Disgrace (40 page)

We walk along a narrow corridor past a laundry room, boiler room and massive kitchen. We continue to walk, and by the time we have climbed several levels, each becoming more luxurious, I realise this is no ordinary boat. It’s some sort of super-yacht. These things cost hundreds of millions. I had no idea Richard was this wealthy. Lolli opens the door to a grand suite. A super-super king sized bed dominates the room, raised as it is on a platform. Tinted windows stretch the length of the far wall and I suck in a sharp breath.
Sunlight!
I don’t think, I just rush over and gaze, this is my first glimpse of daylight in days, and it’s stunning. Crystal clear blue skies and an endless ocean in every direction this view affords. My heart both lifts and sinks at the sight. From this aspect I can see no land and on a boat this size we could literally be in the middle of nowhere.

“Fuck, what is that god awful smell?” Richard’s voice drowns out the noise of Lolli hitting the floor with her sudden and expected display of supplication. I turn and walk over so I am as close to him as I can voluntarily stomach. He recoils from the odour that surrounds me like a force field but doesn’t step back. I take a big sniff in his direction.

“That would be you.” I state calmly even if my nerves are alert and poised for anticipated impact. But he doesn’t strike me, he smiles that creepy slow grin that makes me more nauseous than any six foot swell.

“You smell like shit and you look disgusting.” His perfect enunciation is dripping with disdain. I bark out a bitter laugh and pat his cheek.

“But after a shower I will be clean.
You
however, could wash for a thousand years and you’d still be a piece of shit. Ow.” I cry out as his hand covers mine still on his cheek and crushes the fingers together until I think my bones will crack. I bite back the tears but my knees start to give way. He grabs my hair roughly, fisting a large clump and dragging me into the adjoining room. He throws me on the floor. I rub my scalp and notice the handful of long strands still in his curled fingers.

“Wash yourself.” He spits at my face but I turn so the saliva hits my shoulder.

“Fuck you!” I shout back.

“If you don’t wash, Sweetheart, I will have Frank come in and give you a hand. You’d like that wouldn’t you, Frank?” Richard calls over his shoulder and the hulk steps into the small space making it that much more oppressive. Frank chuckles and quickly retreats but not before he gives me a spine-chilling smile.

“Fuck you!” I repeat but I can feel my fire start to die. Richard steps closer, stoops and painfully grips my chin.

“You are going to be begging for that to happen by the end of the week, Sweetheart. I promise you that.” He pushes me away with enough force that I skid back across the marble floor. I can feel my tears burn behind my eyes as I try desperately to hold them in. Please don’t cry…not in front of him.

“Watch her Lolli, and if anything happens
you
will pay dearly, understand, sweet girl?” Richards voice is deliberately loud, Lolli’s I can just about hear.

“Yes, Master.” The door slams, and I fold over, hugging myself, my whole body begins to tremble. I don’t sob but tears fall like a river from my eyes. Silent tears that don’t capture a fraction of the hopelessness I feel.

I notice a light touch on my knee, and I raise my head to see a pair of worried blue eyes and a tentative smile.

“Please take a shower, Sweetheart.” She pleads but I am not going to fight. I know who would suffer if I did and she is too young to have suffered half of what she must have endured with Richard as her master. I nod and her face lightens with relief.

I stand in the opulent shower with its gilt fittings, travertine marble tiles and luxurious soaps and gels. The water falls like a tropical downpour, heavy and hot. Pummelling the dirt from my skin and easing my aching muscles. I use the noise of the water to let myself really cry, safe that my devastation is concealed. He doesn’t get to know how much he has taken this time, and I will die before he sees me break. But god, my heart is dying. I close my eyes, and all I can see is Jason, his soft brown eyes smiling at me. I can feel his tender touch as he traces my curves in the morning when he thinks I am still sleeping. I hear the rumble from his chest when he is just about to come inside me. That sexy as hell moment when he can’t hold back a moment longer, that moment he is undone. I live for that and I believe he feels the same. We were perfect together…
were
. I can’t describe the pleasure he wrought from my helpless body again and again. I have never known anything like it. But more than that, he saw
me
, through my shields and barriers, my utter
fuckedupedness,
he loved me anyway. I think he loved me more. I certainly never felt so loved and now…now I have never felt so lost.

Peitra took my cuff in the bar that much of that day I do remember. She must have known it was the one that held a tracker to remove it like she did. My phone was in my bag, but I can’t imagine Richard handing that back to me. I think any fragment of hope that I could be tracked by my phone or my cuff died in that basement bar. If I was blindly optimistic, I might think there must be some other way. But most people aren’t tracked in the first place. So with those two items out of the equation, Jason has absolutely no way of finding me.

All I can hope is that he doesn’t give up trying because I won’t give up fighting. I dry myself and even indulge in some of the body lotion; my skin welcomes the moisture. I am kneeling at the end of the bed where I have been placed by Lolli as she binds my wrists together with some heavy duty steel cuffs.

“Do you like dogs?” She looks confused at my response, which is a silent blank expression. She repeats with a giggle. “Do you like dogs? It’s not a trick question, Sweetheart.” I want to vomit every time she calls me that and beg her to use my real name. But I know she won’t call me anything else, not if her Master has told her Sweetheart is my name.

“Sure, I couldn’t eat a whole one, but yeah, I like dogs.” Her brows shoot up, then her face crumples with laughter.

“You’re so funny, Sweetheart…here look.” She reaches round into her back pocket and slips out the holy grail. An iPhone. I suck in a breath and have to calm myself. I feel my fingers twitch, wanting to snatch the beacon of hope from her bright pink acrylic nails. She swipes the screen and scrolls, her nose wrinkled with concentration. Smiling brightly, she holds the phone for me to see the screen but not close enough to touch. She continues to swipe right to left, each screen fills with a mix of pictures of a screwed up grey, black-eared pug puppy or her holding the screwed up grey, black-eared pug puppy. She sighs softly and her eyes glaze when she finishes. She drops the phone in her lap.

“Cute.” I comment completely distracted by the nearness of her phone. She nods at me and then jumps up.

“Oh, I’ve got some more pictures.” She dashes from the room, her phone sliding with a dull thud on to the thick carpet. Once she is out of the door I pitch forward and grab the phone. My fingers shake and start to feel clammy with sweat. I rub them on the carpet and swipe the screen. No password I let out an excited laugh but try and suck the noise back in with a sharp breath. I stare at the screen. My heart is pounding so hard it hurts my ribs.
Fuck!
I don’t know Jason’s number, I don’t even know Leon’s number, and he’s been my best friend for ten years. I’m screwed, my one chance.

I can hear rapid, light footfalls getting closer. Wait, I remember in Rome, Jason said something about a code.
Tap in a code and he gets a signal and I get rescued.

What was the code?

I don’t remember. No, he didn’t tell me the code, bastard. Why didn’t he just tell me the fucking code? I stare at the numbers on the screen hoping they will speak to me, glow or swell in the order I need to select. Come on Sam, think…He said the code was a date. It was the day I stole his heart.
I’m going to die on this boat.
I tap four digits but drop the phone before I press send. Richard’s booming voice makes me jump and scares the crap out of me. I stretch to retrieve the phone but he is too fast and kicks it out of my reach. I scramble after it, crawling awkwardly and throwing myself after the device. Richard’s foot lands heavy in my side lifting me clear off the ground and sending me flying across the room. I land in a heap against the far wall.

“You fucking stupid bitch!” he yells.

Coughing and wheezing, I try and draw in some oxygen. I think I cracked a rib when I hit the wall. My eyes flick over to the doorway where Lolli is transfixed with absolute terror.

“You gave her your phone?” His voice drops low with pent up rage.

“No, Master, never!” She rushes over and falls to his feet curled over with her nose to his toes. “I didn’t. She tricked me. I’m sorry, Master.” She sobs but he kicks her off and walks over to me. The phone dangles lightly between his long fingers, teasingly close when he drops to his haunches.

“Oh, Sweetheart, I’m sorry, you didn’t get to finish dialling that number.” His lips pout with mock sympathy. “Not quite enough digits there or maybe one too many but this doesn’t look anything like the emergency services number, now does it?” He eyes me carefully but I try to keep my face inscrutable. “Maybe it
was
a code? I understand your boyfriend’s company is forefront with this spy crap. Is that it, Sweetheart? If I send this number would lover boy come sweeping in to rescue you?” he sneers.

“I don’t know
Dick,
why don’t you press and find out?” I goad him but his smile is bitter condescension.

“Hmm maybe I won’t.” He holds the screen and deletes the numbers I had managed to save but not send. My eyes pinch shut because I won’t be able to hide my fear. I jump at the sound of smashing glass and plastic. I shield myself when I open my eyes to see Richard destroying the phone with a large chrome paperweight. He drags his arms across the surface of the side table sending shrapnel flying across the room. He towers over my prone form.

“No one is coming to rescue you… Your life is mine.” His eyes widen with ominous intent. “Whether you live or die is down to me.” His eyes are dead but hold all the evil of a power hungry sadist. I haven’t seen that look in a long time. I hoped I never would. “Do I make myself clear? Do you understand,
Sweetheart
?” His movement is so quick I almost don’t get my arms across my face in time to protect my head from one more vicious hit coming my way.

“Y
ou should go home, Jason, you look like shit.” Daniel walks into my office and closes the door behind him. I don’t bother to look up; I just keep scouring images of faces at train stations trying to see where she ended up. I know it’s fucking pointless but I feel so impotent I have to do something. Even if I did spot her, it wouldn’t give me much more information than what train she took. It wouldn’t tell me where she is now or her final destination. I hate that I know jack shit, and it’s driving me insane.

“You’re the one with a newborn, Daniel. You’re probably getting less sleep than me.” I try to smile but give up. Daniel’s eyes hold enough concern that I can’t look up any longer.

“I doubt that.” Daniel walks around my desk and looks at the screen, which is just a blur to my tired eyes. I can’t find her, yet I see her everywhere. I worry that I have been looking so hard I would miss her now if she showed up on my screen. I close my eyes, and she’s there, stunning and perfect. In my dreams, her beautiful face has become my living nightmare. Why can’t I find her? Why can’t I find him?

“Has Patrick found out how Richard got back into the country?” Daniel’s voice interrupts my inner turmoil.

“No, he didn’t fly but given that they were heading to St Pancreas International it’s not a massive leap to assume he used the train. He still shouldn’t have been able to get through passport control but he’s a slippery fucker so he probably didn’t use his own name.” I drag my hand through my hair, which is thick with dirt and grease. I have barely left my office in the ten days since she was drugged and taken from me. It’s been ten fucking days and nothing. I draw in a deep breath and drop my head in my hands. I am utterly exhausted but I won’t rest until I’ve found her. I won’t find any peace until that piece of shit is in jail or better, six feet under.