurance, easing
my
lust-
filled panting
as
I lifted
her
bra and dress in
order
to cover
her
up.

She
opened
her
eyes, then turned
her
head, attempting to con
ceal
a sob by covering
her
mouth with
her
hand. The guilt she so clearly
wore
like a comfortable jumper
tore
at
my
chest.
It
was bloody unbearable.

Raising
my
hand to
her
cheek and turning
her
head to face me, I kissed
her
lips
softly.
“Who is
he?”

She
sucked in a
painful
breath
as
pure
torment
filled
her
waterlogged eyes,
her
mouth opening then closing.

Silence.

I waited.

Then, with words no
louder
than
a whisper, she answered,
“He
was
my
husband.”

Regrets

For
the past year and a half,
I’ve
experienced
moments
when the
world
started to fade, layer
upon
layer,
peeling away and floating
into
nothingness like petals stripped from a
flower
and blowing away in the wind. When this scenario occurs,
I’ve
no way to stop
it,
instead watching like a bystander.

Held
by Lawson against the tree,
my
legs wrapped around his hips,
my
heart pounding and
my
body yearning
for more of
what he wanted to give, I once
again
experienced the
world’s
layers disappearing.

The first layer to float away was sound, followed by
movement.
Then I saw visions of
my
past, playing before me like
an
old
silent
movie. Images of
my
husband pierced
my
body,
paralysing me and inflicting pain so great that I
didn’t
know where
it
began
or
where
it
ended.
But
then again,
it
never really ended. Pain took
on
many forms, sometimes choosing audacity and striking at your very core, and sometimes choosing to be furtive, lingering in the background, only mildly wounding
as
it
prepared
for
a full-scale assault. So, in hindsight, when pain ruled our existence — regardless of its form — we were never really free.

“Stella! Stella, come back to
me,”
I heard a
voice
say.

It
wasn’t
his
voice,
but
it
was a
voice
I wanted to
obey.
The
voice
sounded again, this time
louder.
“I’m
here
for
you.
Don’t
run
away,
Princess.”
Princess
...
Lawson.
“That’s
it, come back to
me,”
he encouraged,
as
movement
and the
world
started to materialise
for
me again. “There
you
are. Where’d
you
go?”

“I
...
I
...
I’m
sorry,
I —”

“Hey,
don’t,
there’s
no need to say
sorry.
Let’s
just
work
at stopping
you
from running away like that.
You
don’t
need to flee any
more.
I’m
here
to
help
you
stay and beat this, remember?” His reassuring eyes were the kindest I’d ever seen
on
a person.

Releasing a
sob,
I crumbled before him.
“I
don’t
want to run any
more. But
I
...
I
can’t
help
it.”

“Shit, Stella. What happened to you? What did
he
do to you?” Lawson asked while rubbing
my
back
as
I cried
into
his
shoulder.

“He
destroyed
me,”
I whispered.
“My
husband ruined me beyond repair. I hate
him.”

Lawson’s
reassuring rubs turned
heavy,
almost to the
point
of discomfort. “Fucking hell! Where is he?” he said harshly through gritted teeth.

I straightened
my
spine and unhooked
my
legs, indicating that I wanted to stand.
“He’s
gone,”
I said impassively before stepping aside and
walking
to the
river’s
edge.

The afternoon sunlight reflected
on
the surface of the
rippled
water,
casting a bright ray
into
my
eyes, the sheer intensity of its glare forcing
my
eyelids
shut.
Downriver,
an
ibis’s
shrill
call
echoed, and together with the sound of the water greeting the
shore, it
granted me a sense of
calm.
I
couldn’t
deny
it; this spot really was beautiful, tranquil and good
for my
soul. The water also looked terribly inviting, so I decided to seize the day and take a
dip.
After
all, the weather was perfect
for
a late-afternoon swim,
not
to
mention
I desperately needed a distraction from the
topic
that was
my
husband.

Reaching down, I clasped the
hem
of
my
dress and shimmied
it
up and
over
my
head, removing
it
before turning around to face Lawson. “Fancy a swim?” I asked with a docile smile, tossing
my
dress at his feet.

He stood there and
stared,
the muscles in
his
neck tensing
as
his eyes raked
over my
body.
Thank
goodness I’d
chosen matching
underwear
...
not
that underwear
selection
was
ever a major priority in my life.
Regardless,
I
was
thankful
in
that
moment
that
I’d
not donned a
pair
of
nanna
knickers
and a floral bra.

When Lawson
didn’t
answer —
for
whatever reason — I kicked off
my
flip-flops and turned back around, slowly stepping
into
the cool
water.
“Suit
yourself,”
I added without
hesitation,
continuing to immerse myself in the
river.

The spot I had chosen seemed to be a great area
for
swimming, and
as
it
was situated
on
a bend the current
wasn’t
too close to the bank. That meant I had plenty of room to
move
about without the threat
of
being carried downstream.

Surfacing, I treaded water and twirled around, finding that Lawson was
nowhere
to be seen.
Where the hell has he gone?
I quickly scanned the
river’s
edge, kicking
my
legs in
order
to propel myself
out
of the water and
gain
a better
view.
Just
as
I
spot
ted his t-shirt and runners in a pile next to
my
dress, his head
broke
the
water’s
surface
not
even twenty centimetres before me,
making
me scream with fright.
“Holy
crap!” I cursed, splashing him in the face.
“You
scared
me.”

He
laughed and shook his head like a dog that had just been washed, then grabbed
my
waist and pulled me to him. I placed
my
hands
on
his shoulders and wrapped
my
legs around him
,
as
if
it
were the most natural thing in the
world
to
do.

Before either of us spoke, he placed his hand
on
the back of
my
head and pulled me in
for
a gentle kiss, slipping his tongue
into my
mouth and massaging
it
against
my
own. The kiss was sweet and made me feel safe
...
human.

“I’m
sorry, Stella,”
he said quietly before pulling
away.
“I’m
sorry your husband hurt
you.”

Hearing those words tumble
out
of his mouth set off a spark of
fury
within. So I grabbed his head and wrenched him back toward me.
“Don’t
be.
It’s
not
your fault.
It’s
his.”
I
said, before
aggressively resuming the kiss he’d
broken.

Lawson matched my assertiveness by gripping my shoulders and holding me tight. The way he touched me, and appeared desperately to want
all
I had to offer, made the muscles in my lower abdomen and inner
thighs
clench.
It
also
made me want to rub myself
against
him
to
ease
the desperate ache I had
between
my legs.
And
that’s
exactly
what I did, uncontrollably
grinding
my hips
against
his
as
our tongues
danced
with one another’s and fingers dug into needy flesh.

“Stella,”
he groaned, separating our lips just enough to speak.
“You
gotta stop dry-humping me. Right
now,
I want nothing
more
than
to drive
my
cock deep inside you, and if
you
keep
doin’
that, I might
not
be able to stop
myself.”

His words set
my
body
on
fire, the heat contrasting with the cool of the
water.
And
it
was in that
moment
that I wanted nothing
more
than
for
him to do what he’d just said.
It
had been so
long
since I’d let
my
body experience pleasure and I
desper
ately wanted Lawson to give me a taste of it. I also felt that
my
emotions were
as
jumbled
as
a freshly shuffled deck of cards and that maybe, just maybe, I needed to let go and take this step with him to
provide
some
clarity. Then again, there was a chance
taking
this step could be
horribly
wrong.
Jesus, Stella, just go with the flow for once.

Continuing to uncontrollably grind against him, I let
my
pri
mal
desire make the decision
for
me and moaned
into
his mouth. “Then do
it.”

“Fuuuuck,”
he growled with anguish,
as
if fighting
an
inner battle.

Our lips met again, this time with a feverish speed. Lawson
removed
his hand from
my
back, reached down, and then slid
it
into
the
front
of
my
panties, settling between
my
legs. The feeling of his fingers resting against
my
sensitive skin was delicious, except his fingers
weren’t
moving — they remained stationary.

“Lawson,”
I pleaded, enticing him to
move
by swirling
my
hips and kissing along his jawline until I reached his ear. “Please!”

“I
need to know that
you
really want this, that
you
are ready
...”
His eyelids were pressed firmly
together,
his
voice
breaking, strained.
Clearly,
he was concerned about
my
willingness to go to the next level with him, and I
couldn’t
say that I blamed him
for
feeling that way —
my
emotions were
all
over
the place.

I studied his face
for
a second and watched
as
he reopened his eyes. They spoke of turmoil, lust and
worry.
They also gave me insight
into
a man who truthfully cared about
my
wellbeing and frame of mind.

They spoke of
honesty.

Smoothing his hair away from his face, I returned the
sincer
ity.
“I
need
to feel something. Please just touch me and make me feel good. I want to feel good again. I
need
to feel good again.”

Lawson drew in a deep breath and searched
my
eyes
for
the smallest sign of
doubt,
and when he was presumably satisfied that there was
none,
he gently pulled
my
head to meet his and kissed me hard, finally moving his finger against
my
clit.

Oh.
My.
God!