Distinction: The Distraction Trilogy #3 (7 page)

I watch my mother chat with Eloise for a brief minute and it gives me a glimmer of hope. This is the first time she’s been this chatty in a really long time. Maybe somewhere, deep down, my mother recognises her. I know it’s a reach but is it wrong to hope?

“She’s not eating properly, or they aren’t feeding her right.” Eloise whispers, leaning into me so that the nurses, who are wandering around checking on their patients, can’t hear. Her breast and shoulder press against my arm. I concentrate on everything but that. It’s impossible and I feel an incredible ache in my groin, despite the dire conversation. It’s been too long since I was intimate. “I’m worried.”

“There’s only so much they can do, Elle. Mum is… she’s stubborn and she gets quite violent now.” Saying it out loud devastates me. My mum is hardly even a shell anymore. If she continues down this road, who knows how long she’ll last. “We’re all trying our best.”

“I know, but…”

“You haven’t been here.” I feel her tense at my hissed words. “You don’t know what it’s been like.” I’m not saying it to hurt her; I’m saying it because it’s true. “Just visit and be kind.”

“I… I’m sorry.” She pulls away and I immediately regret my outburst. I don’t have a chance to apologise though as she’s already halfway across the room, her phone in hand.

My dad and I watch her. She was on her phone a lot on the way here too but she had it tilted away from me so I couldn’t see who she was texting. Not that it’s any of my business, nor was I trying to look. I just find it odd that she’s going to lengths to shield the screen from us.

My mum’s warm eyes come to me. She stares at me, her eyes empty of any part of her. It chills me straight down to my bone. “You look beautiful, Mum.” I say as she sways from side to side and threads her fingers through her short white hair.

“Have you seen my husband?” She asks us both, still looking straight through us. “He needs to pick my son up from school.” Perspiration breaks out over my skin and all sound drowns out other than her voice. “It’s those bullies again. They never leave him alone.”

“I’m here,” I tell her, reaching for her hand. She pulls it away.

“Zack! Zack!” She shouts suddenly, making the people around us jump. “Zack!”

“Zack has gone swimming, Judith,” a nurse says, smiling. She puts her hands on my mum’s shoulders. “Remember? He went swimming.”

“Fat. Fat.” Mum chants for a minute under her breath. “Fatty. Fat.”

“Is she calling the nurse…?” Eloise starts, but I take her arm with my hand and lead her away.

“Probably. Shall we get some air?”

“I feel fine.”

I pull her along anyway as my dad and the nurse calm my mother down. I don’t want Eloise to see her tantrum.  Her phone jingles twice on the way. It takes everything I have not to snatch it and throw it across the carpark, purely so she’ll stop diverting her attention from us.

“Slow down, will you?” She snaps, tugging her arm free once we make it outside.

“Sorry.” Releasing her, I grip the railings that run along the side of the wheelchair ramp. “I just don’t like to see her when she gets like that.”

“I understand.” She leans her forearms on the railing besides me. “This is weird, right?”

“Huh?”

“Seeing each other… it’s almost like before.”

Blink. My heart begins to race in my chest. “Yeah. It’s easy to forget the four years that have passed.”

I watch her hair flutter in the wind. It’s grown so long and it’s still the gorgeous shade of red I fell in love with. Looking at her, all I can see is a beautiful, red headed little girl running wild around my legs. She’d suit motherhood. Whatever that means.

The thought makes me feel a little nauseous, especially when other thoughts come to mind of Elle swollen with my child.
Mine
. It’s the first time in my entire life that I’ve imagined a child of my own.

“You’re staring at me,” she says without looking in my direction.

“I can’t help it,” I admit and watch her cheeks glow with pink.

The door opens and we both stand to make room for a nurse pushing a patient in a wheelchair to a waiting ambulance.

Eloise pulls out her phone. This time I do snatch it away.

“Hey!”

“Can you just keep it in your pocket for longer than five minutes?”

She huffs and moves to grab it back, but I move it out of arms reach, a smug smile on my face.

“Isaac, don’t be childish.”

“Childish?” I snort and shove her phone down the front of my jeans and straight into my boxers. I leave it there. Her mouth hangs open in horror. “If you want it, you’ll have to get it.”

“You’re kidding me? What are you? Eighteen?” Her fist connects with my arm. “Give me back my damn phone.”

“Get it.”

“We’re outside of a nursing home, you pervert.”

“Do I look like I care? Get the phone.”

She glances around, checking for people. “Fine.”

“Are you two ready?” My dad calls the second Elle’s hand grips the top of my jeans and my cock springs to attention. The fact it’s pressing against a cold, flat surface does nothing to relieve it. It’s so hungry for attention, I’d be surprised if it didn’t start searching for porn.

“Yep,” Eloise marches ahead, stamping on my foot as she passes.

This is so fucking uncomfortable. I can hardly sit down in the car. I have to push my chair back a bit.

“Everything okay?” She asks sweetly, though I see the satisfaction over the fact I’m in serious discomfort right now clear in her eyes.

“Never better.”

My dad straps himself in the back seat, oblivious to our exchange. I’m really starting to wish I hadn’t put the phone in my pants now. What if I get cancer in my dick? Fuck.

“You’ll come back soon, won’t you, Elle?” My dad asks and the desperation in his voice makes me sad. Ever since my mum got sick, his list of friends has become smaller and smaller. Now I’ve moved to Boston, he has hardly any social life at all outside of work until I come to stay on the odd weekend and holidays. He promises me he’s fine alone but he’s not. He’s not used to it, but he can’t suddenly start relying on Eloise for company. She’s a young woman with shit of her own to deal with. He needs to get out more.

“Of course, as often as I can.” I can’t see her face as she’s looking out of the window but I know she’s serious. “I’m going to have to go as soon as we get back. I’m already running late.”

“No problem,” I lie because it is a huge problem. I wanted more time with her. Just a little.

John heads to the store after I say my goodbyes, no doubt leaving Isaac with me on purpose. That man is about as subtle as an earthquake in a room full of bells.

“Can I have my phone now?” I snap at Isaac as he flicks through a few envelopes that he picked up from the ground on his way in.

He grins wickedly and leans back against the wall after dropping the letters on the desk by the door. I watch him stretch his arms above his head before resting them behind it. “Get it yourself.”

He can’t honestly believe I’ll do that. Can he? “I’m not doing that.”

“Suit yourself.” He goes to move but I hook my finger around the front of his jeans and slap my hand against his chest. This only turns his smug grin into a smug smile. “I still like it rough, Elle.”

“I’m not playing this game. Give me my damn phone!”

His hand comes down and pops the button open on his jeans. “Get it.”

This is so annoying. “Oh whatever. I’ll just buy a new one. I have to go.”

“You have plans?”

“Yes,” I sigh heavily and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’ll see you later.”

“With who?” He follows me to the door and presses his hand against it, stopping me from leaving.

I tug on the door but it doesn’t budge. For fucks sake. “Why do you want to know so badly?”

“I just do.”

“Isaac…” I tug on the door again.

“What are your plans?”

“Enough…”

His chest presses against my back as he moves closer. Why is he doing this? His heat is killing me. My head lolls forward as spasms of pleasure erupt through me at his touch.

“Stay.” He pushes and with delicate fingers he brushes my hair to one side. “Don’t go yet.”

Goosebumps break out over the skin he just touched. They spread down my arms and sides. I feel drugged on this wave of euphoria I’m riding.

His hand then goes to my hip and pushes the fabric of my shirt up slightly. I feel the pads of his fingers gently smooth over the naked skin and almost lose it. A heavy shudder racks through my body, so heavy I know he sees it and feels it.

“No.” I shake my head and slowly twist in his arms, pushing at his chest though it’s weak and not very convincing. “Don’t ruin a good day.”

“I’m not going to ruin a good day.”

I have a horrible feeling that he is. His blue eyes dilate. I know that look. I know that look so fucking well and holy crap it makes me wetter than I’ve been in a really long time. Pressing my thighs together does nothing to help it. I ache. I ache in remembrance of what this man can do to my body. It’s been so fucking long.

“Isaac,” I say, my voice breathy with the need I’m trying to hide.

“I’ve missed you, Elle.” He admits, his tone heady with emotion.

No… “I have to go.”

His hand cups my cheek. “Everything…”

“Don’t.” I beg, gripping his arms as fear spikes in me. I’m scared he’s about to go down a path I want no part of.

“We all just fell back together. Maybe…” Oh my god… no. “Maybe we should give it another shot. We’re still married. That’s got to count for something.”

I’m frozen to the spot, hearing what he says but unable to respond.

“I’ve missed you. I don’t think you know how much.”

Oh my god.

His eyes, round with sorrow and hope scan my face. My heart begins to palpitate. My palms become sweaty and tears spring to my eyes when he inches forward slowly. I feel his minty breath against my sensitive skin.

Soft lips touch mine. I remember these lips. I remember the first time I kissed these lips. I remember every time I kissed these lips. I definitely remember how badly I wanted to kiss these lips before I ever got the chance in the first place.

But I also remember the pain. The heartache. I remember how quickly our marriage fell apart and I remember why. I remember the venom that spewed forth from these lips and crushed me into nothing.

Sometimes the good isn’t worth the bad.

This time the good definitely isn’t worth the bad.

As his tongue teases the seam of my lips, begging for access, his hands hold me tight.

My own hand pushes up between us and clamps over his mouth. I shove with all of my strength and send him stumbling back a few steps, looking startled. “No!”

“Elle…”

“I don’t want that again.”

“We could…”

My trembling hands clench into fists by my sides. “No. I’m not going back. There’s no going back.”

He reaches for me. “Let me explain. You just need to listen…”

“I don’t want to.” I go to open the door, but his hand snags my wrist.

“Elle… you need to…”

“I said I don’t want to!” I shout, effectively silencing him. “I don’t want this; I don’t want to be with you at all.”

That hard mask that I know so well comes flying down. “Did you ever love me?” He moves towards me. “Tell me the truth… did you?”

“What does it even matter, Isaac? We’re done. It’s been four fucking years and I’ve only just gotten my shit together.”

“Me too, Elle! You don’t know how hard it’s been.”

I don’t? “I’m leaving.”

I pull the door open and step out into the cool air. My body feels numb. I just need to get out of here.

“Wait,” he pleads, grabbing the back of my jacket. Why can’t he just leave me alone? “I’m sorry… I pushed. I shouldn’t have.” I don’t respond. What exactly can I say? I pull free and begin down the driveway. “Elle!” He calls after me but I don’t stop.

Fuck him.

Fuck him and everything about him.

Those tears I promised myself I wouldn’t release are now falling down my face.

“Eloise.” I grab her arm and spin her around. The tears falling from her eyes shatter me. I knew it wouldn’t happen, I knew it couldn’t be, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “I’ll take you home.”

She sniffs and wipes away her tears with the back of her hand. “I can walk.”

“Please… I’ve been unfair. I promise I won’t bring it up again.” I mean it too. It was wrong of me to even ask her for this. Even if she did take me back, we’d still be living a lie. There’s so much she doesn’t know, so much that would ruin us if she ever found out.

I just panicked. The thought of never getting another chance with her like this forced my hand. I’m an idiot.

If I’m going to even try to bring her back, she needs to know everything that happened.

She’s just not ready to hear it yet, not after this stupid error on my part. I mentally kick myself. How could I have been so stupid?

She follows me to the car in silence and I help her in, partly because I’m scared that if I let go of her, even for a second, she’ll walk away.

“I need my phone back,” she tells me before I start the engine.

I forgot about that. Even though it has been vibrating against my dick for the past ten minutes.

I pull it out, laughing when she scrunches up her nose and takes it back after wrapping it in some kind of facial wipe. She sprays the screen with hand sanitiser and then the back before rubbing it.

“I’m sorry,” I say genuinely.

Her silence only further pushes the knife of rejection into my heart.

She’s resolute. She doesn’t want me. She said so.

I could tell her body wanted me but not her mind or her heart.

Can I blame her?

Nope.

“You’re disgusting,” she says, her tone neutral.

At first I think she’s talking about the way I behaved but I see the tilt in her lips and realise she’s referring to the phone incident.

I smile a little, though it’s half hearted.

“I’m sorry, Isaac,” she whispers as I put the car into gear. The sound of sorrow in her voice hurts me almost as much as her rejection. The fact that she thinks she has anything to apologise for is crazy.

“Don’t.” I place my hand over hers. “I understand. It’s me who should be sorry.”

“I guess we left things so suddenly that we didn’t have proper closure.”

“Probably.”

“At least now we…” she exhales. “Now we can move on.”

I clench my jaw and nod. So close… if I hadn’t have pushed her I might’ve been able to slot myself back into her life. I’ve fucked it now. There’s no coming back from this. Her mind is set.

I just… I don’t want to give up.

But she deserves so much better.

“You’ll still sign the papers… right?”

I tense but nod. I’m not one to renege on a deal. “As promised.”

Her body deflates; mine only stiffens further.

Is this it? Are we actually done now? As soon as I sign those papers, we’re finished. There’s no going back.

“Isaac!” Eloise screams and I see a blur of green.

The sound of metal crunching and glass shattering sounds around me. I feel my body lurch to the side violently and scramble to gain control of my car. It’s impossible. We’re pushed off the road and I see a flash of field before the bottom of the ditch gets closer. There’s a pain in my side but my arm goes across to find Elle. I push back on her chest as we begin to tip.

The car rolls onto Elle’s side; she makes no noise but I see the metal door bend inwards.

Creaking, crunching and groaning send me in a panic. We’re going to tip upside down. I grab the wheel and turn it to the left, relieved when we fall into an upright position. The jolt would have bounced me out of my seat if not for my seatbelt.

“Elle?” I undo my seatbelt after only a second to gather myself. My head spins and my lungs clog with the smoke coming from the engine. It burns my throat and tastes foul on my tongue. “Elle, baby?”

She remains strapped to her seat; her hair is over her face.

I brush it back and gently lean over her so I can see better. She’s out. Blood is gushing down her neck and shoulder. More blood is trickling from her ear and even more from her mouth.

“No!” I beg, feeling my panic rise. “No, no, no.”

My door flies open and a man comes into view. He’s speaking but there’s a ringing in my ears making it impossible for me to hear a thing that comes out of his mouth.

He presses me back into my seat and holds me there, all the while talking to me.

The world spins around me but I need to help Elle. I need to make sure she’s okay.

She’s breathing, barely. What if she dies?

Slowly and surely my ears begin to settle and my scrambled brain begins to function.

“There’s an ambulance on its way,” a woman yells as the man holds me in place.

“What’s your name? Can you tell me your name?” He asks when I look at him.

“Isaac.” Why is he holding me down? “I need to get to Elle. Let go.”

My numb arms lift and then flop into my lap.

“You need to remain still and calm.”

The smoke burns my lungs and the fear of the engine explosion sends me diving for my seatbelt. Strength I didn’t know I had courses through me. We need to get out of this car.

“You don’t need to; it’s fine. The fire is out.” He slams me back as my strength wavers and then diminishes to nothing. It fades away with the lingering smoke.

I blink, trying to focus.

Nothing.

“Elle… is she okay?” A haze shadows my vision. My head feels heavy. “Ishekay?” Darkness consumes me.