Dissonance (6 page)

When we made it onto the dance floor, the crowd had thickened and Eli and Alex were no longer in our sights. A stranger bumped into me, sending me staggering backward a few steps and tugging my hand free from Logan’s. He was on me again almost instantaneously, pulling me to his chest to steady me. I looked up at him, breathless from the proximity of our bodies, feeling his toned chest and abdomen beneath his t-shirt. They were even more alluring pressed against me than they had been that afternoon in the living room.

“You okay?” he asked, leaning in close so that I could hear. Chills shot down my exposed arms and neck from the warmth of his breath. I couldn’t form words. I could only nod and try to keep my face from looking like a deer about to be struck by an 18-wheeler.

Pulling back just enough so that he could see my face, he smiled. It was the same knowing smile that I’d seen from him before, the one that seemed at once charming and almost disgustingly cocky. If there was one thing I did not want, it was for the arrogant man with his arms around me to know the effect he was having on me. Silently coaching myself, I regulated my breathing and turned around. With my back pressed against his front, I began to move to the pulsing rhythm echoing through the club.

If Logan was at all surprised by my sudden command of the situation, he managed to not let on. His hands immediately went to my hips and pulled me tightly against him. Even once I was pressed so close that I could feel every muscle of his toned core move and flex behind me, the pressure of his fingertips against my gyrating hips did not let up. He was holding me there, giving me no room to pull myself away.

There was no need to hold me. When Logan began to move, his pelvis rocking sensually against my backside, I was so enthralled that I doubt I could have gotten my body to pull away from his. I never would have expected Logan to be able to dance the way he did, with a sensual power over me that was far more intoxicating than the rum we’d been shooting.

Song after song bled together but neither of us made any move to pull away. The thought never even crossed my mind until the music slowed. The constant pressure of his hands had never let up – although it had traveled around the curves of my hips and waist – until that moment. When those deft hands slackened their grip, I assumed he wanted to stop, so I started to pull away.

I was wrong.

He caught my hand and turned me back to face him. I expected to see the same arrogantly dashing smile, but instead his face looked serious and pleading. I allowed him to pull me into his arms again. I placed my right hand against his chest, which was overly warm, and I felt the fluttering heartbeat under my palm that matched my own. He took my left hand up to his neck. The thin layer of sweat on his skin made me want to run my tongue along his neck. The sensual response my body had to him was wholly unnerving. I had never felt such raw desire for anyone. Given my history, I could hardly ignore the way that Logan ignited my blood, even if I wanted to.

This was no middle school, arm length slow dance. Moving with the deep beat, Logan let his body, which was touching mine from chest to knee, lead. His eyes were locked on mine, his irises reflecting back the colors of the changing lights around us. His hands moved from resting on my hips and slowly skimmed up my back. When his rough fingertips touched the slightly damp skin of my arms, a shock ran through me, just as it had when he touched my hand in the car. He continued a soft, tickling path up the length of my arms, pushing my right hand up to encircle his neck.

As distracted as I was by his hypnotic touch, I did not realize that his hand had reached my wrist until I felt his thumb graze the scar. I froze. I kept the raised, red line hidden beneath a thick layer of make-up, but there was no disguising the raised edge from his touch. I never let anyone get close to the spot, let alone actually touch it as Logan had. How it slipped my mind, I didn’t know. It was impossible to forget it now, as his fingers traced the line down the center of my arm.

I couldn’t look up at Logan, couldn’t stand to see the confusion, or pity, or judgment that would have settled into his expression. I had to get away from him. Yanking my arm from his hold, I muttered a feeble apology as I rushed away. My shame was palpable, and I wondered if even the strangers dancing and drinking around me could feel it. Through the crowd, I could just make out the top of Eli’s head. Pushing through the mass of bodies was difficult, but I knew I just had to keep moving. When I finally reached them, seeing Alex in her element was relaxing enough to ease my adrenaline rush.

“There you are!” she shouted cheerfully at me over the music. Taking a second look at me, her face fell. While I was remaining stoic, Alex knew me too well to not see past the fake expression.

She turned to Eli, who was less aware of an issue but not so dense as to miss the awkward pause that had just occurred. He was instantly distracted though, when Alex threw him a full megawatt smile.

“More drinks!” she chimed.

He eyed her, then me. I could tell he was trying to piece together the situation, but struggling to work through the fog in his mind that was Alex’s beauty. His face showed every thought. He was worried that we were covering something up, that I was upset and would turn to alcohol to mediate my emotions. Again.

“Alright. I’ll get more drinks at the table,” he said, kissing Alex’s flowing hair and turning to leave. The worried look in his eye was evidence enough that he hadn’t believed our charade, but he walked away anyway. I hated to push him out, I always had, but the alternative was worse.

Alex watched as he disappeared and immediately turned on me. “Alright, what’s wrong?”

“Logan–ʼʼ

“What the hell did he do?” she roared over me.

“No, it wasn’t his fault,” I sighed. “We were dancing and it was really… intense.” She watched me, intrigued. I had never described being sexually enthralled by a guy. It was something that had not experienced since I had known her. “The feeling got to me, and I didn’t realize that his hand was moving towards my wrist until he touched it,” I explained, running my fingers over the invisible four-inch scar.

Alex stood there for several long moments. She knew full well why I was sensitive about the scar. When people saw it, the way that they looked at me changed immediately and irreversibly because of it. Only Alex had looked at it without pity or confusion.

In fact, the first time Alex saw the scar she grabbed onto my wrist and studied it more closely. I had been so uncomfortable with her perusal that I could barely breathe. Alex, however, just nodded and assessed the mark. She explained that my skin type meant the scar would probably not fade much, but that she could teach me to cover it up.

Standing in the middle of the dance floor, I knew that Alex understood why I was so upset. She had her own scars, after all.

“How did he react?” she asked gently.

“I don’t know. I left without looking at him. I just wanted to get away from him. I don’t need my roommate thinking he has to be my 24-hour psych watch.”

“I know, honey,” Alex responded. “You have to face it eventually, though. Might as well do it here, while you’ve got me and the Captain by your side.”

I wished that sounded more reassuring.

I wasn’t sure, after Charlotte ran off, if I should follow her, return to our table, or just leave the club all together. In making my way back through the crowd, I saw Eli ordering with a waitress back at the table. Surprised, I was drawn back there.

“More?” I inquired when I sat across from him.

He shot me an exasperated look. “I forgot what they could be like together. I love her, but Alex is a bad influence on my baby sister.”

“She isn’t really a baby anymore, man.”

He didn’t response, just met my gaze with a terse look. He wasn’t outwardly aggressive towards me, but I wondered if he had already seen Charlotte and suspected I had something to do with her being upset.

The waitress came back with another tray: two more beers, a Cosmo and another round of shots. Eli was stopping so he could sober up for the drive home. I scarcely had time to grab my bottle and sit back before an enthusiastic Alex appeared from within the throng of people, pulling a more somber Charlotte behind her. With her head bowed slightly and her eyes downcast, I could see in her body language the beaten-down girl that could feel so helpless as to hurt herself that way. It was jarring. She was such a vibrant beauty sometimes, and yet so fragile. I wanted to protect her, from myself most of all.

Alex was obviously beginning to be affected by her drinks, or else was determined to ramp up the energy of our small group. She grabbed two shots, handing one to Charlotte.

“To the family you make for yourself, especially a family as sexy as this!” Alex toasted in her typical fashion. If she was putting on an act, I honestly couldn’t tell.

Eli, possibly reassured by Alex’s mood, grabbed her hip and pulled her into him. “And to being the lucky son-of-a-bitch that gets to take you home,” he added, kissing her neck as she drowned her shot.

Lost in their romantic exchange, only I noticed Charlotte. Although she was making an effort to avoid my gaze, she couldn’t hide her automatic dismissal of the second half of Alex’s toast.

God, this girl has no idea how damn hot she is.
I could barely keep myself under control while we had been dancing. The way her skin glistened with a thin layer of sweat I imagined causing in much dirtier ways, the sweet floral scent of her that made me ache to know how she would taste, the way her body fit so perfectly against mine as though she was meant to be there, it all had me at the very brink of losing it. Her scar was like a warning label, reminding me of the danger of going there. I would not, could not be the one to break her. I would just need to find a distraction.

There was one already waiting for me. I took out my phone out again and responded to the text I had left unanswered before.

Me: How’s my place?

Charlotte downed her shot, tossing her head back in the process. Her long neck was so alluring that I got semi-hard again. Instinctively, I knew Aly would not be enough to get my roommate out of my head, but I had to do something. If I didn’t at least take the edge off, I was going to do something I would regret. I was going to hurt her.

Aly: 1 hour?

Me: Ok

Swallowing back my own disgust at wrapping myself up with Allison again, I took one last look at Charlotte. Mentally, I attempted to pull her eyes back up to mine. I wanted to show her that I didn’t judge her because she was scarred. Hell, we’re all scarred somehow. But Charlotte wouldn’t look.

“I’m going to go,” I announced, still looking straight at her. Waiting. “I’ll grab a cab and see you guys later.”

I hesitated fractionally too long, and Alex noticed that I was still staring at her best friend. Any coming inquisition from Alex or Eli was worth it though, when Charlotte’s brown eyes finally met mine. Our eyes locked for only a second. Just long enough to commit their astounding depths to my memory for later.

I turned back, walking out of the club and feeling like a pathetic jackass for what I was about to do.

After Logan ran out on us, I tried to sound nonchalant as I asked, “What was that?”

In reality, I was certain that he wanted to get away from me. He wanted to get away from the girl he offered house space to without being adequately warned about the messed up state of her life.

But,
a nagging voice came from the back of my mind,
he seemed like he was pretty determined to make eye contact before leaving
. I had been too ashamed to look at him long enough to read his expression. I would have plenty of time to. How long could I avoid someone I was living with?