Dissonance (13 page)

Which was how Cam found himself raking leaves in the front of Galen’s house an hour and a half later.

“Not so bad, huh?” Galen said as he added to a perfectly rounded pile, pushing some of the leaves over the top of it like a miniature mountain peak.

Cam groaned and looked at his far smaller pile on the other side of the yard. Crooked, with some of the leaves trailing away. What was Galen that he made it look so easy? A bloody lumberjack? Cam, dressed in more of Galen’s just-a-bit-too-large sweats, already felt sore.

“You’re working too hard at it,” Galen said as he stepped behind Cam and adjusted the rake in Cam’s hands. “Let the tines of the rake do the work. Like this. See?” He moved the rake in short strokes and the leaves leapt up and began to create a pile.

Cam nodded. Galen’s hands on his, even gloved, felt good. He imagined Galen touching his skin, imagined exploring the landscape of Galen’s chest.

“You don’t need to push down so hard,” Galen was saying. “You’ll hurt yourself.” He worked his fingers into Cam’s shoulders and massaged them.

Cam leaned into Galen, closed his eyes, and relaxed. “Feels good,” he said in an undertone. Heaven. Just like this. With nothing on his mind but the way the smell of the leaves mingled with the scent of the grass, the sound of a bird chirping, the distant din of the freeway.

He remembered wondering what it would be like to have sex outside. Not now, of course, but when the weather grew warmer. He imagined the feel of the wind on his skin and the way Galen’s muscles would ripple with the effort. He moaned….

“Cam?”

Shit. He’d done it again, hadn’t he? He’d zoned out. He’d thought about things he shouldn’t be thinking about. No. He’d thought about one thing in particular: sex. And didn’t sex always complicate things? So why did he want it so badly?

“I’m fine. Thank you.” He forced a smile, then got back to work on the leaves.

T
HEY
ATE
dinner in relative silence. Cam was too exhausted for chitchat, and Galen seemed to understand. Dizzy Gillespie played in the background—Galen had turned on the same jazz station they’d listened to in the car on the way from the city the day before.

Dinner, Galen’s “kitchen sink” chili, which Cam learned meant no meat but every vegetable and bean imaginable, was better than Cam expected. Aiden had cooked chili once when they’d lived together in London years before, but it had been mostly meat.

“How long have you been teaching high school?” Cam asked to break the silence.

“Six years.” Galen took a pull on his beer. “I used to teach at two different high schools, but the budget got cut a few years ago, and now I work part-time and teach in the evenings.”

“Teach?” Cam felt something brush his ankle and looked down. Max. Of course. He seemed nearly as tired as Cam felt. Cam supposed running all over the yard, chasing birds and squirrels, would wear a dog out.

“Brass and woodwinds, mostly. Trumpet. Trombone. Flute. Clarinet. Oh, and I have one piano student.”

“You play all of those?” Aiden had played piano and sung, but playing more than one or two instruments seemed impressive.

Galen nodded. “You pretty much have to play them if you’re going to teach high school band and orchestra. When I was a kid, most of my friends took private lessons. Now, most kids learn to play in school.”

Cam stifled a yawn.

“How are you feeling?”

“What?”

“I was thinking of a soak in the hot tub.” Galen rubbed his right shoulder. “Good for sore muscles.”

“That sounds heavenly. Except that I don’t have a bathing suit, of course.”

Galen’s cheeks reddened. “I’ve got a few extras,” he said, then picked his beer up once more and drank the rest of the contents.

Cam had half hoped Galen would suggest skipping bathing suits. Not that Galen had shown one iota of interest in him, but at least he might be able to enjoy the view.

G
ALEN
SILENTLY
handed Cam a bathing suit, then quickly retreated to his own bedroom to change. Good God, had he actually
blushed
when Cam had mentioned he didn’t have one?

“I’m an idiot.”

Max gazed up at him, pink tongue lolling to one side, tail wagging.

“You’re an attention hog, you know that?”

Max wagged his tail in fast circles this time. Galen bent down, scratched his head, and received a sloppy lick in return.

Galen hadn’t been a monk for the past ten years, though he wouldn’t call the men he sometimes hooked up with dates, either. More like someone to scratch the occasional itch. No real conversation. Nothing to find charming like he found Cam’s English accent, or the way Cam liked to nibble his lower lip when he concentrated. Or the tiny moan that had escaped when he’d massaged Cam’s shoulders. Or the slightly effeminate way Cam moved.

The last thing you want to do is make him feel like he owes you sex.

He pulled off his sweats and slipped into his bathing suit, then folded the discarded clothing and set it on top of the dresser. One of the books he’d stacked there earlier was just a bit askew, so he pushed it with a finger until it aligned with the other books on the pile. Satisfied, he shut off the light and headed into the hallway with Max at his heels.

Cam was waiting for him wearing the oh-so-slightly-too-large swim trunks Galen had lent him, which hung low on his hips and emphasized Cam’s waist. Even in the poor light of the hallway, Galen could see the sleek muscles of Cam’s lean body and the pale skin dotted with an occasional birthmark similar to the one on Cam’s face.

Breathe. Focus. Relax.
Galen repeated the mantra several times over as he offered what he hoped was a pleasant smile. “Shall we?”

Cam smiled back. “Lead the way.”

Galen turned and walked down the stairs, relieved not to have to continue to look at Cam. Or stare at him, since he felt pretty confident that was exactly what he’d been doing. He opened the french doors without looking back, then headed to the hot tub as Max zoomed by him into the yard.

“It’s a bit chilly out here,” Cam said as Galen lifted the cover off.

“It’s always colder getting in.” Galen pulled out the floating thermometer, checked the temperature, then dropped it back in. “Perfect. You first.”

Cam walked past him and climbed the short steps, then paused for a moment, looking back at Galen as if challenging him to take notice. And oh, but Galen had noticed the place where back met perfect ass. Thankfully Cam didn’t prolong Galen’s discomfort but slipped into the water with an audible sigh. Galen joined him a moment later, sitting next to him.

“Wonderful.” Cam leaned against the side of the tub and sighed. “Now I might be able to move tomorrow.”

Galen chuckled, happy for the moment of levity. “Thanks for helping today.” He’d always enjoyed raking leaves. He relished the satisfaction of seeing the lawn free of leaves at least as much as the physical effort involved.

“I’d say it was my pleasure,” Cam said as he massaged the back of his neck, “but I’m feeling decidedly sore at the moment.”

“Sorry.”

“You don’t look particularly sorry.” Cam’s grin belied his words.

Galen dipped his hand in the water and wet his face. “Nah. I’m
not
particularly sorry. I had fun today.”

“I did as well.” Cam’s cheeks went pink, although Galen figured it probably had more to do with the hot water than anything else. Still, it was charming.

Focus. Breathe. Relax.

Galen leaned his head back on the lip of the tub and looked upward at the sky. The clouds shone silver with the light of the moon. In between them, several stars glittered. He inhaled the familiar scent of the leaves. He could smell autumn on the cool breeze. Their shoulders touched, causing Galen’s breath to hitch.

He turned so he could better see Cam. Eyes closed, the curled ends of his hair painted with the water, he looked so peaceful.
What are you running from?
He wondered what had changed so drastically in Cam’s life that he’d been driven to hide in the tunnels. Galen knew the look of fear he’d seen in Cam’s eyes—he’d seen it on the faces of some of his students, and in his own face, long ago.

Cam pressed his lips together, then opened his eyes and looked down at his hands. “I can’t stay here.” The sound of the jets as they kicked in nearly swallowed Cam’s words. Cam’s eyes sparkled momentarily and his Adam’s apple bobbed.

However quietly Cam had spoken the words, they hit Galen hard. He’d always had a good sense about people and what they needed. He wasn’t sure why, but he knew Cam needed to stay. Best to hit this one straight on in Galen’s experience—get it out into the open so Cam could let go of the guilt, or whatever was keeping him from accepting the hand Galen had offered him.

“You have nowhere else to go, do you?”

Breathe. Relax. Focus.

Cam shook his head. Galen saw defeat written on his face. “Then stay. Please. For as long as you need to.” Cam was obviously reeling from something, but Galen knew nothing he could say at that moment would help. Cam needed time. Time to trust that Galen didn’t expect anything from him. “You’re safe here, Cam.”

C
AM
RAN
barefoot down the path that led to the pond near the field where the horses grazed. The warm air and the smell of wildflowers made him smile. On he ran until he reached the boathouse at the edge of the water. He’d dip his toes in—he’d promised his mother he wouldn’t swim alone. He opened the door to the boathouse, intending to walk through it to the small dock on the other side. But the door closed behind him and the darkness reached out for him, pulling him away from the door with strong hands and pinning him against the rough wood floor.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” the darkness whispered in his ear. “Why did you keep me waiting?”

He tried to speak, but the darkness pressed a hand to his mouth. He struggled to push the hand away, but it held him tight. He kicked and tried to escape its grasp.

“No, please,” he gasped as the darkness finally released his lips. “Please, let me go.”

“Relax,” the darkness said. “You’re safe with me.”

He screamed.

“No. Please, no!” Cam batted the hand from his shoulder and scooted away.

“Cam,” a voice said. A gentle voice, unlike the rough voice from before. “It’s me. Galen.”

“Galen?” He opened his eyes and struggled to remember where he was. For a moment he thought he was back in the subway again. But he saw Galen’s face, saw his look of concern, and remembered he was in the guest bedroom of Galen’s house.

“You were dreaming, Cam,” the same voice—Galen—said. “It’s okay now.”

Cam opened his eyes and realized he’d backed himself up against the headboard, knees drawn to his chest. He couldn’t stop shaking.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
He tried to remember the dream, but everything seemed to blur in the darkness.

“I…. I’m f-fine….” He barely got the words out. He clasped his knees tighter as he continued to shake.

“I’m going to put a blanket around you, Cam,” Galen said from far away. “May I touch you?”

Cam nodded. Galen helped him scoot down on the bed so he wasn’t pressed so hard against the headboard.

Get a grip!
He forced his eyes open again as Galen gently laid a blanket over his shoulders. The shaking eased somewhat, more like shivering now, less terror. What had he been so frightened of? The dark? He wasn’t afraid of the dark.

“Better?”

Cam nodded again.

“Would you like me to rub your shoulders?” Galen asked.

“Yes.” His voice sounded tentative to his ears, but at least he managed to get the word out this time.

Galen rested his hands on Cam’s shoulders for a moment. Slowly, he began to work his fingers on the muscles there. Cam was so tense it hurt. “It’s all right. Just breathe. Slowly. In….” Cam paused. “And out…. Take your time.”