Do Cool Sh*t (25 page)

Immediate experience is, in many ways, the most important touchstone of value in our culture. We seek to overcome barriers that stand between us and a recognition of our inner selves, the reality of those around us, participation in society, and contact with a natural world exceeding human powers. No idea can substitute for this experience.

For me, the biggest thing that stood out for me in his ten principles was this one statement:

We achieve being through doing.

The notion that your most authentic self will come through simply by doing the things you love absolutely captivated me. It means that you will simply be exactly who you want to be when you start acting that way. For example, if you want to be fit, you have to act and go to the gym. If you want to be the best partner you can be, then act on the things that your partner asks of you (within reason of course) and give the kind of love that you’d like to receive in return. If you want to be financially successful, you have to work hard to get there.

I have built a solid tribe of stellar people in my life, and I am so grateful to be in a city like New York, where motivated people from all over the world are drawn by its magnetic energy.

From growing up in French Canadian, Japanese, and Indian communities to being part of competitive sports teams, Cornell, entrepreneurship groups, and the Burning Man community, I think I understand, for myself, in my own way, how to grow my own thriving community.

MY DO COOL SHIT GUIDE TO KEEPING AND GROWING A THRIVING TRIBE

The following ideas will help keep your tribe growing and thriving.

Express Happiness When You See Your People

There is no need to be too cool. When you see your friends and family, feel free to emphatically wag your tail when your friend walks in the door; it will always be well received. Show your excitement to see them. You will never regret showing too much love and they will love receiving it.

Let Everyone Share Stories and Participate

At the end of the day, everyone wants to be heard. Allow everyone to feel that way. We host storytelling nights because it brings our community together, makes the love and support get deeper and stronger, and it gives everyone a chance to tell stories.

NST: No Small Talk

Why do it? It’s boring. Dig in. Find out what your family and friends are excited about. Or talk about love and relationships or some other juicy and personal topic. That’s always fun and gets the conversation moving to a better place. Stop it with the “Did you have a good day today or a bad day today?” (Think a
Seinfeld
episode with Kramer.) Instead, ask “What was the most exciting thing that happened to you today?” Isn’t that so much more fun to answer?

Give Credit as Often as You Can

In the same way people want to be heard, people want to be recognized. Recognize your peers when they do cool shit. They will want to keep doing it.

Give Confidence—It’s Free

I love genuinely complimenting my people and making them feel confident. It’s free; it makes them feel good, more comfortable, and safe. As soon as people feel confident, their authentic selves shine through and that’s when real, genuine bonding happens. As soon as you’re just you without any front or pretense, it will give permission for everyone around you to be exactly who they are. This will help foster an environment for everyone to just be himself or herself.

Challenge Your People to Push Themselves

Compliments are great, but also make sure that your people are doing the best they can to be their best selves. If you think you can help, say something and help them—but do it nicely and patiently.

Be as Honest as You Can

People will just respect you more for it, and only with honesty can you really break through to people’s hearts and minds.

Take Three Long, Deep Breaths When Faced with Challenging Circumstances

Hey, we’re all passionate people, and sometimes it can get to us negatively. When faced with a tough situation with a friend or family member, do your best to take three long, deep breaths and do everything in your power not to lose your cool. Taking these breaths usually will do the trick, and it can help move through any tension or reaction you may have been feeling. It will also maintain harmony in your circle.

Be as Creative as You Can with Your Friends

Be the initiator. Come up with fun things for people to do. The more you do it, the more fun you will have and it may even inspire others to want to create unique experiences for you as well.

Adopt a “Help First” Mentality

You will get more from your community if you seek to help others before trying to get others to help you. Simply ask this question to the people you care about: “Is there anything I can do to help?” It is one of the easiest ways to show someone you truly care for them and it will usually make people want to reciprocate. But don’t expect reciprocation. Just engage in service and watch out, because the universe likes to serve back what you give.

Connect People!

Always be thinking about who you know who could help your community. Make connections where both parties stand to benefit and you will be associated with any good that comes from the relationship in perpetuity. Don’t expect to get anything from it. Just know that you are spreading goodwill for your tribe, and again, the universe is always watching.

What core values can you create for your circle of friends? Let them be known. Organize a fun night with your friends and come up with a few that make the most sense to you and your group. Then do your best to live by them!

Before you start thinking about creating a community, remember these two things:

1. Don’t make friends just to make friends. Build the
right
community who will give you the strength to act on your ideas and inspire you to be the best version of you.

2. Building and growing a community is so much more about what you put in than what you get out.

A perfect example of this is my good friend Elliott Bisnow. He started Summit Series, an incredible entrepreneurship community, because he wanted to make like-minded friends and meet new, interesting people who he admired and wanted to share ideas with.

He started out by calling up a group of up-and-coming entrepreneurs who he wanted to meet and invited them on a ski trip. He spent time and money organizing an incredible event for interesting movers and shakers, where they skied, shared business ideas, had great bonding dinners, and partied together.

Once the trip was over, he had a group of twenty smart, talented ambassadors to go and spread the message of growing this community. The following year, there were a hundred people who attended, then it grew to seven hundred people, and now it’s more than one thousand people strong, including among them the likes of Sir Richard Branson and Tony Hsieh.

Elliott built this community because he put in the effort to make the calls, invite entrepreneurs out, and execute a wonderful, memorable event, time and time again. He understood the meaning of the phrase, “You get out of an experience what you put in.”

Another smaller example is our pizza-making class at my restaurant. In addition to it being an additional revenue stream for us, we get to teach a new craft to our participating guests and have their undivided attention for three hours, which means that when they leave, they become brand ambassadors for the restaurant. They get to know us, what we do, why we work with local farms, experience the yummy food, etc., and they are able to spread the message more knowledgeably than before. We’re putting in the time and effort to teach people a new skill, and in return we get to build our tribe of ambassadors! It’s MB, through and through.

So, you see, doing cool shit is really all about what you put in! People feel so much more fulfilled and take more pride in the community knowing they had a contributing role to play, rather than participating as just a spectator.

Now your challenge is to go out and find those like-minded people and create a fun event that will bring them to you! You will start building your tribe in no time and having an incredible life story as a result!

I am excited for you to seek out your community, and I look forward to your stories at docoolshit.org.

18

GIVING BACK

Why Service Matters

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

—G
ANDHI

Inner-City High School Classroom, the Bronx, New York

R
eaching down for the door handle while holding a stack of pizza boxes wasn’t exactly the most graceful thing, but I managed to twist the knob and push the door open with my hip.

As I entered the Bronx high school classroom, I felt a flurry of quizzical eyes turn my way, and with one nod toward the teacher, I looked back at the sea of questioning fourteen-year-olds as I tried to straighten the pizza boxes in hand.

“Who wants pizza?”

That seemed to be the secret password, as the whole classroom went bananas! Next thing I knew, I was surrounded by happy faces and greedy hands as the kids couldn’t wait to have a bite of their favorite food.

Immediately, I was
in.
As you know by now, free food does it every time.

I watched them inhale the pizzas, smack their lips, and look to see if there were seconds. They loved it!

I waited for the classroom to settle down to get their full attention.

I then said, “Do you know what you just ate?”

In unison, they yelled, “Pizza!”

“What did it taste like?”

“Pizza!”

“Did you like it?”

“Love it!!” they shrieked.

“OK, well, did you know that the crust was made of whole-wheat flour?”

All of a sudden, their reactions shifted.

“Ewww!” they yelled.

“Did you know that we slow cook our marinara sauce and naturally sweeten the sauce with fresh onions from a local farm?”

“Ewwww! Onions are gross!” they all said.

“Well, you can’t say that now that you already told me that you loved it, can you?”

All of a sudden those very same eyes that had started to glimmer with suspicion and disapproval started to show a deeper understanding. I smiled. It was as though I could actually see a lightbulb go off inside them.

Almost instantly, whole-wheat crust and fresh vegetables in a sauce got approval because they were tasty and it gave the students a much easier entry point into being open to the idea of healthy foods. It was the perfect icebreaker for talking about the difficult and sometimes complicated topic of nutrition.

It opened a great two-way conversation and discussion about food, food stigmas, and food issues that these inner-city kids were facing. We talked about their passions and what they wanted to be when they grow up and how they were going to get there. This conversation really helped them understand that besides hard work, dedication, and passion, eating healthy was going to help them become everything they ever wanted to be because they needed to properly fuel their bodies in order to have the energy required to be focused and work hard. The kids were jazzed by this honest conversation.

I walked out of the classrooms feeling more energized and fulfilled than ever. I felt like I might have played a small part in making a positive change in these adolescents’ lives and it made me feel so good to know that a seed was planted for a better, healthier life.

I wanted to chase that good feeling over and over again. And I did! I’ve been to more than fifty classrooms and even got invited to address the United Nations Global Youth Summit to talk about nutrition, social entrepreneurship, hopes, and dreams, and I want to continue to do more!

Giving back and volunteering
is one of those things that most of us rarely think about unless there is a disaster in our backyard—like 9/11 or Hurricane Sandy. In those instances, the entire city of New York came together and became a community of people helping people. They didn’t ask for anything back; they simply gave to others and the city was closer than ever.

Why can’t that warm feeling toward our communities happen without the disaster part attached to it? Why can’t we help each other out with no strings attached? Like real, old-school neighbors who would bring a casserole to the new neighbors or help to shovel their neighbors’ driveways if they are elderly or sick? (That’s a shout-out to you, Mark D.—you were a great neighbor to my parents.) Why can’t it just be that way all the time?

Once you have those feelings of elation, you’ll want to continue to seek that feeling and keep doing the things that bring you back to that experience. It’s fulfilling to the heart, and it makes a lasting impression on not only your life but also the lives of others. People remember the times they gave back to their communities far more than the time they bought those expensive shoes.