dissonance. (a Böhme novel) (13 page)

I wasn’t nervous about getting in front of people. I could give two shits what these people thought of me. But if I were honest with myself, I definitely cared what Brecken thought. Add to that what her brother said to me and I definitely worried about getting on that stage.

Mason squeezed my shoulder, “Because you like her more than just like her, Blake. From what I've learned in my life, there are certain people that have a connection together. I see that with you two. It isn't just something random. Well, it is, everything is random in life, but you need to figure out what the connection to that randomness is—you know like how Karl said—find the connection,” he said with a serious expression as he looked across the room at the other people.

“Okay you're something else man, but a good something else. You march to your own drum and I like that. You remind me of my best friend,” I said.

“He must be an awesome guy then." Mason laughed. "So what song are you going to sing?” Mason asked as he crossed his arms.

I looked toward the stage and listened to the songs and style of music they played.
Irish folk and punk music.
There is no way I could sing a song like that.

“I’m going to ask Conall if he knows any songs from musicals, because make fun of me if you will, I know a lot of them,” I said with a threatening stare, but still held a smile. “My mom’s a fan, and she made me watch them.” Mason tilted his head at me in question and he wasn’t buying it. “Okay, yes there’s one I didn’t mind. Once I reached the allowable age, she was happy to show my friend Wynn and me the movie
Moulin Rouge
. She made us sing the songs with her while she cooked dinner. But I guess that’s the price you pay to be shown women lifting their skirts. When you’re eleven you take what you can.”

A hand rested on my shoulder and Mason looked to the person standing behind me. “Did you just tell him we sang musicals together?” Wynn asked. I turned him to me and pulled him into a hug. He stiffened, and I laughed because I always hugged him to drive him nuts.

“Wynn, man when did you get here?” I asked, looking for Hannah. “Where’s Hannah?”

“We just got here; she ran to the bathroom with Petra,” he said as Sid stepped next to him.

Petra owned the bookstore across the street from Sid’s tattoo shop and she was a German gypsy that always had a smile on her face.

I followed his gaze and watched Hannah leave the restroom and walk toward us. Petra was right beside her and held Hannah’s hand. I looked at their hands and discovered what Wynn and Hannah had to share with everyone today.

Hannah was a tall, thin girl, who now had a very obvious protrusion in her belly. I looked from Hannah to Wynn and he watched me with a proud grin.

“Holy shit!” I said as I pulled him in for another hug and this time he gave me one in return. “Man, why didn’t you tell me?”

“We wanted to wait. She’s six months now,” he said, as he looked at her with pride.

“That’s awesome man,” I said. “You guys are going to do awesome.” I just said awesome twice; I hope it was because I meant it. I was excited for him, but I had no idea what to do with the information. What was already surreal to see with my friend now went into completely bizarre.

“I’m Sid,” Sid said to Mason as he put his hand toward him.

“Sid, I’m Mason Wallace,” Mason said as he shook his hand.

“I thought you might be
the
Mason, Pike's told me of you,” Sid said as he let go of Mason's hand.

“Oh shit, sorry. Mason, these are my friends Wynn and Sid; then over there,” I said as I pointed toward Hannah, “is Wynn’s wife Hannah and Petra.”

“I assume Hannah’s the pregnant one?” Mason asked with a smile.

I nodded in agreement as Brecken returned from the bar. “This is Brecken,” I said as I took her hand and pulled her toward me and went through introductions again.

“So Brecken,” Wynn said as he put his arm around Hannah who now joined us. “Is everything Blake said about you true?” He gave me a smart ass smile, knowing it pissed me off that he confessed that to her.

Brecken looked up at me and smiled, “I suppose that depends on what he said.”

“Yes, he called this morning to tell me as much as he could,” he said in his serious tone. "I had to tell him I was happy to hear him so excited, but he needed to respect the time and not call so early."

“Don’t listen to him,” Hannah said with a wave of her hand. “We asked him questions about you. We had to know as much as we could of the
woman
Blake met and spoke so highly of." I watched Brecken as Hannah continued to speak. Brecken didn't appear bothered by the conversation. Yes, I talked about her to my best friend, and that wasn't anything new. But this was different. I wanted them to like each other.

"Wynn and I want Blake to meet someone worthy of him.” Hannah said with a smile and sincerity that inflamed my neck. 

Hannah laughed at my embarrassment. “Sorry, Blake, you’re the big brother I never had.” She turned to Brecken and whispered loudly, “He’s so easy to tease. I blame it on his need to make everyone happy.”

“Well, I’m flattered he mentioned me,” Brecken said. “How far along are you?” she asked Hannah, as she pointed toward her belly. Brecken was diverting the conversation from my embarrassment and that need to go all caveman happened again.

Hannah traced her hand across her abdomen as most pregnant women do and looked at her belly with a smile, “I’m twenty-seven weeks.”

“Congratulations,” Brecken said, tightening her hand in mine. “You look beautiful, by the way,” Brecken said, with a sincere smile.

“Thank you, you aren’t so bad yourself,” Hannah said with a wink. Then she clucked her tongue and looked at me. The hormones must be getting to her. It was more than that because both she and Wynn were happy and carefree. Every time I saw them now, it was sickening how happy they were. But I was thankful for it. If anyone deserved happiness, it was the two of them.

“So you guys live outside town?” Brecken asked.

“Yes, we have a place an hour out of town. It’s wonderful. You and Blake should come for a visit sometime,” Hannah said as she gave me a tilted smile.

Brecken looked up at me with a smile of her own, “Well, if Blake ever invites me, I will be there. We still haven’t had our first date, so planning a trip to your house might be a bit much,” she said with a coy grin.

“Oh no, that isn’t too much. I always try to bring women to meet my friends and family first. It helps figure out who is worthy, as Hannah so lovingly put it,” I said with false seriousness.

“I see. Well Blake, I look forward to the opportunity and the lesson in worthiness,” Brecken said.

“Don’t let him fool you,” Wynn said. “Blake is the least judging person I have ever met. He likes to pretend he is particular and choosy. Honestly, if he did do as he suggested he does, everyone would have benefited.”

“Oh yes, I believe I met one of those that fell through the crack of worthiness,” Brecken said and gave me a raised eyebrow.

“Did you now?” Hannah asked. “Is she here this evening?”

Brecken nodded.

“Time to move on please,” I said. “No need to continue mocking me.”

“Yes, let’s move onto other things Blake. Did you decide what song you’re going to sing?” Brecken asked.

“Blake’s singing a song?” Hannah asked.

“Yes, I thought of singing a song from a musical, but after Wynn’s disapproval, I changed my mind. Because apparently, that's what I do— I want to make everyone happy,” I said, knowing Brecken asked in hopes that I was going to change my mind and shy away from the challenge.

“Don’t change your mind on my account.” Wynn laughed and pulled Hannah closer to him.

“No, it's not because of you. I decided this will fit their style more,” I said as I waved toward the stage. “I'm inspired.” I smiled at Brecken and without a pause, pulled her in and kissed the top of her head. She smiled at me shyly before stepping away and looking around to the group. I leaned back against the wall and studied her reaction. I made her nervous.

“Now I can’t wait to hear what Blake’s going to sing,” Mason said to Brecken with a smart ass grin.

“Well I for one am sick of hearing only talk and want to see more action,” Brecken said, evading her nervousness as if it were hunting her. Everyone laughed as she squinted her eyes at me in challenge and pointed at my chest.

“Before I do, I want to show you something,” I said. I pushed myself from the wall and stepped closer to her. I invaded her personal space and looked down my nose to her, meeting her eyes as she peeked up at me under her long-ass lashes.

“What are you going to show me, Blake?” she asked with a flirtatious grin. She didn't realize the impact that one grin had on me, but she was going to find out.

“Excuse us, everyone,” I said with a nod to them. Wynn gave me a smile and nod in return. He tapped the side of his temple and pointed at me before he turned to give his full attention to Hannah.

He always gave me that gesture when he wanted to let me know he understood me.

I took Brecken’s hand and led her through the crowd and toward the hidden door off the room that housed the artists’ photographic portraits. Wynn had taken each of the photos and they really were exceptional. He was an amazing photographer and I know I’m partial to saying that since he’s my best friend. But the portraits weren’t why I came here.

On the other side of this room was the door leading to the darkroom and the rooftop. I opened the door and flipped on the red light for developing film. I pulled her in behind me and shut the door and backed her into it.

I didn’t speak a word to her, but lifted my hand and barely traced the hair that she wore tucked behind her ear. It was the ear that her tattoo hid behind and I leaned in to let my nose trace across it. I needed to be that near her again. The one time earlier wasn’t enough.

When she leaned against the wall in front of me earlier, I thought I was going to make a scene. She smelled amazing and it was as if she radiated this heat from her that pulled me in. I wanted to touch her.

She put her hands atop my chest to stop me from leaning in and with a throaty laugh she looked up at me. “You wanted to show me a darkroom?”

I nodded.

“Is this your way of prolonging the inevitable? You’re going to sing Blake, no way around it.” She pulled her lip in again in the nervous way she had the entire night. The conversations with others, her hesitation at my closeness, her leaning toward me with a shy lowering of her chin as she spoke—signs that she wanted this as much as me but she was nervous. And I couldn’t forget her choosing the same song to sing that I sent to her earlier. Well, that I sent to her via Karl. I’m still claiming it as mine. What he intended as a mockery of me became the highlight of my month, if not my year. 

“What will I get in return for singing?” I whispered into her ear, before placing a light kiss over her elephant tattoo once again.

“You will get the privilege of singing for those fine people,” she smiled and tilted her head back against the door. She pushed onto her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around my neck. My eyes closed briefly by reflex and I had the same anticipation as I did when I was eleven waiting to see those dancing women on the TV. A simple hug was the first step she was taking into me and I felt the longing between us—not only physically but in the air. It was palpable. Just being near her made me feel whole.

My heart was racing. My heart was racing? My heart never raced—especially not from a hug. I never had this eagerness or this anticipation. This uncontained need to put my arms around a woman and just hold her.

Just hold her. That was what I wanted from her. I wanted to kiss her, and I wanted to hold her. I didn’t want to have sex with her… yet.
Oh fuck, do I want to cuddle?
That’s insane.

Brecken lowered her hands to my biceps, and as she tightened her grip her eyes fluttered closed and that alone made me drop all inhibition and restraint. I grabbed her waist and pulled her from the door and looked at her as if she were going to disappear in front of me. I traced my hand across her face and her eyes opened and our attention was only on each other.

Her lips parted and an airy moan left her as if just my touch was causing every part of her to ache.

That moan—that amazing, sexy fucking moan. I closed my eyes, controlling myself from going any farther than just holding her and touching her.

I traced my hand across her back and stopped right above her ass. I wanted to touch it from the moment I first saw it tonight, wrapped nicely in her dress. The more she walked in front of me, the more she walked away from me, the stronger the need became and now I was so close to finally experiencing first hand just how amazing it was—but I stopped.

I didn’t want to stop.
But I needed to stop.

I pulled her to me and I wish I could say the motion was only for her, but I’m a guy and it was amazing just to press myself against her. I let her feel the need she caused in me and a light gasp escaped her. My cheek pressed to the top of her head and I traced my hands along her arms, and then I lifted them above her head, pressing her into the door. I leaned down to trace my nose along her ear, and remained still as our breath mixed between us.