Dissonance (25 page)

“Maybe.” Cam appeared to mull the idea over. “But I can’t stay here forever. You’ve got a life. I’ve got—”

“Do you want to leave?” Galen asked, knowing Cam wanted him to ask him to stay.

Cam stood and pulled his hand free of Galen’s, then walked across the room, past the piano, and over to the french doors he loved to gaze out of. Sometimes Galen wondered if Cam saw something out there that he couldn’t. Maybe it was like music was for him: a place where he could let his thoughts coalesce.

“Cam?”

“The school will find out about what happened with Jamie. And then what? They’ll find me here and it’ll be a hundred times worse for you.”

More excuses, Galen knew. At their heart, more fear. “What are you running from?”

Cam laughed and shook his head. “You already know what I’m—”

“This is something different, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” But of course it was different, and they both knew it. This wasn’t black and white, right or wrong. This was
them
. One subject they hadn’t yet broached.

Galen walked over to Cam and rested a hand on his shoulder. “Cam. Talk to me. Please.” He wouldn’t take the first step. Cam had to do that, for so many reasons. The next step in their relationship needed to be more than just a way to quiet the noise in Cam’s brain.

“There’s nothing to say.”

“You’re running.” Galen waited until Cam turned to look at him, then tenderly touched Cam’s face. Cam tried to look away.

“I’m a shit, Galen. Haven’t you figured that out?”

“You’re complicated. That doesn’t make you a shit.” Galen rubbed his thumbs over Cam’s cheek.

“Don’t do that.”

Galen stopped and let his hands rest at his sides. “Why not?”

“Because it makes me want to do things.” Cam hadn’t moved away from him. Galen sensed the conflict beneath the surface—he knew it well. There had been a time when he’d felt worthless too.

“What things?” Cam’s lips were so close to his, all Galen had to do was breathe and they’d be kissing. “Like kissing me?”

“Among other things.”

“Then do it, Cam. Kiss me.”

“But you know this time’s different. This time….” Cam leaned back and rubbed his eyes. “You were right to push me away back then. I can’t. I don’t want…. I can’t do that to someone again.”

Galen understood Cam’s hesitation only too well. The last time—maybe the
only
time—Cam had let himself love someone, he’d fucked things up. Galen knew loss, even if it had only been part of the story. He knew the self-recrimination and the guilt. He knew the emptiness.

He could make this easier for Cam too, simply by speaking the truth. “I don’t do permanent, Cam. I’m here for as long as you need, and then we move on. You go back to your life.”

Cam stared at him, assessing him, no doubt trying to make certain of the truth of Galen’s words. Galen saw the moment Cam decided. Cam’s lips parted as if he were about to speak, but then he closed them again. Those beautiful lips Galen loved to kiss.

Galen felt Cam’s need. He understood it. There was a time when he’d felt worthless too.

Cam swallowed visibly, then licked his lips. Galen guessed Cam rarely hesitated. Cam had changed. His brash exterior felt muted. Not surprising, given the enormity of what Cam had learned in the past two weeks. Betrayal did that to a person. Betrayal on a level like Cam had experienced…. Galen would never understand that.

Cam reached out with a trembling hand and stroked Galen’s cheek. Gently. Tentatively. A question:
Do you want me?
He didn’t blame Cam for needing to ask—Galen had pushed Cam away, given him mixed signals because, God, he’d wanted Cam all along.

Galen put his hand on Cam’s wrist in answer. A gentle, reassuring touch he hoped would communicate how much he wanted Cam. Cam leaned forward once more, and this time he met Galen’s lips. Just lips at first, brushing against his own. Did Cam have any idea how beautiful he was, vulnerable like this? Sure, Cam must have known men wanted him—physically. Seeing Cam without his armor—the distant, slightly haughty, overconfident demeanor—made Galen realize how much Cam held back from the world. He wondered if anyone else had seen the man beneath the bullshit and the pain.

“Bedroom?” Galen prompted. Not that he wouldn’t make love to Cam here in the living room, but he wanted Cam to understand that this time was different. Cam’s expression told Galen he’d made the correct choice.

Cam nodded, and they walked in silence to the guest bedroom. Galen had come to think of it as their room, and given how few nights he’d slept in his own bed since Cam had come to stay with him, it just felt right.

Galen closed the door behind them. Max could wait outside—Galen wanted nothing to distract them tonight. He wanted to focus on Cam, on pleasuring him, on giving him the affection he needed and that Galen wanted Cam to feel.

Cam stood at the edge of the bed, clearly unsure of what to do. Galen knew enough about abused children and about Cam’s past that he guessed Cam had never been in a situation quite like this, where he wasn’t the person instigating the sex. It didn’t surprise him that Cam had taken comfort in sex or that Cam had destroyed the one relationship he’d cherished by cheating. A child who learned to associate sex with love would naturally seek sex as an adult for the very same reason.

As Cam watched, Galen pulled off his shirt, then his pants and boxers. Cam’s lips parted and his cheeks flushed almost imperceptibly in response. “I’ve wanted to see your body,” Cam said after a moment’s silence. “Wanted to touch it.”

“I’ve wanted you to touch me.” Galen spoke the truth, because no matter what of Cam’s past still held him captive, Galen felt powerfully attracted to him.

Cam closed the gap between them and touched Galen’s chest with his soft fingers. Galen closed his eyes and gave himself over to the sensation. He leaned his head back as Cam ghosted his hands over his shoulders and neck before resting them just beneath his jaw.

“May I undress you?”

“Yes.” Cam’s voice sounded low and throaty. Aroused.

Galen gently lifted the pale yellow polo over Cam’s head, then paused to touch Cam’s chest. Unlike his own more muscled body, Cam’s body was lean and smooth, with just a hint of definition at his abdomen and on his arms. Galen felt a wave of anger and possessiveness to think what Duncan had done to mar the soul beneath the body. A beautiful body, perfect in every way, with a dusting of hair that made his skin feel silkier to the touch. A soul in need of affection and approval.

But Galen didn’t linger long. He wanted Cam naked, just as he was. He wanted to take in the whole of him. He carefully undid the top button of Cam’s jeans, then the zipper, then slid the jeans down with his underwear and waited until Cam stepped out of them.

Cam’s pale skin seemed to glow in the low light of the single lamp. Galen followed the line from the indentation of Cam’s waist over his hips and thighs, then calves. Cam’s cock was long and pink tipped, the same color as Cam’s lips, jutting out from his body. But Galen didn’t move to touch Cam there, although he wanted to. Instead he drew Cam close and kissed him, a gentle kiss that grew into something demanding and hungry.

“Please,” Cam whispered as their lips parted. “Touch me.”

Galen heard the unspoken words: “I need to know you want me.”

“P
LEASE
. T
OUCH
me.” Cam had never asked anyone for anything sexual before, except to demand someone blow him, and there’d been nothing vulnerable about that particular request. Now, he felt as though he’d opened his soul to Galen and let him peer inside, knowing Galen could step on what little remained.

Galen brushed his lips with his fingers, then kissed him sweetly, tenderly. The sigh that escaped Cam’s control sounded at least as needy as his words of a moment before.

“You’re beautiful, Cam,” Galen whispered against his ear as he kissed his way over Cam’s neck and shoulder.

Cam didn’t feel beautiful. He didn’t feel anything but broken inside, although a spark of hope still burned somewhere amidst the pain and hurt. But the way Galen said it, Cam almost believed him.

“How do you like it?” Galen asked.

“I like it any way you like it.” He didn’t know how to respond. He liked fucking. Wasn’t that good enough? He liked the way he felt when someone told him his body felt good.

“That wasn’t my question, Cam.” Galen found one of his nipples and rolled it gently between his fingers until Cam gasped. “I want to know how you like it. Whether you like it when I suck on you—” Galen licked around the hard bud until Cam moaned. “—or whether you like it when I take it in my teeth.”

“Yes. Like that.” Cam’s heart beat faster. “Harder.”

Galen bit gently, just to the point of pain.

“Fuck, yes.” Cam leaned against Galen to steady himself as Galen released his nipple and gave the other his full attention. Tongue, teeth, lips combined in a blur of sensation. Galen pressed his thigh against Cam’s hard cock, a tacit acknowledgement that he knew what he was doing to Cam and was enjoying every bit of it.

“What do you want?” Galen said a few minutes later.

The thought came into Cam’s head and took him by surprise. Normally, at this point, he’d have been fucking. But instead he said, “I want to taste you.”

Galen looked up with eyes full of pleasure and surprise, as if he understood what a departure this was for Cam to ask. “Where do you want me?”

“Right where you are.” Cam grinned as he got to his knees. Delicately veined, thick and long, Galen’s hard cock seemed to beg for his lips. He took it slowly into his mouth, tasting the slight ridge where it had been cut. He loved a cut cock, even though his own was not. He loved the look and feel of an unsheathed tip and the smooth underside.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d sucked someone else off. Now, having faced the truth of his past, he guessed he’d avoided it. But now…. God, how he loved the way Galen tasted—sweet and a little spicy, like the earthy soaps he favored.

Galen trembled as Cam took him deep in his mouth. Cam clasped Galen’s muscled arse and pressed his fingers between the globes of it, separating them and kneading as he sucked. He’d never have imagined yoga could sculpt a man’s body like this, but he couldn’t remember ever having felt anything quite so wonderful as Galen’s arse. Jarrod’s athletic body had been bloody amazing. But the way Galen’s buttocks tensed and relaxed beneath his probing fingers was pure inspiration.

“Fuck! Cam.”

Cam smiled around Galen’s cock, then released it from his mouth and used his mouth to press it against Galen’s abdomen, skating his wet lips over the smooth tip until he felt Galen keen in a silent plea for more.

This time Cam wet his fingers and felt between Galen’s legs, behind his sac, to find the tight opening beyond. Galen’s buttocks clenched as Cam swallowed him down again. He rubbed a finger against Galen’s hole, teasing in a rhythm to match his mouth’s, around and around until Galen whimpered and begged for more. He wet his fingers again as Galen hissed at the lack of contact. Then he made each circle smaller until he’d set his forefinger at the entrance. Slowly, he pressed the tip inward just as he increased the suction again.

Galen cried out and begged, “More. God, please, more.”

Cam pushed inward to his knuckle and paused, leaving Galen’s cock at the back of his throat, then launching in once again, rubbing his teeth on the underside of Galen’s cock and moving his finger back and forth.

“I’m going to come,” Galen warned. As if Cam would stop now! He wanted to taste Galen, to feel him shoot down his throat, to swallow every bit of what he offered.

Cam looked up at Galen and nodded reassuringly.
Come for me, Galen!

“Oh, fuck!” Galen shouted as he climaxed into Cam’s hungry mouth. Galen trembled and shook, his groans and satisfied grunts making Cam want it all the more. Cam greedily took every drop. He reveled in the pulsing release and the way Galen’s hips thrust as he came.

As Cam released Galen’s softening cock, Galen drew him up and into a bruising kiss that made Cam’s cock ache with need. Their tongues tangled, Galen’s slightly bitter taste mingling with the sweetness of his mouth. Cam gasped for breath as the kiss broke.

“What do you want?” Galen asked in an undertone.

“You know what I want,” Cam countered.

“I want you to say it, Cam. Tell me. You don’t know how fucking hot it is when you tell me what you want.” Cam saw the truth in Galen’s eyes, heard it in his voice.

“I want to fuck you. I want to come inside of you and I want to make you come again when I do.” Saying the words. Speaking his need.

Galen kissed him again. “I’ll be right back,” he said.

Galen walked over to the door, Cam admiring the firm contours of his thighs and arse as he moved. He returned a moment later with a condom and lube, which he set on the bed.

“How do you want me?”

“How do you like it?” Cam countered with a smile. Another first, that he’d ask. He hadn’t even considered that it might please him to know his partner’s preference.