Diva Las Vegas (4 page)

“Put your head between your legs if you still feel dizzy,” I told him. “It will pass. I promise.” I wasn’t feeling so hot, either, so I bent over. “We’ll just have to do what everybody else is doing,” I said. “Wait.”

“But you have an in.” He sounded muffled from between his haunches. “You could get us out of here.”

“We’re not going to get out of here early. We found the body. Besides, don’t you want to help find out who killed her? We owe Shana that much. Why don’t you take your costume off?”

Strange but true, we were having a conversation from between our respective legs at the Playboy Mansion. Just when you thought life couldn’t get any weirder.

“I would,” he grumbled, “but I have nothing on underneath.”

“George,” I said, sitting upright, “you went commando?”

“I knew it would be hot.” He wriggled his shoulders. “Itches like hell.”

Poor George. But I still didn’t want to ask Jakes for special treatment. Especially considering all the grief he had taken for being involved with me to begin with.

Right at that moment, my cell rang. It was small enough that I had been able to tuck it beneath my costume. I dug it out, checked the readout and then closed it.

“Connie again?” he asked.

I nodded. My manager, Connie, had called several times while we were in the car on the way to the party.

“Not going to answer?” he asked.

“She’s still trying to talk me into going to Daytime in the Desert.”

“Why don’t you? Those are your fans.”

“I know,” I said, “but those things wear me out.”

Daytime in the Desert was a fan event involving the two longest-running soaps on TV—
The Bare and the Brazen
and my old show,
The Yearning Tide
. Two days of appearances, signings, parties—the works. It made me tired just thinking of it.

“I see high heels approaching,” George said, as I tucked away my cell again.

I turned and saw one of Hef’s blondes heading for us. She was wearing an angel outfit, of course.

“Are you Alex?” she asked. “They told me to look for Little Miss Muffet.”

“It’s Little Bo Peep, actually, and yes, I am.”

“Oh, funny!” She looked at George, who was sitting upright now, more or less. “I get it! Bo Peep and her sheep! Ha ha! Anywayyyy, Hef would like to talk to you, if you’re not busy.”

“Not busy. Where should I go?”

“Follow me,” she said.

I stood up, fighting my petticoats again.

“Bringing your sheep?” she asked.

“George?”

“I think I’ll just sit here and wait,” he said. “This lamb’s hooves are hurting a little.”

“Where this Little Bo Peep goes,” I said to the girl, “her sheep doesn’t necessarily follow.”

“That’s funny!” she exclaimed again. “I just love lambs. They’re so cute, aren’t they? White and fluffy! So cute!”

 

I followed the girl’s flat, skinny butt into the mansion. She could use a little more junk in her trunk, if you know what I mean. A few Twinkies and Ding Dongs would be a good place to start. From the foyer, we turned the corner into the dining room. Hef was sitting with another angel, a devil, a cat and a wood nymph around a grand dining room table. For a second I thought it was the same nymph that took Shana to the photo shoot. Then I realized she was a brunette.

“You’re Alex?” he asked, taking the pipe from his mouth. “Thanks for coming.” Hef got up to greet me, straightening his silk bathrobe.

“No problem,” I said. “We can’t leave anyway. You know, we met years ago. In the eighties. I was here a couple of times.”

“Ahhh. The eighties. Those were good times.” He looked me up and down. “I’m surprised you weren’t in the magazine. Did we ask you to pose?”

“Uh, yes. It just didn’t feel right at the time. Ha! It’s probably too late now, right?” I said, joking. There was a slightly awkward pause.

“Can I get you something?” he said, circumventing the question.

“No, thanks,” I said. “I’m fine. There’s still plenty of food and drink out there.”

“I thought it best to keep the buffets and bars open,” he said. “People might as well be able to eat and drink if they can’t leave.”

The eyes of all the girls were on me, and I felt silly in my costume. Unlike George, I did have something on underneath, but it was just a bra and panties.

“Was there something you wanted to ask me?”

“I understand you found Shana,” he said.

“That’s right.”

“Can you tell me anything?” he asked. “I’m in the dark here. And I can’t say I like it very much.”

I told him what George and I had found. All the girls around him put their hands over their mouths as I described what I had seen.

“Poor Shana. She was family.” He wiped a tear from his eye.

The thing you had to love about Hef was that he considered every girl who ever appeared in
Playboy
magazine his family. I’m sure he’d felt it deeply when Anna Nicole Smith died, and now he was feeling Shana’s death, as well.

“Who would do that to her?” he asked. “And why do it here? During the party? Seems to me that was taking a hell of a chance.”

“Maybe it wasn’t planned,” I said. “Maybe somebody just saw an opportunity to kill her.”

“But why?”

“That’s for the police to find out.” Something occurred to me just then. “Did she make it to the photo shoot?”

“What photo shoot?”

“A girl came over to us and told Shana that you wanted her for a photo shoot of all the Playmates from the eighties,” I said.

“I wanted her?” he asked. “I don’t know anything about that.” He looked around at his girls, who all shook their heads.

“I wonder why someone would want just girls from the eighties?” he asked.

That question had not occurred to me earlier. Now that I realized Shana had been lured away with a lie, I felt foolish for not having asked it.

“She didn’t actually mention you,” I said, remembering. “She said a photographer wanted her.”

“Well, there are plenty of them around,” he said.

“Can you ask if any of them had that idea?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll tell the detective in charge you’re doing that,” I said. But first I had to get rid of my damn petticoats.

I took off my crinoline, flattened my skirt, ripped off a few bows and buttons and then went to find Jakes. But I ran into George instead, right where I’d left him.

“Oh, fine,” he said, jumping to his feet, “Bo Peep’s gone, and now I just look like a fool in sheep’s clothing.”

“And now I look like Daisy Mae. Do you still want to barf?”

“No. I feel a little better. But we’ve got to get out of here, Alex,” George said. “I’m melting.”

“I’m looking for Jakes now,” I said. “I’ll see what he says.”

“Thank you.” He sat back down. “I’m going to wait right here.”

I nodded and headed over to the haunted house. The boys in blue were still keeping the curious away.

“Is Jakes still inside?” I asked one of them.

“Detective Jakes? Yeah, he’s in there, wrapping things up. It should be a few more minutes.”

Not exactly. More than a little while later, I called my mother to tell her what had happened and that I didn’t know when I’d be getting home. As I was disconnecting the call, I saw the ME’s men wheel the body out on a gurney, followed by the ME himself and then, finally, Jakes and Davis. I waved. Jakes said something to Davis and came over.

“Her throat was cut,” he told me. “ME says she would have bled out in seconds.”

“Poor Shana.” I grimaced.

“Where’s Hefner?” Jakes asked. “I should talk to him, since we’ve locked down his party.”

“He’s up at the manse,” I said, “but I’ve got something to tell you first.”

“Sounds important.” He took me by the elbow and walked me away from the haunted house. “What is it, Alex?”

I told him how Shana had invited me to the party so she could talk to me about something, but just as we were going to get into it, a woman came over and called her away. Next time I saw Shana, she was dead.

“So you have no idea why she wanted to see you?”

“None,” I said. “All I know is she said she had nobody else she could talk to.”

“So some girl called her away to a phony photo shoot with a nonexistent photographer?”

“That’s what I’m having Hef find out,” I said.

“Okay, so,” Jakes said, “who was the woman?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, confused. “Didn’t you talk to her?”

“Not really. I’ve been looking around for her, but she was dressed as a wood nymph or wood fairy or something. Painted head to toe in green. You’d be surprised how many girls have on a similar costume.”

“Oh, come on. It can’t be that difficult. How many wood nymphs could there be?”

“Are you kidding? Have you looked around?”

Right on cue, a winged fairy walked by. But she was head to toe in blue. I nodded toward her, making a
See, I told you so
face as she sauntered by.

“Okay. I get your point. Maybe she’s at the mansion. Let’s go on up. You can introduce me to Mr. Hefner.”

Jakes didn’t allow Davis to come into the mansion with us. Instead, Davis was in charge of making sure everyone at the party was interviewed, and collecting names and addresses.

“He’s not only a soap opera fanatic,” he told me, “he’s a
Playboy
fanatic, too. I can’t trust him around these girls.”

“And can you trust yourself?” I asked.

“Of course,” he said. “I’ve got a girl of my own who puts all of them to shame.”

I hip bumped him and said, “Good answer, baby.”

Hef was in the same room where I’d left him, but the ladies were elsewhere. It was just Hef, Jakes and me.

“Hef, this is Detective Jakes. He’s the man in charge.”

“Detective,” Hef said, shaking hands with Jakes, “thanks very much for the prompt response.”

“Just trying to do our job,” Jakes said. “The body has been removed, and we’re questioning guests as we speak.”

“When can we let people go home?” Hef asked.

“Not for a while, I’m afraid,” Jakes said. “Everybody who attended the party has to be considered a suspect. We’re also going to need help finding out who left before we arrived and locked the place down. We’re taking everybody’s names and addresses now, and we’ll need your guest list to compare it to.”

“I’ll have Mary get it to you right away. She’s in charge of basically everything here. Anything else?”

“Yes,” Jakes said. “Alex last saw Shana Stern at about ten o’clock, and then found her body close to eleven. What were you doing between ten and eleven?”

Hef’s eyebrows went up.

“I’m a suspect?”

“As I said,” Jakes answered, “we’re questioning everybody.”

“Well, I was mingling with the guests,” Hef said.

“Do you remember which guests in particular you spoke to during that time?”

“No,” Hef said. “There are a lot of people here. The best I can do is let you talk to the girls who were with me. Maybe they’d remember who we spoke to.”

“How many girls?”

“Five.”

“You had five girls with you while you were mingling?” Jakes asked.

“Yes.”

“At all times?”

“Pretty much,” Hef said.

Jakes looked at me.

“Pretty good alibi, huh?” I asked.

“I’d say so.” Jakes looked at Hef. “I’ll need to speak to those, uh, five women, too.”

“Of course,” Hef said. “Now?”

“If possible.”

“I thought you might want to talk to me alone, but I’ll bring them in here.”

“Thanks.”

“Be right back.”

“Okay.”

Hef walked out of the room, leaving me and Jakes alone.

“So this is the mansion?”

“You’ve never been here before, huh?” I asked.

“As far as I know, nobody’s been murdered here while I’ve been with homicide.”

“Actually,” I said, “nobody’s been murdered here now. Technically, that is.”

“Right,” Jakes said. “She was killed in the haunted house, which is, I believe, a temporary structure.”

“Right. He puts it up every year for the Halloween party.”

“Someone must have taken her in by a back entrance,” Jakes said. “The killer wouldn’t want to be seen going in the front.”

“But it’s Halloween. They would have had a costume on. Nobody would have recognized them, anyway.”

“True. And that’s going to make things even more difficult. Alex, you’ve got to try to remember which girl called Shana away from you.”

“George! Of course! He might remember! Should I go get him?” I said.

“Wait on that. Stay here with me and see if you recognize one of Hef’s entourage. If you don’t, then go get George.”