Doctor Who: Lungbarrow (33 page)
He sent the signal that would transmat him back to Prydon Chapterhouse.
Something crackled. A flash and a shower of sparks. The light dimmed and the booth clogged up with smoke.
Redred wrenched back the door and got out.
Cobwebs caught in his face. He choked. His throat stung. The air outside was stifling. And the shabby hall was suddenly completely dilapidated. Its windows had been boarded up.
Instinctively, Redred accessed the Chapterhouse on his wrist-link. He'd transmatted to the wrong location. He pulled off his helmet and coughed painful y. The link hissed with empty static.
There was a movement behind him. Something grasped on his shoulder and yanked him round.
Redred yel ed as he stared up at the snout of a savage beast with yel ow tusks like knives.
***
Glospin was slowly clapping. 'Well played, Wormhole. An il uminating performance.'
'That's enough in front of our guests!' Satthralope cracked down her cane. 'Proceed with service,' she told the mountainous Drudges.
The Doctor returned to his place at the table.
Chris had sunk back into his chair. 'I want to tell them, Doctor. I want them to know what I saw.'
The Doctor shook his head. 'Get something to eat first. I'll tell you when.'
The headless Drudge laid a huge platter on the table and a sense of wonderment spread through the Cousins. On it sat the four fish that had come down the chimney. They were cooked whole with the inevitable garnish of mushrooms.
The second Drudge placed a small bowl before Satthralope. Its contents were purple and slimy. The old woman scooped them up and swallowed them.
'Fish tongues,' said the Doctor in answer to Dorothée's quizzical grimace. 'Traditional.'
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The Drudges served portions of the fish to the company and offered round the ciabatta bread. The Cousins and Leela tucked in heartily. Dorothée and Chris poked at their helpings.
As the glasses were filled with emerald-coloured wine, Rynde said, 'Remember that ornamental hermit we had?
The one that lived in a grotto up the mountain?'
'Yes,' said the Doctor.
'I dismissed him,' snapped Satthralope. 'He was too expensive and a bad influence.' She regarded Dorothée graciously. 'The Doctor', as he wishes to be known, honours us with this gift of fish.'
'It wasn't anything,' said the Doctor.
'The Family bestowed on him the finest education it could afford. It was always hoped he would achieve the rank of Cardinal.' Her tone hardened. 'Shamefully, he chose only to be what he is - a Doctor of something or other I cannot even remember! Certainly nothing that could ever earn him a respectable living!'
'Have you tried these skul caps?' simpered Owis, passing the plate of mushrooms again.
Dorothée didn't like the smel of them, but Leela reached for one.
The Doctor slapped her hand away from the plate and stood up. 'Living? What do any of you know about living?
Most of you have hardly even stuck your noses off the Family estate.'
The Cousins stopped eating and stared.
'I have dined at the tables of alien emperors and languished in their dungeons. I've seen whole galaxies born in the fires of the Aurora Temporalis. I've saved lives and taken them too. Which of you has even heard of the Frost Fairs of Ice-Askar the Winter Star? Or dreamt of the torches burning on the canals of Venice?'
The ensuing stunned silence was broken as Satthralope dismissed the Drudges.
'Has he been away?' asked Owis. 'Did he bring back presents?'
'I could never stomach that,' said Rynde with a look of distaste.
Innocet stared silently into her supper.
'Home,' said Jobiska. 'I want to stay at home.'
Leela helped herself to more bread.
'Is it true?' said Satthralope. 'While your own Family were buried here in the misery you caused, you were away from Gallifrey, consorting and revelling with unworldly aliens?'
'Course he was,' said Chris. 'Who do you think we are?'
The Cousins gave a unified gasp of revulsion.
'Obscene,' said the old woman.
'You threw me out,' said the Doctor. 'Where did you expect me to go?'
'Monstrous.'
'At least I can choose my friends, even when I can't stick my own Family.'
Dorothée squeezed his arm. Then she stood up on her chair. 'Happy name day to you,' she sang out loud and looked to the other companions to fol ow.
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'Happy name day to you,' joined in Chris. Leela, her mouth full, tried to follow the words and clapped the rhythm.
'Happy name day, dear...' (they glanced at each other) '...Doctor. Happy name day to you!'
They clapped him loudly.
'Thank you,' the Doctor said. 'Now al I need is my TARDIS back. Innocet, wil you help me?'
'I cannot trust you,' she said. 'Not any more.'
Satthralope smiled triumphantly. 'No, "Doctor". You will not be travel ing again.'
'I'm not bound by you. I was disinherited, remember? Wake up Quences and he'll confirm it.'
Looks of silent dismay flittered between the Cousins.
'Impossible,' declared the Housekeeper. 'He cannot be woken. Not until his wil is recovered.'
The Doctor rose and moved round to her chair. He planted a black data core on the table in front of her. 'There you are, Satthralope. This is Quences's will, stil sealed with the House crest. I found it where he left it. Now wake him up!'
Shouts of 'No!' from the Cousins.
She picked up the data core and turned it in her bony fingers.
'What are they so afraid of?' whispered the Doctor in her ear. 'Now you can restore the honour and respect of your beloved House.'
Glospin tried to push the Doctor away. 'Take no notice of him! He's as much a liar as he always was!'
'Afraid I'll get the lot, Glospin?'
'You'l get nothing!'
'Really?' said the Doctor. 'That's not what Quences's ghost told me.'
'Lies!' Satthralope clutched the data core tightly. 'Quences is
not
dead!'
'Oh yes, he is,' said the Doctor. 'I murdered him. I came back especially. You ask Christopher Cwej. He's very perceptive about these things.'
Chris scrambled to his feet, but Jobiska suddenly gave a little scream.
Across the floor of the Hall lumbered a vast bearlike shape with curling horns.
'Badger!' exclaimed the Doctor.
Behind the avatroid, came an officer in scarlet uniform. He halted at the table, but did not salute.
'Captain Redred of the Prydon Chapterhouse Guard. I was returning to the Capitol, but there is a fault with your House's transmat booth.'
Leela pulled the Doctor aside. 'It is him,' she mumbled, her mouth full again. 'He was trapped in the transmat booth. He is Andred's missing Cousin.'
'He was talking to Glospin,' said Chris. 'On the Deathday.'
'What?' said Dorothée. 'You mean he's been trapped there all that time?'
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'Correct,' said Badger.
'Ahem,' said the Doctor.
'I released him,' Badger added.
'Hallo?' said the Doctor.
'We saw you in the mirrors,' said Leela to the robot. 'I'm Leela and this is Dorothée.'
'I am Badger,' said Badger.
Chris shook his head. 'But if he still thinks he's six hundred and seventy-three years ago...'
'Ouch,' said Dorothée. 'Someone else can tell him.'
'Excuse me,' said the Doctor. 'Sorry to interrupt, but was this another of your dreams?'
'I can't remember everything,' said Chris. 'They talked about a delivery. And money changed hands.'
The Doctor raised an eyebrow. 'Doing a little deal, were they?'
'Be silent!' shouted Satthralope.
Glospin had circled the table, smiling oleaginously. 'Captain, I suggest you wait in one of the antechambers.' He started to manoeuvre Redred away. 'Family business, you understand. Deathdays and al that paraphernalia.'
Satthralope smacked her cane on the table. 'What is the meaning of this?'
Redred turned. 'Am I addressing the Housekeeper?'
'You are, Captain.'
'Forgive me, madam, I understood you were indisposed. And I am due back at the Capitol.'
She eyed him curiously. 'This is the guard in the transmat booth,' she said to Glospin. 'Doctor? Did you release him?'
'I released him,' said Badger.
'He was delivering the Matricular transfer facility for Quences's mind,' butted in Glospin.
'And the summary edict,' said Redred, testily.
'Edict?' said the Doctor.
'The edict from the Chapter Council of Cardinals concerning the House of Lungbarrow, sir. An elderly Cousin called Glospin took the delivery.'
'But this is Glospin,' the Doctor said, innocently indicating his Cousin.
There was silence.
'It was definitely an old man,' said Redred.
Glospin glanced at Satthralope. 'An imposter! How can that have happened in our own House?'
The Doctor mimed applause behind Redred's back.
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Satthralope smiled charmingly. 'All wil be explained, Captain. Now, do you have a copy of this edict?'
'Yes, madam. A security copy held on my wrist-link.'
'Please play it aloud to us.'
Redred activated the device on his wrist and directed it into the centre of the Hall. Immediately, an elderly man in red and orange Cardinal's regalia shimmered into life.
'Lord Cardinal Lenadi,' whispered the Doctor. 'Head, as was, of the Prydonian Chapter.'
'The House of Lungbarrow,' began the Cardinal, reading from a parchment, 'having wilfully transgressed the First Article of Generation, in that it did knowingly create a new life in excess of its statutory Loom quota of forty-five persons, without reference to or consultation with the Central Population Directory, has been found guilty.'
Owis, who had been picking at his plate of mushrooms, started to slide under the table.
The Cardinal was frowning severely. 'Unless an appeal is lodged within five days, the aforementioned House of Lungbarrow and al its appurtenances will, under the ancient laws subscribed by the founding triumvirate of the New Time, be excommunicated from the Matrix and the Prydonian Chapter. Its name wil no longer be known.'
He rolled up the parchment and slotted it into the eye of an antique skull which was suddenly hovering before him.
'Five days pending,' said the skul with a grin.
The transmission finished.
164
Going Home
Shudders ran through the House of Lungbarrow. Its timbers shivered, down from its scaly roofs to the fibrous ends of its extending roots.
Deep in the flooded North annexe, there was a wel . Thoughts flickered like shadows in its depths. Voices whispered and cried out in anguish.
The voices were whispering to Jobiska.
She was fretting. 'Why don't they listen? No one listens.'
Come home then
, they insisted.
'It's time then,' she said.
Yes.
She sighed and smiled. 'Time to go home at last.'
***
Yemaya and Yemaya
and Yemaya creeps on this petty pace from day to day.
Maybe I'm bored with travel ing. Maybe it's time to stay in nights with a trashvid or just my thoughts, not other people's second-hand, shop-soiled, cast-offs. Let's go home and see the folks. Let's have a party and a singsong round the old joanna. (We don't have an old joanna. What is an old joanna?) Never mind, here comes that song again. Altogether now:
Eighth Man Bound
Make no sound...
***
'The House buried us,' said Glospin. 'We had five days. I would have set things right as my first duty as Kithriarch.
But the House had to interfere.'
'No, it is not true. We are cast out.'
'Where are the rest of the Family?' said Redred. 'And where's the imposter who took the edict?'
'All dead,' said Satthralope, staring blankly ahead.
'Dead? How can they be dead?'
'No, not dead,' insisted Innocet. 'Just gone away.'
'Dead of shame,' said Satthralope.
The Doctor, slipping in beside her: 'If they were dead, the House would have replaced them.'
'You are dead,' she said, turning her keys.
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'Now you see me, now you don't,' he agreed.
'Wishful thinking,' said Glospin.
Satthralope struck out wildly. 'Soon Quences and I shal be the only ones alive.'
'I want to get out of this insane house!' shouted Redred. Everyone shushed him.
There was a retching sound from across the table. Owis was being sick.
'Idiot,' said Glospin. 'Only you could eat your own poisoned food!'
'All dead soon,' muttered the Housekeeper. 'Then who will see to the House?'
The Doctor slammed his fist on the table and marched into the centre of the Hal .
'All right! What do you want me to do? Apologize to the House? Then I apologize! I'm sorry! Obviously I should have found a more suitable Family. Tell the House that it can exact whatever revenge it wants. Swallow me up or drop timbers on my head if it likes, but that won't change anything! I'm still me! Stil its child!'
The TARDIS dropped from the web above like a stone.
The Doctor tumbled clear as the police box hit the flagstones with a splintering crash.
A flurry of frightened fledershrews winged around the Hal .
The Doctor smiled. 'I got it down,' he said in quiet triumph.
***
'The Doctor's,' said Innocet.
'Come back,' shouted Satthralope. 'No one was granted permission to leave the table.'
Both Rynde and Glospin were already perusing the overturned ship. It seemed unharmed by its fall, but the cracked flags beneath it were knocked into a crater.