Distinction: The Distraction Trilogy #3 (24 page)

Eating dinner together was actually a pleasant experience. Isaac hasn’t lost his charm and at times had me laughing so hard my cheeks still ache from it.

In the beginning I was a little bit annoyed that he showed up, but I had a feeling it would happen. Neither John nor Isaac seem to be at fault though, so there’s no use being angry about it.

But then I started emptying the bags that Isaac brought.

“It’s funny,” I say without turning. John is taking the banana bread from the oven and Isaac is playing on his phone by the back door.

“What is?” Isaac asks without looking up.

“How neither of you knew the other was coming, yet Isaac seems to have filled two bags full of my old favourite snacks and drinks.” I hold up the berry wine and quirk a brow as I turn to face him. His wide startled eyes stare back at me. “Didn’t know you drank wine, Isaac.”

He runs his tongue over his lower lip, clearly lost for words.

“Well, fuck.” John curses and throws the tea towel on the counter. “In my defence, I genuinely didn’t know he was coming until the last minute.”

“And I didn’t know you were here until the last minute,” Isaac mumbles and looks to his dad for help.

Rolling my eyes back to the final bag, I pluck a grape from the bunch he bought and throw it at him. “You would’ve gotten away with it too if not for this.”

He grins wickedly at me. “Does this mean I can stay?”

“Stay?” My heart starts to hammer a rapid beat in my chest.

“The night.” His hand reaches forward and plucks something from my hair. It crumbles between his finger and thumb so it must have been a clump of flour and cinnamon. “Unless it would upset Silas.”

“She’s not with Silas anymore,” John blurts and quickly shuts his mouth. “Sorry, Elle,” he mutters as I glare at him and he then promptly exits the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” Isaac says and though he probably isn’t being genuine, he looks it.

Shrugging, I step around him and begin putting the stuff into the cupboards. “It isn’t your fault.”

“I feel like it might be.” I feel his heat against his back. “And I’m sorry if it is.”

“But you aren’t sorry if it isn’t?”

“No.” His admission makes my mouth go dry. “You know…”

The loud ringing of the phone startles us both. I finish doing what I’m doing as Isaac goes to answer it. I can’t hear what’s being said and I don’t try to. The sooner I finish cleaning this kitchen, the sooner I can play chess with John and watch crap movies that I picked.

“The wedding was a beautiful event,” John says and I agree. “The food was great, the atmosphere…” Until the end, it was great too. “If you’d waited, do you think that’s what your wedding would have been like?”

Isaac’s eyes meet mine and a moment of clarity flashes between us as we remember our wedding so long ago. “I liked our wedding,” he says.

“Me too.”

“You both looked so happy.” John tells us and we smile together.

“We were.” My voice is soft and quiet. It’s crazy thinking that it has genuinely been more than five years since we got married. That much time couldn’t have passed, could it? “Anyway… Chess?”

“Need you ask?” John reaches for the board just as Isaac’s hand presses against the back of my neck. He pulls me close and kisses my temple. The warm, soft gesture melts a layer of frost that rests over my heart.

“I’ll leave you both to it for a while,” he whispers and stands. “I won’t intrude too much.”

He exits the room before either of us can protest and even though John clearly wants to, we also don’t talk about it.

It’s late, we watched a terrible movie and now it’s time for bed. My dad went up five minutes ago, leaving Elle and I on opposite ends of the couch, texting on our phones in awkward silence.

“I’ll go and grab my blanket.”

“I feel bad kicking you out of your room,” she whispers. I watch her beauty in the flicker of the light from the television.

“I know a way to rectify that,” I joke, though mostly I’m not joking.

She groans and stands, allowing me a glimpse of her stomach as she stretches tall. “I’m not sharing a bed with you.”

“Why not?” I push, hoping that she’ll change her mind, if only so that I get one last chance to mould her body to mine and kiss her soft neck. “We used to. I promise I’ll behave.”

“I can’t promise that,” she mumbles so quietly I barely hear it and my cock and heart pulse in time with each other.

Did she really say that?

“It’s not a big deal.” I stand too, so I’m on an equal level with her. “This couch is awfully lumpy.”

She slaps my arm almost pitifully. “Stop trying to make me feel bad and go and get your blanket.”

“But…” I try but she grabs my shoulders and shoves me towards the door. Unfortunately for her I grab her wrist, pull her with me and turn at the last second so I can pin her between my body and the door.

The way her pupils dilate tells me that she’s as affected by this as I am. I want to lift her legs so they’re wrapped around my hips. I want to grab her breast as my lips collide with hers.

“What are you doing?” She breathes and keeps her eyes on my neck.

“Playing,” I respond and stroke my fingers up her arm from her wrist to her neck. The way she shivers and gulps only spurs me onwards. The problem is, I know now that we’ll kiss, she’ll reciprocate, but then she’ll push me away. I’m not an idiot. I’ll ruin any chances I have if I nudge her in my direction too soon. So I wrap my fingers around the back of her neck and press my lips to her forehead. “Goodnight, Elle.”

Seeming to realise her position between me and the door, she squeezes free and hurries away. I take this moment to breathe and savour the memory of her breasts brushing against my chest. I kind of wish I got my room for the night so I can relieve myself. There’s no way at all that I’m getting any sleep whilst she lies directly above me, especially not when I have an erection that could hold up a building.

Fuck
.

Judith seems to have taken to the doll better than we could have even imagined, though I’m a bit nervous about how a few of the other patients around us seem to be eyeing it too. I don’t want it to cause a fuss. The home has said that they may buy a few themselves for the rest of the room, but that won’t happen today.

“NO!” A man yells from his spot on the couch. “I won’t look after your baby for you!”

Isaac starts to laugh. I pat the old guy on the shoulder and return my attention to Judith. She’s looking tired today and her skin has a yellow tone to it.

“That’s it,” I say softly as Judith brings the doll up to her lips and kisses its smooth plastic forehead.

“Isaac,” she says and rocks the doll.

Tears spring to my eyes. I can’t believe it has worked and something other than spoons now has her attention.

“Oh dear, baby. Oh no, baby,” she coos when the doll begins to cry. “He doesn’t like his drink.” We all stop her as she tries to feed the baby her tea. I hand her the plastic bottle and watch as she carefully and gently places the tip into the mouth.

John clears his throat and wipes his eyes on a napkin. Seeing him cry makes me want to cry.

“She’s so frail,” he comments quietly and places his hand on his wife’s knee. She doesn’t even notice; she’s too busy rocking her baby. “Look, her knee just fits in my hand.”

I take a deep breath to stop the burning in my eyes and try to swallow the lump lodged in my throat.

He is right though; she’s deteriorating. She looks gaunt and frail. She isn’t eating, sleeping or going to the bathroom frequently enough.

The thought of losing her completely is too much to take.

Isaac stands and walks away without looking back. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn between the two of them. Do I race after him? Do I stay with John?

“Isaac,” Judith coos, as if answering my internal question.

I squeeze John’s shoulder as I pass, offering him just a tiny amount of silent support in order to look after his son.

Racing past the patients and nurses, I find Isaac in his mum’s room sitting on the bed. His head is slumped forward over his knees where his arms rest.

I lean against the door frame and let him have his private moment.

“How am I going to cope when she dies?” His voice pierces the silence. I step into the room. My fingers twitch as they ache to reach out and touch his hair. I want to play with his hair and stroke his neck as a way to comfort him, but I feel like it wouldn’t be appropriate. “I’ve never had much family. I’ve never lost anybody like that.”

“You’ll just have to trust us to look after you.” Even though we’re divorced and not exactly friends, I’m hardly going to ditch him when he needs me. That’s assuming he will need me.

He doesn’t say anything and I contemplate comforting him with my hands, but change my mind and take a step backwards instead.

“Can one of you do me a favour and go to my office at the school?” John’s voice appears from behind us so suddenly that we both jump. “I need to pick up my briefcase and there’s a letter in the drawer that requires my urgent attention. I don’t want to leave my wife today.”

“I’ll go,” I volunteer and look to Isaac.

“I’ll come with you,” he says, his face now a blank mask.

“No, you stay with your mum. It won’t take me long. I’ll pick something up for lunch on the way home.” John thanks me and hands me the keys. I kiss him on the cheek and then Isaac, though with Isaac I let my lips linger for a long moment. I shouldn’t, but I can’t resist. He sighs, happy to receive my touch, and now I wish I could go back in time and comfort him the way I wanted to.

This isn’t about getting back together or teasing the other, this is about one human needing the contact of another. Now I feel selfish and I can’t stop thinking about it. The image of Judith’s frail, skinny body remains in my mind the entire journey to the school. I can’t shake it.

She’s going to die soon and we all know it. The thing we don’t know is when. That’s the most frightening thing of all.

The school is empty save for some kind of dance club going on in the hall.

This reminds me of the night of the wedding. Hayley still hasn’t forgiven me for leaving, even though she left five minutes after I did.

The thought of Isaac’s hands all over Jocelyn sends a rage bubbling through me of the likes of which I’ve never experienced before. Fortunately my self-control kicks in before I go to his old classroom and set it on fire.

The key unlocks the receptionists’ office with ease. I cut through and then unlock the Head teacher’s office. It’s been a long time since I was in this part of the office too. It’s strange.

The office smells like John; it holds a low note of his spicy aftershave that I’ve only ever scented from him. It brings me comfort.

I smile and step into the room, making sure to close the door behind me so as to keep that lovely scent inside. The room is very neat and clean. I spot his briefcase immediately leaning against the side of his desk, but my main focus is the letter he needs from his desk drawer.

He has six drawers. He didn’t mention which drawer.

I check the first one but find nothing other than pencils, pens, erasers, sticky notes and chewing gum. Which is banned from school, may I add.

In the second drawer there is a journal, a tablet and an empty glasses case. No letter though.

It’s the contents of the third drawer that have my breath catching.

My fingers carefully pinch the corners of the photo which seems to have fallen from a black photo album that it peeks from behind. I notice the edges are singed as if somebody tried to light the photo on fire. Carefully I run my finger over the edges as my eyes absorb the image of Isaac.

He must be about twelve, his blue eyes and blonde hair standing out on his chubby cheeks. He was… he was chunky and so bloody adorable.

I place the photo on the desk and pull out the album. All of the images are of Isaac. A Lot of them are water damaged and burned and barely decipherable.

They make me smile though. I always wondered where Isaac’s photos from childhood were. There are no pictures of him at John’s house save for Isaac’s baby photo in John’s bedroom. Was there a fire I don’t know about?

I put the photos back in the drawer and locate the letter in the top drawer on the other side of the desk. I place it into his briefcase without looking at the contents and finally make my way home, making sure to lock up behind me. The house is empty when I get there so I clean, do laundry and then fall asleep on Isaac’s bed for a nap that lasts longer than a coma.

******

I’m awoken by the slamming of the front door. It startles me roughly from my slumber. Wiping away the drool from my cheek, I roll over in bed and stare at the ceiling. My mind is foggy, not quite awake though not asleep either.

So tired.

My eyes drift to close as I roll onto my front and tuck the blanket between my legs. Vaguely I hear the door open.

“I’m up,” I mutter and the bed dips as somebody sits beside me.

“Sure you are.” Isaac’s hushed, soft tone seeps through my foggy mind, further relaxing me. His fingers brush my hair from my cheek. “Are you okay?”

I nod slightly. I can’t be bothered to move much more than that. “I found a picture of you.” His hand stills. “Why didn’t you tell me there was a fire? You were so cute though.”

“Cute? What pictures?”

“Pictures of you from newborn to about fourteen.”

His hand totally leaves me. “Where?”

I peek an eye open and zone instantly onto his stern features. “In your dad’s desk. There’s a whole album full.” Dragging myself up, I flip over and lean back against the pillows. “You were so chubby.” I grin and reach forward to pinch his cheek but he bats my hand away. “Honestly. What happened?”

“I was fat. What the fuck do you think happened?” He snaps and stands before running his hands through his hair.

I’m immediately alert and my laughter stops. “I’m sorry.”

“All the same, do you think it’s funny? Tell me, Elle,” he snaps, his eyes guarded, and I realise I’ve gone too far this time. “How many people did you bully in school for being big?”

My lips part. “I… I was an idiot.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“It’s just school, Isaac. It doesn’t mean anything.” I say quietly, not liking the fact I’m being told off right now.

“Not to you, the rich, pretty, slim ones with all the friends.”

“Don’t be an arse.” I stand so I’m not below him. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just kidding. I thought you were cute.”

“I wasn’t cute. I was fat, Elle. I was fucking disgusting.”

Oh boy. “Don’t fat shame.” I point at him and prod him in the chest. “You’re being the bully now. We’re all beautiful, no matter our size.”

He rolls his eyes heavenward. “Christ, you’re so fucking naive.”

“Fuck you. I don’t have to put up with this.”

“Then don’t!”

“I won’t!” I go to move around him as he blocks the space between myself and the door, but then I take a calming breath, relaxing my body and voice. “What’s going on, Isaac?”

His shoulders sag and his anger dissipates. “I thought I was ready to talk about it. I’m not.”

“Talk about what?”

“Nothing…”

My heart begins to crack, those pieces he’s been mending that I didn’t realise he’s been mending. “Isaac. Don’t shut yourself off, not from me.”

And then he shatters me completely. “Not from you, why? You’re nothing to me anymore.”

I’m not sure why this hurts as badly as it does. I don’t know why my lungs inhale a sharp breath so jagged it cuts me inside and I find it impossible to exhale.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He quickly steps into my space. “I didn’t mean that.”

“Get away from me.” I step to the side but he steps in front of me and grabs my wrists.

“Elle…”

“I’m not going to be your verbal punch bag.” I tug my arms free and his hands hover in between us as he considers grabbing me again. “I’m fucking sick of it. I’m never mean to you, not on purpose!”

“I know.” He looks away, shame in his eyes. “I know it’s me, but that’s… that’s not something I talk about. To anyone.”

I blow out a breath and shake my head. “Some things never change…”

His wide eyes come to mine and his hands grip my shoulders. “No… no, Elle, I have changed. I swear.”

“Clearly not.” If he’d changed then he’d be able to talk to me. “You can’t trust me, not with your fears, your heart…”

“I can.”

“Prove it.”

He opens his mouth but quickly closes it again.

“See?” I step around him and reach for the door. “Some things never change.”